Chapter Text
the summer of 1998 is hot and humid thanks to the closeness of the sea, jimin has never experienced such amount of feathery sun rays licking his skin and dragging out tiny drops of sweat on his honey colored skin. he dreads the whole process of days dragging by like cheap lipgloss that covers everything with peachy sparkle. he also hates juicy sunsets that are hung above the sea when he's sitting at home with his boyfriend, desperately dull, but he grows fond of them while sitting on the beach with his friends, when peach drowns in rose and then roses disappear into ink.
each of that summer's evening is somehow luxuriant, with warm sky colored blankets, and jimin really really wants to go out tonight, perched on the kitchen counter of his and his boyfriend's tiny unbreathable apartment. the atmosphere is weird, not really homey. his legs are dangling off the counter, bare and cold like stone.
jimin feels like he's in a different world from the man that's sitting in front of the tv, eyes hooded with sticky summer sleep that'll soon creep under his skin. a cold beer is held in his hand and jimin watches the way his boyfriend swirles the can nonchalantly before sipping, like it'll make the cheap taste a little better. jimin himself has cherry flavored cola which taste lingers under his tongue and slides like liquid ice down his throat, the bubbles bubbling behind his eyeballs.
the shirt he's wearing is hanging too big on him, maybe it's not even his, its hem caressing his bare firm thighs. he knows that if he wants to go out he'll have to make an effort. shower until they run out of the last drop of luke warm water, change clothes, brush hair until it bites with electricity. make an attempt to convince his boyfriend to go with him where the cool kids go, even though he doesn't really want him to go. it's a ritual of jimin asking and the boyfriend refusing.
their group consists of seven people, jimin loves them all in different colors.
namjoon is a soaring purple of forgotten and unfounded bruises, dimpled cheeks and velvet pretty words said out of nowhere, sometimes fluxed by the warmth of campfire and melted marshmallows that glue your fingers together. jimin sometimes thinks he's the only one who hears namjoons botomless pianissimo and he wishes the purple boy wasn't so damned reluctant about letting his voice be loud.
next one is yoongi, an indigo blue, resembling ink seeped into the skin of your fingertips. jimin would sometimes like to have a mouthful of the literature major's tongue to free himself off cherry cola and find out how does it feel to taste differently. yoongi is quiet and seems mean because of his mature aura and swear words but his body is warm like the sun kissed sand on the beach, golden rimmed glasses always perched on the tip of his nose.
once you get to know him, you find out that he's soft, like his fuckbuddy hoseok-who is more like an unofficial boyfriend of yoongi's never missing a chance to plant kisses on the older one's cheeks or hug him from behind.
hoseok cannot be any other color than yellow, jimin can't imagine him being something as shallow as brown or grey. jung hoseok is smiles and hugs and everlasting obnoxious hope and cheerfulness. with a pinch of yoongi's blue under his fingernails.
jimin's butt hurts from sitting on the kitchen counter but the can in his hand is cool and his boyfriend hasn't moved an inch since the last gulp of beer. jimin wants to move, at least a little bit, sun slowly falling asleep behind their dirty windows that don't let enough light in. the sun is peeking inside from in between grey and its painting tiny specks of light on jimin's bare feet lovingly. his legs continue to dangle carelessly, mind wandering off to his friends again.
seokjin is peach, peachy. his lips are swollen strawberries in your overly sweet alcoholic drink during a summer party and he has skin that feels dreamy even though you barely touched. his words are often followed by a loud laugh that always goes straight from his stomach up his throat like sparkly smoke. he also sports a bit of namjoon's purple smeared on his neck from time to time, sometimes purplish peach sucked into the velvet of his skin.
jimin can feel sweat collecting on his back under his already stinky tank top, sliding down his spine painfully slow, boyfriend-robot sitting on their ugly sofa. he seems to be melting into it, becoming one with the dark second hand fabric without complaining. he doesn't seem to breathe, his chest is not moving with exhales and inhales. "he should at least scream when his favorite football team scores a goal" jimin thinks sulkily, slightly greasy fringe ruffled into his eyes, light slipping off his feet as it turns pink outside, the best shade for going outside and spilling yourself on the sand.
jimin's toes twist and curl and crack like his stomach does and the coke on the bottom of his can hisses, urges him to leave before the world ends, and that might be in any moment. he wants to see his friends. his colorful family that formed way back in primary school, when they were the only real people amongst the crowd of colorless.
taehyung is a big, green question. it's the color of rain forests in your first encyclopedia, squeaky paper under your index finger when you explore new countries at the age of seven. ubiquitous touching and long fingers with nails bitten raw, unspoken family issues. he kissed jimin once, high on sugar and apple cider, but it tasted like home to jimin, more like his own home anyway. with taehyungs tongue branded colgate, they are kind of like closer strangers.
jimin swiftly jumps off the counter and licks the remains of cherry sugary drops from his can, feeling the metal on his tongue, it tastes like their kitchen sink. not that he ever tasted it.
"i'm going out...wanna join us?"
his boyfriend doesn't even wink, move, break the spell of black and blue jerseys and obnoxious commentators. jimin hopes the sofa swallows him whole and the only memory will be a crater from where he sat, like the ones on the moon. sleep has climbed under his eyelids and skin, making him dull and partly blind, partly no human.
