Archive of Our Own ^beta

Do people change? After an event that feels life-altering in the malleable mind of a teenager, does the world truly look different afterwards? I’ve always thought that no, hell no, people don’t change. They think they do, and for a while, things may seem different, but then the slow slide back into the mold happens.

Maybe I should introduce myself. My name is Carl. I’m a janitor. Once, ages ago, I was voted "most promising student" at this very institution, this so-called hall of learning. Not that it came true, as you can probably guess, what with me being the janitor and all. Don’t belittle your local janitor, though. Like secretaries, desk clerks and doormen, we know your secrets. We see the shit - often literally - you don’t want us to know about. But yeah, I didn’t become a janitor because of my academic record, let me say that. Why did I? It’s a long story, and you know, it’s not the one I’m here to tell you. It’s one about people changing - or not.

Specific people in this case, people who just had one of those huge revelations about truth and life and love and who you really are - the kind you have when you’re a teenager. The kind of thing that makes being a teenager both the greatest thing ever and the worst time of your life. These five kids spent a Saturday in detention and instead of doing what they usual do there, which is be very, very bored, something unusual happened. They got to know each other across all the damn divides of high school life, and they believed it changed everything. And who knows, maybe it did? I don’t, but I’m just the janitor. What I do know is what happened on Monday. Today. Now.

~ ~ ~

Allison is still wearing Andrew’s jacket when she arrives at school on Monday. She has made an effort to look, well, acceptable, she supposes. Not all her clothes are black, and not all her makeup either. Showing up looking radically different would feel weird now. Monday isn't Saturday, it's different now, two days later. Changing just for a boy strikes her as dishonest or shallow, things she is definitely not, so she isn’t doing that. But she is wearing the jacket, shrinking a little as she walks down the hall, slipping past people who don’t seem to recognize her anyway. That's fine, she didn't expect them to, though they stare with a curiosity she isn't prepared for. A quick-footed thought that maybe they will recognize her tomorrow is gone before she can catch it.

Finding Andrew isn’t difficult; he is where he always is, with the people he knows, his friends and teammates. Allison spots him easily across the hall, like her eyes are predisposed to seek out his exact shape in the mass of milling bodies. She has to wait three whole, deep breaths before she can cross the room and meet him.

He sees her. A deep relief runs through her, like after a morning stretch, releasing more tension than she thought she could ever contain. The result is a lightheaded feeling and she can’t stop laughing, even when he kisses her softly. She moves on, heart beating so hard she can’t hear much aside from the rush of blood in her ears.

"Who was that?"
"Have I seen her before?"
"Man, wasn’t it that girl? The weird one?"
"You didn’t…"

"Shut up," Andrew cuts through. "She’s nice. I like her. Just wait and see. And she’s real pretty too."

 

There is quiet then, but I can see his eyes, see the doubt, seeded in childhood and cultivated to sprout right now. I root for them, though. They could last, it’s not that long till graduation. After that, they’ll be one hell of a power team - if they make it. Across the grounds, out back of the gym, things look different.

~ ~ ~

Walking across the grass in his usual striding, lurching manner, Bender is not at all nervous, or worried. Really, he isn’t. He hung out with a couple of the guys yesterday, showed off the diamond stud (real, he’s sure, even if they don’t believe him), told them about the princess. At first they thought he was kidding - of course - but he got them to change their minds. Slowly, but that’s normal for his friends. They aren’t quick thinkers, most of them, at least not when they smoke a lot, but they’re good people. Good people who are actually happy for him. Even if they don’t believe whatever it is he’s doing will last.

Pressed hard, neither does he, but that’s not what he’s doing it for. He’s doing it for the hell of it, for the ride, because she’s cute and hot, because… who cares why anyway? He does it because it’s what he wants right now and it’s what she wants. Next week, tomorrow, doesn’t matter. So he isn’t nervous.

The bell rings before he reaches the school. Things haven’t changed that much.

He lounges around for a while and slips in as the bell rings again. He bumps into a mate, exchange a magic handshake and moves on. The hallways look depressingly similar to Friday’s view and far too little like Saturday’s. Until, to his surprise, Allison grins at him from out of nowhere. He doesn’t see her coming because her skirt is blue and he’s kind of looking for a mental image of a tower of black (just like he’s also subconsciously looking for a jock and a squirt). She’s the one he knew he could count on and she doesn’t disappoint. Well, her and Brian.

As usual, he dodges the jocks, but Allison is heading that way and he resists checking over his shoulder. Tries to put some trust in his fellow man. He makes it five paces before he checks anyway and sees an arm around Allison’s shoulders. Good. Claire is nowhere to be seen and for a fleeting moment a paranoid little fuck of a devil tells him she’s left school just to get away from him, or her oh-so-doting parents have pulled her out after he kissed her goodbye in front of dear old dad on Saturday. He mentally knocks it off his shoulder.

Someone is laughing as he passes, the snickering giggles that he knows are for his ragged pants and holed jacket. He’s about to snap, the tension is in his spine, burning like a red-hot poker at the base of his skull. Someone gets there first.

"Oh, give it a rest."
"Why? Because Claire likes to go slumming you suddenly like him? He’s trash and he always will be."

He moves along, doesn’t even miss a step. There’s another reply behind him, but he doesn’t hear it, doesn’t even notice that it’s Claire’s voice. Slumming it isn’t a term he’s heard before, but he doesn’t need to have it explained. The part that really gets to him is that he knows they’re right. So he just walks through school and leaves again without entering a single classroom. Who cares anyway? He just has time to hi-five Brian on his way out.

 

John Bender is learning already that if things change, it’s small, not big. No earthquakes and mudslides of social change for him. Not that he expected it, but that doesn’t mean that words can’t still hurt him, despite his hardened skin. He might tell himself he doesn’t care, but Claire is under his skin already. Good thing I know she’s determined enough to stay there a while. Bender can use the boost. The memories. I know a thing or two about good memories of school, they can keep you going many a night.

~ ~ ~

Brian meets Bender in the door and gets a very surprising hi-five. It’s a lot more powerful than he’s used to. Something in Bender’s face tells Brian that it’s because of something unrelated. Three steps later he meets Claire who's walking fast, nearly stomping, an annoyed expression on her face. She doesn’t see him and he doesn’t try to stop her. Some things are too important to interrupt.

Part of him is surprised that everything looks the same. He knows it’s silly. Of course nothing has changed, why would it? School is still school. And yet, it's like the air smells differently today.

 

What Brian doesn’t know yet is that things have changed. He won’t feel it right away, but over time, he will. The change is in him. He’ll walk taller, stand up straighter, not care as much about his one bad grade. In time, Brian will succeed. He’s much better than I am (or was). He’ll get there, not have a nervous break-down. In fact, he’ll start feeling better about himself already by the end of today - and that’s in itself better than how he felt Saturday morning.

~ ~ ~

So do people change? Well, given that I just told you that Brian did, maybe yes. But Brian didn’t change much, he just found some confidence. Everyone will be better off with a dose of that. What about the rest? Will Claire catch Bender before those words can sour something that hasn’t even started? Will it matter one lick if she does? Will Andrew and Allison stand up against overwhelming peer pressure? Well, I don’t know that. I know what I think - what you believe it up to you to decide. As for the truth, only time will tell, and I'm not cheating by getting ahead of it.