…come round and round back to me.

Soonyoung first met Jihoon in Chan’s parents’ restaurant. When the shorter first entered the restaurant, Soonyoung heard a glimpse of his chuckles as he talked with Chan. Soonyoung peered over his noodles as Chan ushered him to another seat beside Soonyoung’s table.

From the corner of his eyes, Soonyoung watched the guy leaned back against his seat, eyes closing. He knew he was being a creep when he studied the other’s side feature when the other was unaware of his attention. He has a dark hair framing his sharp features. His skin is fair, thin lips stretch along his sculpted jaw, his eyebrows were furrowed as the other fell into deep thinking.

When Jihoon began to hum, Soonyoung almost jumped out of his seat. He quickly turned his attention back to his noodles. His heart beat furiously against his chest at the possibility of being caught staring at the other guy. Soonyoung tried to keep his eyes off the other after that, focusing on his food. Soonyoung finished his food, listening to the other’s hum.

He was known for not being able to keep his body still, so Soonyoung reached for his phone, started scrolling down his social media timeline. Fingers taping against the table. It took Soonyoung a few seconds before he realized he was taping his fingers along with the other’s hum. Soonyoung glanced to his side, wondering if the guy realized. But, the other still had his eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

Soonyoung returned his attention to his phone, fingers still taping the table. Soonyoung caught the rhythm of the song, his body started moving to the beat, unconsciously, his feet stepped along. It was such a fun song to dance along to. The needs to move his hand was getting greater, so Soonyoung put his phone down, pointed his forefinger up, and swing it as if pointing at someone.

Satisfied, Soonyoung picked his phone back up when he felt someone stared at him. Fuck. Soonyoung mentally cursed himself before he slowly turned his head to meet the other’s sharp gaze. Soonyoung felt himself pulled by the look on the other’s face. Soonyoung had to admit, the other’s side profile is nothing compared to seeing him up front. His eyes were scrutinizing him. Soonyoung let out a nervous smile.

“I’m sorry, did I disturb you?” he asked gingerly. The other shook his head.

“Did you dance to my hum?” he pointedly asked. Soonyoung felt his heart skip a beat at the sound of the other’s voice. Soonyoung was caught off guard at the bluntness of the question. Soonyoung quickly gathered himself, laughing sheepishly, nodding at his words.

“I’m sorry, it sounds good, I can’t help but move my body,”

Soonyoung, again, was caught off guard at the other’s response. Soonyoung watched as the other’s pale face gained a slight pink hue. Holy fuck. Soonyoung had his heart strumming a quick beat.

“Thank you, I guess,” the other said and Soonyoung couldn’t help but raised his eyebrow. Why thank you?

The other awkwardly trying to explain himself, “Uh…”

However, before he could say anything, Chan broke the awkwardness as he arrived with the shorter’s food. Chan introduced them, and Soonyoung learned Jihoon’s name and that they were the same age. Soonyoung also learned how Jihoon was babied by almost everyone around him. Soonyoung laughed it off at first, but then, he himself had the same urge as he wiped the sauce off the corner of Jihoon’s lips and poured the other a glass of water.

Soonyoung didn’t realize how annoyed Jihoon was until he slammed his glass back down the table. Soonyoung quickly felt apologetic towards the other. “Okay, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to baby you,”

But, Jihoon’s annoyed face also quickly fused to an apologetic one when he heard Soonyoung’s apology. “No, it’s… my bad,” Jihoon inhaled to slow his breath down. “It kinda makes me feel bad because it seems like I’m burdening people around me. I’m sorry,”

Soonyoung felt a smile tugged the corner of his lips. How could anyone get mad at this softie? “You’re not burdening anyone. They must have been doing it because they want to,”

Jihoon returned his smile slowly, and Soonyoung’s breath hitched. There are two small dimples at the corner of Jihoon’s lips and Soonyoung never knew a smile could brighten his day that much.

However, it didn’t last long as Chan shoot out of the kitchen and thrusted his phone towards Jihoon. Soonyoung watched as Jihoon flinched when he heard the person on the other side of the phone. Soonyoung looked worriedly at how the person seemed to be extremely mad at Jihoon before he felt something broke inside him as Jihoon replied the person with a fond, “Boo,”

He listened to Jihoon answering the phone call with a small chuckles, fondly speaking to the other’s as he tried to reassure the caller that he was fine. When he ended the call and returned the phone to Chan, Soonyoung was trying so hard to keep his expression neutral.

“I can see why Seungkwan-hyung is mad,” Chan had said. So, the caller was called Seungkwan.

“Oh no, don’t you start too.” Jihoon gave the youngest a look. “I got to go,” finally looking at Soonyoung.

“Nice to meet you, Soonyoung,” he offered him a hand. Soonyoung gingerly shook it.

“I’ll see you around,” Soonyoung managed a smile, he really wished to see Jihoon more. The other didn’t know how much he tugged on Soonyoung’s heartstring. Soonyoung didn’t hope for much, considering the caller who just made Jihoon smiled so effortlessly.

But when Jihoon said, “Yeah, I’d like that,” Soonyoung couldn’t help the smile blossomed so brightly on his face.

***

The second time he met Jihoon was when he tagged along Chan as he went home from the dance practice. Soonyoung didn’t have the courage to actually ask Chan about Jihoon. He needed to remind himself time and time again that Jihoon already had someone else.

“Come on, Chan. I’m starving,” Soonyoung pulled Chan towards the restaurant. The younger was checking his phone. He stopped as he read his phone screen, a smile broke on his face as this time Chan pulled him instead.

“Let’s go, hyung!” Soonyoung was questioning Chan’s sudden excitement, but he trudged along anyway. In less than 10 minutes, they arrived at the restaurant, and without waiting for Soonyoung, Chan took a flight towards a table, exclaiming a loud, “HYUUNG!” which was reciprocated as loud by the members of the table.

As Soonyoung walked closer, one of the guy jumped out to hug Chan, “Chan! My baby!” which resulted on Chan’s whine of “Ugh, Jeonghan-hyung! I’m not a baby!”

The table was noisy with remarks, so Soonyoung carefully popped his head behind Chan’s shoulder, Uhm…” Soonyoung tried to catch Chan’s attention. “Chan, I’ll just sit back there,”

But, before Chan could answer him, he heard his name called by a familiar voice. A voice he only heard one night, but stayed on his mind for so long, “Soonyoung!” His eyes whipped around to meet Jihoon’s eyes, who smiled widely at him. Soonyoung felt his face split into an equally wide smile.