"not really, maybe next time babe"
the boyfriends lips are dry and thin like elbow skin, especially when talking. the word babe barely makes it through the drought, followed by a blank smile, not human.
jimin smiles prettily, in case the boyfriend decides to steal a glance at him, all plump lips and sad eyes, two overflowing tea cups. he skips stairs to their bedroom that is more like only the place where they fuck, with pale walls and crinkled bedsheets that reek of salt and bodily fluids hidden in the folds. jimin likes the sea and he always carries it home, pockets full of sand and one furious summer heartbeat.
he decides to skip shower and puts on a dress, knowing that nine pm busan is not friendly but lonely, with no people that will spit fags and homo's at him. it's nice, the blue dress with white and yellow daisies. the lace hem is a romantic featherlight touch around jimin's knees and he stands in front of the mirror a little nervous, playing with the straps and tracing the light freckle constellations on his faint collarbones, cheeks flushed from the summer heat and from the freedom he has. he can see his friends right now.
they're probably waiting for him, he's hoping they are. he runs a hand down the skirt to flatten it and a tiny smile, a real one, tugs on his lips. it's a carefree curve of his lips, like he's not park jimin anymore, just a person wearing a dress and going to meet some friends, maybe get high and hold hands with those friends.
one, two, three big drops of an expensive perfume that makes him feel strong and he's ready to go, examining his face in the mirror to find flaws that make him deflate a little. acne scars and puffy cheeks, eyes too narrow and nose too wide on his face, spreading when he smiles. at least he doesn't smile that often lately. he finds some freckles peppered here and there and it kind of hurts, vague pain flowing through his body like mist. he knows it'll probably go away after a few puffs of smoke and a certain boy's mere existence intoxicating him. it's not like he's ashamed for stealing some love for himself.
he descends down and finds the boyfriend playing a colorful video game, red and yellow and green, more importantly the one he states he cannot stand. the game is violent and old fashioned like the city they live in and the beer in his can must be piss warm already.
jimin would normally replace it with a fresh one, but not now. he just slips past the sofa and the blue and white and yellow caresses his legs soothingly, saying that it's okay to step out of the house that reeks of sear and yellow leaf.
"bye!"
"uh huh"
the door opens and closes with a soft click.
the sun is waving goodbye in back caressing colors and the air is heavy and sunset tinged, voices of children forgotten on the beach a warm noise when jimin heads to the beach, sunshine tangled in his hair. he takes off his blue sneakers after a few steps to feel the summer seeping into him from the sun soaked asphalt, taking a few breaths, with the light enveloping him, making his chest tight with nostalgia.
can a person feel nostalgic over something they've never felt? because the lump in the size of a grapefruit stuffed in jimin's throat feels like a comfortable nude colored memory tucked into the back of his memory neatly, unclear. like something he wished for and forgotten, like a vivid dream of a feeling hidden from himself in the fold of his eyelids or the arch of his back, ready to be remembered in a wave of nostalgia.
and then again, his steps are steady but his heart? not that much. he's free and his lips taste like artificial cherries...and jungkook is blue, so blue.
blue like clumsy kisses in a secret place during hide and seek, blue of jimin's dress that's pale from washing it with too much fabric softener, blue like the glass of perfume from a convinience store a few blocks away that jungkook uses. blue like grey smokey coughs when jungkook, the sixth "friend", drags for too long.
jimin never misses a chance to remember that scent, jungkook's scent, when he sits next to him in front of the campfire. he wants it to stick to his clothes and to his skin, wants to drown in jungkook and the gross smell of his cigarettes the way they sometimes get swallowed by the sea for awhile.
they always resurface though, it's playful and so easy when there's no one around to tie them with adult words (but not the kind namjoon uses, more like the ones uneducated adults use)
they usually just eat and drink and talk, and yoongi feeds hoseok with his smoke that jimin usually finds cancerous, but not when hoseok gets drunk on it, with yoongi in his arms, resembling the sun and the moon. he also tolerates a certain bunny toothed boy's whispers that smell like nicotine close to the curve of his ear.
jimin is now real close, he already recognizes the depths of taehyungs voice, seokjins and hoseoks laugh, yoongi's annoyed groans. he can see the small figures in the falling pastel evening, hear namjoons and jungkook's quietness, like small bubbly waves rippling through the sea.
the soft wind caresses jimin's blonde hair and he bites his lip, leftover sun flooding his eyes gently, knowing he'll see jungkook tonight, will be able to talk to him in an awkward dance along the edge of doing something shameless.
talking to jungkook is amazing, maybe because he never really talks. only with his head in jimin's lap and tongue untied thanks to alcohol, starry eyes staring at the endless sky above him. or at jimin, whom he finds, to be fair, equally infinite and breathtaking.
jimin listens. and jungkook talks. about dance class, about the new song he heard on the radio and that inspired him to paint, a stray cat that he petted and decided to love, but it bit him.
jimin always wonders how can someone be so clueless about their beauty like the eighteen year old is when he's talking, wide pupils and hair a salty mess. when he lets his silken voice out so carelessly an jimin's stomach floods with liquid fire, jungkook's undeniable blue licking his cheeks a little, making them flushed more than chainsmoking or sipping on someones cider does, from a bottle with layers of saliva.
jimin can feel the rich salt creeping up his nose and namjoon spots him the first, waving a little hi before turning to the side to say something that everyone will forget right after, but it sounds nice with their feet buried in the golden sand.
they're sitting in a messy circle around the campfire and it's all overlapping limbs and voices, creating a pleasant colorful murmur. jin's fingers are enlaced with taehyungs for no reason and his legs are thrown over namjoon's lap, bare and vulnerable, skin peeling off because he got sunburnt.
