Chapter Text
When Miles opened his eyes, the first thing he felt was the weight and warmth of the body draped over beside him. It was a feeling he thought he would never feel again, Phoenix Wright laid sprawled out beside him. His mouth was parted open and drool slipped out, his hair was a mess— much more than it usually was— and it definitely needed brushing, and his body was most certainly going to ache when he woke up due to how his body is being bent and twisted at such odd angles, but this was Phoenix. His Phoenix. Maybe all of that was a nightmare after all. Like the nightmares he had as a child, and even into his adulthood, but just more realistic. He curled tighter into his arms, never wanting to let go.
A cold hard metal lump sat on his ring finger. A wedding band he noticed. It was similar to the one Phoenix had bought as his engagement ring but without most of the ‘fancy-ness’.
He smiled inwardly to himself at the sight. For a long while, Miles laid there. He focused on how the body next to him had a steady heartbeat, nothing like what it was before, on how the room around them was quiet with the exception of Phoenix’s snoring and the birds chirping outside. There was no hospital, no bar, nothing but their bedroom.
He touched the ring on his finger again, trying to tell himself, to convince himself, that this was real, that this wasn’t just a dream. He couldn’t remember a ceremony, but somehow the absence of that memory may just be from his grogginess. The fear still lingered at the edges of his thoughts, sharp and unwelcome, but for once it didn’t consume him.
For once, it didn’t win.
Until it did.
That morning, that false, cursed, hateful morning, he woke up curled into his fiancé’s arms, then all too quickly he woke up without him.
Eventually, begrudgingly, Miles forced himself to awake from his sleep, just a couple minutes after the girls did. His mind seemed to be wanting to punish him with that dream. Punishment for what? He couldn’t say. Maybe it was just to show him what he could have had instead of what he had now. His eyes burned from tears threatening to spill and also from forcing himself to keep his eyes open.
Once again, he was alone in his shared bed. He laid there, unwilling to get up at all. He would much rather lay in bed for the rest of his life in the delusion that eventually he would wake up and be curled in the embrace of his fiancé than go on and face life without him.
Every time he heard a knock at the door, he would duck under the covers and pretend to be asleep, not answering to any of their calls.
He knew he had to get out eventually but he couldn’t even feel the strength in himself to stand, let alone walk, talk and function like an adult human being.
Again— for the fifth time that hour, the door creaked.
“Papa? Are you awake yet?”
The little voice croaked.
“Trucy.”
Little and soft footsteps sounded and then Trucy stood at the side of the bed facing him. She was never that good at hiding her expression when she was feeling a strong emotion. Something she and Phoenix had in common.
“Papa, we’re worried about you. Aunty Maya and Franzy keep coming in to check on you but you never respond to them.”
She looked conflicted with herself before adding,
“I don’t want to be alone even though I know you’re here…”
Guilt churned in his chest. Miles had to remember— he wasn’t the only one having to deal with this murder and was extremely selfish to wallow in his own self pity when others felt the same.
“I’ll be out soon, Trucy.”
She smiled at that and even if the smile didn’t fully reach her eyes, it was probably the most genuine. She left the room with a final nod.
Miles didn’t immediately leave the bed because he knew that once he did, his day would be forced to start. Still, he couldn’t keep everyone waiting.
His finger felt too light without the ring.
He did get up and he did somehow manage to shuffle his feet to get to his bathroom, but his body felt heavy. Like lead on water.
The bathroom was bathed in light once he turned on the switch, Miles winced but made no effort to turn it off.
He opened the cabinet to get his toothbrush but froze when he saw his reflection.
Eyebags- it’s only been a night since his passing, Miles slept well, well… as well as someone who just lost their fiancé.—, his eyes were red rimmed and dull, his shoulders hunched over as if he was actively trying to fold himself out of existence.
Who was this man in front of him?
He braced himself on the marble sink, staring down at the person in front of him.
He reached a hand to touch his reflection and noticed his hand.
It wasn’t bare but it wasn’t a wedding ring. It was his engagement ring.
His throat tightened.
He wasn’t married but he couldn’t say he was widowed either. Neither word fit properly and both felt unbearable.
“If I had just—”
No. This line of thinking won’t do anything. There was nothing I could have done to know what would have happened that day.
When he had left for that year, all those years back, he had gotten therapy. Though Phoenix showed him that his father’s death was not his fault, he still held so much guilt. Therapy had shown him that those feelings are often expected, that despite what he had done, the way things ended are just that. He could have done nothing to change it.
But there were things he could have done to prevent Phoenix from dying. If he had only checked on him earlier, or maybe had an eye on their surroundings, or had done something. This was just another problem that was entirely his fault. Something that could have been avoided had he just been smarter. Been better.
Get it together, Miles Edgeworth. There is a child in your care, and right now she wants you by her side.
He turns the faucet on and splashes himself with the cold water, just cold enough to wake him up completely. Enough to get him out of his haze.
He looked back at the mirror, straightening his back, fluffing out his hair, and attempting to clear the wave of oncoming tears.
He was used to this procedure, his earlier days as a prosecutor— back when Phoenix wasn’t there to save him yet— god, everything was just reminding him of that man. How long will this empty feeling last?
Just get ready, Miles Edgeworth. You have things to be doing. Stop wallowing and be better. It’s the least you can do.
He dried his face of the excess water before moving to actually prepare for the day.