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Taako had known Kravitz for as long as he could remember. And his memory was very good. Taako could remember playing with Kravitz when they were three years old and sitting almost-naked in the garden outside of Kravitz’s mother’s house, digging up worms together and giggling at how they squirmed. They knew each other better than they knew anyone else.
When they were old enough to understand what the little picture was on their left shoulders (Kravitz with a rainbow, vibrant and colorful, Taako with a simple, cartoonish skull), Kravitz had immediately declared, “Well, whoever my soul mate is, I don’t need them!” And then he’d hugged Taako tight, tight, tight around his middle, and the two six-year-olds had giggled and run off somewhere together.
And they didn’t bother with their soul marks for a long while. Little did they know how blind they really were, for years and years.
Kravitz was the first person Taako came out to, at eleven years old. He was smaller than Kravitz had ever seen him, shaky and tearful, terrified that Kravitz wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore. But he’d also trusted Kravitz more than he’d trusted his parents, more than anyone else in the world. And so when Kravitz just said, “Me, too, Taako,” and hugged him too tight, Taako had just cried and hugged him back, just as tight.
After that day, if possible, the pair became even closer. They did everything together. Pillow forts, county fairs, amusement parks, beach trips, road trips, you name it. They were inseparable.
Until high school.
Freshman year came with an onslaught of hormones and teasing classmates and questions of, “Have you met Them yet? Have you met your soul mate yet? What does your mark look like?” And suddenly, Kravitz didn’t seem to want to hang out with Taako anymore. He fell in with the wrong crowd, the crowd where everyone wore black and leather and put weird piercings in weird parts of their bodies and listened to ugly music about death and loneliness, and he left Taako behind for them and their weird culture of anger and hate.
For the first time in his life, at fifteen years old, Taako was alone.
Sophomore year, he met a guy. He was a senior, on the football team, and he was big and strong and handsome and he called Taako “pretty”. His name was Sazed. And what the hell, maybe Taako was hoping that someone (Kravitz) would come and stop him, would tell him that this guy was bad news, would warn him that this isn’t his soul mate and he shouldn’t get involved. But Kravitz wasn’t there, and so Taako decided that he would start dating Sazed.
The first two months were heaven. Sazed got Taako everything he wanted, took him to nice places, cheered him on while he started to invent new recipes and explored the love of cooking he’d always had. And Taako had wondered one night, lying naked in the strong arms of the star quarterback, if maybe he was in love.
Of course, Sazed told him that he was “too fat,” that he should “lighten up on the calories, there, babe,” and Taako found himself obsessively avoiding anything with more than 3 grams of sugar or fat. Or, really, much food at all. He’d cook but he wouldn’t eat. He got skinnier, and it made Sazed happy when Taako weighed 90 pounds soaking wet, when his collarbone and shoulder blades popped out, when Sazed could count Taako’s ribs when he was laid out naked under him. Taako got cold a lot, so he borrowed Sazed’s huge hoodies. It was nice. Sazed was nice. Things were good.
Until they weren’t.
Eight months later found him standing in a rainstorm at one in the morning outside of Kravitz’s door, his hand poised over the door, ready to knock, but absolutely terrified of being this vulnerable before Kravitz after two years of almost no communication.
He knocked.
It took only a moment for the door to open, and Kravitz was there in his stupid skull-print pajama bottoms and a silver stud in his bottom lip and he was so different and Taako, his nose bloody and his left eye black and swollen and his arms covered in bruises and handprints, just fell against his best friend, sobbing, clutching at his black shirt and asking him to please please just let me in I think he’s gonna come after me and, miraculously, Kravitz let him in, closed the door, and wrapped his arms around him as he cried.
“Shhh,” he whispered into Taako’s hair. “Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay. God, you’re soaking wet. How long were you out in the rain--what happened to you? Are you--” He held Taako out at arm’s length, examined him critically. “Oh, my god, what happened to you, here, I’ll--” He let go of Taako to grab a blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders. “God, you must be so cold. I’ll go make you some tea, or something, and I’ll get you something dry to wear.”
