Chapter Text
[New York, New York, what a wonderful tooooown!]
"Guys," Wade groans.
{Concrete jungle wet dream tomato, there's nothing you can do!}
"Really? Do we have to do this every time we come to town? Also, I'm thirty-seven percent sure those aren't the right words, Yellow," Wade admonishes his boxes as he strolls through Manhattan.
[You know you love it, big guy.]
{Yeah, sing the chorus!}
"I'm not in the mood," he sighs, and he's really not.
{Cue flashback!}
Wade had just taken a job in the worst place in the whole world -- New Jersey. New Jersey sucked. It was like Florida, but without the suffocating heat and crocodiles.
[They're alligators…]
{Scaly skin, sharp teeth, hunger for human flesh; why are we splitting hairs?}
[Did you just use a semi-colon?!]
{Hehehehe… you said 'semi!'}
"Can it, we're flashing back, guys!" Wade whines.
So, New Jersey. It's like America's sweaty armpit. But, it had a nice little market of the black variety --
[Dial back the racism, muchachos.]
{Black market! It's not racist, that's what it's known as! Black market is a very common phrase, everyone knows that!}
-- and a tight little mafia, as well as a few gangs and many, many criminals most of whom had many, many enemies. And when they don't want to do their own dirty work, who do they turn to?
"Hitman for hire, merc for murdering, the one, the only, ah-Deadpool!" Wade cheers, giving a little fist pump as his boxes sarcastically slow clap him.
[Do we even have hands?]
{I mean, I guess?}
So, he'd been called to wipe out a few --
[Dozen. A few dozen…]
-- gang members, which he'd done with grace and ease. Only when he met up with his employee, the old fart wasn't willing to part with the funds, and sicced his boys on Wade, figuring four against one was a fair fight when he didn't want the one walking away.
It was more than fair, really, Wade had taken the idiots out with ease, but not before they got in a few good hits, including one that left him clutching at his insides as they spilled to his outside. Hurt like a sumbitch, so he killed everyone nice and neat for wasting his time, and left without any payment.
"Can't believe I went all the way to New Jersey and being in New Jersey wasn't the biggest let down of the trip," he grumbles, heading to the park looking for that one street vendor he loves but can never find.
Of course, he could never stop by New Jersey without calling into New York and harassing the Avengers. And getting some'a that Gino's pizza.
{You pretend you're gonna harass them, but really you just want to impress them and try to join their boy band.}
[It's not a boy band. They have two females on the team. And now that you mention it, there isn't a lot of ethnic diversity either.]
{Big words for a tiny thought box in a tinier brain.}
[Man, that chick was running fast for someone in business casual and heels!]
Wade looks over his shoulder at the woman White pointed out and shrugs, "Alien invasion for one-hundred dollars?"
[I definitely hear screams…]
{Let's go see if we can steal some alien tech to sell to the highest bidder since our last job was a bust!}
"Aw, yis, bet I can get an eyeful of the Ass-vengers while I'm there! I'm heart-eyesing all over the place," Wade grins, heading towards the screaming. That's when his worst nightmare comes into view. Well, one of many, anyways.
[Oh, hell no, I did not sign up for a giant spider. Give me aliens any day of the week.]
"But look! It's Iron Ass and the Red Man! I bet Cap's bootyliciousness is around, too!" Wade says in a hushed voice, watching the two Avengers taking out the spider one leg at a time. "Wait, where is everyone else?"
{Oh-oh, hottie with a body, on your three!}
Wade looks to his right and sees movement in the tree line and spots a red-and-blue suited hero -- was he creating a giant spiderweb?
[He's trapping the spider, genius. With webbing.]
{Is he a spider-themed superhero? What will they come up with next!}
[He's been around a lot longer than our fine ass.]
"Arent we also forgetting about a certain, terrifying Russian spy, code name: Black Widow?" Wade asks his boxes with a snort, and goes over towards the new spider-hero to investigate further. As he approaches the arachni-hero he notices that this one, too, has an extremely fine booty, and well defined muscles in his arms and thighs.
[And a six pack to rival our precious wine coolers!]
{*Dreamy sigh*}
The hero hasn't spotted Deadpool, but he has spotted something else.
"Uh, team, it's laid eggs," he announces, pressing a finger to his right ear, and Wade could swim in that sweet voice. He decides to take action.
"Never fear," he shouts, unsheathing his katanas and slicing through the eggs, "Deadpool is here!"
