Chapter Text
The gate shut down, energy splashing away into vapor. The gate room was quiet, far too quiet given it was the middle of the day. Instead Mr. Woolsey stood next to the main gate controls, Chuck manning the crystals. Technicians all looked at them, quiet and waiting. Marines stood at attention at their posts, likewise silent.
It seemed there were two warring moods in the room, confusion and delight. These moods quietly fed off of each other, each growing in intensity as those who knew what was going on tried to hold back their glee and those who didn't know looked on warily.
Woolsey took a deep breath. Declassification was expected to cause its upsets but this was not one he'd anticipated. “Call a meeting,” Woolsey said. “I need the entire senior staff in the conference room.”
Chuck didn't react, instead too busy trying to bite his tongue so he didn't start laughing.
“Now,” Woolsey said and walked off.
Dr. Stephan pulled himself out from under a nearby console and looked up. “He knows you're a gate technician, not a communications officer, right?”
Chuck grinned. “I wanna be the one to tell them.”
“Wait,” Stephan said, holding up one hand and smiling conspiratorially. “Don't tell them. Get them in the meeting. Record it. Then we can all enjoy it.”
“You're a genius, doc.” Chuck tapped his radio and began setting up the surprise.
Less than ten minutes later Woolsey stood in his conference room surrounded by his senior staff and more. It was a fortunate more, both because it represented how far Atlantis had come since Queen Death and because of the SGC's instructions. General Carter was taking events seriously and with General O'Neill's implicit backing she was a formidable force indeed.
Colonel Sheppard sat with Teyla and Major Lorne, her second pregnancy only just beginning to show. Sheppard's arm around her shoulders left little doubt as to who the father was. Dr. Zelenka sat on the other side of the table next to a Wraith. Or at least Dr. McKay looked very much like a disheveled Wraith; his veneer of humanity was worn thin, he must be having a bad day. Perhaps it was related to the news Woolsey had heard. Rounding out the table Dr. Beckett sat in deep conversation with an actual Wraith, their visiting scientist Ember, over some new collaboration.
“Gentlemen,” Woolsey began. “And Teyla. I have news from Earth; it affects all of us.” He paused for effect. “Dr. Zelenka, you neglected to inform us you were up for a Nobel Prize.”
“Hey, congratulations, Doc,” Lorne said.
“Radek!” Carson exclaimed. “You should have said something!”
“Is that... good?” Ember asked.
“It's one of Earth's highest honors for a scientist,” Sheppard said proudly.
“Then I must congratulate you as well,” Ember said. “I--” He paused, his nasal slits picking up the stress pheromones. He hissed low under his breath, a questioning rumble that sent thoughts across his mind, the thoughts of the wronged party. Distress filled him as he looked to Teyla for guidance.
“Rodney?” Teyla asked. “What is it?”
“I turned it down,” Zelenka said.
“Why?” Woolsey asked.
“It wasn't my research.” Zelenka looked around the room of shocked faces, all of them horrified except one. That one hid a well of gratitude underneath a veil that dared anyone to question. “The Nobel committee wanted to give me an award for Rodney's work.”
The silence broke under a rumble that felt like a purr of pride.
“It's a Nobel prize,” Lorne protested.
“Rosalyn Franklin,” Carson mused aloud.
“Joselyn Bell,” Zelenka agreed. “The Nobel committee has a habit of giving their prize to observers who had the good fortune of standing in the room while someone politically disadvantageous made the discovery. I do not deserve a prize for standing in the room while Rodney does his research.”
“Or maybe we all do,” Lorne said under his breath. He pretended to be sorry as Teyla hit him in the arm.
“So you turned it down,” Sheppard said.
“That's... not what I heard,” Woolsey drawled. “The SGC used stronger words for Dr. Zelenka's refusal.”
“Why? It was not inflammatory,” Zelenka said.
“So I suppose now nobody's getting a Nobel prize,” Rodney said. “Not ever. At least not us.”
“Possible,” Woolsey agreed. “But... Zelenka's refusal caused some minor outrage in certain circles. As such, the SGC has swept this year's Ig Nobels. You're all going to Earth.”
Lorne started laughing. Rodney's shock turned to glee and for a moment he looked human again as he giggled. Carson jumped to his feet and demanded Dr. Keller be brought back from the Just Fortune for this. Ember felt the immense vindication coming from Rodney and bared his teeth in a satisfied hiss.
Sheppard and Zelenka looked at each other then at the others in their celebration. “What are the 'Ig Nobels'?” Zelenka asked.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Rodney said, hands raised as he tried to redirect the room. “You don't know?!” He grinned and began to purr. “Oh you will.”
The 2018 Ig Nobel Prizes were awarded on Thursday night, September 13, 2018 at the 28th First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony , at Harvard's Sanders Theatre. The ceremony was webcast[we will put a link up here soon] .
ANTHROPOLOGY PRIZE – The Ancients, for seeding at least three galaxies with human life and then forgetting to tell anyone.
RELIGION PRIZE – Daniel Jackson, for demonstrating that every religion on Earth is correct because it's all aliens.
LINGUISTICS PRIZE – The Catholic Church, for keeping dead alien languages alive.
CHEMISTRY PRIZE – Area 37, Area 51, and others, for taking the lightest materials known, the heaviest materials known, the most explosive materials known, and the most unstable materials known, and combining them in the Nevada desert into something that, thankfully, exploded elsewhere.
PEACE PRIZE – Jonathan Jack O'Neill, Teal'c of Chulak, the late Thor of Asgard, and Johnathan Sheppard, for bringing Earth to the attention of alien dangers and then dealing with them in ludicrous ways.
SOCIOLOGY PRIZE – The United States Air Force, for showing what happens to the military-industrial complex once it's been overrun by scientists rejected by the rest of society.
GENETICS PRIZE – Awarded jointly to: Carson Beckett, for his discovery of alien genes in the human genome and how to exploit them; and to Jonathan Sheppard and Teyla Emmagen, for their attempt to naturally produce a human hybrid composed of four distinct lineages, two of them non-human.
NUTRITION PRIZE – Jennifer Keller, for her invention of a retrovirus which renders the predator-prey cycle obsolete.
ASTRONOMY PRIZE – Sherri Thomas, for finding, cataloging, and disassembling Kuiper Belt Objects before anybody else notices them.
EXPLOSIVES PRIZE – Samantha Carter and Meredith Rodney McKay, for their discoveries of novel new ways to blow up stars.