Chapter Text
How to Confess to a Girl You (Unfortunately) Really Like, Psychic Edition: A Comprehensive Guide by Saiki Kusuo.
1. Ensure you actually like her. This is done through extensive and grueling hours of spending time with her, questioning your and her feelings, and revealing your biggest secret to her. Remember that just because you say you don’t like her, does not mean you don’t like her. This, for a psychic like you, is a lie. You do like her.
2. Figure out how to confess in a way that does not attract attention, because that is the exact opposite of what you want.
3. Recall that it doesn’t matter what you want. This is her first confession, Kusuo. Don’t mess this up.
4. Do not bother asking your other psychic friends for help. They are useless and will make fun of you for not knowing what to do. Instead, consider burning off the back of their hair because they bet on what has become your worst nightmare.
5. Write a list of what to do because you can’t collect your thoughts.
Kusuo knows most people like to box themselves into neat categories for some reason – zodiac signs, MBTIs, even fictional ones – but he’d never understood the need. He assumes most people want to feel a sense of belonging, but uniqueness simultaneously. He’d never insert himself into a category, but if he could, he’d probably say he was Type A. He liked his plans the way he planned them and if anything went wrong it annoyed him greatly. Of course, as a comedy anime’s protagonist, he doesn’t have much hope for any of his plans to run smoothly. That’s where the comedic aspect comes in.
So in theory, he should know that no matter how much he tries to sketch things out, it will most probably go wrong somewhere, and it’s utterly futile to even be at his desk doing this. Yet, gathering his thoughts like this seemed the only way for this to work.
Teruhashi wasn’t free after school today. She had missed one too many koto classes to go on dates with him and was making up for them. He should’ve been relieved that this development threw a wrench into his idiotic outburst, but instead he was disappointed. Then, she’d sent him a message saying she could see him tomorrow. He should’ve groaned, complained about having to see her again. Instead, his heart floated in his chest like some dumb schoolboy with a crush. (Though, he supposes that’s exactly what he is.)
But it’s better for him. More time for him to rethink everything.
Kusuo had asked Teruhashi to aid him in a pretend-relationship two months ago. This was mostly to ward off his other admirers, but he’s almost positive there was an ulterior motive by this point that he wasn’t aware of himself. Over the course of said two months, they spent so much time together that he somehow began to have feelings for her, but stayed in continuous denial of this fact for good reason. She broke off their agreement as she had real feelings for him, believing it to be unfair on her side as well as feeling guilty. Upon realising his own feelings, he decided his last resort was to reveal his powers in hopes that would scare her away. It did not. Almost kissed her, but did not. Possibly thought about what that might be like.
And now he’s here. In his bedroom, slumped over his desk trying to think of a plan so airtight that even the cruelest of deities couldn’t ruin.
It’s stupid – all of it, from how he’d wanted to keep her by his side, how he tried to escape when that obviously wasn’t going to work, how much he wanted to convince himself that he was above all her other admirers when the only thing separating them is that he knows how vain she is (unhelpfully, given that somehow he still managed to fall for her). This, him in this chair that grew uncomfortable from how long he’d been sitting in it, is so stupid. This was his worst idea yet. He should tell her it was a mistake. That she should disregard his words.
Kusuo grabs his phone, preparing to send a message. I’ll be at your door by 11.
If there was a guide for how to go on a date with a guy that definitely doesn’t think of it as a date, Kokomi needs it. Desperately. So many questions are swirling in her head she’s dizzy. What does she wear? What should she think? If he – no, when, he figures out she’s thinking that way, he’ll leave for sure. She lifts a dress to her torso, staring at herself in the mirror. She knows she should’ve decided yesterday, but she was so preoccupied with perfecting her skincare that she hadn’t the time after putting on a face mask and – oh, she’s getting so sidetracked. There’s no traffic or bus delays she can pray for so he might show up later when the guy can teleport!
When she finally settles on an outfit, she heads to her vanity to choose a lipgloss for today. As she reaches for her favourite, her eyes latch onto the vase of flowers on the table. Saiki had given her those. He had come to her door like he will today, and instead of confessing his feelings like she’d thought, he had revealed that he’s psychic. What if she’s overthinking this again? Perfect pretty girls don’t overthink.