He thinks the hero may be talking on his comm again, but Wade ignores him in favour of taking out the eggs. Once the job is done, he sheathes his katanas and bows at the waist exaggeratedly.
"Please, hold your applause, I don't do it for the gratitude. And who are you? I've never seen your bubble butt bouncing around with the Assvengers before," Wade smirks, flexing his muscles at various angles, trying to impress the newcomer.
[Tone it down a little there, big guy, no one likes a show-off.]
{Tone it up, big guy! Suck his dick, yo!}
"I-I'm Spider-Man," the hero stutters, and isn't that just too cute!
[I want to pinch his cheeks!]
{I want to pinch his ass!}
"Ooh, are you sure you're not Alanis Morissette, because isn't it ironic? Did Spider-Man really just help take out a big ass spider?" Wade giggles.
"Who's Alanis Morissette? Who are you?" Spider-Man asks, sounding annoyed.
[He sounds young, actually. 'Who's Alanis Morissette?' I guess it's true, I guess only nineties kids remember the nineties.]
{Weren't we drunk for most of the nineties?}
[I don't think we were even written until the nineties… How did we spend our first decade after our creation?]
"I can answer that," Iron Man says, making a dramatic entrance as always. "Wilson, never good to see you."
"Back at you, bitch," Wade replies with a grin, raising a one-fingered salute to the dick.
"Wade," Cap calls, jogging over in slo-mo like he's on Baywatch, "its been a while since you've been in New York. We were hoping we could have a little chat to smooth things over, if you're sticking around."
[Uh-oh…]
{Deny! Deny all responsibility for everything, ever!}
"I swear I didn't do it!" Deadpool whines, "It was that one!" He points at Spider-Man, who stays silent. His mask gives away nothing, either.
"Shut up, Wilson, you're coming with us," Widow grouses, trotting over from behind Cap, and Wade feels a volt of electricity running through him and crumples to the ground.
[Yeah, that's been a long time coming.]
{Surprised she didn't shoot on site.}
[It's only 'cause she knows it's a waste of bullets.]
"Potassium!" Deadpool groans loudly. "Potassium," he repeats as Iron Man grabs his arm and physically drags Wade behind him.
"What are you on about, you lunatic?" Iron Man asks, as they arrive at the Avengers' quinjet.
"It's my safe word," Wade tries poking his tongue out, only to have it hit the fabric of his suit.
"Um, Iron Man, don't you think you're being a little, uh, rough with him?" Spider-Man asks sounding uncertain.
"Aw, isn't he just adorable, getting all defensive over little old me," Wade smirks, making a pinching motion with the hand Iron Man isn't trying to pull from its socket.
"Trust me, kid, he can handle it, and more than that he deserves it," Iron Man growls before literally throwing Deadpool into the jet.
[Well that was rude.]
{And unnecessary.}
"And painful," Wade adds in a mutter as he pulls himself up onto one of the seats of the jet. Spider-Man sits across from him as the plane lifts off.
Wade can feel everyone who isn't flying the jet shooting him dirty looks, even Doctor Banner -- who'd skipped the fight but was hanging around for some reason -- was looking towards him with concern.
[They don't like you, why do you always have to show up and push their buttons?]
{If anyone could figure out away to permanently kill us it would be these guys, why, why do you try so hard to piss them off?}
Wade doesn't give the boxes the satisfaction of a response, but he knows they're right. It's not like the Avengers will ever see him as anything but a threat, so there's no reason to even try getting on their good side. Before Wade can get too caught up in his own misery, Spider-Man speaks up.
"I'm sorry about Tony, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" He asks, and he sounds so genuine it's laughable. The team obviously haven't told the guy about the big bad Deadpool yet.
"LOL, no way. Man, you must be the new kid, huh? Don't know about the old 'Pool? These guys don't like me, which is okay because I'm an asshole and I do asshole things, but, like, for a buttload of money. But my superpower is like a badass regeneration type thing. I can shoot myself in the face and be talking to you like this half an hour later like nothing happened!" Wade rambles, not really sure if he's trying to convince the new guy to like him or not. He knows there's probably not a whole lot of point in trying, after all. Wade can feel the disdain emanating from the front of the jet.
"I, uh, I hope you're not speaking from experience…" Spider-Man replies, sounding concerned again.
[We're down to about once a week now, ain't we?]
