Chapter Text
The first thing he processed upon waking up is Sunghoon’s shocked face looming over him, and the second thing he processed was the sound of the door slamming shut.
Sunoo sat up abruptly, his clothes clinging to him with cold sweat. He stared at the imprint on the bed where the boy had just been sitting, then over to where he had made his hasty exit.
Finally, he took in his surroundings as if seeing them for the first time. He was definitely back in the dorm, all right.
A rush of emotions flooded him, threatening to swallow him up. First, relief: he was back in the world as he knew it, grounded in reality. Just as he’d suspected from the start, it was all just something of a fever dream… right?
Second— disappointment. Overwhelming, surprisingly crushing disappointment that seeped out of every pore of his body. The eagerness with which Sunghoon had scrambled away said it all.
He was back to his own life, back to the Sunghoon he knew and pretended to despise. The life they’d had together, happily wed, in love, was nothing more than a hopeful fantasy his sick mind had conjured up.
Sunghoon had probably been forced to keep watch over him, or perhaps had simply taken initiative to check whether he was still breathing or not. But the second he opened his eyes, it was all too clear how desperate the boy was to get away. Just like always.
“Sunoo hyung!” A breathless Jungwon burst into the room, chest heaving, eyes wild. “You’re awake.”
“Yeah,” Sunoo said, his voice coming out raspier than he expected. “How long was I out?”
Jungwon’s eyes drifted towards the ceiling as he calculated in his head. “Hmm, not too long, maybe a day and a half?”
In any other situation, Sunoo might have been aghast at the thought of being unconscious for more than twenty four hours. But at the moment, he was stunned for a different reason.
“It felt like weeks,” he muttered to himself.
Jungwon moved towards him, feeling his forehead with the back of his hand. “Your fever seems to have broken,” he noted with a sigh of relief. “We should get the medic to check up on you again to make sure, though.”
Jungwon left to notify their manager of the development as the other members slowly trickled in to check on his condition. The hyungs fretted over him a tad bit dramatically, reluctant to leave his side until he brushed them off with a laugh.
Ni-ki was his usual playful self, though Sunoo could tell he felt a bit guilty for knowing he’d been feeling under the weather and not speaking up about it.
“Yah, I’m fine now,” Sunoo huffed, mussing with his hair. “You guys are acting like I was on my death bed.”
Ni-ki pouted. “We were all so worried,” he told him. “I really would’ve taken care of you more, if it weren’t for someone hogging the room the whole time.” He sent a glare towards a spot by Sunoo’s bed, as if conjuring up the image of his obstacle.
Sunoo laughed, unsurprised after the smothering he’d gotten earlier. “Well, you know how Jay is—”
“Not Jay,” Ni-ki interrupted him with wide eyes. “I mean, he was second place for sure, but…”
Now Sunoo frowned. “Who then? Jake?” That was also another plausible possibility, but the awkward expression on Ni-ki’s face only made his confusion grow. He thought he knew for sure who it wasn’t, but even the things he was sure of didn’t seem so clear to him now.
“Hyung,” Ni-ki coughed, clearing his throat. “He really wouldn’t leave your side at all. Changing your cold towels, taking your temperature, even singing to you and all that. It almost made the rest of us sick, honestly—”
“Who, Ni-ki?” Sunoo asked impatiently. “Who?”
The boy sighed despairingly, muttering under his breath. “I told them you wouldn’t freaking believe it, I wouldn’t have either if I didn’t see it for myself.”
“Ni-ki.”
“Sunghoon,” Ni-ki blurted at last, looking like he wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. “It was Sunghoon hyung.”
***
Sunoo was distracted all throughout his routine check-up, spacing out just as the doctor asked him a question.
“What was that?” he blinked.
“I asked, how are you feeling overall?”
“Yeah, fine,” Sunoo answered unsteadily. “Not sick or anything. Just a bit… dazed.”
The man nodded. “That’s normal,” he said. “I’d advise one more day of rest, and then you should be cleared to return to all your scheduled activities.”
The rest of the group had a radio show appearance that evening, and so Sunoo stayed back on his own, ruminating on his thoughts.
He had asked around, confirmed with all members save for the one who was adamantly avoiding him: the one who had, indeed, supposedly been the one who went after him in the rain, who had brought him back home, who had stayed glued to his side from the moment he had fallen ill.
Sunghoon had gone from merely tolerating his existence, to being hellbent on preserving it— all to take ten steps backwards and simply pretending that Sunoo didn’t exist at all.
It had always stung, somewhere deep down, Sunghoon’s aversion to him. Not only had it hurt at first, it also confused him to no end.
But now it was different.
Sunoo thought back to all the things he had “experienced” while deep asleep. There were many explanations for it, and he didn’t automatically try to opt for the most realistic, logical one.
Sure, it could have been just a dream. Or, his consciousness truly had traveled ten years into the future. Or, he had gotten a glimpse of an alternate reality. Or, or, or. It could mean anything.
But if there was any truth to it, even the slightest glimmer of accuracy, then Sunghoon’s behavior towards him over the years really wasn’t so mysterious after all.