“Oh, Jihoon, hi,”

“You know him?” Soonyoung’s eyes trailed to another guy clinging on Jihoon’s arms. Soonyoung felt his stomach flips uncomfortably.

“Ah, yeah, we met that night when you blasted my ears off because I forgot to bring my phone,” Jihoon answered the guy. At that, the table chorused, “Oooh, the ‘Soonyoung’?”

Soonyoung felt cold sweat starting to wet his palms. Did it mean that Jihoon talked to his friends about meeting him? Looking at the eager face in front of him, Soonyoung’s eyes met Jihoon’s equally nervous one. He was trying to introduce Soonyoung, but it seemed like he didn’t know where to start. Soonyoung almost cooed at the sight. The guy who was still hugging Chan rolled his eyes.

“Jihoon, you’re suck,” being the closest to Soonyoung, he offered his hand. “Jeonghan,”

Soonyoung shook his hand, smiling brightly, “Soonyoung,”

“Seungcheol,” The guy sat the closest to Jeonghan stood up from his seat to shake Soonyoung’s hand.

“Jisoo, or you can call me Joshua,” the one sitting across him offered his hand too.

“Hi, I’m Seokmin!” after Jisoo, the other guy sitting beside him also stood up to offer his hand. Soonyoung shook them one by one.

“I’m Hansol.” The guy beside Jihoon smiled at him. “You can call me Vernon too.”

“Hi, Vernon.”

“...and I’m Seungkwan! Jihoon-hyung’s favourite dongsaeng!” the guy clinging to Jihoon’s side introduce himself as he hugged Jihoon. Soonyoung clenched his hand, trying to relax himself.

“Ugh, Boo, stop being so clingy!” Jihoon pushed Seungkwan away. “Bear it for another 2 hours!” he gave Seungkwan a smirk before Seungkwan finally sulked to Seokmin’s side.

“Join us, Soonyoung,” Jihoon said to the standing male, who was still trying to calm his heart after that interaction. However, he quickly smiled and agreed to the offers.

Soonyoung sat beside Jeonghan, who scooted closer to Seungcheol letting Soonyoung faced Jihoon. Soonyoung soon learned that the song Jihoon was humming was the popular song that he often heard on the radio. Soonyoung beamed at the other guy, who fidgeted, face getting redder as his friends complimented him, which Soonyoung couldn’t help but agree.

Soonyoung couldn’t even be prouder to know that he helped Jihoon finished the song. His eyes was on Jihoon the whole time, and Soonyoung relished on the fact that Jihoon was so adorable when he was embarrassed.

So when Jihoon said it was okay for Soonyoung to cover his song, Soonyoung was already over the moon, if his smile was any indication.

***

Soonyoung kept reminding himself that Jihoon was out of his reach. Even when their circle of friends met, and some of them are actually acquaintances even before Soonyoung met Jihoon, Soonyoung had kept his hands to himself. He didn’t want to destroy anyone’s relationship.

In the few times they met, Soonyoung learned that Seungkwan was a nice person. So, Soonyoung was trying to let Jihoon go, but then they met again in Chan’s parents’ restaurant. A little bit part of his mind was kind of hoping he met Jihoon, when he entered the restaurant. So, when he actually saw the other scowled to his phone seating in his usual table, Soonyoung internally squealed.

“You have such a resting bitch face, no wonder people is scared to approach you.” Jihoon looked up to the voice. Soonyoung dropped his training bag on the chair next to him and sat down in front of Jihoon.

“Well, good evening to you too, Kwon Soonyoung.” Jihoon answered icily. Soonyoung smirked at him. Soonyoung had just returned from his practice. He managed to cool down on his way to the restaurant, but he was sure there were still beads of sweat on his forehead, which was why the younger was eyeing him. Trying to ignore Jihoon’s gaze, Soonyoung called the waiter to order his food. When he returned his attention to the shorter, Jihoon was indeed staring at him.

“So, having an overtime?” Soonyoung asked. Jihoon shrugged his shoulders.

“Not really an overtime. I kinda have an inspiring night, and ended up finishing a work that supposed to be submitted in a week in a day.”

Jihoon said it was a song for a CF. When Jihoon asked in return if he had a rough night, Soonyoung sighed, slumped against the table. His right hand splayed along the side of the table, almost touching Jihoon’s elbow. Soonyoung’s fingers twitched at the heat radiating from Jihoon’s skin.

“Yeah, my showcase is in a month. I have to finish the choreography before the next Saturday and I still don’t know what I’m doing half of the time,”

“Hmm, that sounds tough,” Jihoon sympathized. Soonyoung huffed another sigh.

“It seems like I have to work late for the whole week and I’m not excited for it at all.”

Jihoon scoffed. Soonyoung watched the younger’s face turned into an amused expression. He knew how Soonyoung loved to dance, how hard he had worked for the chance to appear on the showcase. So, hearing Soonyoung was not excited for the showcase was obviously not the case for Soonyoung.

“You say this now, let’s see who forgets that he has friends in the upcoming weeks.”

Soonyoung grimaced. “You obviously got poisoned by Mingyu and Chan. Do I need to remind you that you just did the same thing last week? I have to charge Jeonghan for whining to me about the fact that you didn’t touch your meal until we forced you out of your studio. I still got the scar you know.”

As soon as those words slipped out of his mouth, Soonyoung instantly regretted his decision. Jihoon’s face fell. His smile turned into a frown. His expression soured into one he used that night. Full of guilt and sorry, and Soonyoung hated that expression on Jihoon’s face.

“You have that look again,” Soonyoung said. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It was just a scratch!”

Soonyoung sat up and showed Jihoon the back of his hand. “I lied to you, see? There’s no scar!”

Jihoon looked down. “Still, I shouldn’t have exploded to any of you. I feel really bad about it. I wish I could control my temper better.”

Soonyoung felt his heart clenched at the sight. Without thinking, he grabbed Jihoon’s hands. The latter looked up to him and Soonyoung smiled kindly, “You know that none of us resents you for anything. It is a very human of you to explode at that kind of pressure. It should have been us who should think of a better way to persuade you. Let’s forget about it, okay? You don’t have to feel bad.”

