Chapter Text
The rest of the week went by pretty fast, they had talked every day, even if it just was on the phone about everything and nothing. Hailey did have to go back to work mid week due to another case, which was fine by her as Jay ended up surprising her with takeout at her apartment once the case ended.
“Hi” she gave him a small smile when found him eating outside her door.
“Hey” he shot her a smile back “brought takeout” he told her “Thai” he held up the bag and her stomach rumbled, the day had been so fast paced, with so much going on, she hadn't realised how hungry she actually was.
“Lifesaver” she told him as she unlocked her door, letting them into her apartment “how long were you waiting?”
“A few minutes, not long at all” he replied, dropping the takeout bag on the couch before taking his coat off “you really have to get a table or something”
“Hey what's so bad about sitting on the floor to eat?” she shot back with a small giggle and joined him where he had sat on the floor “maybe I should get a small one at least” she shrugged as he handed her her box of food and chopsticks.
“Maybe?” he questions with a small smirk.
“Okay definitely” she rolled her eyes playfully at him, opening her box of food “I can't believe you leave tomorrow”
“I don't want to, trust me I really don't” he smiled sadly the thought of leaving her again was painful but he knew this time would be different.
“I know, I just got used to having you back and now you're leaving again”
“It won't be long, I promise, I'm going to ask to be discharged the second I get back, it might take some time for it to be approved but I'm coming home to you Hailey, for good this time” Hailey had a shy smile across her face after he said this, the thoughts of the life that she could have with him starting to surface again, they were really doing this.
“I can't wait for that day”
“Me too Hails, me too, I just wanna be done with this horrible year, I wanna move on, with you, I want a life with you”
“Were almost there, we'll get there, it'll happen before we know it” Jay smiled at her as she took another bite of her food.
“I um I do actually wanna talk to you about something” he started carefully and her head snapped up at him.
“Okay?” she questioned.
“One of the uh the reasons that I extended my contract” he spoke softly “and I should've just told you this before when I did but I was still so in my head about everything and then this all happened and I just ugh…”
“Jay? You're scaring me a little, what happened?”
“We were out, on mission, under the wire, there were six of us in the group that went out and only four of us came back” he started the story his eyes already welling with tears “and then only two of ended up being able to continue to work”
“Jay…” Hailey didn't know what to say, she knew it would be bad out there, that was part of the reason she hated that he left but she was never expecting this.
“We lost two good men that day and the lives of two more were ruined, there were IEDs scattered around where we were going, I should have picked up on it, I was the one that was leading them, I was the one that was supposed to protect them, one of the guys Arlo, i don't know how but he ended up kicking one, he must have thought it was trash or something but the second his foot came into contact with it it went off and it was like a chain reaction, explosions from every side, Arlo died that day along with Marco” Jay wiped his face and Hailey moved over to his side taking his hand in hers giving it a squeeze before Jay continued.
“They died on impact, so at least they weren't in any pain, that I'm grateful for, they didn't have to suffer but Issac, he uh he lost his arm and there was this young kid, I say kid he's like twenty six, twenty seven” Jay let out a dry laugh “Leo Anderson, hes was the the funniest of the bunch, always making everyone smile, even on that day, he was still trying to crack jokes with the amount of pain he was in, he protected me that day, it would've been me in his position if he didn't dive on me” Jay sniffled, his mind flood with painful memories of that day, Hailey wiped her own tears and listened as he told her the rest of what happened.
“The shrapnel hit him in the back, his spine, he uh, he lived but he's never going to walk again, he's twenty seven and he's never going to walk again Hailey and that's because he put himself on the line for he, he's got three little kids that are never going to be chased around the house by their dad again all because he saved me” Jay looked at her his eyes filled with tears matching hers.
“I uh I didn't come away unscathed” he lifted up his shirt to show a new jagged scar across his left side and Hailey let out a small gasp before she could stop herself “but uh it could have been a whole lot worse if it wasn't for him so I asked to extended my contract to get the guys that did that to my team and then it was harder and harder to get them and then we were also falling apart and I knew I hurt you so I thought you would be better without me and I just, I was such a mess from everything that happened here and then everything that happened over there and it doesn't make up for anything that I did to you and I don't want you to feel sorry for me because I know what I did hurt you but I uh I just wanted you to know” his voice was raw and full of emotion, he wanted to do good but by doing that he hurt Hailey as well and he couldn't forgive himself for hurting her, he just couldn't.