He vanished from the room, leaving Taako standing there, sniffling, clutching a fleece blanket tight around himself, but he was back in minutes with a pair of soft grey sweatpants and a white T-shirt with some indie band name on it and a black hoodie that smelled like him when Taako put it on.
An hour, a mug of tea, an ice pack, and most of a Disney movie later found Taako curled up and sleeping fitfully on Kravitz’s shoulder. There was only one lamp on in the whole house, and it only dimly lit the room and part of the hall. The end of Mulan was just about over, playing quietly, the light from the TV illuminating the pair. Rain ran down the windows.
After the movie finished, Kravitz moved to turn off the TV, and Taako stirred with a soft murmur. “Krav?” he mumbled into the blanket that covered his mouth.
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m here.” Kravitz grabbed the remote and turned off the TV, but his eyes stayed on Taako.
“I don’t… need a soul mate,” Taako said, muffled, a little teary.
“What? Of course you do. Everyone needs their soul mate.”
“Well I don’t.” Taako smiled, just a little. “Not when I have you.”
He drifted off in Kravitz’s arms.
Kravitz didn’t sleep much that night. The night passed slowly.
After that day, Kravitz left many of his old friends, and started spending more time with Taako again.
Junior year, Taako got a job at a little cafe in the downtown area of their already small New Jersey town, and he somehow, miraculously, turned the place around, changing the recipes for their baked goods to make them “somewhat palatable,” as Taako described them, and “fucking delicious,” as literally everyone else (especially Kravitz) described them.
The summer before their senior year, they flew out to San Francisco Pride together. Taako got all dolled up in pink glittery booty shorts and thigh-high fishnets and black stiletto boots and an off-the-shoulder crop top that was made basically of sequins and lace. Kravitz helped him do his makeup and painted the rainbow stripes down his cheeks, and Taako returned the favor. Kravitz dressed himself in all black, except for his T-shirt, which was done in the colors and style of the pride flag.
That day, they had more fun than they’d ever had. Taako tied a huge rainbow flag around his shoulders and Kravitz lifted him onto his back for a piggy-back ride and the whole day everyone asked, “Are you two soul mates? Are you together? Are you dating?” And Kravitz laughed and smiled and said, “No, we’re best friends, we’re just best friends,” and when he said that something deep in Taako’s chest ached, tight and bitter, and he didn’t know what it was.
And that day, when they were wandering the rainbow-littered streets, hand-in-hand, Taako saw someone wearing a shirt decorated with the transgender colors who had his face but she was a woman and her hair was dyed flame-red and styled into an awesome mohawk. And Taako started toward her, and then he looked back at Kravitz, and he said, “I think--I think that’s my--” And Kravitz smiled and shoved him gently, and then Taako was running, and he was pushing people out of the way, and he was running, and he skidded to a stop in front of her and he said, all in one breath, “Hi I’m Taako and I saw you from across the street and maybe this sounds weird but I’m pretty sure you have my face and I think we’re twins.”
She studied him, and for a moment Taako thought she was going to laugh in his face. And then she frowned, and she squinted, and she peered into his face, and she said, “Taako?”
When they hugged, an explosive and somewhat tearful affair, Taako gave Kravitz a thumbs-up over Lup’s shoulder, rainbow face paint smudging against the pink-white-blue of Lup’s T-shirt, rainbow flag fluttering in a breeze.
Little did Taako know that that was the exact moment that Kravitz Knew.
Their senior year was uneventful. Full of college prep (they were going to go to the same college, that was just a fact of life) , senioritis (sometimes Kravitz had to come over to Taako’s house and physically drag him out of bed), and general shenanigans. They finally made good friends other than just each other, namely Magnus, Lucretia, and Barry, the latter of whom actually knew Taako’s twin sister from a robotics camp two years ago.