hoseok is laying on his back and blabbering some nonsense about seagulls, no ones really listening but yoongi in a black turtleneck despite the weather, who's staring at hoseok like he means the world to him, forgotten unlit cigarette hanging between his fingers. jimin kind of wants to lit it and swallow it along with its fire but the silly thought goes away after a few deep breaths. it's ideas like this one that kind of scare him, especially the fact they come from his brain, irrational and crooked like a broken mirror.
no one really acknowledges jimin's daisy existence but, of course, jungkook, who is not a part of the human knot laying in the sand, sitting cross legged with face highlighted by the sky-licking fire, flames dancing like epileptic ballerinas in his eyes.
he's looking straight at jimin and his tiny sundress, eyes deep and with some of the fire caught onto his cheeks, radiating warmth. soul consuming in his huge denim jacket and equally ratty nirvana shirt with the everlasting scent of the perfume "seaside". his smile is so precious and small, bunny teeth and a mole under a plump lower lip.
"hello there, tiny."
it's quiet and it's jungkook's job of mocking his favorite hyung with so much love, jimin's favorite quiet of a blue voice that shakes him and soothes him at the same time. he heads to jungkook and automatically slumps down in the sand next to him, trying to do it gracefully so his skirt doesn't lift.
jungkook's gazing at him fondly and the warmth of it feels good on jimin's skin when he settles his butt in the sand and his head on jungkook's shoulder matter of factly, feeling him tense up a little and then relax with a choked exhale of happiness.
"hello to you too."
jimin whispers in a cola voice with a cheeky smile but he would rather like to say that he's really happy right now, with slightly crooked front teeth and all.
jimin's watching the fire dancing and seokjin kicking namjoon behind it along with squeals, but he knows jungkook is blushing and melting now, like him, on the inside. he doesn't meet his eyes, not yet, looking at yoongi who's currently smoking and blowing the smoke right in taehyungs face to piss him off, before hoseok kisses him and takes the grey flavor away. jimin notices taehyungs nails are painted black but he decides not to say anything, feeling jungkook's inhales and exhales run through his whole body.
"your dress is really pretty"
jungkook tilts his head closer to jimin and murmurs addictively, voice a little hoarse and laced by something soft, like cotton candy and peach peel. he's playing with his fingers so the urge to touch the soft fabric hugging jimin's honey thighs doesn't win him over, something growing in his chest when he notices the scent of jimin's hair and skin.
"thanks. i bought it in the thrift shop next to the church"
"cool"
jimin doesn't mention the weird stares he got with the lovely piece of clothing in his hands while leaving the shop, but he's feeling stronger than ever, with sand squished between his toes and jungkook radiating something he cannot seek anywhere else beside him.
"jimin!"
hoseok, partly high and partly fucked out from making out with yoongi, finally spots jimin and sits up straight, proceeding to grab yoongis arm and wave with his boyfriends hand, because yoongi is still out of it, staring at hoseok like he's art, completely in awe, with heart falling out of its rhythm just a bit, cheeks flushed. jimin wonders if he's high on marijuana or hoseok, who is a drug that sticks to you. he waves back and hoseok goes back to sucking on yoongi's lips. seokjin smiles almost motherly and taehyung nods at him, eyes red and lips a tad darker.
"so...i saw this documentary about foxes.."
jungkook starts out of nowhere, and jimin immediately bursts into giggles, shaking upon jungkook's shoulder.
"what're laughing at, butthead?"
jimin hiccups a little in between giggles, making jungkook's lips curve into a demure smile and then composes himself, pulling away a little and facing a pink cheeked jungkook who has hooded eyes and a smile hanging off his pretty lips, suddenly incredibly close.
jimin can smell their perfumes fighting and forcibly braiding together into a mush of jasmine and peppermint, heavy musk. it's that scent that makes him want to part his lips lewdly, groan in frustration and arousal, with feelings he cannot really describe with words.
it's too much but jimin looks jungkook in the eyes with his heart squeezed in his throat and speaks up a little awkwardly.
"i'm sorry. you just always talk about the most random shit and it's funny."
jungkook's stare is glazed and his smile widens, revealing perfect teeth sparkling in the dim lights, eyes open but asleep. but it's not like he's tired of jimin.
he's quiet again, gazing into the smaller ones eyes like he's stuck somewhere. in that moment, nothing seems touchable but them, their hands so close on the warm sand, heavens high above yet closer than ever. jimin's face is bathing in the orange of the fire, all soft curves and sharp shadows, glazed eyes, suddenly feeling beautiful, breath caught in his throat. and jungkook is looking at him the way yoongi's always glancing at hoseok when he's not looking, suddenly looking like an ordinary drug-less teen. love struck.
it's fire in jimin's chest and he can feel goosebumps rising on his back even though it's august, that's what jungkook's eyes do to him.
jungkook's mouth has lost the smile and it's ajar, bunny teeth peeking out in an alluring way and shiny ear piercings resembling tiny stars. his cheeks still have a little bit of chub and jimin would sell his soul for pinching and biting them, mouthing on them hotly. and somehow, he has a feeling that the taller one wants the same, with lovesick flavored air expanding between them, creating an invisible wet string between their lips like they're kissing already, not in a few minutes, days, centuries.