Jihoon was silence when Soonyoung said that. His gaze still looked at him with guilt. Soonyoung sighed. “If it makes you feel better, will you join me for dinner every night until my showcase?” Jihoon raised his eyebrow at Soonyoung’s sudden offer.

“Well, you feel bad about hurting me, to show that you’re sorry, you can accompany me for dinner. That will also ensure I will have at least one proper meal until my showcase. It’s a win-win situation, don’t you think?”

Jihoon chuckled at Soonyoung’s reasoning. The other beamed at him from across the table.

“Okay, fine. Let’s do that.” Jihoon answered, earning him a wide grin from Soonyoung.

Soonyoung just hoped he wouldn’t regret this decision.

***

A few days after they started meeting for dinner, Soonyoung received an envelope with a formal looking seal during his practice. His friends had been curious at the envelope, but Soonyoung had a hunch on what was inside.

During their break, Soonyoung slipped out of the practice room to a bench outside their building. Carefully peeling off the seal, Soonyoung opened the envelope to pull out some papers regarding his application to a dance school. Soonyoung had been applying to some dance school abroad to widen his experience on dancing.

After a few months of sending application, finally one of the schools he applied for, one he wished to attend, sent him an offer to study at the school for a year. Soonyoung was having a mild heart attack as he read the dean’s letter to him. Trying to calm his hammering heart, Soonyoung read the paper carefully. If he took the offer, he would have to fly out a few days after his showcase, which was less than a month from now.

Soonyoung flipped the letters up and down, reading the lines back and forth to ensure he hadn’t missed any words. He had been waiting for this for a few months, he was so happy to finally get an offer. Soonyoung pulled his phone out, wanting to let another person know about his good news. Without even knowing what he was doing, his thumb automatically hovered over a name.

Upon seeing the name, Soonyoung’s smile faltered. Jihoon.

Staring quietly at the name, he slowly lowered the hand that held his phone. Soonyoung looked up to the busy road in front of him.

He only met Jihoon a few months ago. Their talks were limited to what they were doing during the past few days or weeks they didn’t meet. Moreover, they always had their friends around them that talking so far as Soonyoung’s plan to study abroad had never been brought up.

But, the last few days, meeting Jihoon over dinner had change everything. In the two hours they were talking every day, Soonyoung had opened up to Jihoon more than he thought he’d be able to do with someone else. The way Jihoon talked to him also made Soonyoung believe that the younger also felt the same way.

Putting the papers back inside the envelope, Soonyoung looked up to the sky and promised himself to talk about this to Jihoon on their dinner date.

***

But, luck was not on his side. He was always late to their dinner. Once they finished eating, they only got a few minutes to actually talk without chewing anything on their mouth, before Soonyoung had to go back to the practice room to continue his preparation for the showcase.

He was determined to tell Jihoon that day, though. The showcase was in a week, he couldn’t delay it any longer. He was leaving Chan, Minghao, and Jun to check their costumes when it arrived after delivered to another block. Lucky that the recipient was kind enough to contact him and delivered the costumes to their dance studio. Soonyoung had been checking the clock in every few minutes that Minghao just snapped at him to just go already.

Running to the restaurant, Soonyoung flicked his wrist to see that he was almost 40 minutes late. Not that Jihoon ever get mad at him for being late. He was always understanding at Soonyoung’s schedule, understood that his practice was getting more hectic those days with preparation and choreography to be perfected before the showcase day. All the more reason Soonyoung should feel guilty for making Jihoon waited.

Soonyoung didn’t stop when he saw the restaurant’s door. Quickly pushing the door open and taking a long step towards their usual table, Soonyoung apologized once he saw the mop of Jihoon’s hair, “Jihoon, sorry I got caught up—“ only to stop as he saw that Jihoon was not alone.

“Oh, Soonyoung-hyung! I’m glad you’re finally here!” Seungkwan greeted Soonyoung happily, causing Jihoon to groan. Soonyoung thought hard that that groan wasn’t intended for him, “I’m only here for takeaway. I need to be going.”

“Oh, yeah, I see.” Soonyoung slowly sat down on his usual seat.

“Bye, hyung!” Seungkwan nuzzled Jihoon cheek for the last time before throwing him a cheeky grin. “See you later in the studio!”

“Go away, Boo!” Jihoon shooed him. Seungkwan only gave him a flying kiss, waving to Soonyoung and disappeared to the street.

“Hey, sorry about that.” Jihoon greeted the other. Soonyoung waved his hand in a manner he hoped was dismissing Jihoon’s apology.

“Have you ordered?”

“Yeah, the usual, right?” Soonyoung nodded. As they waited for their food, they talked about what happened that day. Apparently, Chan told Jihoon that there was some problem with their costume delivery, so Soonyoung told him about how the courier ended up delivering the costumes two blocks away.

When their food arrived, they ate in silence, which was usual for Jihoon, but unusual for Soonyoung. He found his mind running back to the scene he witnessed the younger when he arrived. Seungkwan had his arms around Jihoon, and he was nuzzling Jihoon’s cheek. Soonyoung tried to befriend everyone in Jihoon’s circle, but he couldn’t find himself to be as close to Seungkwan as he was to Jeonghan or Jisoo. He wanted to blame it to their age gap, but he got along fine with Chan, who was even younger than Seungkwan.

But, Soonyoung knew. He had known this for a while, now. He was jealous. Jealous of Seungkwan, who could make Jihoon laughs, who could touch Jihoon as he pleased, who could make Jihoon called him so fondly. His heart tightened painfully. He tried so hard not to stab his food in his frustration.

Once the food devoured, Jihoon finally broke the silence, “You okay?”

Soonyoung looked up to him. His heart quivered at the way the younger looked at him with worry. His heart longed for the man in front of him, but he knew he couldn’t have him. Realizing his face might have shown his conflicting emotion, Soonyoung quickly smiled.

“Yeah, just tired.” Soonyoung said, easing up on his chair. Jihoon didn’t say anything. He let Soonyoung slumped down against his chair, taking his breath and rest. Soonyoung screamed in his mind at how much the younger was considering his wellbeing. It might have been his fatigue, it might have been all the pressures condensing around him, but Soonyoung couldn’t handle Jihoon’s kindness anymore.

“I was thinking, if you don’t mind, can we stop meeting for dinner?” Soonyoung asked. Jihoon looked taken aback by his sudden suggestion. Soonyoung quickly added, “I mean, it’s getting difficult for me to sneak out since the showcase is only one week away. I don’t want to make you wait too long for me every night,”

“I don’t mind, though.” Jihoon said instantly.