Hailey didn't know what to say so instead just moved to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him into a hug, the first hug they've shared in over a year, his arms slowly wrapped around her waist and he rested his head on her shoulder and just cried, and she let him, she let him cry till he couldn't cry no more. She rubbed his back gently as she held him, comforting him, letting him know she was there, that she would always be there.
He pulled away from the hug gingerly, a small sad smile across his face “thank you”
“Its okay” she gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze “I wish you would've said something, it would've been there for you Jay, you got hurt and I didn't know” she wiped away her own tears “I guess I did the same thing to you as well” she sighed.
“We've both told each other now, we're making progress and we're working on it” he reassured her and she nodded.
“We will get there” she was adamant about it “we will, we are getting there, we'll be okay”
“I know we will” he had to be sure about it, there were no maybes, he couldn't see his life without her, he couldn't have a life without her.
“I love you” she said softly “and I always will”
“I love you too, always” He smiled at her, it was nice for him to finally talk about what had happened, they had both been traumatised in different ways over the past year and now they finally had a safe space to talk about things again, to let everything out with no fear of being judged by anyone, just comfort and understanding.
“Can I uh can I come with you to the airport tomorrow?” Hailey asked and Jay smiled, a proper smile.
“I wouldn't have it any other way, Hail”
“Good because I was coming to see you off whether you liked it or not” this made Jay laugh at her stubbornness and her humour always made him laugh, he had missed it.
They spent the rest of the evening eating and talking, Hailey giving Jay another update on Adam, telling him that he was good and back on the job. Jay was glad for his friend, he knew how hard it was to recover from being shot and the toll it took.
“Thank you by the way” Jay spoke as he helped Hailey clean up the mess of the takeout.
“For what?” Haileys face contorted with confusion.
“For not telling the team that I'm back, I know it sound stupid but and I really do love them but I didn't feel like being bombarded with questions that I don't have answers for or answers that they wouldn't like to hear” he explained and Hailey nodded understanding “I do want to see them I just, you're the most important thing to me right now and I wanted to focus on you so thank you”
“Its okay, I figured if you wanted them to know you would have told them yourself, it's not my place to tell everyone your business”
“I appreciate that” he said as he put some takeout containers in the trash.
“You're welcome” she smiled at him as she opened her fridge “beer?”
“Just one” he took the bottle she was holding out to him “gotta drive and I don't think a hangover plus fourteen hours of travelling mix well” he quipped and she laughed.
“Or I could just trap you here forever, tie you up and never let you leave, that's an option” she bantered while shrugging her shoulders, small smirk residing on her face before taking a sip of her beer he held his hands out in front of him like he was waiting to be handcuffed which made her choke on her beer a little.
“I hate you” she laughed as she wiped her mouth.
“You most definitely don't” he quirked an eyebrow at her.
“Oh but I do” she took another sip of her beer.
“You're the one who said you wanted to tie me up, I'm pretty sure I should be the one that's hating?” he exclaimed jokingly.
“You're the one who wanted to take me up on that offer!” she raised her eyebrows at him and he shook his head, both of them now leaning against her kitchen counter.
“Okay maybe you got me there” he laughed “wouldn't be opposed to it though” he shrugged causing her to laugh as he set down his beer.
“I've got zipties somewhere” she tilted her head, looking up at him, setting her beer down next to his.
“Oh really? You've really got this all planned out huh?”
“Maybe I do” she shrugged, getting slightly shy because of the way he was looking at her, he hadn't looked at her like that in so long, she felt like a high schooler talking to her crush, her legs felt weak.
“You're blushing” he whispered as pointed out the pink tint that had made its way across her cheeks.
“So are you” she whispered back, they were both facing each other as she pointed out the redness that had risen under his freckles.
“I really want to kiss you right now” his voice was still a whisper as he looked down at her, taking a leap of faith, he didn't know if she was there yes but he couldn't stop the words from leaving his mouth.
“So kiss me” he was surprised by her answer, he was sure she was going to tell he she couldn't right now, hell she was surprised by her own answer, but sue her, he was her husband and she hadn't kissed him in over a year.
“Y-you're sure?” he stammered.