Okay. Calm down, Kokomi. It’s not like you haven’t gone on dates with Saiki before. (Except those were all totally fake and she had no idea he could hear all her overthinking!)
“Ding-dong.” His voice rings through her head. How much of her mental agony did he hear?!
Thankfully, her brother is out of town for filming so she’s the one to open the door. Saiki is holding another bouquet in his hands. Once again, she wishes she could at least read his mind so she could know if he’s as nervous as she is. “Thank you, Saiki,” she says. It only makes sense that he’d bring me flowers if this is a date. But he gave me flowers last time and it wasn’t. He’s so frustrating!
“You’re equally as frustrating, you know that, right?” he replies to her thoughts.
“You have to stop doing that…” she mumbles as she sets the flowers on the console table by the front door. Her brother won’t be home for a while, so it should be fine. “Where are we going?”
“You ask a lot of questions.”
“It was one. And how else am I supposed to know if you’re not trying to kidnap me?” she asks. But that would start a national-level emergency, so that’s unlikely.
“I’m a little offended that that’s why it’s unlikely to you.”
She simply laughs and locks the door behind her. He hasn’t said anything about how I look… How can he be so unaffected by the idea of going on a date with me?! Unless this really isn’t a date to him?
This time, he doesn’t dignify her thoughts with a response.
The walk down the street is silent. At least it is for her. She’s sure his mind is burdened with not only her rampant thoughts, but that of everyone around them. Which is, as expected, a lot of people. She’s not confused by any means, after all, it’s only natural to crowd around her. Even cars passing by stop to gaze at her although she’s on the side furthest from the road. Wait – is he walking on that side… on purpose?
No, no. It’s a coincidence. Saiki wouldn’t do that, because this isn’t a date.
Curling a piece of hair around her finger, she turns to him. “So, um, are you going to tell me where we’re going now?”
“We’re going for ice-cream,” he answers. “You owe me some, remember?”
Right, because he didn’t get the chance to eat his before it melted. Of course this isn’t a date. What was she thinking?
Eventually, they end up in front of an ice-cream shop she’s never even heard of. He really has a knack for finding dessert places, doesn’t he? The bell rings overhead, distinct in the quiet of the store. Kokomi hears a gasp from the employee as they approach the counter. “Wow, there’s so many flavours,” she says under her breath. Various colours of ice-cream are lined up in the display case, all deliciously inviting. “What do you want?”
“What about you?”
She hums. “They all look good…” The employee is already drifting in her direction with every slight step she takes. “What would you suggest?”
“For someone as sweet as you,” he begins, and she swears Saiki shudders beside her, “I recommend the strawberry cheesecake. I’ll even throw in a free topping just for you.”
Ah, it’s almost too easy. That line was a little corny, though. She smiles at him, then at Saiki. “In my next life I’d like to be reborn as a pretty girl,” he deadpans in her mind.
I’d like to see that. “So? What do you want?” she asks, scanning the display. “Wait, let me guess. Coffee?”
Saiki nods, so she orders two single cups of strawberry cheesecake and coffee ice-cream. The employee dusts her scoop with crumbles of graham crackers – the privilege of being Teruhashi Kokomi. As she reaches for her purse, Saiki hands the employee cash before she can unzip it. Her head tilts at him. “I thought I owed you.”
“This wouldn’t be much of a date if I didn’t pay, would it?”
“No, I guess not – wait, what?!”
He doesn’t reply, just places the cup in her hand as they walk out, and it takes her a moment to gather herself so it doesn’t fall right onto the pavement. Did she hear that right? She must be hallucinating. Or maybe he’s playing a really cruel trick on her with his powers? But Saiki wouldn’t do that. “Stop thinking and try it.”
The first seems like an impossible task, so she at least does the latter and digs into a spoonful of ice-cream. It’s sweet with added tang from the strawberries, the smooth texture is offset by a satisfying crunch of the extra topping – though, that aspect might taste better since it was free. “It’s so good!” she exclaims. Saiki is already looking at her with the softest curve to his lips, barely there.
