Chapter Text
Donghyuck tripped over his feet again, holding back a wince when the sudden movement elicited a sharp pain from his throbbing head. He kept his gaze trained at his shoes, willing away the dizziness and avoiding the exasperated looks he knew his hyungs were giving him.
The music cut off, and while Donghyuck was thankful that the loud music was no longer heightening his migraine to unbearable levels, the sudden silence was somehow worse. The only sound was the other members' heavy breathing, and the weight of their glares burned against his back. He heard an angry huff from Yuta's position behind him.
Taeyong sighed, and Donghyuck glanced up at him through the mirror. The frustrated look on the usually patient leader's face hurt worse than all of the aches in his body combined, and he quickly went back to studying his shoes.
"You have to focus, Haechan-ah," Taeyong said. "We have to be serious about this- the comeback is too soon to not be giving it our all."
Donghyuck nodded vigorously, despite the way the room swayed slightly at the movement.
Taeyong walked over to the speaker while everyone else shuffled back to their starting positions. Donghyuck took a deep breath to prepare himself for the thrumming music, focusing only on his own sweaty face in the mirror and trying to ignore the pointed looks he could see the members giving him in his peripheral vision. He really couldn't blame them- they could've moved on from this part of the choreography twenty minutes ago if Donghyuck hadn't kept messing it up.
The song started again, and Donghyuck pushed past the pounding in his head and tried to only focus on successfully performing the routine. The part that kept tripping him up in the choreography was approaching, and Donghyuck felt his heart pound even harder in anticipation. He closed his eyes, hoping that maybe if he couldn't see the way the world blurred in front of his eyes, he would feel less off balance.
He tried to rely on just muscle memory and instinct for the series of difficult footwork, and surprisingly, Donghyuck managed to not fall over himself. He was sure it must've looked sloppy as hell, but he didn't faceplant, so at the moment, it was good enough for him.
When Donghyuck did open his eyes, though, the dizziness was only worse than it was when he closed them, and he distractedly realized he was a beat late for the formation change. He lurched to the left, in the general direction of his next position, and was shocked when he slammed into another body, knocking the wind out of him and sending him tumbling to the floor.
He blinked rapidly, vision slowly clearing to find Yuta on the floor next to him, rubbing his arm with a sour look on his face. Someone turned the music off and Taeyong rushed over to them.
"Are you guys okay?" he fretted, already in full-on leader mode.
Yuta nodded briskly before turning to Donghyuck. "Can you try to make the hyungs' lives easier for once? Pay attention and stop wasting the team's time, Haechan."
Donghyuck's stomach dropped. He was trying his hardest, why couldn't anyone see that? Holding back frustrated tears, Donghyuck swallowed his confusion and awkwardly bowed at Yuta from his seated position. "I'm sorry, hyung. I'll try harder."
Tension blanketed the room as Sicheng helped Yuta up while Mark extended a hand to help Donghyuck up. Mark pulled Donghyuck into a standing position, and Donghyuck tried to keep holding his hand, but Mark abruptly pulled it away.
Taeyong broke the silence. "Why don't we take a water break? Go, rest for a few minutes, guys."
The members all headed off towards their water bottles, tired conversation gradually filling the room. Donghyuck stood for a few moments, trying to figure out how he'd gotten himself into this situation. He had known he was getting sick and had done all he could to stave it off, trying to eat nutritious food and resting every chance he got. But, despite his best efforts, here he was, with a splitting headache and fever-hot skin.
He felt guilty for wasting his hyungs' time, but he really couldn't help being sick, right? Maybe his hyungs hadn't noticed his condition. Donghyuck sighed, deciding he should probably tell someone to avoid the further wasting their time.
He immediately looked to Mark and found the older already looking at him, the pair making awkward eye contact. Donghyuck took a step toward him, but Mark quickly turned his back to him, a clear sign he wasn't welcome. Donghyuck's heart clenched painfully and he sighed, remembering how Mark had been angry at him yesterday at Dream's dance practice when he kept making mistakes, accusing him of messing around and not respecting him as a leader. The tired bags under Mark's eyes had made Donghyuck immediately forgive his harsh words.
Donghyuck hadn't told him he was sick; he'd wanted to solve it on his own and not be a bother. Mark had enough to worry about already and Donghyuck would feel horrible if he added something else. Today was worse, though, and he didn't want to continue dragging his hyungs down. So, he looked for his second choice.
Doyoung was sitting off to the side drinking from his water bottle, and Donghyuck made his way over to his second favorite hyung, practically collapsing on the floor next to him.
"Hyung, I don't feel well," Donghyuck pouted.
Doyoung looked over at him and his eyes softened, grabbing a spare water bottle and passing it to Donghyuck. "I'm sorry Haechan-ah." He glanced around the room and sighed, looking back at Donghyuck. "Hyungs are hurting too. None of us feel well right before a comeback, but we endure it. You might have caught the cold that Sicheng and Jaehyun have."
