Chapter Text
Sometimes, Sasuke thinks he should have ran for it.
Ran as fast and as far as he could have managed.
Ran, so he wouldn’t be blind and bound in a damp cell.
Ran before facing off against Naruto in what he thought be the very last time, and losing, but living still. His stump where his arm had once been always aches in remembrance when he thinks of their last fight.
Any of the rage and resolve for change and vengeance had seemed to leave his body right along with his arm. After that, he felt a bit lost of what to do next. Itachi would have wanted to protect Konoha, and he understands it, but he isn't his brother.
If there’s one thing a person has when locked up, it’s a lot of time to think; time to consider things.
Sasuke knows he could have done some things better. Some decisions a bit too rash, blinded by his pain to truly work, and emotional. He is someone who is ruled by his emotions, and some might think him a fool for it, but he tries to remember something his one of his uncles had told him once when he was small. “You’ve got your mother’s fire in you. Not like your brother. ”
His memories of the past and his family are always hazy. Bits and pieces stand out while others were out of reach; it hurts too much to dwell on them. That has still been something he holds onto. Because Uncle Naozumi had said it with a smile; that he wasn’t like his brother and it was a good thing. When he’d been that small, having something Itachi didn’t was enough. Something purely his was enough.
He is emotional, but that’s fine. He’s made some mistakes, but that doesn’t mean he thinks of himself as a criminal. Truthfully, nearly all his assassination attempts of any kind almost all hadn’t gone as planned. They are all shinobi. Shinobi fight. It’s just a matter of principles. Sasuke can see the Kages taking offense at him saying he was going to kill them, but he hadn’t actually killed any of them. Unlike, someone else who had done much worse in the matter of mistakes and hadn’t taken residence in the next cell over.
It irks a bit, or a lot.
Sasuke tries not to dwell on it. Tries not to dwell on most things. He can think all he wants, but if he starts to dwell, that’s when it starts to hurt.
As much as seeing Naruto had once filled him with warmth, and an almost wholeness he hadn’t felt in so long, there is a tinge of bitterness on his tongue that wouldn’t go away. Naruto said he understood him. Naruto said he would shoulder his hatred and pain. Naruto said he hurt when Sasuke hurt, and yet-- Naruto left him in the cell. Like a criminal. Like some kind of monster that need to be caged so it didn't hurt anyone.
Sasuke had looked up to Kakashi. He had thought maybe Kakashi understood just a bit, but really all Kakashi saw was a traitor. Kakashi didn’t understand his feelings. He understood that ‘those who abandon their comrades are trash ’. Kakashi understood Sasuke left and that was all, the reasonings didn’t matter much in the end. Kakashi saw a traitor.
Kakashi would visit on occasion and there would be an ache in Sasuke’s hands; to hurt him. Kakashi had once seemed so strong and untouchable when Sasuke was a small genin. Still, it wasn’t arrogance that made him think if Sasuke were at peak condition and not bound he could hurt Kakashi easily.
Sasuke still remembers how offended Kakashi had been when he had put Sakura in a genjutsu to get her off his back. He told her how he felt with her fallacies of love, and Kakashi had the nerve to condemn him for it. As if Sasuke couldn’t manage thoughts of his own, feelings of his own; the spiteful whisper in his head would remind him of those thoughts whenever he heard Kakashi’s voice.
Most of the time in his cell, Sasuke feels empty.
He almost prefers the hollowness when compared to the latter.
It's familiar.
Safe.
He still clings to his wish. The small regret.
That he had ran for it when he had the chance.
Ran before being roped into a farce of a war.
Ran before Madara and Obito and all their bullshit.
Ran before fighting Itachi.
Instead of running to Orochimaru, he should have just ran away. Far away. Away from all of it. Everything.
He should have ran the night his parents blood ran beneath his feet.
Away, far, fast.
Realistically, he knows it never could have worked, but it was an almost comforting thought. It didn’t make T&I any better, but it’s something he has that is his and his alone. Nothing seems to be his, but everyone else’s too. His choices never seem to be his alone.
Always what about Itachi. Always what about Naruto.