“I can tell,” he replies, and she might be reading into it too much, but she swears there’s a gentle tone in his voice. Then, he blinks, and that pleasant expression disappears in an instant, souring into a grimace. “You have to be kidding me.”
What? What is it?
“Did I project that?” he asks. “That was supposed to be an inside thought.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing that I shouldn’t have already expected,” he answers. “Shouldn’t your brother be at work right now?”
After a bite of ice-cream, she responds, “He is. It’s a new film, I think it’s an adaptation of a comedy anime.”
“What, they couldn’t afford Yamazaki Kento?” He shakes his head, speeding up his pace. “Anyway, I can hear him. That means he’s nearby.”
“What should we do?” she questions as she tries to catch up. They can’t stay here – if Makoto catches her and Saiki on a date, who knows what he’ll do? Wait, so this really is a date? No, that shouldn’t even be what she’s worried about!
“This isn’t the first time. When he was filming in our neighbourhood and you forced me to go out with you.” Okay, forced is an exaggeration. “That is to say I’ll figure it out.”
“How did you get out of it last time?” She recalled that day – they’d gone out for desserts, bowling, then the arcade… Then, he suddenly grabbed her hand and raced into the photobooth. And then she connects the dots. An involuntary “Oh,” escapes her lips.
“I took the photo, didn’t I?” He furrows his brows at her. “Why are you upset?”
“I’m not,” she lies, which is stupid to do with a psychic, she’s aware. It’s whatever, anyway, she was the one that asked. She didn’t expect him to keep them like she had. He most likely threw the photos away when he got home.
“I didn’t,” Saiki says, halting in his tracks. “Do you think I’m that heartless?”
“No, that’s not what I…” she mutters. “It’s okay. Maybe I should just go home if this is too much trouble.”
“You need to stop that.”
Stop what?
“Stop assuming things,” he answers before she even gets to voice her question. “It’s like you think I hate you or something.”
At this point, she’s not sure she can dispute that. There isn’t a single person that can hate her, since she’s Teruhashi Kokomi, but if there’s one person that could, it’d be him. All of her advances, as un-subtle as they were, being ineffective would prove that easily. She wants to tell herself that it’s because he’s nervous, that he’s shy – but even she isn’t that deluded. She knows what the real reason is.
“I wasn’t expecting to do this so soon, but you really leave me no choice.”
After checking his surroundings, he takes her hand as he did back then. Except this time, it feels closer, their fingers intertwined. Wind rushes in her ears as she blinks.
The beach?
A wave of deja vu washes over her, like the sea lapping at her feet. She releases his hand, hers retreating to her side like she’d been burned. He could’ve just teleported them back to her room like he did before, couldn’t he? This seems like a strange decision given they now have to wait another three minutes.
“What’s with the insecurity all of a sudden?” he questions. “You should be thinking about how perfect you are and how you’re planning to get me to gasp. Not whatever this is.”
She narrows her eyes at him, unable to control her expression. Her act drops in front of him again, as relieving as it is terrifying. “So on top of being psychic, now you’re telling me how I’m supposed to act?”
For a moment she thinks he’s taken aback, but that thought disappears as quickly as it came. “You are just insufferable.”
“Did you take me on a date just to tell me that?” she asks. She doesn’t really want an answer. “I know you don’t like me, Saiki, that much is–”
“I didn’t say that.”
What?
“I didn’t say I don’t like you,” he continues. “That’s exactly the problem.”
A dry laugh escapes her as a miserable attempt to return to what’s safe – her perfect pretty girl facade. “You’re not making any sense.”
“You win, Teruhashi. You managed to achieve the unachievable.” He exhales, heavy and deep. “What I’m trying to say is that I like you.”
6. Prepare for every possible reaction she could have. It will most likely not be a pleasant one.
That’s what he had written, but Kusuo’s not sure what else he could’ve done to prepare himself for this. Her head is running empty, and on this deserted island, the only sounds he hears are the soft stirring of the ocean and the excessive pounding of something in his ribcage. “I’m… sorry?” she squeaks out, stumbling back.
