Chapter Text
Phil heard the gunfire and screams and smiled and just read the one book he had. He had practiced this moment so many times in his head. He was not ruining this chance. He had a quip ready for whomever came through the door, though he had his money on May. A few minutes later his door was blown up and there she stood.
"-" Phil made a noise in his throat that was supposed to be a word, but fuck it was too good to see her again to make a joke. She had two guns, a scrape on her cheek and that you have made my life difficult and will pay accordingly look in her eye. He loved that look. He opened his mouth finally ready to say his rehearsed line.
"Coulson, this was very difficult to arrange and I swear to god if you make a Star Wars joke, I will leave you on this space station," Melinda warned. "Which by the way, is rather rigged to blow if Mack has done his job. Now," she smiled a little. "Ready to jump in the trash compactor?"
"I love you," he blurted out.
Melinda rolled her eyes and tossed him a spare gun. "Let's move."
They fought their way to the extraction point, working together as easily as always though Phil was sure it had been three months...Or was it five?
And then the team were all on a shuttle back to Earth. It was a very tight fit since it was in fact some old retrofitted equipment from NASA that Fitz had stolen. It was a miracle they didn't die when they landed. They made it eventually to SHIELD headquarters where Phil was giving a hero's return and it was all wonderful and great and oh look his office was just how he had last seen it. Phil sat behind the desk and just stared into space.
His phone was beeping, there was just a stack of files and god knows what world emergency.
Melinda knocked on the door. "Hey, happy to be home?"
Phil looked at her. "Of course," he said. He opened a file and stared at words he couldn't focus on. "So what's on deck?"
Melinda sat across from him. "Phil?"
"Nothing," he said. He closed the file. Phil realized that he despised this room. He stood up walked to the wall and grabbed the fire axe. He began to take it to his desk again and again. Melinda's hand against his back stilled him. "I'm tired, Melinda." He dropped the ax. "Don't you ever wish -"
"Wish what?" she asked quietly.
"That I had agreed to Australia when I was losing my mind?" He turned and looked at her. "That we had walked away, just disappeared? I could use a little disappearing right now."
"You need a vacation, I can understand that," Melinda said.
Phil shook his head. "I can't do this anymore. I'm tired, and I don't care. This was everything I believed in and I just...I can't sit in here anymore and make the hard calls and watch it all fall apart and watch the universe move me away from you. I stay, there is nothing of me left."
Melinda looked at him. "Say it clearly for me, Coulson."
"I'm done," his voice was soft but sure. "I'm done."
Melinda nodded and left the office. Phil had no idea what that meant but he figured that he should start to clean up the mess he made. She was back a few minutes later and threw a mostly packed bug out bag at him. "Pick 3 mementos from in here. You have 30 seconds." She looked at her watch.
Phil didn't think, just grabbed the model of Lola, a framed Captain America propaganda flyer and the pen Melinda had given him 20 years ago.
They walked out of the building slowly.
"Hey guys, mission?" Daisy asked catching up to them in the hallway.
"Yeah, just need to check on a couple things," Phil said easily. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some keys. "Here, keep these for me?" It's what you did, hand the keys over to your kid, to your successor when you leave.
"Sure," Daisy was a little confused. They reached the blast doors and Melinda and Phil stepped through.
"Sir, I need your permission to -" Fitz came down the hall running.
The doors were almost closed. Phil smiled a little. "Ask Director Johnson, she's in charge."
"What the fuck?" Daisy could be heard shouting as the doors closed.
"So much for a subtle exit." Melinda gave him a look and he shrugged helplessly. They ran for an SUV and managed to make it out of the building just as the alarms went off.
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They used fake passports and Phil wore his glasses. Melinda wore a wig.
"Where are you heading?" the TSA officer asked as if he didn't have their tickets and forged passports in hand.
"Australia," Melinda said in a sweet and happy voice.
Phil threw an arm over her shoulder. "Never did have a good honeymoon. Promised her for our 25th we'd do it up big." He looked down at her, and grinned. "Some of the last great wilderness left in the world to explore."
Melinda giggled. "So long as some of that exploring is also at a spa, we can camp as much as you want."
The officer smiled at them and handed back all their paperwork. "You have a good time."
They waited just like normal civilians and got on the plane. "Thank god you sprung for business class."
"Too long a flight to put you in coach," Melinda said. "You'd whine."
"I wouldn't," he protested.
Melinda just looked at him and buckled in.
On hour 5 of the flight Phil looked over at her. "I can't believe you kept the place."
Melinda rolled her head on her seat and stared at him. "Always was a chance something would happen. I like open options."
"I feel good about this," Phil said.
"Get some sleep, Coulson." She closed her eyes.
"Can't, reading on sheep. I think I'd be great at raising a couple sheep."
"No."
"We'll see," he said and kept reading. He moved on from sheep to terrain and then dangerous flora and fauna of Australia. "Melinda," he hissed not wanting to wake the other passengers. "Do you know how many insects and animals can kill you in Australia?" Melinda kept sleeping. Phil decided to do more research before he bothered her with this. They needed to be prepared.
They arrived and switched from large commercial plane to a small charter one that took them to Alice Springs.
"Oh god, why is it so hot?" Phil asked as they stepped off the plane and onto the tarmack. "Melinda, it's hot."
She looked cool and calm, wig thrown out in a bathroom in Melbourne.
Phil was sweating two seconds off the plane. "I am going to burn."
"We'll get you a hat," Melinda said. They walked into the airport and waited for their bags to appear. They even had luggage just like normal people. Though Phil had picked the rather bright purple colour. They went out to the parking lot where Melinda found a white truck. "Here we go."
"It's a little big isn't it?" Phil stared at it. "And sort of -"
"We don't live in the city Phil, but about an hour out," Melinda explained. "Good for supply runs."
Phil nodded. "For my sheep."
"We are not getting you sheep."
"I want the sheep, Melinda."
"I want to not find dead livestock on my porch," Melinda said.
Phil was immediately distracted. "We have a porch."
"Wraparound." Melinda got in the truck. "You coming?"
Phil hopped in. They used GPS to find a grocery store and Phil managed to find a few hats and some sunglasses. Melinda drove them out to the place. They opened the gate and drove up to the front. "How much land?" Phil asked staring around.
"7 or so acres," Melinda said.
They got out of the truck and looked at the house. It was solid but clearly needed a lot of work. There were several boards missing from the porch but it also had a swing. They went into the house, Phil carrying the cooler and Melinda a couple other bags. They walked around and made some notes, plumbing and electrical worked and it had a roof. Everything else needed a lot of help.
Phil opened the cooler and got them both beers. He opened them and handed Melinda hers. "So, Australia."
"Australia," she agreed and tapped her bottle against his.
"Can I tell you about the spiders that are going to kill us now?" he asked.
She took a sip. "You mean like that one right there?" She pointed to the wall.
Phil screamed and reached for a weapon that wasn't there anymore. It was a mote of dust she had pointed at.
"I hate you," Phil shouted.
Melinda just smiled. "Welcome home, Phil." She walked away with her beer to see how well the shower worked.
Turned out the answer was not well at all.