and then hoseok shrieks when a crab runs over his arm and all of them jump at the awful noise but yoongi kisses it better (even though there's nothing to really kiss better, yoongi does it with great pleasure) and they all fall back into place like nothing happened, the moment breaks without the sound of shattering glass. jimin's head falls back on jungkook's shoulder with a lovely jump of his fluffy hair, a blue voice telling him stuff about foxes and their babies, how they live and die. things he won't remember but that make him happy now, heart descending back to its place. he just avoided danger, too close to the flame that he'd love to swallow and be swallowed by, like yoongi's cigarette. little does he know jungkook's in fact feeling the same.
jimin doesn't dare to interrupt the flow of quiet words overlapped by the cracking of fire, enjoying the feeling of proximity that changes its pitch on its own, pumps like an independent heart.
the interruption comes a little late, after bubbly wine and jungkook's thumb rubbing the knuckles of jimin's hand in circular motion, eyes focused on the fire but peeking at jimin from time to time only to find him laying in the sand like the mermaid sleepyhead he is, with sand colored hair fanned on the sand like a halo, eyes droopy and puffy lips opened only to let air in and words out. the view is nice and jungkook has to control himself quite a lot because jimin's hand is wry and his lips are the warmest and jungkook wants to make sure of that, remind himself that warmth exists in a shape of ones heart.
jimin's starting to get sleepy, namjoon bickering with yoongi about the doors is just a monotone murmur and it lullabies him to sleep, still feeling jungkook's fingertips drawing patterns and maybe even letters on his tan skin, sending drowsy shivers up and down jimin's spine without knowing. he even thinks he can recognize some stars on the summer sky and jungkook's thumb rubs love onto jimin's knuckles, silent.
right after jimin's eyelids fall with the burning sun, jungkook nudges him gently, leaning closer to the lying sleepyhead that's so close to being swallowed by the sand. jimin's eyes crack open and his heart skips more than one beat, jimin doesn't count it though.
"what're you thinking, tiny?" jungkook's voice is like a forgotten lonely wave, low and strange, and jimin feels sad for him for some reason. he smiles a little, to make the younger one happy. and the crack between the pearly pair of teeth really does make jungkook happy. their faces are now really close, almost painfully.
"the stars. they're really pretty."
"yeah. make a wish then!"
"they're not falling stars, dummy"
"does it really matter? come on, wish for something.."
jungkook presses and jimin nods a little, hands nervously delving into the sand and exploring the velvety depths. nothing moves for awhile when jimin closes his eyes and makes his wish, feeling like the sand is pulling him down. when he opens his eyes again, jungkook is even closer than before, staring.
and he doesn't get anyone who would dare to call park jimin anything less than mesmerizing and utterly breathtaking because these are the only words that come to his mind whenever he finds himself getting lost in the melted orbs of jimin's eyes. like now.
"what did you wish for??"
"isn't the whole point of wishing on stars for it to be secret?"
i wish i were okay.
"you're so lame..."
even though jimin is so lame in jungkook's murmur, the younger one is once again gazing at him like he's something extraordinary and unique, something you see once in a lifetime, through curtains of smoke and light. jungkook's dark bangs are parted in the middle and the strands fall into his eyes, making him look the softest, much like the voice that curls and around the shell of jimin's ear hotly.
"wanna go on a walk?"
jimin smiles instead of responding, eyes crinkling and lips stretching over slightly crooked teeth. there's no way he can say no. maybe he'll be fixed tonight.
"grab some soda, please? my head's spinning.."
jungkook just nods with a concerned wrinkle on his forehead and helps jimin up, not even trying to be sneaky while stealing two cans of lemonade from the paper bag seokjin brought. jimin is waiting for him, brushing the sand off his dress, and his fingers are kind of aching to enlace with jungkook's, find home in the thin gaps between thin fingers. to breathe him in.
they nod at the others and only taehyung acknowledges their leave, smiling and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, eyes free of any sign of light. like dead fireflies.
"let's go"
jungkook mutters, facing the ocean while speaking.
so they go, it's the simplest but the most difficult, jimin forgot his sneakers right next to taehyung but the sand is warm even though it's being licked by cold bubbly waves. they caress their feet while they walk side by side, hair flowing in the breeze like in a tv commercial and with hips bumping occasionally. jungkook side eyes jimin and the latter does the same, only when he's sure jungkook is concentrated on pulling out the cans though.
jungkook offers him the can filled with sweet and sour teeth rotting lemonade, giving him a short glance, face and lips colored by the dark blue sea and a tad lighter sky, without any idea of what time it is.
but time doesn't even matter right now, nothing does except for the curve of jimin's collarbone peeking from under his dress, or the way he walks, small feet leaving their trace in the sand like a memento that'll be washed away by time anyway.
"thanks. for the drink i mean."
jimin mutters into the can, goosebumps rising on his calves.
"no problem. are you feeling better?"
"yeah, just a little sleepy. don't worry."