Awkwardness. Pining. Jealousy.
Weren’t these all things he himself had experienced time and time again? They were only human, after all. Sunoo had just never fathomed that Sunghoon could be experiencing those emotions because of him.
When the group arrived back home, Sunoo kept trying and failing to catch Sunghoon’s eye. Dinner consisted of all the members banding together to tease the boy, alluding to specific details which weren’t known to Sunoo yet.
They kept coming close to Sunghoon and humming bits and pieces of one song in particular, though Sunoo was too ravenous and focused on his meal to pay much attention. It sounded vaguely familiar, but definitely nothing he had listened to himself recently.
Sunghoon bore it all with an unsettling lack of his usual backtalk, opting instead for silent glares.
After Jay lost at rock, paper, scissors and started collecting their dishes sullenly, the boys started turning their attention back to Sunoo.
“You should go ahead and sleep early if you need the rest,” Heeseung told him, his voice still colored with concern. “It’d be good to make the most of your time off while you have it.”
“Are you kidding?” Sunoo said in disbelief. “I feel like I’ve slept enough for a lifetime.”
It was true-- he felt more well-rested than he ever had, his strength fully recovered. It was only his emotional state that felt like it had been through the wringer.
“In that case, should all watch a movie together,” Ni-ki proposed hopefully. “We haven’t done that in a while, not as a group. It’ll be in celebration of Sunoo hyung’s survival.”
“For the last time,” Sunoo said exasperatedly, “I was not at death’s door.”
“Easy for you to say,” Jake grumbled. “You were blissfully unaware.”
“I’m up for it though,” Sunoo chirped in response to the maknae’s proposition. He bit his lip, before gathering up all his resolve. “But first, I need to talk to Sunghoon hyung. Alone.”
Sunghoon, who had been staring silently down at the table, snapped his head up, looking like a deer in headlights. “Me?”
“Does he have another Sunghoon hyung?” Jay laughed from over by the sink.
Sunoo spun around and began walking towards their room without waiting for an answer, though after a moment’s pause he could hear Sunghoon’s reluctant footsteps padding after him.
Once he heard the click of the door shutting behind them, Sunoo turned to face him.
“Um,” Sunghoon said, looking uncomfortable as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other. “So what did you…?”
“I lied.”
“What?” Sunghoon simply looked at him, as if still baffled by the very concept of Sunoo having taken it upon himself to initiate a calm conversation between them.
“I lied,” Sunoo repeated steadily, “when I said I would never fall in love with one of my members.”
Sunghoon balked. “Y-you… what—”
“I have fallen for someone,” he continued softly. Outwardly he remained calm, though inside his heart was beating like a bird throwing itself against the bars of a cage. “Even though I tried my hardest not to.”
He saw it precisely, the moment Sunghoon’s face fell.
“Oh,” he said, his voice small. “Oh, okay.”
Sunoo waited patiently, watching the other boy shift through a kaleidoscope of warring expressions.
The image that finally settled was one of twisted features, a gutted look. He anticipated the question Sunghoon was going to ask even before he asked it— the question he clearly didn’t want to ask, though he couldn’t hold himself back from doing so.
“Is it…”
“It’s not Jay,” Sunoo replied, guessing at what the other boy was going to say while trying to hold back a knowing smile. He had to exercise even more restraint once he saw Sunghoon’s cheeks grow red.
“That’s not what I—”
“Oh, so you didn’t think I was in love with Jay?”
“No, I— I don’t know! Maybe I didn’t think you were in love with anyone,” he said hotly. “Maybe I thought you’d stick to what you’d said.”
Sunoo leveled him with an unimpressed look. “But you don’t really want that, do you?”
The boy stuttered. “What?”
“Guess again, Sunghoon hyung,” he challenged, eyes flashing. “Guess who I’m in love with.”
“Not… Heeseung hyung?” Sunghoon tried, looking vaguely nauseated at the thought.
“Nope.”
“Jake?”
“No.”
Sunghoon’s face contorted. “Don’t tell me—”
“You haven’t guessed yourself,” Sunoo interrupted, noting the way the other boy immediately stiffened. “Is it because I’m not good enough for you? Or is it because you hate me?”
Some part of him would have been amused at the look of complete shock on Sunghoon’s face, though a larger part of him was anxious to hear the answer.
He was ninety percent sure now, of everything. But there was still ten percent of him— that ten percent of uncertainty that he carried around everywhere— that needed certain confirmation before he allowed himself to believe.
“Sunoo-yah,” Sunghoon uttered in a small voice. “I’ve never said I hated you.”
“You never told me that you love me, either,” Sunoo pointed out.
The reaction was immediate. Sunghoon froze, his mouth going slack. “I… why would I tell you that?”
“Right?” Sunoo laughed, not unkindly. “Why would you?”
He saw the boy’s adam’s apple bob up and down. “There are a lot of things I should tell you,” Sunghoon admitted, so quietly he had to strain his ears to catch it. “But I don’t know how.”
“Then tell me this, hyung—” Sunoo said, switching tactics— “is it true that you stayed with me the entire time?”