“Yes Jay i'm sure, kiss me” she spoke with a new found confidence, she couldn't back down now, she didn't want to all she wanted to do was kiss him. The confidence in her voice almost made him collapse, he was so in love with this woman it could be deemed insane. He took her face in his hands and captured her lips with his, her hands rested on his chest, learning the new crevices from the new muscles he had built over the past year.
Their lips worked like muscle memory, like the last year had not happened, hands tangled in hair, teeth clashing with hunger, tongues fighting for dominance, Jay let out a low groan as his bottom lip got caught between Hailey's teeth, shifting them both so that her back was against the counter, pressing her between him and it as his hands found her waist, gripping tightly as her arms wrapped around his neck her hands finding his hair, longer than it used to be.
His facial hair tickling and scratching her face slightly was a new sensation but she liked it, it was hot. She moaned into his mouth as his hands made their way down to her ass, giving it a squeeze, causing her grip on his hair to tighten, pulling him closer, if that was even possible.
After a few minutes they had to pull away for air, Hailey buried her head into his chest her arms coming down to hugs his middle, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pressed a kiss on to the top of her head “I don't want you to go” she mumbled into his chest.
“I have to go back Hails, I gotta tie up some loose ends, get discharged for real I-”
“No I know, I meant tonight, stay here tonight” she looked up at him “I'm not asking for sex or anything like that, I'm- I'm not there yet but I want you, your company” she explained.
“Are you sure?” he asked carefully, making sure this was what she wanted, he was more than happy to stay, he just wanted to make sure and she nodded.
“Your flights not till the evening so we have the whole day for you to go and get your things and I took the day off tomorrow anyways and I- i just miss you and everything about you”
“Come here” he pulled her back into the hug “I missed you too Hails, so much”
“So you'll stay?” she looked up at him hopefully.
“Of course I will, if that's what you want”
“That's what I want” she nodded.
“Then I'll stay” he pressed a soft kiss onto her lip and she sighed happily.
“I love you” she spoke against his lips.
“I love you”
The next morning was the first morning in over a year that they had woken up in each other's arms, the first time Hailey had slept in that bed in over eight months, preferring to sleep curled up on the couch because she couldn't stand the thought of sleeping in that bed without Jay.
The sun dimly lit the apartment, through the curtains as the pair were snuggled up in bed, Hailey's back against Jay's chest, his face buried into her hair.
Jay woke up first, he always did. He pulled her closer to him, breathing her in. He didn’t know how long he was going to be gone this time and he wanted to savour every little thing about this moment.
He heard Hailey yawn as she woke up, humming contently at the warmth that radiated off of her husband.
“Good morning” she whispered after she turned around to face him.
“Good morning” He smiled at her, brushing a few strands of hair from her face before pressing a small kiss onto her lips. She felt so safe in his arms, safer than she ever had in the last year, she felt at peace, she knew he was leaving today but she just wanted to soak up this moment a little more. She snuggled closer to him and he wrapped his arms tighter around her not wanting to let go, not wanting to leave this moment.
“What time do you have to check out of your hotel?”
“I got a late check out because of the flight being in the evening, so around four thirty, five at the latest I think it is”
“Okay good, we have time then”
“We have the whole day, don't worry”
“What time do you have to be at the airport?”
“Boarding time is ten, so around seven, eight”
“Okay good” she snuggled even closer to his chest like it was possible, she didn't want to leave his arms, his warmth, his comfort, if she could stay like this forever she would. He kissed the top of her head and held her close. He hated that he had to go back but knowing that he would be coming back to them trying to fix things made it better.
“You want breakfast?” he asked after a while, hearing her stomach growl.
“Mhmm” she nodded, still half asleep.
“Waffles?” he had her full attention now, she looked up at him with a big grin on her face.
“Yes please” he chuckled at her enthusiasm for his waffles, if anything could get the tiny blonde out of bed, it would be waffles.
“You got everything here to make them?”
“I should do” she thought for a second “maybe we should go check” and so begrudgingly they both left the warmth of the bed and padded over to her small kitchen area to inspect her cupboards and thankfully, she had everything Jay needed to make waffles.
The domesticity of the whole situation made both of them happy, they were getting there, they were going to be okay. Making waffles together for the first time in over a year made them both a little bit emotional, something so simple but yet so meaningful to the pair, something that had become a staple in their relationship in the time that they had been together.