"whatever you say, tiny"
jimin cannot stop the smile that spreads on his face and him and jungkook lock eyes for a second, blue hungry mouths and indescribable tingle in their toes.
they sip and walk, two close silhouettes with feet dipping in the sea, lemon on the roof of their mouths and hearts somehow reluctant to beat loud. they throw away the empty cans moments later and apologize for killing the earth, giggling just the right amount.
jimin, mind already clear of sleep, is comfortable with the silence, the whispering of the waves is enough. and if he wanted, he could even hear the silence of the closest 7-eleven with cracked dirty windows and a milkshake machine, the one he works at every saturday and sunday during summer break. see, there's something weird about the clear surfaces in their town, they're all smeary and covered with formless handprints left there by formless people and you cannot see your reflection in them as if they're smoked. nothing's so obviously clearer than the sea and jungkook's eyes and jimin's craving something sweet like a milkshake or the feeling of remembering how to breathe properly.
they're far from the fire now and jungkook doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that jimin's not saying anything, probably lost in his own thoughts.
it's nice, the silence expanding between them and making everything seem insignificant and so, so tiny, worries crushed in the sand under their feet, blue.
but then, like when you resurface and take a deep breath to save your suffering lungs, their hands brush against each other shyly and wryly, and they stop too fast to pretend it's nothing or that it was an accident.
accidents happen and regret usually follows by but a useless accident of two hands brushing probably won't ruin a life..
right?
jimin flushes, flushes really hard and really prettily because that's just what he does and it's kind of ridiculous because all they did was to touch, like human beings. but, of course, jungkook notices it and it makes his stomach flood with furious butterflies that bat their wings in the same pace his hearts racing. ridiculous, really.
"i-i'm kinda cold."
jimin blurts out, hugging himself and feeling his goosebumps, cursing the fact his tongue is faster than his mind, the summer breeze creeping under his dress. it feels like clingy freedom.
jungkook ignores the tension that the momentary connection of their fingers created and shrugs off his denim jacket, feeling his own cheeks turn pink while throwing the jacket over jimin's blue bare shoulders, overwhelmed by the urge to protect, hold, break and fix at the same time because that's what people do..
right.
everything's edgily blue now, out of nowhere. their lips and skin, some blues are light and ethereal and some are the depths of the ocean, like jungkook's eyes. when jimin cuddles into the jacket soaked in his scent and body warmth, jungkook swears his life is over, because his pocket sized hyung looks so peaceful while curled up in the huge piece of clothing buttoned up to his chin, also blue. jungkook wonders what did jimin wish for, a few minutes ago at the beach with eyes reflecting the fire and many things that he cannot quite describe.
jungkook himself wanted something he doesn't deserve.
"let's go back, tiny. your lips are all blue."
jimin looks at him with wind ruffled hair, star filled eyes and lips slightly parted. a smile tugs on the corner of his mouth and he actually lowers his head and giggles crazily into the collar of jungkook's jacket, mentioning that "everything's fucking blue right now, can't you see?"
jungkook just laughs half heartedly, maybe a little uneasily at jimin's low bubbly tone and the f word.
and when they abruptly turn around and walk back, their hands just find their way around, pinkies entangling and hearts bruising their rib cages. jungkook swears he can hear jimin's mad heartbeat tremoring through his own body, fingers hidden under the overly long denim sleeves, but it might just be his own so he cannot be too sure. it feels like they're playing a game that doesn't have rules that strict. just win or lose.
the rest of their group is still around the campfire and they're halfway there, halfway home, when jimin stops, making jungkook do the same with his body working like a an anchor. he's quiet but jungkooks eyes follow what's he looking at. it's the dressing cabin, white paint peeling off and the door cracked open, as if it's inviting them in. they haven't noticed it before and now jungkook's hearts in his throat.
jimin takes the first few steps, light and sure, dragging jungkook behind him as the hem of his dress dances around his knees like a hurricane. like bad ideas and accidents and regrets with sugary flavors.
"jimin...."
said boy turns around and throws jungkook a sad glance, the one you see on the most beautiful people, the ones you don't even consider talking to. the mysterious gaze that makes you weak at knees and weaker at heart, the one that'll probably drive you to very silly actions. jimin's cute smile is long gone.
jungkook is just staring at him with questioning eyes.
"what? we've got nothing to lose, jungkookie"
jimin says like it's nothing, and it's not the flow of his soft voice soaked in not sadness but something lovely that gets lost in between their fingers, in the tilt of jungkook's name on the smaller one's lemon tongue. the "we" in his words sounds so much more like "i".
jungkook has to admit that there is indeed nothing to lose but some of yesterday's purity, jimin's hand small held loosely in his, but he's still reluctant since they always just held hands, never went further. because honestly, getting serious with park jimin is like putting a ring on a rainstorm, like marrying the words like chaos and heartache.
but jimin is so beautiful and colorful in the taller ones eyes there's no way he can say no now, feeling the alcohol from before burn in his stomach and crotch. holding a hurricane in his arms doesn't sound so bad now, he might even call it love, with his mouth closed.
"okay, jimin hyung."
it's been months since he's called the older one like this, out loud, and it feels surreal, waves kissing the beach and jimin's hand burning in his own, pulling him to the dressing cabin that smells like dead fish and seaweed stuck to your back. the door opens and closes with a creak and suddenly there's just impervious black and a square of light enlightening the small cabin from above. blue, of course.
jimin glances into jungkook's dark eyes for a split second, just to see fire in the taller ones orbs and to breathe in real deep.
and his hands are suddenly everywhere, clawing at jungkook's shirt and pulling him closer, tiptoeing so he can plant wet kisses all over his lips, mouthing at his jaw desperately as their hips slam onto each other, pushing and pulling. jungkook tangles his veiny hands in jimin's salt scented hair and pulls him close and closer, until they cannot really move besides their needy tongues, bodies brushing against each other rhythmically as they lick into each other's mouths with obscene noises dripping from their tongues. this night is not a fixing one, it's more like the definition of the butterfly effect.
