Chapter Text
Dear Phillip,
No, that’s way to formal.
Dear buddy,
... too friendly
Dear dude,
Dear dude?
...
Hey Phillip, I gotta admit.. finding the write words for this is pretty hard. We’ve been friends for what.. since I moved here.. so that would be.. 4 years.
Wow, 4 years dude. That’s a long time. Gotta be my second longest friendship..
Yeah, well.. even though we quit talking for 2 of those years, me moving churches and you not having a cell.. us getting back together.. talking with you this past summer has reminded me of a few things. A few things that I don’t really know if I should keep safe in my head, or if I should just let them be free, out in the open, for everyone to hear.
...
Phillip, when I first met you in 2015, I had a minor crush on you. It wasn’t big, I wasn’t obsessed.. I thought you were cute with your floppy hair and your weird sense of humor with your vast library of geeky knowledge found a place in my heart.
In 2016, my crush started to grow a little. We were a team, battling the horrors of the tech booth at church, with the exception of carter.
There was also that one time where I was going to tell you my crush via a note writing in French. Your sister found it and thought it was adorable. I got embarrassed and took it from her, begging me not to tell you.
By the end of the year, the church started to get smaller. To the point where there was no church family at all. My parents ran half the events, nobody came to church besides our family’s and a few old couples, and the pastor had quit. So we moved churches. I can’t say I forgot about you when we left. I was upset that we couldn’t hang out anymore and how I would have to find new friends that couldn’t top you, carter and Kathryn.
I never forgot you, you were always a thought in the back of my brain, but the crush I had started to fade, and I found a new crush.
Riley McMills.
He was a mistake. He said he liked me, via note passing during a youth trip. We lasted 3 months, but we never dated. (though he would tell you other wise.) we liked each other, but I didn’t really know him, so I didn’t want to jump of the train to dateville.
Riley always moved to fast, he made me uncomfortable. I asked him not to share that we liked each other because I still wanted to make sure that I did. But he didn’t listen. He told me he loved me 2 weeks after the youth event, in the back of the café. I freaked and I ran to my friend Alina and told her that He was moving too fast and was starting to scare me. We broke it off and he started dating my friend.. Alina. Not two days after.
They’re still together to this day.
In the summer of 2017, I asked Kathryn if she had any contact with you, and she said that she had your number and that she would ask you if you wanted to talk to me before giving anyone any numbers.
We talked, you invited me to your youth and events, I invited you to mine. Your friends think we’re dating and mine wish we were.
The more we talked, the more and more this thought came up in my head and started clawing for attention.
Phillip.. I think I still have a crush on you.
And it won’t go away.