The senior year passed otherwise without trouble. Taako had frequent video calls with his sister, and Kravitz got to know her, too, along with the rest of the gang. (Barry often had to tap out of conversations early, because he became a blushing mess whenever he started talking to Lup. His soul mark was a burning torch. Hers was a pair of glasses. It was obvious. )
And then, of course, towards the middle of the school year, Magnus proposed a road trip, and they had to do it. “Let’s go to the beach!” he declared, when asked where he wanted to go, and Taako had said disinterestedly, “Can’t we just go to Ocean City?”
“No, silly,” Magnus grinned, “we’re gonna drive all the way to Florida!”
Taako groaned exaggeratedly. “Can we like, compromise, and go to Myrtle Beach instead?” he asked. “I don’t wanna be stuck in a car with you chucklefucks for, like, twenty hours.”
Everyone looked at everyone. “Yeah. Yeah, okay, we can do Myrtle Beach,” they said.
Months passed, and the five of them scrounged away money. Their savings accounts grew and grew, swollen with the hope for one last adventure before they parted ways for God knew how long. Motel rooms were reserved, van rentals were planned for, a route was plotted, work schedules were updated for the week off that they would need. Excitement grew as the end of the school year approached, but it quickly was realized that between then and their road trip stretched a week of torture: finals.
The week before finals, Taako basically lived at Kravitz’s house. He, of course, had noticed that, since Pride, something seemed a little… different, about Kravitz. He was a little more cautious, more quiet, around Taako, but maybe that was just him growing up, getting older. Either way, they still had fun, hanging out in Kravitz’s room and eating junk food while they studied for their various finals. After a year of things being somehow almost awkward and forced, the days they spent there falling asleep face-first in textbooks or slouched against the other’s shoulder were good and soft and more intimate than they’ve been for a while.
Finals came. Taako stressed, pulled out his hair by the roots piece by piece, and Kravitz was there to soothe the headaches that came with it. After each exam they came out tired but triumphant, knowing that they did their best and even if they didn’t pass with A’s they’d pass their classes. They ate lunch, just the two of them, in the small community park down the street from the school, cold sandwiches and orange juice eaten under the trees while children play on the playgrounds nearby. Kravitz put an arm around Taako’s shoulders and gave him a short, tight, sideways hug, and the motion made Taako’s heart feel ready to burst.
Finals went. Graduation came. Taako walked across the stage, received his diploma, performed an absolutely righteous dab (at which all his friends booed), and sat down. He cheered Kravitz on when his name was called, and Kravitz looked right at Taako and grinned, bright and wide and absolutely joyful, and he took his diploma and sat down.
As soon as the ceremony was over, they found each other in the crowd of robes, and Taako flung himself at Kravitz for a huge hug, laughing wildly. “We did it,” he crowed, brandishing his diploma, “we did it, we did it!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Kravitz giggled, his arms tight around Taako’s middle, “we did it, we’re free now!”
“Hell yeah!” Taako leapt back from the embrace, pumped his fist, did a little dance for celebration, and Kravitz laughed, big and deep and happy.
That evening, Magnus insisted on taking the whole group out to Taco Bell to celebrate. “Hell yeah, midnight tacos,” Taako exclaimed as they piled into Magnus’s car. It wasn’t quite big enough to fit everyone comfortably, so Taako ended up squished up very close to Kravitz. Taako felt his cheeks go hot as he realized how close they were, and he immediately told them to shut up. Inside his head, of course. Stupid hormones, or something. You know how it is.
Because he definitely didn’t like Kravitz.
But God, seeing Kravitz snorting with laughter with a shitty Taco Bell taco in his mouth at half past midnight made Taako Feel Something. Deep in his chest. It was all--warm, and fuzzy, and happy, and it made him want to, to, spit rainbows or something. It was gross.