jungkook wants to catch the sounds jimin's making in his palm and never ever let him go now that he's tasted the crook between his teeth and the heaviness of his tongue but he has a handful of the older ones hair right now, tasting the hot wet insides of jimins mouth, trying to engrave the cheap cola taste and something strangely soft and home-like in his memory.
kissing jimin is like delving into something brand new with a trigger warning, the smaller ones fingernails scratching jungkook's back through the worn out fabric of his shirt, and he cannot breathe with something vibrating in his chest, quite comfortably.
with his tongue deep in jimin's throat, he wonders how long does a taste last, a feeling trapped in between two young bodies that tremble with need, groans ripping from the bottom of the smaller ones throat as jungkook gives his mess of a hair a little tug.
they stop for a split second, foreheads bumping together, jimin's chest rising and falling rapidly as he struggles to inhale and exhale on the younger ones slick lips. jungkook cannot see his face properly, breathless and sparkly like stars, hell, whole constellations inside, but he pulls the smaller one into another cheap flavored kiss that won't last the night, reconnecting their lips.
jimin lets out a muffled moan and grinds against jungkook's hips while clinging onto his arms, the flowery fabric of his dress hiking up a little while jungkook licks the insides of his mouth as if jimin's an appetizer or a wine to taste, clammy hands still lost in the mess of golden hair, angling the smaller ones head so he can devour that pretty mouth of his.
with their bodies growing tingly all over and lungs running out of oxygen again, their swollen lips part and before they can share hot pants like dirty secrets, jimin takes a baby step back, suddenly standing at the perfect spot in the cabin where the curious moonlights highlighting his face and all the tiny details jungkook wants to remember forever, never forget this moment.
the curve of jimin's blue lips glazed with them, tiny scars that were born years ago on a playground, a button nose that's just made to be kissed playfully, plus a golden halo of messy hair that felt like silk between jungkook's fingers a few seconds ago, but the feeling just flew over their feet and all that's left is silence. moonlight pooling in the hollow of jimin's neck. the cola and lemon flavor with a pinch of smoke is gone too, its expiration date was an unfortunate one. jungkook is simply dumbfounded. and this, this is what park jimin causes. chaos.
"are you okay?"
jimin asks a little rasp, eyes sparkly with the strange planetarium-like light seeping into the white painted small space. he looks genuinely concerned and sad and so, so beautiful with daisies and creases all over, jungkook hates it all, the devoted and mysterious look in the smaller ones eyes that asks for more, begs for safety and love with every blink. fix me, it whispers and creeps under his fingernails lovingly. no more cute innocent jimin, a hand in your hair and hoarse breathy voice making your skin wet with exhales.
"m'fine. we should go back though, joon will be worried"
jimin's lips, the pair that will from now on only feel useful when melting into jungkook's, turn into a forgettable smile, because joon is most definitely not worried and because jungkook will not kiss him any more. or maybe, just maybe.
"...what if i don't want to go back?"
jimin says in a silent voice, more a little wish upon the stars, the moon, the whole damned universe than a question. a dare, testing the deep waters. jungkook's breathing stops for two blinks of the smaller ones breathtaking eyes, for two waves licking the shore and creating voices that people love listening to when they toss in their beds sleeplessly.
"well then..."
the sentence bubbling hoarsely from the taller ones throat remains unfinished because jungkook steps closer and caresses jimin's cheek with his blue fingers, marveling at the sight of the golden haired boy closing his eyes under the gentle touch, eyelashes fluttering and casting small shadows on his warm cheeks. if the sky wasn't an indigo blue one, jimin's cheeks would be the prettiest sunset shade of pink. he's absolutely smitten, falling for a human hurricane.
when jungkook builds up the courage to lean a bit, a breath closer to the fragile looking boy, light enough to break, who's so close to falling into his arms, nothing moves for awhile. seconds, years, centuries spent like this wouldn't be a wasted time.
this time, nothing's rushed at first and the changing cabin doesn't seem vulgar, it's simply not important. all that matters is the shallow breaths they take, the anticipation and silly curling of their toes, jimin's closed eyes and heart dancing in his throat.
jimin can feel jungkook's body warmth right in front of him, somehow hugging him like a blanket. the shy fingertips on his cheek feel like the confession he never got, like jungkook's holding something terribly precious. and when jungkook leans in and a warm puff of a stray breath hits jimin's plump lips with the aftertaste of french kissing during short termed nights, jimin's eyelids twitch and he closes his eyes tighter, hands hanging by his sides in defeat. jungkook's blue is just too much to resist, to ignore. to fight.
the kiss is....different, almost non existent on jimin's slightly chapped lips. jungkook is careful as if they haven't sucked on each other's tongues a while ago. his thumb is caressing jimin's cheek and he steps even closer, wrapping his arm around jimin's narrow yet soft waist hugged by jungkook's own jacket, wry lips never leaving the smaller one's, moving just slightly. jimin's arms wrap around jungkook's neck almost automatically and he opens his mouth, a quiet "yes, please" for jungkook's love and tongue and furious heartbeat.
one mouth is suddenly the most important thing in this world, feet buried in the sand, jimin's fingers tugging at the short hair of jungkook's undercut when he slips his tongue into his hyung's mouth, pulling him closer simultaneously. all it takes is jimin flicking at the roof of jungkook's mouth with his tongue and his back is flush with the wall out of nowhere, jungkook's teeth softly biting at the smaller ones lower lip red with his pumping blood. jimin feels like he's being consumed by something he doesn't have the power to refuse, or maybe he doesn't want to, with one of jungkook's muscular thighs slipping between his legs just slightly, panting in between messy kisses.