It almost makes him chuckle. With how different they are, the two of them are kind of similar. They thought they knew what was best. They were both undeniably precious to him, but in the privacy of his own mind Sasuke admits it, both Itachi and Naruto were pretty selfish.
Sasuke feels like he never has much choice. Always controlled; as if the life of a shinobi. It makes him wonder if he had always been a prisoner since the day his clan died. Itachi sent him on a path of vengeance that bound him, but after maybe the Leaf would be his tie. They could just add the bars and seals and blindfold for a while, but he wonders if he’d still be a prisoner even when they took off the chains.
He has to choke down a gag whenever he dwells on it too long. He doesn't want those feelings to evolve into something else. Better to be empty.
Sometimes he thinks about his team. He thinks about Team 7 as many would expect, but also Taka: his team . That was something he had chose. He’d chose them all to help hunt Itachi, but he didn’t force them to come with him. Regardless of anything else, Team Taka had felt like his own choice. All four of them were very different people with different goals. They still respected one another, never trying to change each other to fit their own ideals. Sasuke didn’t really expect the odd cohesion his team had, even with Suigetsu and Karin bickering. They’re his team, even if they are all weirdos: Juugo, Suigetsu, and Karin.
He hopes they're okay.
They’d found out Karin is an Uzumaki, so maybe she is in Konoha. It seemed like something Naruto would insist on. He’d heard something involving them as Orochimaru’s subordinates, but he figured it had to be a rumor. Even if Juugo and Karin went back for whatever reason, Sasuke knows Suigetsu would never. Suigetsu would probably chew off his own arm first. It brings a bitter smile to his mouth. The thought of Suigetsu, who is always so indifferent and with an odd love for killing, showing off his cowardly side probably using Juugo and even Karin as barriers to hide behind.
The bitterness of it sticks to his teeth. Suigetsu is terrified of Orochimaru. If all three had nowhere else, what if they did go back to him? Suigetsu never had a choice, Juugo had been a willing prisoner because of his seal, and Karin had chose to follow Orochimaru because she had nothing else in the first place. He hates the thought that while he’s behind bars his team might no longer be free either.
Juugo hates his seal, but loves to be outside. He loves the sun. Suigetsu values any space he gets to move, to just wander and see everything there is. Karin doesn't like to admit it, but having a choice means a lot to her. They all just want to be free. That’s all. They treasure their freedom.
“Hey, Sasuke, wakey wakey!”
Either his time imprisoned is starting to mess with his head, or Suigetsu is a bigger idiot than Sasuke thought.
“This is a genjutsu.”
“Nope, we’re really breaking you out of this joint.”
Another familiar voice adds, “That is, we will be breaking you out, if that is okay with you Sasuke. If you wish to remain we will not.”
Sasuke had thought Juugo had more sense than Suigetsu, but apparently not.
Sasuke hisses, “That is not the point. What are you doing here? You need to go before you get caught!”
“That’s why Karin’s not here fussing up a storm.” Suigetsu explains, “She’s our lookout. Juugo and I incapacitated the guards. There weren’t that many really guarding you. Juugo didn’t even lose his shit and I didn’t even kill any, you should be proud. Anyway, Karin got ahold of some old Uzumaki seals specifically made for escaping seizure, so let’s hope they overpower those ones on you. Should get that blindfold off you first though. Just gotta slip through the bars.”
Sasuke listens with bated breath until he feels cool fingers against his temple, gently untying the covering over his eyes. The whirlwind of emotion in his chest swirls and makes him tremble with anticipation. The idiots. His idiots. Of course they’d try and orchestrate some insane escape plan. Everything he had tried to keep buried seems to come to his throat when he sees Suigetsu’s eyes. Juugo stands just outside the cell with a gentle smile. Sasuke can’t really bring himself to care about what he must look like, or what the expression on his face must be.
He can only manage one word.
“Why?" He asks.
Suigetsu crouches down on the ground and gives Sasuke a sharp toothed grin “You’re the one who gave us freedom, Sasuke. Why do you think we wouldn’t give you the same?”