Less than a month into summer break, money was withdrawn from savings accounts, a van was rented, suitcases were packed, shopping trips were made. And then, they all piled into the vehicle (Taako and Kravitz beside each other, of course), and the doors slammed, and Magnus said from the driver’s seat, “Well, guys, let’s go!” With that, he turned the key in the ignition, and they tore out onto the highway with a series of whoops and cheers.
The car radio blasted music like Carly Rae Jepson and other bubbly pop songs, and they all sang along with the windows down and their hair blowing in the wind. They snacked endlessly on all kinds of junk: Pop Tarts and Sun Chips and candy and cookies; all the good shit. They stopped for fast food for lunch (Taako started the chant of “McDonalds! McDonald’s! McDonald’s!” until everyone else joined in). Magnus and Taako held a competition to see how many fries they could fit in their mouths, and Magnus won when Taako tapped out, disgusted by the gross soggy fries. Kravitz laughed for minutes at Taako’s chipmunk face, and his laughter Did Things to Taako again. He swallowed down the feeling with the gross fries.
They got to Myrtle Beach at a little past seven and, after checking in, decided that what the hell, they had time, they'd go to the shore now. So they tossed their suitcases into the hotel, changed out sneakers for sandals, and walked the short way to the beach, Magnus leading the way, Lucretia and Barry close behind, and Taako and Kravitz bringing up the rear.
The sun was just beginning to set, the orange light illuminating the pastel beach houses. Taako’s flip-flops scuffed on the pavement. He was wearing his sequin-and-lace crop top he'd worn to Pride, and a pair of denim cut-off short shorts. His ginger hair was tied back in a low messy bun. He looked over at Kravitz and grinned. “You excited to go see some fuckin’, some water?” he asked teasingly.
Kravitz looked over at Taako, then looked away. Weird. “Yeah, I'm excited,” he said, smiling. “I've never been to Myrtle Beach before. Is it nice here?”
“Fuck if I know,” Taako shrugged. “I think I heard a few times that it's a really nice beach. It'll be less crowded now than in the afternoon.” For some reason, his hand was itching to hold Kravitz’s. They hadn't done that since they were six or seven. Stupid.
“That's good. Are you excited?” Kravitz nudged him, and Taako could hear the smile in his voice. Cute, his mind supplied. No, he told it.
“I mean--yeah,” he said, casually nonchalant. He shrugged. “It’s gonna be--wild. Super fun. We’re gonna have fun.”
“Yeah.” Kravitz’s eyes were fixed on the horizon. His voice was wistful, soft. “Yeah, we are.”
Taako decided not to comment on his tone of voice.
As soon as the crashing of ocean waves was heard, Magnus took off, whooping. Barry and Lucretia followed after a moment. Taako looked at Kravitz. “Well?” he said. “Shall we?”
Kravitz grins. “Sure. Let's go.” He pauses, and his grin grows wider. “Race you,” he said slyly. And then, with no further warning, he took off for the sand.
“Hey!” Taako screeched. “No fair!” He tore off after him, but his sandals slowed him down. “Wait up--you dick!”
He didn't realize he was on the sand until he was chasing Kravitz into the ocean, and Kravitz was laughing and tossing his shoes up onto dry land, and his jeans were getting soaked. Taako, giggling, kicked off his shoes and ran in after him, cursing him out good-naturedly and splashing him with the surf that lapped at his knees. Kravitz held up his hands in self-defense, laughing wildly. “Ah! Stop! Okay, okay, you’ve gotten me back!”
“No, fuck you!” Taako laughed, catching him in the face with a good splash. When Kravitz started sputtering, though, Taako backed off a little. “Oh, shit, sorry,” he said. “Are you o--”
Kravitz splashed him back, right in the face, ruining his hair and his makeup. He laughed as Taako spit out water, wiped at his face, pulled his hair out of its bun. “Okay,” Taako panted. “Okay, you win. You got me.”
“Nice!” Kravitz said.