"more, hyung."
it's a lovely demand whispered somewhere around jimin's right earlobe, tickling him and making him want to cross his legs to relieve the hotness pooling in between. but he cannot do that so he just moans contently when jungkook slips one hand under the thin skirt of his dress and strokes the soft skin of jimin's thigh with his large palm, touching him like he means it.
jimin can feel electricity bursting from every inch jungkook touches, kisses, trembling breaths mingling between their lips as he works his hand up jimin's thigh, leaving an invisible trail behind. his hand is strong and oh-so-hot, running over the hypersensitive skin of jimin's inner thigh.
when jungkook kisses him, suddenly hungry for every piece of the smaller one, a cold hand stops his fingers from creeping higher up.
"not there, jungkookie.."
jimin breathes on the raven haired boys lips, almost trembling with arousal and something akin to happiness, face flushed and skin burning with the scent of the perfume he put on earlier. the blood boiling in his veins just made the flowery scent stronger and now he may get dizzy again, legs giving up under the simple touch of jungkook's hand.
"fine, tiny. can we go to my place, then?"
and jimin, shoeless and suddenly lovestruck, with a boyfriend sitting on their sofa at home, smiles so alluringly his crooked front teeth are peeking out. jungkook searches for a sad undertone and somehow doesn't find any.
"sure, but you're not explaining this to namjoon tomorrow."
no ones talks about who will explain it to jimin's boyfriend.
jungkook has to pull his hand from under the daisies and suddenly he's the shy seventeen year old that just wants love again, all bunny teeth and messy hair, band shirt ruffled and eyes clouded by a heavy glaze when he stares at the sand under his feet.
he still looks adorable in jimin's eyes though, and when they straighten their clothes and step out of the cabin hurriedly, jungkook surprises jimin by grabbing his hand and just running, a flicker of their friends fire escaping their eyesight as they melt into another world, splashing around water and sand.
there is just something utterly unreal about running at unknown hour on a blurry beach with a blurry boy, jimin thinks as the cold salty water splashes around his feet and flicks at the hem of his dress occasionally. they climb a tiny hill leading to the suburbia and suddenly jungkook's leading jimin to his home through darkened chilly alleys, squeezing jimin's hand whenever they hear a sound that might belong to someone who likes summer nights just like them, maybe someone who may or may not be disgusted by their enlaced fingers and horny eyes.
jimin can only see the black haired boy from behind because jungkook's faster, dragging jimin behind himself hurriedly but not fast enough to make him dizzy. and with every squeeze of the taller ones hand and a reassuring excited smile that jungkook throws jimin over the shoulder from time to time, jimin can feel his steps become lighter and his chest heavier, overflowing with happiness or something like that. this night is nothing close to calm but it's one of the nights you'll remember even without faded polaroid pictures.
jungkook's house shines into the night with its pure white facade, windows black and silence hugging the whole area. jimin's stomach drops and his hand is now clammy in jungkook's. but then the taller one finally slows down and they walk side by side with matching breaths, steps and impatient flush spreading on their cheeks.
jungkook's keys make a too loud rattling sound before they step in like the sinners they are, creeping in shadows to jungkook's basement room, becoming dull shadows themselves.
"your parents..?"
"they're probably sleeping, we gotta be quiet"
just these words make jimin's tummy flutter, mind turning into a mush. a quite literal mush, if he'd have to be honest, his thoughts are buzzing and flashing and that doesn't really seem right, like kissing cigarettes and being kissed by the sea until your body is just bubbles.
the thing about drowning is that it doesn't hurt when you see it in movies, it hurts when it's really just you under the shimmery surface, body a one big rock dragging you down. jimin has lost the count of the times someone had to pull him higher, fix him so he could breathe. drowning in movies is all limbs and bubbles and drowning in real life is just a regular day at the beach with some water in your lungs.
in the dark of the hallway, jimin's drowning in himself.
when they reach the spacious room just as the clock hits eleven, they hold their breath on the doorstep for no reason at all. maybe they're expecting something to happen. the end of the world, maybe, or rather just jimin's boyfriend barging inside with a baseball bat and red eyes. nothing happens though and jimin allows himself to breathe.
jungkook turns on the light and the room lits up with a soft glow, showing the ordinary teenage boy room. jimin kind of wants to giggle evilly because jungkook's blushing at the mess, empty milkshake cups and books stacked everywhere, pencils and sketches either rolled under the desk or piled in the corner. jimin recognizes a few book titles, like the little prince, a few stephen king's and some anatomy textbook with ripped edges. one whole shelf is ruled by astronomy books with titles jimin cannot even pronounce since they're in english... he'd like to explore them though, list through the yellow and worn out ones, find bent edges of pages jungkook wanted to come back to. jimin wants to look through the room and find calm in each thing that keeps the younger boy emotionally grounded.
it's very jungkook-like, the whole room with dark grey painted walls that hold everything in place and are the definition of safety, ripped posters and pictures of perfect places he's never seen before.
jungkook squeezes jimin's hand and leads him inside and that is the moment when jimin spots the fairy lights on the walls, purples and reds and yellows waiting to be lit up. jungkook notices the cute face jimin's making and turns them on too, making the room flood with colorful light. they bathe in it, almost religiously silent.
