Chapter Text
“The level of material waste created within the anthropocene has become increasingly harder to dispose of. Landfills are overflowing and the materials within are taking thousands of years to truly decompose.” Eloise explained using a laser pointer to point at her slides. The first ten rows of the lecture hall were filled with students for a verity of disciplines. It was the fashion student sat alone at the back that was off putting.
She’d noticed her continued presence three weeks ago at her talk on comparative literature.
Ever since the barbecue Eloise couldn’t help but struggle with the feeling that there was something rotten inside of her. If people got close enough would they smell it on her? The decay? The death? Even as a child, she’d felt the same, pushed people away in spite of it. She grappled with the want to do the same again, to banish herself from society to hide from view.
A horizon now shed with the incomparable, vicious and possessed light of one Cressida Jean Cowper. As though a sunrise threatening to reach over, to touch her, draw her from the shade. Like a prayer for which no words exist. Eloise felt herself slipping, the ledge she’d fought so desperately to build now weighted with the essence of her.
“Who here gets their coffee from the cart outside every morning?” Eloise asked the room, turning to view them. Her suit suddenly felt too small under the dozens of eyes that fell upon her. Eloise did not know what to do, her brain simply could not handle any more impressions or thoughts. She felt as though she did not know anything, feel or understand. As she counted the hands that raised to the question.
Her gaze finally landing on the blonde that seemed to harbour all her waking moments and affections. Cressida smiled brightly, scrunching her nose and supplying her a gently wink.
Suddenly her mind felt exponentially quiet, warm and bathed. Eloise felt the oncomings on a smile pulling at her face.
“Those coffees come in styrofoam cup’s, cups that take up to 500 years to decompose.” The slides flicked to a picture of a landfill, Eloise had taken last June on a BR press tour against fossil fuels, promoting climate action and stricter regulation on recycling. “As a result.” She continued pacing the stage. “The earth is struggling everyday to compensate for the extensive waste of the generation of the Anthropocene. The single use and materialistic culture referred to by Hulme on page eight of your pamphlets, has ranked one of the most damaging generation of humanity as of yet.”
The was a collective gasp, Eloise’s eyes flicking up to see the blonde mumbling the lecture along with her. The brunette had taken to practicing her lectures at the bottom of the bed for Cressida whilst she sewed. She always preferred to work by hand when mending other peoples clothes. Last nights had been a part of trousers Anthony loved, yet had torn in a what Kate refereed to as a rampant game of football.
“I want you all to remember these pictures next time you’re out and about enjoying your modern delights.”
They’d fallen into a routine, all be it unknowingly. Eloise couldn’t bring herself to step away from it. She was afraid she did not know how to be with someone without swallowing them. Though would consuming Cressida be such a burden after all? To remove all her bones and feast on the remains. Porous and heavy upon her tongue, to eat as though she’d never been fed. She couldn’t seem to say what is was she wanted out loud, to ask for it. Yet the blonde came willingly to every silent call.
As she had their entire youth, despite their mutual claim of hatred. Was it too nostalgic to allow those memories to secure her? To console her now? Faced with the inevitable next steps?
The clock on her podium signalled the end of her lecture, bodies rising and stumbling towards an exit. “Same time next week everyone! We have a talk on women’s rights and cultural collectives.” Eloise shouted out, finally removing her glasses and tossing them into her bag. The approaching footsteps doing everything to sooth her ache as a pair of pink heels fell into view.
Eloise shrugging on her coat and tilting to kiss the other woman’s cheek in greeting. Wiping gently at the smudge it left. Oh to be a shadow upon that face. A ripple in her waters, a breath from that chest.
“That was fabulous.” Cressida’s exclaimed taking the bag from Eloise’s hand and lacing their fingers as they walked from the lecture theatre. “Did you see everyone’s faces when you targeted their beloved caffeine fixes?” The blonde giggled, swinging their hands between them. “It was inspired.” Cressida grinned, holding the door open for them.
“It went surprisingly well.” Eloise mumbled her mind still worlds away. Walking toward the blonde's car till she realised Cressida was no longer following. She turned back the car park void of many cars but the blonde’s old jag in the back corner- where she always parked.
“Are you okay? Cressida questioned small droplets of rain painting the fabric of her coat as she drew closer. “You’re awfully quiet.” Her hands came to hold the brunette's face. Eloise shook with the urge to pull away.
“I’m just—-“ Eloise stuttered, the soothing motion of Cressida’s fingers against her cheeks lulled her in a way nothing else had. Her flesh burned so harshly, she feared the smell of ash, that soot would coat her fingers. “I’m just tired.” The brunette sobbed allowing the blonde to take her into her arms.