Taako rubbed some more makeup off his face, pushed back his hair, and found that he and Kravitz were much closer to each other than he'd originally thought. “Uh,” he said quietly, looking up slightly. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Kravitz said back, his voice just as quiet. His eyes held something, something new, that Taako wanted to understand.
“God!” Magnus yelled in the background. “Will you guys just kiss already?”
Kravitz stumbled back several steps, his face slightly panicked. “I, uh--what?” he said, his eyes suddenly averted from Taako’s. Weird.
Magnus breaks out in laughter. “Oh my god, Kravitz, your face --I was joking. I know you guys are ‘just friends’.” He used air quotes. It made Taako feel annoyed for some reason.
“I, uh, yeah,” Kravitz said. He didn't sound sure.
“Uh--c’mon, Krav,” Taako said, trying to change the mood. “We brought like, a volleyball. You wanna, uh, play some volleyball?” He turned to shout to the others, “Hey guys, you wanna play some volleyball?”
“Hell yeah!” Magnus and Lucretia agreed, at the same time that Barry said, “Um, no, I'm gonna just--sit and watch. You guys.”
“Sounds good!” Magnus said, and grabbed the ball from the single beach bag they'd brought. “We don't have a net, so--” Magnus drew a long line in the sand. “Just bump it over this.”
Two games later, they were exhausted and the sun had almost set. “We'd better get back to the motel,” Lucretia said. After a general consensus that yes, that was the best plan, they headed back, coated in sand and salt and full of smiles.
Magnus and Barry shared a bed in one motel room, and Lucretia had the second bed. Kravitz and Taako got their own room. Taako wondered if they were trying to hint at something.
“I'm gonna shower,” Taako said, and slipped into the bathroom without another word. Something was up with Kravitz, and he had to figure out what. He decided, as he shampooed his hair with his coconut concoction he'd made himself, that he was gonna pry this problem out of Krav no matter what it took.
He conditioned, rinsed, lathered his body, rinsed again, and then swept out of the tub, towel around his waist and another wrapped around his hair. His freckled abdomen was bare, which was, of course, something that Kravitz was used to by now. Taako’s casual nudity was something his friend was accustomed to after nearly eighteen years of knowing each other. He breezed out of the bathroom, trailing steam, and said, “Okay, my dude, spill. What's on your mind?”
Kravitz choked from where he was seated on one of the beds. “I--what?” he said, in a totally unconvincing tone of voice. “I--Taako, nothing’s wrong.”
“Um, false,” Taako said, flopping himself onto the other bed. “I've known you for like, two decades. I know when something's up.”
Kravitz sighed and flopped onto his back on the bed. “Ugh. Taako, it’s--you don’t have to worry about it. Really.”
Taako sat up. He fixed Kravitz with a stare. “Krav. Krav? Look at me. Look at me, okay?” He waited until dark eyes were fixed on his own green ones. “Listen, Kravitz, I’m not--I’m not fucking around. I know that there’s something wrong, and it’s gotta do with me. You’re-- different. Somehow. And like I said, I’ve known you for most of our lives. I know when something’s wrong, and when something’s changed you.” A pause. “Best friends never keep important secrets, yeah? Best friends never lie?” A pair of phrases from when they were eight, bringing back recollections of times spent whispering in each other’s ears in a pillow fort lit only by a tiny flashlight.
“Taako?” Kravitz whispered into Taako’s ear, his eight-year-old voice small and a little nervous. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Taako giggled, and hugged Kravitz.
Kravitz closed his eyes, turned his head, looked away. “Best friends sometimes have to keep secrets,” he said, his voice thick. “Sometimes we have to lie. So that things can stay the same.”
“Krav, what… what are you talking about?”
There was a sniffle, and then Kravitz rolled to face away from Taako and curled in on himself. A horrible noise came from his throat, and it took Taako half a second to realize that Kravitz was crying. “Oh, god, ” Taako said, feeling awful. “Oh, god, did I do something? Did you do something?”
A wet sniffle, another broken sound. Taako climbed off his bed and went to sit next to Kravitz. He put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing small circles with his thumb. “You can tell me, yeah? Whatever it is.”