“Ah…” Soonyoung smiled softly at him. See? Jihoon was too nice for his own good. “But, I mind. I barely make it today. I don’t want to cancel on the last minute after making you wait.”

Maybe it was only Soonyoung’s imagination, but Jihoon’s smile was tense when he agreed to it, “Okay, just let me know if you want to grab a bite sometimes.”

Soonyoung gave him a sad smile, before exclaiming, “Okay! Let’s get psych up! It’s my treat this time!”

Jihoon chuckled at Soonyoung’s outburst. “I still have to practice for a few more hours today.” Soonyoung groaned. Jihoon patted his hands gingerly.

“You’ll be fine, you’ll do great.” Soonyoung wished it was true.

 ***

Soonyoung couldn’t close his eyes that night. He failed to let the younger know about the offer, his feeling was in chaos. The memory of Jihoon’s smile as they parted last night kept flashing whenever he closed his eyes. He ended up spending the night awake, revising his choreography and double checking the properties for the showcase.

He only realized he was up all night when Jun arrived the next day, with a warm coffee in his hand. “Soonyoung? Don’t tell me you’re here all night?”

“Oh, Jun. Good morning. I guess, yeah.” Soonyoung shrugged. Jun looked like he was about to nag, so Soonyoung quickly stood up and excused himself to buy some coffee.

He never told any of his friends about his feeling exactly. But, he was sure that they knew what he was feeling by the way he acted around Jihoon or by how much he talked about the younger. Jun, Minghao, and Chan had been sending him teasing smile from across the room whenever he ran for their dinner. While Wonwoo and Mingyu had had enough of his Jihoon talk.

Wonwoo had said once to him to just ask Jihoon out. But, Soonyoung skillfully avoided answering him, not telling him why he hadn’t do it. Conveniently, Soonyoung was busy with his showcase that he didn’t talk to him that much lately.

As his mind wandered, Soonyoung arrived at the café. Standing in front of the cash register, Soonyoung gazed to the menu above the cashier’s head.

“One ice Cappuccino, please,” he decided. As the cashier tap his order to the machine, the song playing in the radio changed, and Soonyoung froze. It was Jihoon’s song. Soonyoung didn’t understand how just by listening to a song he composed, Soonyoung felt like running to the younger already.

Soonyoung gritted his teeth, he never knew that his feeling would frustrates him this much. At this rate, it might screw his showcase. But, as the song went on, Soonyoung could feel his resolve wavering. He didn’t want to stop. Heaving a sigh, Soonyoung interrupted the cashier before he run of to make his cappuccino. “I want one hot black coffee, as well,”

***

The week flashed by in a blink of an eye. It was the day of the showcase. Soonyoung had invited Jihoon and his friends to attend and Jihoon had agreed. Soonyoung could feel nervousness and excitement run in his blood. The thought that Jihoon was somewhere in the audience made him more determined to perform his best.

As the show began, the loud cheers around them only fuel his excitement. Soonyoung was jumping up and down as he stretch for his performance after Jun and Minghao duet. When it was finally his turn, Soonyoung walked up the stage confidently and scan the audience.

Soonyoung never knew he could find someone that easily in the crowd. Their eyes locked in a matter of second, and Soonyoung felt his heart skipped a beat. Jihoon was looking at him with so much attention, he could see that Jihoon only had his eyes on him. And Soonyoung smirked.

With Jihoon in his mind, Soonyoung moved along the beat, executing his choreography with passion and perfection. As more dancer filled the stage, Soonyoung felt his confidence grew. It was what they had been preparing for the last few weeks, sweats and bloods were shed as they practiced to show the audience (to show Jihoon) what they performed that night.

As they finished their performance, the auditorium blasted with the loud cheers and claps. Soonyoung felt his smile crept up his face, he was sure his lips split his face by how wide he was smiling. They bow down to the audience, staying in that position for a few seconds longer to express their gratitude. When they looked back up, Soonyoung eyes fleeted to the seat where he saw the shorter. Their eyes met. Soonyoung had never felt more proud when he saw the younger looked like he was captivated.

***

Soonyoung was giddy, he wanted to see Jihoon. So, as soon as the audience started streaming out of the auditorium, he hopped up the stairs, moving expertly between chairs to the direction of where he spotted the younger. He saw Seokmin first, he was looking worried for a second before an amused smile broke his face.

Soonyoung quickly approached the group, but abruptly stopped when he saw Jihoon, wrapped in Seungkwan’s arms. Soonyoung stood there a few feet away from them. People around him was busy clambering to get out of the auditorium, but Soonyoung felt his feet glued to the spot.

He forgot. He forgot that he was not the one sitting beside Jihoon to wrap his arm around his smaller body. He thought the past week away from Jihoon had at least suppressed his feeling towards him. But, he should have known better.

“Oh, Soonyoung!” Jisoo finally noticed Soonyoung. He gave them a sheepish smile as he approached them.

“Thank you for coming, guys! It means so much to me.” Soonyoung said.

“You looks amazing, hyung! I was probably gaping like a fish the whole time!” Seokmin said excitedly.

“He did.” Jisoo chuckled. “The others are amazing too!”

“Thanks,” Soonyoung said, still grinning sheepishly.

“Where’s Chan? I want to squeeze my baby because he deserves more loving from me!” Jeonghan excitedly asked Soonyoung.

“Ah, he’s probably with his parents. I saw them backstage.”

Jeonghan eyes lighted up before he dragged the three of them to the backstage, leaving Jihoon standing awkwardly with Soonyoung. After a few minutes of silence, Jihoon looked up, finding Soonyoung was watching him already. Soonyoung wanted to hug him.

“You looked amazing. I can’t keep my eyes of off the stage for the whole performance.”

“Thanks. I’m glad you can come.” Soonyoung said gratefully, trying to keep his composure intact when Jihoon words swell his heart.

“It’s nothing. We have the time, so of course we would like to support you.” Jihoon smiled at him reassuringly. Soonyoung couldn’t help but returned his smile two fold. Soonyoung felt his fatigue caught up with him, but with simply having Jihoon in front of him, Soonyoung felt content.

“I miss you,” Soonyoung thought he voiced his feelings aloud at first, but seeing Jihoon fidgeted nervously as those words slipped out of his mouth, he realized Jihoon was the one saying those words. Soonyoung felt his smile faltered.