{But we always come back!}
"Could be," Wade prefers not to think about it, just in case the boxes tempt him to do a repeat performance, "but the best part is my super penis. No refractory period, winky-face!"
{Best way to deal with real shit is to make a joke and move on.}
[We're so well adjusted. I'm proud of us.]
{Ask him on a date! I'm sure that'll go well!}
Wade finds that he's tempted. The new hero seems nice, which is rare, and has a great body which… Eh, pretty common in Wade's line of work, but damn, that booty…
{[Heart-eyes emoji times infinity.]}
It was rarer than rare that both of the boxes and Wade all agreed on something, like a Bigfoot taking a leak into an erupting volcano rare --
{I can't believe we didn't have our camera for that! Rookie!}
-- so Wade decides what the hell.
"So I'm thinking after the A-Team tears me to shreds and I put myself back together, you and I go and get some tacos, right?" Wade asks, half nervous, half excited.
[You're setting yourself up for failure, man. You do know Yellow was joking, right?]
Wade ignores White and continues, "I know this place near the Tower, hopefully hasn't shut down since last time I was in New York, there may have been a couple of health code violations, you feel? But I shit you not, best Mexican this side of the border. And by border I mean the Canadian border, not the Mexican one, because everyone talks a big game about our maple syrup and our bacon, but it's our fuckin' nachos that are the real national treasure. And then maybe I can see if you're face is as fine as that bootay!"
Spider-Man's mask was impassive as ever for a few moments, but then he starts talking. "Uh, only the team knows my secret identity, and you're not -- I mean, no offence -- but you're not apart of the team and I don't really know who you are and I just…" he trails off awkwardly, but sounds genuinely apologetic.
"Aw, I'm just joshin' with ya, Spidey!" Wade says quickly with a laugh.
[See, I told you! You're a killer, he's a hero. He could never date a guy like you on principle.]
"I know that, but he doesn't need to know," Wade argues with White.
{Of course you would ruin this before it even starts. Look at how precious he is. And my god, he's got a great ass.}
"Yeah, he does…"
{But you're missing out because you're a terrible person and no one will ever love you especially not kindhearted heroes like little Spidey. You're a killer, not to mention your face looks like if the sun and the moon has unprotected sex and gave birth to gonorrhoea.}
"Shut up, Yellow!" Wade growls, not noticing Spider-Man standing and walking away. It's actually White that points it out.
[Hate to see him go, love to watch him leave.]
Wade looks up and checks out Spider-Man's tight ass and sighs, "We have to ignore that butt and focus on our own because soon enough the Avengers are going to kicking it outta the state, and possibly the country."
The ride is short, and before Wade has been given the appropriate time to panic, the jet is landing in the Avengers Tower, and Iron Man is stepping off with a pointed glare towards him.
"Come on, I'll take you to my apartment," Spider-Man says, not unkindly, walking back towards Wade and the exit.
"Ooh, Spidey, what kinda lady do you take me for? I don't put out on the first date!" Wade pretends to swoon as they step into the elevator. "I'm just kidding, I totally do, especially for a bubble butt like yours."
"You keep talking about my butt," Spider-Man says, sounding annoyed again, "Please stop."
"Aw, the new kid on the block is a prude. How boring. I'll corrupt you, yet, li'l Spidey!"
{I hear wedding bells!}
[I think that's just the elevator dinging…]
Spider-Man leads Wade through a sparsely decorated apartment and into a huge kitchen. Wade looks around, trying to figure out his best exist strategy if matters go south at an accelerated velocity.
{If shit goes down.}
[Thanks for clarifying, I never would've figured out what he was talking about otherwise.]
"Do you want a drink?" Spider-Man offers, opening the fridge and taking out a can of…
{Orange soda? What a dweeb.}
[I bet he's trying to poison us. It won't work, Spidey.]
"Not that I don't enjoy your company," Wade ignores the drink offer. Being poisoned wouldn't kill him, but it wouldn't tickle either. "But can we maybe skip to the part where you kick me out of the city with various threats?"
"Is that how it usually goes down when you show up?" Spider-Man asks, sounding intrigued.
[God, the Avengers really haven't told him anything about us, have they?]
{This guy is too precious. Protect him! Itty, bitty, baby Spidey!}
"Baby boy, that's how it always goes," Wade says, surprising himself slightly with the nickname.
[I like it.]