the younger one smiles at the amazed expression plastered on jimin's face, soft and not entirely human, like he's something way stronger and more precious than any human being on this planet. jungkook is drawn to the light that he's radiating, to the tilt of his head and crescents of his eyes, unreal edges of the shadows his eyelashes cast. he outstretches his hand and jimin shrugs a little, coming back to his senses like he's been slapped in the face. in his mind, he went far away from purple lights and a seaside scented boy with hair in the color of burnt out meteors. he's back now though, and the heart beating strongly and steadily in jungkook's chest is the only thing he can focus on now.
jungkook doesn't say a thing, he doesn't really need to because the inaudible smile curving his lips kind of speaks for itself when he holds jimin's hand in his and strokes the lines in his palm with his warmth soaked fingertips. they gaze at their hands, so different yet perfect for each other.
the smaller ones eyes are like the sparkly fairy lights now, glassy. he holds jungkook's hand like he means it, like he won't let go. ever. like he's holding onto his dear life underwater, in outer space, featherlightly, so they don't break.
the bed creaks a little yes when they kneel on it, seeping into each other while holding hands, facing each other even though it's kind of embarrassing, flushed cheeks and fastened breaths awkwardly rising in their chests in unison. jimin wants to not forget this because what will be left of him if he ever forgets this? him? he wants to touch and taste and burn so desperately his thighs are covered in goosebumps.
jungkook, on the other hand, feels like crying because jimin looks so disheveled and so sure, looking up at jungkook through his lashes with teeth chewing on his plush lower lip, not in nervousness but in sheer excitement. and jungkook just wants to make him know he feels exactly the same, the same shivering flame rushing through his body, knowing he'll regret the actions of his heart later on. he holds jimin's tiny palms in his and presses them against his chest so he can touch the pounding of his heart, breath stolen away by the older boy kneeling in front of him.
"shit, your hearts beating really fast."
"just for you."
"oh really jungkookie..."
"yeah...850 bpm, for park jimin only."
jimin has to bite down a giggle, into his lower lip, simply because this, this exactly makes him feel at ease. the proximity and scent of jungkook hanging in the air for a comforting presence. a large hand on his own, his hand on his heart, his heart in his own hands. surreal like yoongi in his warm turtleneck, on the beach.
"cheesy kid.."
jungkook barely catches those words because jimin more or less mutters them to the bed rather than to jungkook.
and he - the cheesy kid - cannot deny that he's falling hard for a lovely bad choice, for hushed murmurs in the schools hallways, "you heard that about park?" slipped between two bathroom stalls. for the scar on jimin's pinky and his cinnamon freckles, softly peppered around his nose that looks like a red button when he drinks way too much.
jungkook's heard many things about jimin since he started high school two years after him, mouths forming around filthy lies and tiny pinches of the truth that people pass between each other for simple joy. clenching fists and gritted teeth and the feeling of being completely useless for not standing up for the person that slipped inside his heart and reserved a space in there, most probably for eternity.
and jungkook wants to make the hurricane okay. tuck the hurricane that is park jimin into bed when the hurricane's down with a cold. and make it so that they can share the minty tinge of their first shared morning, toothpaste kisses and after that licks with the taste of maple syrup, so they can be sunset lovers with no fingertip drawn line between them.
jimin's right there, staring in anticipation, and he won't disappear with the sunrise like the stars do.
"kiss me."
jungkook is almost too happy to oblige, letting go of jimin's hands and pushing him on his back playfully. jimin is almost panting in excitement, featherlight, and his hair spreads on jungkook's black pillow like spilled golden paint that sticks to your fingers and refuses to let go. jungkook's heart floods with incredible suffocating hurt that almost outcomes the excitement and arousal in him. part of him wants to cuddle and whisper sweet something's, everything's, into the naivety of jimin's soft ears and the other part just wants to bite and devour and live deep inside park jimin.
he chooses something in between, their bodies flush together and lips inches apart, with jungkook's hands caging jimin's head from both sides, hips pressed together.
jungkooks lips hover above jimin's for awhile, he gives him hot breaths and gains a few ones in exchange, wet and almost whiny ones, breathing in jimin's magic.
there's no other way to call it, jungkook's trying really hard to come up with something more...normal-ish, but he just keeps coming back to this term that resembles the love buzz in his stomach and maybe even glitter and sparkles and nights spent out, maybe on the rooftop trying to count stars until they all melt into one, or maybe into a pair of eyes. jungkook wants all of this magic, all to himself.
he presses his lips against the blonde haired boy's reassuringly and firmly, no-spit-no-tongue, and jimin's careful not to let out any sounds, not now. not yet. jungkook pulls away softly, as if he's dancing on thin ice.
jimin breaks barely minute after, when the heel of jungkook's palm presses against his crotch, hard, jungkook's exhales wetting the dip of his neck. he bites so hard his lips threaten to bleed from being bitten so hard and so lovingly,curses dancing on the tip of his tongue when jungkook smirks and does it again, "on accident"
a moan rips through the heavy silence, as jungkook's mum pokes her husband to stop snoring a floor above them, completely oblivious to her son currently palming jimin though his dress and feeding his lips with shaky exhales, wet like liquid arousal.
"stop." and just like that, the spell breaks. their magic made of smoke and bitter smiles drifts off into the night when jimin's tongue hits the roof of his mouth at the word that makes jungkook freeze. "why?" jungkook is flushed and lost above jimin's body, eyes glossy and pupils wide. his stomach is suddenly unpleasantly tight, panic rising in his whole body.
this cannot be happening.