Kravitz’s voice was a croak, but it came out and Taako heard it. “Taako, I Know who my soul mate is.”
Something heavy dropped out of Taako’s stomach and he felt like he was falling, like he was empty, like something awful had happened and the world was about to end. Why does he feel this way? Why does he feel so awful, so sad and angry and horrible that Kravitz knows who he’s fated to love for all eternity? “Who is it?” Taako whispers, almost not wanting to know the answer.
“God--” Kravitz curled in further on himself. “I can’t. I can’t, Taako, you won’t--it’s not--”
“Krav,” Taako said, his voice barely audible. “I wanna know.”
Kravitz sat up, faced Taako, grabbed his shoulders and stared at him with such intensity, with such deep and abiding sorrow that Taako himself teared up, felt the lump rising in his throat. And then, there came the two most earth-shattering words Taako had ever heard. “It’s you.”
The world dropped out beneath Taako. His jaw dropped. His eyes were forced wide open. He mouthed dumbly for a moment. His ears were ringing. “I--what?”
“Taako, it’s you, it’s always been you, we were at Pride and I saw you smiling and laughing and I Knew, I Knew it was you, I Knew I was in love with you and I always would be but I knew that your soul mate is someone else and I know you don’t care but what if you meet them and that changes? And what if you leave me behind? Because I know that sometimes soul mates only go one way and you find someone else but I can’t stand the thought of being alone after spending so much time with you, and you’re beautiful and you’re funny and I love--”
Taako came to his senses most of the way through that rambling path of thought and emotion, and as Kravitz came to the stunning climax of his speech Taako realized that, oh God, Kravitz was his soul mate. And there it was--the drop in the pit of his stomach, the sensation of Knowing. And as Kravitz reached the confession, the three words that sealed it, the three words that made it real, Taako grabbed him by the jaw and dragged him into an unceremonious, sloppy, and absolutely perfect kiss.
When he drew back, Kravitz was staring at him, lips parted, eyes glistening, hair a mess, and his face absolutely glowing with the sensation of being Requited. “I--you--” he stammered, at a loss for words.
“That night you saved me? In the rain?” Taako said, breathless, teary-eyed, smiling. “When I told you that I didn’t need a soul mate because I had you?”
Kravitz laughed, a lovely sound, a musical sound. “Yeah, ‘course I remember.”
“Turns out--I was kinda right,” Taako laughed. “Except mostly wrong. Cause I do need my soul mate. Just turns out that he was right in front of my face the whole fuckin’ time.” He shook his head. “God, I was so blind. So fuckin’ blind.”
Kravitz grinned, and he reached a hand out to cup Taako’s jaw. “God, you’re so beautiful when you laugh,” he said, which made Taako blush.
And then they were kissing again, and it was less sloppy, more coordinated, both of them somehow knowing exactly how best to press their lips together, and it was beautiful and perfect and right .
The next morning, when Taako and Kravitz emerged, slightly disheveled, both sporting a few hickeys and two matching, sparkling grins, their hands intertwined tight together, Magnus looked over at Lucretia and Barry and, silently, both of them handed over ten dollars. Magnus grinned. “Told ya they’d figure it out last night,” he said.
Taako flipped him off with his free hand. “Hey, fuck you guys,” he said with absolutely no venom. “Oh yeah, Krav and I are gonna get some of that good continental breakfast and then we’re gonna spend the whole day on the boardwalk, away from you three idiots and your fucking, your stupid betting pool. Shut up, Magnus, don’t you say a fucking damn word. Barry, don’t look so smug either, you’d better confess to my sister pretty damn soon after this. No more pining idiots.”
The three of them just laughed as the pair walked away, hand-in-hand. The sun shone down on Myrtle Beach. Seagulls cried overhead. The smells of salt and sand and sun hung in the air, sticky and sweet like syrup.
It was going to be a good day.