Chapter Text
Childe . @tartaglia
Why did I receive an emergency summons from Her Majesty?
| Signora . @thefairestlady
Replying to @tartaglia
You probably did something. Again.
| Pantalone . @theregrator
Replying to @tartaglia and @thefairestlady
There is only one way to find out.
| Lumine . @thebettertraveller
Replying to @tartaglia
Good luck, I hope you don’t get your ass kicked. Come back in one piece.
__
Ekaterina . @katyaaa
Phew! Mission completed and with a generous reward too! I’m glad all that stalking of Master Childe paid off.
| Childe . @tartaglia
Replying to @katyaaa
You were spying on me? Don’t tell me this is the reason I’ve been summoned…
| Ekaterina . @katyaaa
Replying to @tartaglia
Spying? Hahaha, what spying? I don’t know what you’re talking about :)
| Felix . @felixis
Replying to @katyaaa
You’re so fired.
[insert a facepalm GIF]
| Childe . @tartaglia
Replying to @felixis and @katyaaa
Oh don’t worry, you’re both in trouble, and so are Nadia and Vlad ;)
| Ekaterina . @katyaaa
Replying to @tartaglia
Please have mercy!
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Meanwhile, in the privacy of Zhongli’s home, an elegantly written note addressed not to Zhongli, but to Morax materialises right in front of him.
"Honored Morax, your presence is urgently requested in Snezhnaya at your earliest convenience. There are matters of great importance that we must discuss."
Never in his life does Childe feel as anxious and unsettled as he does today. He fiddles with the empty teacup in his hand, his gaze darting between Her Majesty, The Tsaritsa, and Zhongli. Or rather, Rex Lapis, as he has just learned. That revelation alone can wait for another day, though the weight of it lingers in his mind.
What Childe doesn’t expect is to be summoned by The Tsaritsa herself, nor for Zhongli who should be in Liyue consulting on funerals, not engaging with an Archon in Snezhnaya or to to be invited to her private garden for tea.
This isn’t tea time. This is an interrogation, Childe thinks, trying his best to appear calm.
“Let me get this straight,” The Tsaritsa begins, her tone clipped as she raises her teacup with the grace of someone who commands nations. “You gave my Eleventh a pair of chopsticks, and he accepted them?”
“That is correct,” Zhongli replies evenly.
“And those chopsticks were betrothal gifts.”
Childe blinks, his confusion evident. “I’m sorry…what?” he asks, his voice rising slightly. No one seems inclined to answer him.
“And you assumed,” The Tsaritsa continues, ignoring Childe entirely, “that my Harbinger, born and raised in Snezhnaya, understands the cultural significance of such a gift? Or were you perhaps counting on his ignorance?” She arches a brow. “Morax, how embarrassing. Even Barbatos occasionally makes sense.”
Zhongli clears his throat, stealing a glance at Childe with an uncharacteristic hint of nervousness. A shy smile graces his lips, a light flush dusting his ears. Childe’s heart softens, despite the chaotic situation. Zhongli looks unprepared for the icy Snezhnayan air, a faint shiver running through him. Childe resists the urge to wrap him in layers of warm coats. He knows that his friend is not used to the cold.
“Now, Tsaritsa,” Zhongli says, his voice composed as ever, though his eyes remain on his tea. “There’s no need to chastise me.”
“Oh, but there is.” The Tsaritsa’s frosty gaze sharpens. “You attempt to court my Harbinger without my knowledge or his.”
Zhongli sighs. “It was simply a gift… for him to practice with.”
Childe simply stares at them in quiet shock. Just hours ago, Zhongli was a mere funeral consultant and a good friend. Now, he is Rex Lapis, and somehow, Childe is engaged. He has no idea how to process any of it.
Her Majesty’s voice interrupts his thoughts. “Well,” she says briskly. “Has the wedding date been set? If not, I shall take care of it.”
Both Zhongli and Childe choke on their tea, coughing in unison.
Bonus Scene:
The news spreads like wildfire.
“Lord Tartaglia! Congratulations! We hear you’re getting married to that gentleman from Liyue! If you need wedding advice, don’t hesitate to ask, we’re here for you!”
“How shocking… It feels like just yesterday you were appointed a Harbinger before Her Majesty’s throne.”
“My, my! Such good news! Tears of joy, truly. Who would’ve thought you’d settle down? Oh, bless The Tsaritsa! I’ll start designing the wedding cards right away!”
Meanwhile, letters from Liyue begin to arrive:
“My Lord, what is this nonsense about a wedding with that scoundrel Harbinger? You must break it at once! One does not accept it!”
“Greetings, my capable consultant. I hope this letter finds you well. Xiangling and the others send their warmest congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding! Please take all the time you need for your honeymoon with your charming fiancé!”
“Esteemed Mr. Zhongli, I believe Hu Tao has already sent a letter on behalf of everyone, but I have a personal request. Since you’re in Snezhnaya, could you pick up a few books for me? Nothing strange, I promise. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. Trust me.”
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