“You’re so unfair, Lee Jihoon.” Soonyoung whispered, heart breaking as he kept reminding himself that he couldn’t say those words back to him. Jihoon’s expression started to mirror his.

“I—“ Soonyoung cleared his throat, “I get an offer to study abroad. I’ll be leaving in a few days.”

For a second, Jihoon was quiet. The silence of the auditorium around them making it more difficult for them to breathe, “Why did you never tell me?” Jihoon voice sounded weak. Soonyoung looked anywhere but Jihoon.

“I never thought that I would get an offer, I never thought it was worth to be brought up,” Soonyoung said. It was not worth your time. I was not worth your time.

“I’m happy for you, you deserve the chance,” Jihoon said genuinely which made Soonyoung whipped his head to face Jihoon. The other was looking into his eyes with genuine care. He might have looked surprised, but he was genuine with what he said. Soonyoung felt guilt tripped his words. Jihoon was trying to be a friend for him, but Soonyoung wanted more. He wanted so much more.

“We—I—“ Soonyoung breathed to steady himself. “I can’t, Jihoon,” he said painfully. He had to do this. His feeling wouldn’t die if he kept seeing Jihoon. He wouldn’t be able to keep his cool when he saw Jihoon in someone else’s arms. After taking another breath, with a determined face, Soonyoung looked into Jihoon’s eyes, “I also think it will be best if we keep our distance,”

Jihoon looked like he was frozen. He still kept his eyes on Soonyoung’s, but Soonyoung couldn’t read any emotion on his face. “I realize you’ve been a big part of my life in the last few months. I don’t know what I would do if I stay by your side and have to endure the thought that we can only be friends.”

Jihoon still didn’t say anything. Soonyoung wanted to know what the younger was thinking. But, his face was devoid of any emotions, “I’m sorry Jihoon. Thank you for all this time. Thank you for being a great friend. I don’t know what I would do if I never met you.”

At that words, Jihoon’s emotionless face broke. Even though his face was still bare of any emotion, Soonyoung could see the hurt in his eyes. Soonyoung wanted to pretend it was only his mind playing tricks on him, but Jihoon looked truly hurt.

“Ji..” Soonyoung took a step towards him to embrace his smaller frame, to comfort him. But Jihoon took a step back. Pain stabbed Soonyoung’s chest. Before Soonyoung could recover from the pain, Jihoon had turned on his back and ran away.

***

Soonyoung had tried to call and text Jihoon to no avail. The younger never replied his text or answered his call. He tried talking to Jeonghan and Jisoo, but without telling them what happened between them, Soonyoung couldn’t exactly asked for the elders’ help.

On the day he needed to leave, Soonyoung had been toying with the thought of dropping by Jihoon’s studio, but he wasn’t ready to see him. He was not ready to see the hurt on Jihoon’s face. So, when Chan showed up in the airport to send him off, Soonyoung was surprised to hear the younger said, “I don’t know what happened between you and Jihoon-hyung, but I was hoping you were the one to man up and fix everything before leaving,” I’ve tried.

“But not hard enough,” as if reading his mind, Soonyoung was left gaping as the younger hug him, “I should have punch you, but I love you too, so don’t mess up. At least make us proud when you return,”

He needed to board on his plane soon, he looked back at his friends who waved at him. He would miss them. He would miss everyone.

Soonyoung kept waving until he no longer could see the others, Soonyoung checked his phone, wishing that there was at least one message from him. But, the last message on the screen was his,

To: Jihoon

can we talk? i swear this is the last time.

Soonyoung didn’t want it to be the last time. But, Jihoon didn’t even grant him a last time.

***

A year passed with Soonyoung worked as hard as his body allowed him. Between taking classes and part time jobs, Soonyoung managed to join three showcases in his dance school. By the time he would return to his home country, he already gained his stage name in the school, Hoshi, the star.

Soonyoung would argue that him working this hard was just him making the most of the chance. That and to get his mind off of a certain small framed composer.

Soonyoung only talked to his friends once or twice a month. Wonwoo backed up by Mingyu and Minghao being the most nagging friends he had. Jun occasionally dropped him a message, that he missed them dancing together. Every time they talked on the phone, they nagged about him being too busy, to remind him that he had to eat and sleep properly. Even his mom was not that fussy. And whenever one of Jihoon’s friends name came up, Soonyoung quickly cut the call with the excuse that he had to run somewhere.

Neither Wonwoo, Mingyu, nor Minghao ever mentioned Jihoon’s name. Just his friends’ name was enough to make Soonyoung cut the call, he might have not pick up their calls if they talked about Jihoon himself.

Soonyoung was trying to forget him. Trying being the keyword. But, Soonyoung couldn’t. Not when every restaurant reminded him about their dinner dates. Not when every time he sipped his coffee, he reminded that the younger loves his coffee black. Not when every time he performed, he wanted that passionate eyes to be the one captivated by his movement on the stage. Not when every time he closed his eyes, the scene of Jihoon’s back running further away from him was what awaited him.

Soonyoung laid down on his bed. Sheet crumpled as he left it that morning, running late to his part time jobs in the dancing academy near his dorm building. He needed to shower, but his body was already halfway dead. He had been running from his part time job, to his classes, meeting with his professors, and continued with his usual dance practice as the night fell down on him, and when he realized he was in front of his room door, the clock had struck 2 AM.

He was on the brink of sleep when his phone chimed, signalling him of a new message. Trying not to care, Soonyoung let the phone where he left it, just a few centimetres away from where his fingers were. But, the phone chimed again. Groaning, Soonyoung remembered that he was waiting for one of his professor’s reply on his final project. Pushing himself up, he reached out his phone, turning himself on his back, he unlocked the phone to see Chan’s message. Soonyoung immediately jolted out his bed. Heart hammering on his chest.

Chan never messaged him since he left. He was there whenever Minghao called from the practice room, but he never contacted Soonyoung first. Chan was on Jihoon’s side all this time, and Soonyoung understood that. So, Soonyoung was baffled as to why the younger suddenly messaged him.

Soonyoung tapped on Chan’s message.

From: channie

I don’t want to meddle, but I can’t stand this.

From: channie

He said he misses you.

Soonyoung read the words repeatedly. Not believing his eyes, he pinched his side, read the message, still not believing his eyes, he pinched his side again, for a few times, he was sure he left a bruise.