{We're such a good influence. Bet Spidey likes it, too.}
Wade isn't so sure, because Spider-Man seems dumbfounded for a moment, before rolling his mask up to take a drink, and sighing, "Not this time, man. I don't really know you, like, at all, so I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt. Why did you come to New York, anyway? Is it for a job?"
Wade misses most of what Spider-Man is saying, but catches the end. He wonders if the boxes caught anything else.
{I wasn't paying attention, I was too busy staring at his lips. Wonder if we can get him to roll the mask up further?}
[Yeah, you're on your own, big guy, I was too busy staring slightly south of his lips. His suit does not leave a damn thing to the imagination.]
"Not this time," Wade shrugs, opening random cupboards and peering through them as a distraction from the other distraction, aka Spider-Man. "Though I thought I'd be able to make some connections." He didn't allude to the fact that the connections he had wanted to make were the Avengers, or that he wanted to join the team.
"Right, well if you're going to be sticking around I don't want any killing, okay?" Spider-Man says huffily. Wade snorts.
"So I can take jobs out of town, but as long as it's not in your backyard, outta sight, outta mind?" Wade rolls his eyes at the typical Avenger 'holier-than-thou' attitude. He delights in finding an adorable Iron Man mug that a certain tin man would probably flip over finding out it belonged to his teammate.
"Okay, outta the cupboards," Spider-Man snaps, taking the mug and shutting it away in the cupboard before continuing. "I'd honestly prefer you don't kill anyone, at all, ever, because, y'know, killing is wrong. You do know that, right?"
"Right," Wade says, hoping it's the correct answer, as the boxes suggest he checks out more of the apartment. He heads out of the kitchen and into the lounge room, and spots a bookshelf filled with DVDs.
[Ooh, find out what kinda movies he's into. Y'know, for future reference.]
{*Winky face*}
"But the rest of the country isn't really our jurisdiction. If you kill on our turf we will have to stop you," Spider-Man says sounding uncertain. Wade manages to hold back his laughter, though it's a close call.
"That's cute. Many people have tried," he shrugs looking over Spider-Man's DVDs and chuckling to himself, "Disney fan, are we?"
{Yeah, I bet he loves the D(isney).}
"Focus, Deadpool," Spider-Man ignores the question, favouring one of his own. "How long are you going to be around?"
"I don't know," Wade shrugs, figuring it depends largely on where the rest of this conversation goes. "Try not to stay in one place too long."
Spider-Man is silent for a while, so Wade continues to pretend he's inspecting the bookcase, while really he's listening to the boxes argue.
[He's pausing for dramatic effect before he asks you to leave permanently.]
{He's probably sending out a spider signal for the Avengers to come and help tear us apart.}
"I patrol the city most nights, keeping an eye on things. Would you like to join me sometime? No killing, of course, but you seem like you'd be a pretty great ally," Spider-Man finally says, and Wade looks up at him, confused. Why would a superhero willingly spend time with Deadpool?
{To make sure you don't cause any trouble, fool.}
Oh, yep, that makes sense. "You were told to keep an eye on me, weren't you?"
"Yeah," Spider-Man says, and Wade supposes he appreciates the honesty.
"Eh, I'll take what I can get. It's a date!" He shrugs, and runs over to Spider-Man and hugs the hero, feeling all of that lithe muscle pressed against his body.
"Definitely not a date," Spider-Man sighs, and pats Wade on the back.
{We are never washing this suit! He touched us!}
[You guys are so cute together. I ship it so hard.]
"'Course it is! We're gonna be best friends, Spidey, just you wait! Ooh, and if we're gonna be friends, you should probably know my name! I'm Wade Winston Wilson, but please don't bring up that atrocious middle name or I'll have to kill you. Can I joke about that? Is it funny or scary when I say it? I'm only kidding, Spidey, you're too cute to kill!" Wade steps back and pinches Spider-Man's cheek like he's been longing to do all afternoon.
"Okay, Wade, um, well I've got a secret identity… only the team know who I really am, and no offence, but since you're not exactly on the team --"
"I get it, I get it, can't trust the old 'Pool guy, it's cool Spidey," Wade shrugs, powering on before the boxes can interrupt him. "I'll earn your friendship yet, baby boy! So when's our first patrol? Should I bring anything? Flowers? Chocolates? Condoms? I've never done a patrol with a bona fide superhero before, everyone avoids me or yells at me. How should I wear my hair? Makeup or nah?"
{You don't have hair, dipshit, don't lead him on.}
[Yeah, and even makeup can't help your butter face.]