Their minds had been so clouded with divorce they hadn't even thought about the little things they would miss but here they were in Hailey's tiny kitchen making waffles, both savouring the moment and releasing that they would do this again, that everything small activity or moment that others would disregard as unimportant, they would have that again and that they have each other again. Who knew how important waffles could actually be.
“Mmm that is so good, I missed these” Hailey said after finishing her bite, they were now sitting on her bed, both with a plate of waffles, Hailey's drenched in butter and maple syrup, just the way she liked it, Jays butter and maple syrup was on the lighter side, which Hailey had always teased him for.
“Dude a little extra butter and syrup isn't going to kill you, you know?” Hailey laughed as Jay couldn't help his expression as he watched her pour what seemed like half of the bottle of maple syrup onto her waffles.
“Well technically it could” he pointed at her with his fork as they sat at the table in his apartment. They had only been dating a few weeks but with the years of friendship they had, it was never awkward, maybe they both got a little shy at times with each other after taking the step to a relationship but never awkward.
Jay knew Hailey had a sweet tooth, but he hadn't realised how big it actually was, but he figured he would make her waffles for breakfast seeing as they had the day off and he wanted to do something nice for her. Most of the time he would have something healthy for breakfast, oats, an oat bar, fruit but that didn't mean he wasn't impartial to making some waffles every now and then.
“Oh my god these are amazing” Hailey spoke with her mouth full after trying his waffles for the first time “you are going to have to make these for me every time I'm here, scratch that, bring that waffle maker every time you stay at my apartment as well” Jay laughed at his girlfriends new found love for his waffles.
“We’ll have to see Hails”
“Oh I forgot how good these were” Hailey all but moaned at the taste of the waffles causing Jay to laugh after taking a bite of his own.
“Still don't know how you can eat them when you've drowned them like that” Jay shook his head at her but a smile still very clearly plastered across his face.
“Dudeeeee, you’re missing out, it's like the best part”
“Yeah okay sure” he rolled his eyes at her making her giggle before putting another forkful in her mouth.
The rest of the morning was spent eating waffles and enjoying each others company, Hailey had already spoken to Trudy the day before letting her know that she was going to take the day seeing as it was Jay's last day before he flew back to Bolivia, so she did not have the stress of leaving on time for work looming over her.
The day went faster than either of them wanted, they enjoyed a walk around the city, grabbing some lunch, and then an early dinner after checking Jay out of his hotel, neither of them wanted the day to be over, they had just finally got into a good place, where they were properly comfortable enough with each other again, only for Jay to have to leave once more.
Which lead to them now both standing in the airport, Jays duffel on the floor beside them as they shared goodbyes.
“I don't want you to go” Haileys bottom lip trembled as she spoke and Jay swiped a fallen tear from her cheek with his thumb.
“I don't want to go either, I really don't” he was on the verge of crying as well, he didn't want to leave her again, he hated leaving her. “But I will be back soon, I'm coming back Hailey, I promise you” He told her and she nodded not being able to say anything without crying. He pulled her close holding her to his chest as she sniffled, clinging on to him. They stood for a few minutes holding each other, not wanting to let go, not wanting to be apart ever again.
“Hails…” Jay spoke and she shook her head no, knowing exactly what he was going to say “i know, i know” he told her tears falling from his eyes now “I have to go Hailey” he whispered, the words neither of them wanted to hear ever again.
She looked up at him, her eyes red from crying, tear stained cheeks that shattered his heart, this is the last thing he wanted to do to her.
“You come back to me in one piece Jay Halstead, you hear me?” she told him and he nodded.
“I will Hails, I will, I promise”
“I love you, Jay, so much” the way her voice wavered made him want to scoop her up and take her home, take both of them home and never leave again.
“I love you, so much, so so much” he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss onto her lips, he could taste the saltiness from her tears, he wiped her cheeks once more and then his own.
“I'll call you as soon as I get there okay”
“Okay” she nodded
“I love you” he told her one last time before begrudgingly letting go of her hand.
“I love you” she gave him a small smile, letting him know that it was okay, that she was going to be okay, that they were going to be okay, no matter what was throw at them they were going to make it through this, for better or for worse, that was what they had vowed.
And so Jay made his way through the airport to his gate, leaving her standing there for a moment watching him till she could no longer see him through the crowd of people.
They were going to be better this time, they were going to do better, they were going to make it, whatever it took.