His hands was shaking as he traced the words on his phone screen. Chan didn’t say who but Soonyoung could only think about one person. He almost dropped his phone when another message came in with a picture attachment. Anxiously, he opened the attachment. A picture filled his phone screen, and Soonyoung gripped his chest.

It was Jihoon, he was sleeping on what Soonyoung suspected as Chan’s bed. He was curled on his side, fingers clutching the material of his shirt on his chest, face scrunched in a frown. Even on the picture, Soonyoung could make out the streak of drying tears on his cheek.

The picture broke Soonyoung’s heart. His heart about to burst from all the emotion he was feeling. He wanted to be there, he wanted to be the one who wiped the tears from Jihoon’s face, he wanted to hug his small frame, and he wanted to bury him on his chest, to reassure him that he was there. Soonyoung brought his phone to his constricting chest, he groaned, a sound of discomfort at the pain in his chest, and before he knew it, Soonyoung was crying, a sob forced its way out of Soonyoung’s lips.

“Ji, I miss you…”

***

Soonyoung stepped out of the airport, looking at the bright blue sky. In contrast to the bright sky, the winter air bit his exposed skin. He pulled his jacket closer. Pulling out his phone, Soonyoung turned it on only to jump as notification popped one by one.

Most messages were from his friends, welcoming him back. Soonyoung chuckled at their excited messages. One that caught his eyes were Chan’s message. Again, after that one time (Soonyoung didn’t even reply) Chan never messaged him. He wondered what made the younger message him again. With pounding heart, he opened the message.

From: channie

I know you’re back. Come to the restaurant.

It’s my birthday. Don’t try to run away.

Damn. Soonyoung closed the message. He could only assumed that Jihoon would be there, the ‘don’t try to runaway’ part made him sure.

He wasn’t trying to run away. But, he didn’t know if he wanted to see Jihoon. Merely a sight of Jihoon’s picture had broken him that much, what would seeing Jihoon with his own eyes do to him?

Chan’s message had him realized that he hadn’t get over Jihoon. The fire was never died. He always longed for Jihoon, he always had Jihoon at the back of his mind. A part of him wanted to return to Jihoon’s side, to just ease his pain, to hold him close, and promised him that he wouldn’t go anywhere. But, Jihoon already had that someone. There was no place for Soonyoung.

***

He was supposed to return to his shared apartment with Wonwoo and Mingyu when he arrived. But, after seeing Chan’s message, Soonyoung kind of wanted to be alone. Instead of hauling a cab to their apartment, Soonyoung headed out to the direction of the dance studio. He knew Jun and Minghao would be in the restaurant for Chan’s birthday.

He dropped his luggage in a locker, tugging the black backpack on his back, he set out walking aimlessly down the road he usually roamed on just a year ago. Nothing much really changed around him. The road was still packed with people who wanted to spend the rest of their Sunday with their loved ones. The sky was getting darker, as the sun lowered down, but still bright enough for Soonyoung to appreciate the smiles on people faces as they walked past him.

His feet brought him to one familiar building. Jihoon’s studio. He looked up to where Jihoon’s studio was probably located. He wondered if Jihoon was in his studio, was he working on a song, was it an easy song, or was it taking all his wit? Soonyoung gripped on his phone tighter as he stepped one ginger step towards the building before stopping. No, Soonyoung wouldn’t.

He was surprised by the persistent vibration on his hand. Slowly pulling out his phone, Soonyoung watched Wonwoo’s name blinking on the screen. Soonyoung pondered on answering the call or not. But, he had probably made Wonwoo and Mingyu worried since he didn’t even let them know he had arrived.

Sliding the answer button, Soonyoung put the phone on his ear, “Hi, Wonwoo,”

“Goddamnit, if I was there, I’ll ask Mingyu to sling your head,” Soonyoung chuckled at the younger’s annoyed tone. “Where are you?”

“Hmm? Just walking around,” Soonyoung shrugged.

“…and where are you just walking around?”

Soonyoung could practically see Wonwoo squinting his eyes as he asked that. “I’m fine, I just missed the dance studio, so I drop by,”

“I thought you got into an accident, Mingyu said you didn’t drop by the apartment. You didn’t even reply to any of our message,”

Soonyoung laughed sheepishly, “Sorry, I got a lot to think about.”

The line was silent for a second. Not exactly silent as Soonyoung could make out distinct voices on the background. “Drop by Chan’s place, we can talk.”

Soonyoung should have guessed. Now that Wonwoo said it, he could make out Mingyu’s whine, Minghao’s nag, and Jun’s laughter. He missed his friends. He wanted to see his friends, he wanted to see Jihoon. Soonyoung clenched his hand tighter.

“I can’t, Wonwoo,” Soonyoung said slowly, “He will be there,”

The line went silent again, before Soonyoung assumed Wonwoo excused himself to talk to Soonyoung privately. After a few second of bustling, Wonwoo’s voice was back, “Jihoon?”

“Yeah,”

“You never let us speak about this. Would you care to share why you were avoiding Jihoon?”

Soonyoung was quiet. At his silent, Wonwoo sighed, exasperated at his stubbornness. “It’s been a year, Soonyoung. It’s about time you tell me. Aren’t I your best friend?”

Soonyoung kept his mouth shut. Wonwoo huffed, annoyed. “Fine, don’t tell—“

“I love him, Wonwoo,” Soonyoung breathed. This time, it was Wonwoo’s turn to be quiet.

“Okay, and I think the feeling was mutual. Where did you screw up?” Wonwoo was always straightforward with his question, but Soonyoung could hear the soft tone he was trying to use on Soonyoung.

“It’s not mutual, Wonwoo,” Soonyoung sat down on the bench right in front of Jihoon’s studio building. He looked up at the greying sky, “He has a boyfriend,”

“Jihoon?” Wonwoo asked.

“Obviously. Are we talking about you, right now?” Soonyoung rolled his eyes knowing Wonwoo couldn’t see him.

“No, I can’t believe it. I mean, the way he looked at you, the way you both danced around each other for weeks, it drove us who watched the both of you mad,”

Soonyoung chuckled miserably. “What are you even talking about? Jihoon never felt that way about me,”

The line was silent again for a few seconds, “Have you ever talked to him about it?”