"Just bring yourself, and non-leathal weapons, please. I guess tonight is as good as any, so I'll see you at nine? Meet me on the roof of the orange building on South Street and we'll work our way up through the city, alright?" Spider-Man says.
"Sure thing, Spidey! Aw look at me planning a date with a cute guy! Don't pinch me, I don't wanna wake up!" Wade sighs dreamily.
"It's not a date, and you haven't seen my face, how could you possibly know if I'm cute or not?" Spider-Man asks.
[Goddamn it, Spidey, stop ruining this with logic!]
{That voice plus that ass equals Sexy McSexyson.}
"Your voice, and your butt," Wade agrees with Yellow.
"Very scientific," Spider-Man says. "Come on, I'll show you out."
"Oh, no subtlety with you, huh Spidey? You take yours and kick 'em to the curb?" Wade rolls his eyes, and Spider-Man shows him to the elevator.
"Shut up," the hero says, and for once Wade listens, because he really doesn't want to piss off his Spidey.
--
{He's not going to show up, I bet you anything.}
[He'll show up. He doesn't seem like a liar. He'll be here.]
Wade feels a little ridiculous, sitting alone on the edge of the orange building on South, listening to his boxes argue about whether or not Spider-Man would show up. Wade had brought along a big bag of tacos, with extra for Spidey. Wade was well into his share, so he didn't think he'd be too upset if Spider-Man decided not to make an appearance.
[Liar. But don't worry, he'll show.]
"Wouldn't count on it, Whitey, the Avengers have had plenty of time to give him the DL by now, and we ain't exactly got a gleaming record. Doubt the newest Avenger wants to be caught hangin' around a known mercenary," Wade shrugs fairly. Before either of the boxes get a chance to respond, Spider-Man comes swinging down the block and lands steadily next to Wade, who rolls his mask back down before the hero gets too close.
"Hey, Deadpool, how was your afternoon?" Spider-Man asks pleasantly and the boxes cackle.
[Isn't he precious? So polite!]
{Dude, he is so out of our league we're not even in the same sport. He's like NBA, and we're curling.}
"Hey, curling is a national treasure! It's like ice hockey crossed with shuffleboard -- you can't get more Canadian!" Wade hisses to Yellow.
"Sorry?" Spider-Man asks, sounding confused.
"Nothing," Wade says quickly, picking up the bag of tacos and shaking at Spidey. "I brought dinner!" Spider-Man cocks his head to the side, and Yellow cooes in Wade's head. "They ain't poisoned, man, well, they might not sit well, but that's the risk with inauthentic Mexican, right? And authentic Mexican, now that I think about it…"
Spider-Man hesitates for a moment longer, and then he sits down next to Wade and slowly takes the bag and peers inside. "Thanks, Wade," he says, grabbing a taco and rolling his mask up to just above his nose. He takes a bite of his taco, and groans. "Oh, man, this is good."
{Bet he'd sound like that bouncin' on our dick.}
[Quit staring at him, doofus, you're gonna creep him out!]
Wade heeds White's warning, and looks out over the bay towards Brooklyn. "So what's the game plan for tonight, Spidey?"
"I usually just swing around for a few hours, checking out different parts of the city. I try to stay off the other heroes' turf, learned those lessons the hard way, and I keep my eyes and ears open to any signs of trouble. If more than an hour passes without any action, I call it quits and head home," Spider-Man says, polishing off his taco and grabbing another one.
"I ain't got the swing-y thing or flyin' powers, man, and I'm not usually the one stopping the crime, either," Wade says uncertainly, ignoring the boxes' boos and jeers.
"Eh, you gotta start somewhere," Spider-Man shrugs, and Wade thinks he can pick out a slight Queens lilt to his accent. "We can take things slow. God these tacos are amazing! Anyway, seriously, how was your afternoon, man?"
"What?" Wade asks, confused.
[He's making small talk.]
{With a killer, LOL. What a weirdo.}
"How was your afternoon? You get up to anything? Like, apartment hunting or whatever? Not that I'm trying to check up on you, man, Tony has all that security stuff sorted. He's got eyes and ears on the whole city, probably state. It's a little unnerving, really," Spider-Man rambles, and Wade smiles. It's always fun meeting another chatty person, they're harder to annoy, and even though Wade loves annoying people it's a pretty lonely hobby sometimes.