Sunghoon flushed, his eyes widening. “Whatever the members told you—”
“Did you, or did you not?”
For a moment, Sunghoon looked like he was sucking on an invisible lemon, working the confession around his mouth like it would sting him to let it loose.
“I did.”
“And is it true that you’re the one who came to find me and carry me home?” Sunoo persisted.
“Of course I did, how could I not?” Sunghoon blurted, riled. “It was my fault that you were out there in the first place.”
“Is it true that you all but refused to leave my side? That you sang to me while I was sleeping? That you were worried…” his voice trembled. “That you cared for me, hyung?”
There was a pause, an infinite pause.
That brief second was all it took for Sunoo’s heart to fall, to topple over the precipice upon realizing that he was wrong about everything, that all he was going to receive was a denial.
And then the boy spoke.
“Yes,” Sunghoon said hoarsely, “all of those things are true.”
It was all he needed to hear.
He was soaring again, weightless, breathless, feverish.
“Then you never really needed to say anything at all, did you?” Sunoo said lowly, stepping closer. “I just haven’t been paying attention. Maybe we’ve both been blind.”
He moved forward still, till they were breaths apart. Sunghoon made a sound, a quiet noise of confusion.
“It’s okay,” Sunoo said softly. “You’ve always been better at actions than words.”
And he took Sunghoon’s face in his hands, and kissed him.
The boy immediately stiffened, each part of him locking into place like a petrified statue— Sunoo barely had the time to think, fuck, I’ve messed it all up— before Sunghoon’s body was thawing around him, and they melted into each other like snow into spring.
It was everything and nothing like Sunoo had expected, all at once.
Sunghoon’s lips seemed to fit perfectly against his, and once his mind finally caught up to what was happening he wound his arm around Sunoo’s waist and pulled his body flush to him.
Sunghoon kissed softly, tentatively. He kissed like he couldn’t believe what was happening, like Sunoo was a dream that would dissolve within his embrace and he’d be left tasting nothing but air.
Distantly, Sunoo felt a twinge of gratefulness towards the Sunghoon of his visions. He was glad that he hadn’t been kissed then, so that he could taste it for the first time in real life. In real time.
When they finally parted, Sunghoon’s eyes were wide and searching. Before Sunoo could say anything, he beat him to the punch.
“You’re beautiful,” Sunghoon blurted. “And talented, and kind, and amazing and I really wanted to be close to you but my mouth is stupid, and ever since then you seemed to hate me and maybe I played into it just a bit too much, because that way at least you were giving me some attention, and I—”
“Slow down,” Sunoo giggled, feeling hopelessly endeared. “You don’t have to make up for everything in the span of a single sentence. We have all the time in the world for us to finally use our words.”
Sunghoon exhaled, a sound that was equal parts relief and awe. “We do?”
Sunoo answered by bringing their faces back together, nuzzling his nose against his. This had the effect of Sunghoon going slightly cross-eyed, and he had to resist the urge to coo.
“I’m glad,” he breathed out, “that we both came to our senses. Imagine if we had to wait seven more years for this.”
“Seven years?” Sunghoon wrinkled his nose. “I don’t think even I’m dumb enough to wait that long.”
Sunoo abruptly turned away to cough into his arm.
What a fool doesn’t know can’t hurt him.
“Just be glad I made the first move, and that we don’t have to leave it up to you or fate— two very unreliable things,” Sunoo said, scrunching his nose.
“We would’ve gotten there eventually,” Sunghoon argued weakly.
“Yes, we would have,” he confirmed. “But we’re here now.”
There was a long pause, during which Sunoo could practically hear Sunghoon thinking. “And what now?” he asked tentatively, licking his lips. “What is ‘we?’”
“I have an idea of what I want,” Sunoo said lowly. “Do you?”
Sunghoon let out a soft breath; it ghosted over his face like a second kiss.
“I’ve known what I wanted since the moment I first saw you, sunshine.”
“Sunshine?” He couldn’t control his smile, nor the flutter in his chest.
Sunghoon pursed his lips in embarrassment. “No?”
“It’s perfect,” Sunoo laughed breathlessly, feeling lightheaded. “Everything is perfect.”
“Should we tell the others? About this, I mean?” Sunghoon asked, gesturing between them.
He tilted his head. “Why wouldn’t we?”
“Well, I know where I stand, but I don’t know how serious you are about me yet,” Sunghoon said playfully. “It would be a waste to make a big announcement just for you to break my heart soon after.”
He was joking, but there was clearly a hint of genuine worry there. Sunoo was determined to eradicate every last trace of it.
“We’ll tell them,” he said confidently. “I have a feeling that we’re going to be together for a long time.”
Sunghoon’s cheeks turned pink. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Sunoo murmured, curling their fingers together. He felt impossibly warm, impossibly in love. “Besides— something tells me they’ve seen this coming for a while.”
***
[En-himbos]
Sunghoon:
Me and Sunoo have something to tell everyone
Jake:
Sunoo and I***
Sunghoon:
...
Me and Sunoo have something to tell everyone except Jake