“Why? What for? He already has someone else. I don’t want to ruin his happiness,”

“I don’t think happy is anything describing Jihoon right now.” Wonwoo replied. An unhappy Jihoon flashed before his eyes, the tears streaked cheek, and Soonyoung felt his chest hurt.

“What happened? Is he okay?”

“You always run away whenever we even said his friends name, so we didn’t really want to bring him up,” Wonwoo said, “Seungcheol shared this video of Jihoon earlier, which he got from Jeonghan,”

Soonyoung felt his heart beat faster at Wonwoo’s words, “It seems like he was crying, he has been working like crazy too,”

Why was he crying? Chan also sent him Jihoon’s crying photo, and now Wonwoo said Jihoon was crying again? Jihoon, his little fluff ball who wouldn’t even let people baby him was crying?

“Where is Seungkwan?” Soonyoung asked through gritted teeth. How did he let Jihoon cried by himself?

“Hmm? He is inside? I slipped out to talk to you, they were so loud.” Wonwoo answered. “Why suddenly Seungkwan?”

Soonyoung didn’t answer Wonwoo. He felt jealousy stirred in his stomach. Why did he left Jihoon? Why did he let Jihoon cry? He could be beside Jihoon, he could be a better boyfriend.

“Hey, you still there?” Wonwoo’s voice brought him back to the bench he was sitting.

“Yeah,”

“So, do you want to talk to Seungkwan or what?”

Soonyoung gritted his teeth, “I backed out because I thought their relationship was going well. I thought Seungkwan could make Jihoon happy,”

“Huh? Seungkwan is in a relationship with Jihoon?”

“And I was stupid to go away,” Soonyoung cut the phone call. He was sure he would scream at Wonwoo by how frustrated he was feeling, that was why he cut the phone call. Wonwoo was calling him back, but Soonyoung ignored him.

With a determined step, he walked towards the restaurant where his friends and Jihoon’s friends were. He needed to let this feeling known to Jihoon.

***

Or so he thought.

Soonyoung stood on the corner of the street, watching the restaurant’s window where he could see the mop of his friends’ hair. Somewhere inside, there was Jihoon. Probably laughing at his friends joke, and teasing the birthday boy because Jihoon loved Chan. Jihoon would fold himself as he laughed, hands clutching his stomach with how much he was shaking. Soonyoung would tried to avert his eyes since Jihoon’s nape would be visible, pale and smooth, tempting Soonyoung to run his hand down his neck.

Soonyoung clutched his backpack strap tighter. He missed Jihoon so much.

Too occupied with his thought, Soonyoung hadn’t realized that he was probably blocking people’s way when someone bumped onto his backpack. Soonyoung snapped out of his thought and quickly turned around to apologize to the other when words left his thought. There was no mistaking it, Soonyoung would notice that mop of dark hair everywhere. When their eyes met, the smaller eyes widen.

The time felt like it stopped. There were only the two of them on the busy road. Soonyoung eyes greedily took the sight of the younger. Jihoon’s face was in a complete shock, like he never expected to see Soonyoung. Soonyoung felt his lips move, a shallow “Jihoon...” slipped pass his mouth. At his word, Jihoon seemed to unfreeze, eyes looking around them, stayed a few seconds longer at the restaurant window. And Soonyoung remembered his purpose.

“Jihoon,” he called him again, firmer this time. Jihoon was visibly tensing, there was droplets of water caught on his eyelashes. When the younger turned around, Soonyoung was ready, he quickly grabbed Jihoon’s wrist. The younger forcefully swatted his hand away, almost hitting Soonyoung if he wasn’t swift enough to step back, making Jihoon whacked his cap off of his head. Soonyoung quickly grabbed both Jihoon’s wrist this time, forcing Jihoon to face him.

In contrast to his frowning face he said softly “Jihoon, let’s not do this anymore,”

But, before the younger could say anything, they both were startled by a loud, “KWON SOONYOUNG!”

Soonyoung turned around to see Seungkwan charging towards them, his face was full of fury. Soonyoung pulled Jihoon behind him, it was Soonyoung’s fault anyway, for trying to get his hands on someone else’s boyfriend.

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” Seungkwan screamed in Soonyoung face, and in a quick motion, he grabbed Soonyoung by his collar and Soonyoung’s face was met with Seungkwan’s fist. Soonyoung staggered to the pavement below him. He groaned, his fingers lightly touching the reddening skin. He could taste blood on his lips, he winced as he touched his split lip.

Jihoon was standing before him, fingers cautiously removing his hair from his face, eyes watching him worriedly. Soonyoung felt his heart swell.

But, Seungkwan was still screaming. “Before you decide everything by yourself you better ask!” Behind him, Vernon caught up with them and apologized to the passer-by as they were disturbed by the commotion.

Seungkwan pulled Vernon to his side, “This is my fucking boyfriend, you idiot!”

Soonyoung was still trying to digest the words as their friends surrounded them, looking at them worriedly. Belatedly, Soonyoung stammered as the words registered in his mind, “W-what?”

“YES, YOU BUFFOON!” Seungkwan screamed again. Vernon put his arms around his boyfriend stopping him from throwing another punch to Soonyoung. “So don’t fucking tell me you hurt Jihoon-hyung just because you thought that we were dating!”

This time, it was Jihoon’s turn to shout. “What?!”

Jihoon turned his head to Soonyoung, “You thought I was dating Seungkwan?” Jihoon asked incredulously. Soonyoung was gaping like a fish.

Before Soonyoung could say anything, Seungcheol interrupted, “Okay, guys. Shall we bring this inside? People are watching.”

***

They were in Chan’s room. Both were quiet as Jihoon nursed Soonyoung’s cut lip. Soonyoung’s grimaced as Jihoon put ointment on his cut, bottom lip jutting out as Jihoon not to gently dab his finger on the cut. Jihoon hadn’t met his eyes even once, so Soonyoung kept his eyes trained on the smaller man as his fingers danced on Soonyoung’s skin. After sticking the band-aid on the cut, Jihoon reached behind him for the plastic of ice Jisoo had put on Chan’s bedside table. Covering the plastic with a towel, Jihoon pressed the towel to Soonyoung’s left cheek.

It had been a year, Jihoon hadn’t changed much. His black hair was still falling softly against his forehead, a hint of dimples on each side of his lips still apparent, he still had that resting bitch face when he didn’t smile, and to see him in front of him took every ounce of Soonyoung will power not to jump on the younger and squished him to mush.