"Nah, I'm staying with an old friend while I'm in town. She likes to see me every once in a while, so I always call in while I'm in town," Wade giggles at his own joke.
['Cause she's blind. It's Blind Al, y'all.]
{I think they got that… give them some credit.}
"Did you do anything fun Spidey? Did the Avengers have their routine post-battle pillow fight in their underwear? No, don't tell me, I don't want the illusion ruined," Wade sighs, imagining Captain America in tighty-whiteys duking it out with a scantily-clad Black Widow.
{Fantasy threesome!}
[Though, we might need to revise that with all these new additions to the team…]
"That's not what happened at all," Spider-Man chokes on his taco and Wade sees a faint blush peeking out from under his mask.
{Red alert, this is not a drill, we have a blusher, I repeat: not a drill!}
[He seems like a bit of a prude. Let's wreck him!]
"Actually, we had the debrief, which was ridiculous. I mean, we were all there, fighting the damn spider, why do we have to relive it and analyse every move and counter move? So boring, man. And then the paperwork, the field reports, the medical examinations that are required even though nothing happened and I was totally fine," Spider-Man grumbles and Wade laughs at him.
"What, was this your first outing with the A-Team?" He teases, and Spider-Man turns to face him.
"Actually, yeah, it was."
"No shit, really?" Wade hums, appraising the hero. "I saw your moves, it didn't really seem like your first time."
"Yeah, well, I've had a lot of time to practise on my own," Spider-Man shrugs, finishing off his second taco and reaching for a third.
"Suddenly I feel like we're not talking about Avengers excursions," Wade grins, waggling his eyebrows at Spider-Man, who grimaces.
"Anyway," he says pointedly, and Wade imagined he was rolling his eyes, "we should probably get a move on. Crime to stop, people to save."
"The good fight!" Wade cheers.
"Yeah, the good fight," Spider-Man smiles, and rolls down his mask. "Jump on my back and I'll give you a lift to the street."
"Uh, I may have skimmed your origin story, so I'm assuming a piggy-back won't crush you like a bug?" Wade checks, wanting to be certain.
"Proportional strength of a spider," Spider-Man shrugs and holds up his right hand, "high-five!"
"Is this what's cool with the kids nowadays? How nineties," Wade comments, before complying and high-fiveing Spider-Man. His hand sticks to Spider-Man's. "What the hell?"
"Microhairs," Spider-Man explains, "Tony helped design the suit so I can utilise them through the gloves. At first it freaked me the hell out, and I could not control them at all," he pulls his hand away from Wade's with ease, "but I got it all figured out now," he finishes, sounding proud.
[Too. Damn. Cute.]
{I love him. Itsy, bitsy Spidey.}
"Crime fighting?" Wade reminds the hero before he says something embarrassing.
"Yeah, let's go!"
Over the course of the night they make their way up through Soho, West Village and Chelsea. They stop two robberies, break up a bar fight that had spilled to the streets, stop a freaking murder, and, at Spider-Man's insistence, stop to give some tourists directions to Broadway. Things are really quiet, according to Spider-Man, so by the time they get to Midtown, he tells Wade he's just going to head back to the Tower. It's just past two in the morning.
"Hey, good job tonight, Wade," Spider-Man says when they arrive at the base of the Tower. "I really appreciate the help."
"No problemo, Spidey!" Wade grins, ignoring the boxes who are telling him to kiss the hero.
"Well, goodnight," Spider-Man says, pressing his hands to the side of the building and climbing a few feet.
"Wait," Wade says, something occurring to him as he watches Spidey leave. "I know you gotta protect your identity or whatever, but can I just get a name? There's, like, millions of names shared by billions of people. A name won't do much harm, right?"
"Sorry, Wade," Spider-Man replies, pausing his ascent, and he actually sounds genuine. "I don't put out on the first date."
[:O]
{Ooh, Spider-Man's gettin' sassy with us! I like it!}
"That's okay, I'll just guess for now. You seem like a Tobey, I bet that's your name!" Wade gives him a double thumbs up.
"I seem like a Tobey?" Spider-Man asks, "Should I be offended by that?"
"Maybe?" Wade guesses, "I liked him better in Gatsby. Maybe you're an Andrew!"
"That's not my name, either," Spider-Man laughs, continuing his climb.
"Tom?" Wade shouts as Spider-Man becomes smaller and smaller. "It's totally Tom," Wade says to the boxes when he gets no reply.