Chapter Text
In Which Kitten America Makes New Friends
"Can we eat that?" was Rocket Raccoon’s reaction when Groot brought the kitten back home.
Groot reared back, cuddling said kitten protectively, even as Peter Quill gasped in horror. “ROCKET YOU DO NOT HURT ADORABLE BITTY KITTENS WHAT EVEN IS YOU!”
Rocket had to apologize to the kitten.
It wasn’t even because Groot was upset.
The kitten just regarded him with stern big blue eyes and sat back on its hind legs with a proud, almost military-like posture. And Rocket … well. Okay. He had to fight the actual urge to salute the kitten.
Crazy, yeah?
If this was what the fauna on Earth was gonna be like, Rocket was going to have some serious words with the Star Lord.
Drax was currently begging Rocket to translate kitten meows for him, because apparently, Groot and the Kitten were communicating. And to Rocket’s ears, it was an actual conversation, not just cutesy responses to meows.
According to Groot, the Kitten was looking for his own protective raccoon. He’d gotten a bit lost and there was an Evil Wizard who was fooling around with magic or some such and he was quite worried about his raccoon and was asking for help in getting back to him.
Pete was all for it. He was beginning to enjoy doing this hero business and what kind of heroes would they be, to pass up a chance to save adorable floofybutt kittens?
Gamora rolled her eyes at them but she too was not immune to Death by Adorable and gave the Kitten gentle scritches. And the reassurance that the Kitten’s Raccoon would be found shortly.
In the meantime, apparently, there was this thing called a Superbowl and according to Peter, his team was playing so he was going to root for them.
According to Groot, the Kitten was rooting for the other team.
Pete glowered. “It’s on like Donkey Kong, cat. Your boys are going down."
"Meow. Meow!"
According to Groot, that would translate to - For the next hour, you are not my friend, but my enemy.
Rocket broke out the popcorn.
Bets were taken.
The Kitten, amazingly, won the bet.
And thus, this conversation happened:
"I lost to a cat."
"Actually, you lost to a kitten," Gamora tells him, barely keeping the smugness out of her voice. "The cutest, itty-est, bitty-est kitten there ever was."
"Meow!"
"How can I lose to a fucking cat? This is not fair."
"Look, buddy, you win some, you lose some. Popcorn?" Rocket waves the bucket in Peter’s general direction but is ignored.
"How can I lose to a cat?!"
"Meow!"
"I am Groot."
"Yeah, buddy, that football thing is pretty epic, yeah? GO PATRIOTS!" Rocket threw more popcorn up in the air.
"I mean, did you somehow do some voodoo magic hoodoo on my team? Is that it? Are you an actual fucking magic cat?!”
"Meow! Meow!"
"Earth cats can do magic?" Drax wonders aloud.
"I’m pretty sure that this one just does cute for a living," Gamora points out. She cuddles the kitten close and he purrs.
"Do not worry, Star Lord. I shall forever keep secret that you were defeated by a small, fuzzy Earth kitten," Drax intones solemnly.
"Meow!"
And thus, the Star Lord and the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy came to Avengers Tower, bearing the Kitten, wearing football jerseys. They joined the Avengers on a visit to a couple of children’s hospitals. You know - meet the new friendly aliens and superheroes. It was awesome.
It turned out that the Kitten was really one Steve Rogers a.k.a. Captain America. Rocket did meet his overprotective raccoon of a boyfriend, though he wasn’t sure what exactly about Bucky Barnes was raccoon-like. He, apparently, was a bastion of common sense though. Totally understood all of Rocket’s worries about Groot. Thus, Rocket did him a favor by helping him with that arm of his.
- end -