The weight greater than any she’d ever faced, if she were praying that is what her prayers would look like. Wrapped within the arms of her lover. Two counties, one of flame and one of drought - both thirsty and in need of water. Yet the other shared the little they had to ensure both could wake together.
Cressida had never judged her for telling the truth.
“Oh dove.” Cressida muttered, her lips pressed to Eloise’s head. Fragments of their youth are somewhat clearer now as the brunette clung to her, burnt out and subdued. “Let’s get you home.” The blonde whispered, walking them towards her car. Opening the door and allowing the other woman to slip in. Going as far as to lean over and secure her belt, as though cargo seeking passage, a treasure she could not lose.
Home. Eloise thought, as they turned down the street toward the other woman’s apartment rather than her own. She supposed that is what Cressida’s place had become. Her toothbrush sat to the left of the sink, clothes hung in the bedroom, space glasses and medications in the draw by the bed. Her favourite mug stained with the herbal teas Cressida insisted on sharing.
The brunette was suddenly captured by the grounding realisation that she was laying down roots, in a space fit for her growth. With a woman she could have only dreamed of. The blonde's hand reached for her own across the console, pulling it to her lips.
Eloise’s head turned, watching as Cressida drove them home. How her hand circles the wheel, the radio set to a constant eight because she hated sevens and insisted any louder was simply rude. The blonde always had such a grace about her, a polite and taught quaintness. Instilled in her by her parents, people who frankly didn’t deserve the pleasure of knowing Cressida let alone claiming her.
“You’re staring.” Cressida coughed, her eyes still fixed on the road.
“I’ve been thinking.” Eloise mumbled, pulling at the flesh of Cressida’s thumb, tapping her nails ever so slightly.
“Oh well that can’t be good.”
Eloise rolled her eyes, her chest still heavy with day and flood of her emotions. She laughed despite herself, Cressida never failed to ease her soul. In such a way Eloise feared nobody would ever know her without meeting her too. As though the blonde harboured a scripture. A collection of the brunette irrevocable truths.
“Why do you always come to my lectures? I know they must bore you…”
Cressida’s head twitched then as though battling with the urge to face her whilst also focusing on the road. She turned quickly shooting the other woman a frown, the lines between her brows prominent.
“Just because I may not understand everything you talk about does not mean I am bored Lou.” Cressida sighed her fingers flexing against the wheel, her other hand still grasped within Eloise's own. Her hold tightened. “We may not have defined exactly what is happening between us, but whatever it is I plan on doing it well, to my fullest, and those lectures are important to you. Besides, I find myself learning something every so often.” The blonde shrugged, bringing their grasped hands to her lips again as she spoke against them.
“Oh really?” Eloise grinned, the conversation taking a turn she’d next expect a maddening warmth travelling throughout her body. She could practically feel her heart pounding at the omissions.
“I especially enjoyed your talk on language development in children.”
“That was one of my first lectures.” Eloise stated utterly confused on the timeline now, Cressida she only been attending since the start of the month. “Last November at the earliest.”
“As I said, those lectures are important to you. I haven’t missed a single session since you started.” The blonde shrugged, turning the car into her parking space. The brunettes hand untangled from her own, finding purchase on the blonde's neck. Playing with reels of hair that lay there.
“How have I never seen you?”
“I simply kept to myself, I know how distracted you can get when I’m in a room.” The blonde winked. Turning off the engine, her neck sinking further into the brunette's motions. Her own mother had never grantered her such a delicate touch, though she found she no longer craved it. Eloise more than made up for such shortcomings.
“Thank you.” Eloise mumbled leaning across the car to capture the other woman’s lips.
“Whatever for?”
“For listening.” The brunette shrugged, her lips still thick upon Cressida’s own. The blonde was biting down and sucking till she mewled.
“Come on, let's get you inside, shower, then bed.” Cressida promised, each word followed by a peck against her skin. She turned and opened the car door.
Stepping out on the street as the brunette's hand reached out and grasped her own.
“Dia…” Eloise whispered, her words suddenly failing as the blonde bent down to her view.
“Yes darling?”
“Might I take you out tomorrow? I fear it is time I took my girl on a real date.”
Cressida smiled. A finger length of sun between them. No edges of wrongdoing or history to threaten them. Only their future.
“So I’m your girl now?” She joked, cocking a brow, half her body coming forward again. Merely a breath between them.
“Ah ha.” Eloise giggled, she never giggled. Though she couldn’t not find an ounce of herself to care. Pulling forward to kiss the blonde again.
“Very well then. I’d love to go on a date with you Lou.”
Friendships were always built to end.