Soonyoung was so busy studying Jihoon’s face that he only realized that Jihoon was finally looking up to him when the younger cleared his throat and asked, “Okay, what is this about me dating Seungkwan?”

It was Soonyoung’s turn to avoid looking at the younger. His cheek was hot with embarrassment. He played with the hem of his hoodie nervously, “I, yeah, I thought, you were,” he slowly said.

“Like, what the fuck makes you think I was dating him?” Jihoon raised his voice. Soonyoung flinched.

“Well, you talked about him a lot,” Soonyoung whispered.

“I talked about him as much as I talked about my other friends.”

“You talked about him fondly,” Jihoon rolled his eyes.

But, Soonyoung was stubborn, “You let him touch you, hug you, and you smiled so fondly at him,”

“I let the others touch and hug me as long as it’s not too overboard. I didn’t smile fondly at him, I smirk at him,”

“But, you flinched when I touched you,” Soonyoung said, eyes downcast.

He heard Jihoon sighed at his words, “I..” Jihoon drew in a breath to calm his nerves, “I’m not used to you touching me,” Soonyoung face dropped lower.

“Because, my heart raced whenever you did,” when he heard those words, Soonyoung looked up to see the younger’s face. There are a hint of pink on his cheeks, but Jihoon held his gaze steadily. Soonyoung felt relieve washed over him. Jihoon’s gaze was nothing but genuine, so he just wanted to clarify it.

“You called him boo,” Soonyoung said as his hands reached for Jihoon’s hand on his face. Soonyoung almost cheered when Jihoon didn’t flinch. Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“It’s because his name is Boo Seungkwan,” at that Soonyoung quickly gripped Jihoon wrist and lowered both their hands.

“Seriously?”

“God, you’re so stupid.” Jihoon rolled his eyes again.

Soonyoung was gaping at Jihoon in disbelief. “You’re not calling him boo because he is your boo? It’s because his name is Boo Seungkwan?”

“How can you not know my friends’ full name? After all the time we hanged out together?” Jihoon exasperated. Soonyoung looked down at their intertwined hands. Jihoon hadn’t realized how Soonyoung’s fingers threaded along his, thumbs rubbing nervously against the back of Jihoon’s hands. Not only he mistook Seungkwan as Jihoon’s boyfriend, he mistook his name as pet name? How stupid can Soonyoung be?

“I…” Soonyoung whispered, still looking down. “I thought he was your boyfriend since he called you when we first met,”

“Even then?”

Soonyoung looked up pouting. His eyes dimmed with regret. “He called you after midnight, even though he was screaming at you, you still smiled so fondly, and you called him boo. How am I not supposed to think that he was your boyfriend?”

“Because, if you weren’t there, and you didn’t help me with my song, you would see me threw a fit and refuse his call.” Jihoon answered. “You know how bad I was with pressure.”

Soonyoung looked at him only with regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’ve been stupid.”

“You are,” Jihoon replied. “But, I’m also stupid, for letting you go just like that.”

Jihoon’s face contorted into an expression Soonyoung hated the most. Like he was hurt, but he felt like he deserved to be hurt more than that.

“You have that look again,” Soonyoung caressed his cheek.

“What look?”

“Like you’re in pain and you wish it hurts you more,” Soonyoung softly said, the younger visibly relax at the touch. “I’m here now, it’s all that matters.”

“Yeah, with a bruise on your cheek,” Jihoon touched the slowly darkening bruise on Soonyoung’s cheek. Soonyoung flinched as Jihoon’s touch hurt harder than he thought. “I’m sorry,”

“With the way he punch me, I really thought he was your boyfriend. I would want to punch me to,”

“You should be glad it’s not Jeonghan or Seungcheol,” Jihoon chuckled. Soonyoung grimaced.

“I can understand Seungcheol, but Jeonghan?”

“Yeah, Seungcheol will punch you too because you make Jeonghan punch you,” Soonyoung’s face contorted in pain as he imagined it.

“Please remind me to never mess with them,”

Jihoon chuckled. Soonyoung watched the dimples on the corner of his lips appeared as the bow shaped lips lifted up. He loved watching Jihoon smiles. He wanted to be the one to make him smile. Soonyoung reached for Jihoon’s hands again, his heart hammering on his chest, but his grip on Jihoon’s palm was sure.

“So, are we fine?” Soonyoung asked softly. Jihoon stared at him, his face was devoid of emotions, his eyes were searching. Soonyoung tried his best not to jump out of his seat with all the anxiety he felt.

When Jihoon questioned him back “Are we now?” Soonyoung’s breath caught, his palm was probably gross now with how much he was sweating.

“I…” Soonyoung gulped down the lump on his throat. “I know I hurt you, I have no excuse for that, I was stupid, I am still an idiot. But, I…” Soonyoung took a deep breath. He squeezed the hands between his. “The past year has been hell for me. I don’t want to go on another day without you,”

Looking straight to the younger’s eyes, Soonyoung tried to not plead, but he did, “Please, let me stay with you.”

Jihoon’s eyes were still locked with his. Soonyoung braced himself for the worst case, after all this time, he didn’t expect Jihoon to just accept him. For a few seconds, the silence grew around them, and as it grew, Soonyoung felt hope began to slip from his finger.

Jihoon seemed like he was about to say something when the door banged open and startled them both, “It’s my birthday for fuck sake! I’m not letting you guys fuck around in my room while my parents are downstairs!” Chan rambled, annoyed.

Behind him, Jeonghan was crying, “My baby cuss so much! Where did my parenting go wrong?”

“Seriously, hyung? My actual parents are downstairs and you’re crying here now?”

“Okay, guys. Let’s get downstairs,” Seungcheol ushered the two down. “We’ll be waiting downstairs.” He said to the other two in the room, who started looking at anything but each other.

After Seungcheol closed the door, silence fell upon them once again. This time, Jihoon broke it first, “Let’s go, they must be waiting,”

Soonyoung only looked at him dejectedly. He huffed a sigh before standing up. He should have known, of course it wouldn’t be easy. Soonyoung opened the door, turning back to let the younger out first. However, Soonyoung was caught off guard when Jihoon grabbed his shoulder, and a soft lips pressed against his cut lips.

Jihoon was giving him his sly smile, “We’ll see?” before hopping down the stairs leaving Soonyoung standing dumbfounded in front of Chan’s door, a dopey smile starts to blossom on his face.

***