“You should be,” he says, half-joking. “Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to do this?” Honestly, it was harder than deciding to reveal his psychic abilities.
I’m dreaming. I must be dreaming. This is not happening. She moves to pinch herself but hesitates before her nails make contact with her fair skin. I don’t know if I want to wake up.
“I didn’t exactly want you to be upset with me when I said it,” he says. Why he’s overexplaining, he doesn’t know. Nothing about how he feels for Teruhashi makes sense to him. “And I still don’t understand it entirely, but I want to. Why are you upset?”
“I guess it’s just – I didn’t know back then that you pulled me into the photobooth just to escape my brother,” she answers slowly. I probably should’ve assumed it was something like that, though. “I take it you beat me in all the games so I would stop being interested in you?” Clearly, it didn’t work.
“I’m… sorry,” he says, hoping it sounds as sincere as he means it. He’s not very good at this. He wouldn’t even say he’s decent. “I did keep the photo.”
She nods at him. “Okay.”
Okay? “So, you’re not mad at me?”
“I mean, I am, but that’s not the point.”
He quirks a brow at her. “What else is there?”
“Insufferable? Is that really what you’re choosing to call the girl you like? While confessing to her?”
Kusuo lets out a sigh. “You’re going to hang this over my head for the rest of our lives, aren’t you?”
“For the rest of our lives?” she teases. Despite it being at his expense, he’s glad she’s brightened up. Will he seriously have to deal with these cringe-worthy thoughts for as long as he lives? (That doesn’t sound so bad, really.)
“Not to rush you, but I’m pretty sure this is the part of the confession where you accept or reject me.” It’s a sore attempt at changing the subject, but he’s not sure how else to deny her taunt when he doesn’t want to.
“Accept or reject you? You haven’t asked me anything.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, the wind blowing only working in her favour as it frames her features. “I’m not psychic, you know.”
“This is what I meant by insufferable.” That doesn’t seem to quell the triumph on her face, eyes sparkling underneath long lashes. Although the ocean is less than two feet from him, he has to admit her eyes are a much prettier shade of blue. “Teruhashi Kokomi, will you do me the greatest pleasure of accepting me as your actual boyfriend?” he asks in his most dull voice. “Is that sufficient?”
She giggles, and it’s unfair how the sound makes the something in his chest flutter. Her hands clasp behind her back as she nods. Of course I will. “Yes, Saiki Kusuo, I will give you the privilege of being with me. For real this time.”
He shakes his head, but makes no effort to hide the smile on his face. For good measure, he asks again, “You’re sure you’re not upset?”
“It was a bit mean of you to do, but it was a long time ago, so I’m not really sure if I’m allowed to be upset.” Teruhashi curls hair around her index finger, staring at the sand.
“Allowed? You don’t need anyone’s permission to be upset. Especially not mine. ” Kusuo states, stepping forward to grab her attention. Hers might be the only one he’d really be okay with having. “I’m still sorry. I didn’t want to hurt your ego by rejecting you, but it was a selfish decision on my part.”
My ego’s not that fragile. At how he crosses his arms, her own thoughts backtrack. Okay, maybe it is. “I'm sorry too. I don't think you're heartless,” she replies. He knows that now – he knows it all too well since it’s beating so hard in his chest. “I guess it all worked out eventually.”
“What did I say? You always get your way.”
She looks down at her hands, as if in realisation. Wait…
“What? You’re not going to say this is a dream or something, right?”
“Saiki, where’d our ice-cream go?”
Huh. He glances at his own hands for some reason, as if he needed to see the lack of a cup in his hands to confirm that he hasn’t been holding it this entire time. “Must’ve lost them while teleporting. My bad.”
She smiles. “I guess we’ll just have to go out for ice-cream to make up for it.”
When the corners of his lips twitch upwards, he can only blame how infectious her smile is. “I guess so.”
7. If she says yes, try not to get too happy. You will be, extremely, but she will – without a doubt – use it against you. Do not let her
, even though you secretly enjoy it when she teases you.