Doyoung frowned and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Taeyong-hyung has to perfect the choreography with us tonight, or he'll get in trouble with management. Can you endure it for a few more hours, Hyuck-ah?"
Donghyuck felt ugly shame creep through him as he also glanced around the room. He noticed his hyungs' slumped figures and vacant eyes, the way Taeyong's shoulders were pulled taut with stress, and oh, that's why they were all so frustrated with him. All of them were hurting, but Donghyuck was the only one selfish enough to let his own troubles hold the rest back.
Donghyuck dropped his gaze to his lap. "Of course, hyung."
Donghyuck felt Doyoung's eyes boring into him a few agonizing moments before his hyung spoke. "Is this because of what Yuta-hyung said?"
Donghyuck just shrugged, wanting to change the topic before guilt ate him alive; maybe he'd even have a chance to close his eyes for a few minutes before Taeyong called them back.
Doyoung huffed. "What he said was too harsh. He's been stressed, but so is everyone else. I'll talk to him after practice about taking his frustration out on people." Doyoung looked at him with a smile. "How about I make you some hot chocolate when we get back?"
Donghyuck nodded and smiled slightly, able to breathe a little easier knowing at least one of his hyungs wasn't angry with him.
Taeyong called for the end of break, and Donghyuck sighed before bracing himself to endure the rest of practice just like his hyungs would. He wasn't even sweating anymore, so he assumed that was a sign that his fever had broken. He could definitely do this.
Even with Doyoung's motivational words echoing in his head. Donghyuck's limbs felt like they weren't obeying him, making his movements sluggish and half a beat behind. At least his hair wasn't dripping with sweat anymore, but the nausea he had been suffering the past few days came back with a vengeance, forcing him to take a bathroom break to dry heave in one of the stalls.
The routine seemed a lot harder to remember than it had an hour ago, and Donghyuck started to mess up the parts he thought he had down. The sequence of the moves were getting jumbled in his head, and it was frustratingly hard to remember his position during formation changes. He spent more time on the ground than he did actually getting the routine correct. Taeyong stopped rushing over to him after the 10th time Donghyuck waved him off after slamming to the ground, which Donghyuck was somewhat thankful for; his head had hung in embarrassment every time the leader held out a hand to him.
After another hour of practice without much progress, Donghyuck couldn't muster up any more energy. His heart was pounding and his head was spinning, and no matter how much he'd disappoint Doyoung, he really didn't think he could endure it much longer.
Donghyuck was confused about why he felt guilty about feeling sick in the first place, and he couldn't really remember what Doyoung had said to him an hour ago. He knew that his fleeting memory and scattered thoughts should probably be alarming, but he couldn't muster up the energy to care.
Why had he been practicing while sick, anyway? Shouldn't he tell somebody? Wait, had he already told somebody?
"Taeyong-hyung, could I take a five minute break? I don't feel well," he asked after one of their run-throughs of the choreography, too far gone to even care much about how everyone's eyes were on him at the request.
Taeyong looked at him and ran a hand down his face, stress obvious in his hunched shoulders. "Haechan-ah, I'm sorry, but we can't really afford that. You're having the most trouble with the routine, and it has to be done tonight. I was planning on having us finish by midnight, since some members have dance practice with U at 6 in the morning tomorrow, but it's already 12:30 and we're not close to done."
Donghyuck shrunk back, trying to make sense of his hyung's words. "Uh.."
Johnny stepped up and grabbed one of Taeyong's hands to stop him from wringing them together anxiously. "Taeyongie's right, Hyuck-ah. Dream's practice ended early yesterday so you had a lot of time to rest, but U's practice went late, and they have to be up early. Let's do well so they can rest."
Donghyuck felt like his brain was working at half speed, and he was still trying to formulate an answer when Jaehyun stepped forward, eyes narrowed at his silence. "Yah, be respectful, answer your hyungs."
He felt the glares of the other tired, overworked boys, and by the time he processed what Jaehyun was accusing him of, Yuta stepped forward with a scoff, muttering, "Typical," loud enough that the single word reverberated in the tense room, before he turned on the music and everyone went back to their starting formation. The music startled Donghyuck, and he made it to his spot just in time. His throat tightened, but surprisingly, no tears sprang to his eyes.
The song progressed, and Donghyuck felt he was flailing more than he was dancing, but he could hardly keep up with the beat between the sharp pains in his head and the lightheadedness. Nausea rolled through his stomach, and Donghyuck clenched his teeth against it, knowing he hadn't had anything in the last 24 hours to even throw up.
In the middle of the footwork that had been the bane of his existence all night, his leg cramped violently. He fell for what felt like the millionth time that night, but this time, his leg muscles were seized up, stopping him from breaking his fall. He crashed to the ground, ankle twisting violently in the wrong direction, and the sharp radiating pain in his ankle overwhelmed the pain of the cramp. He would have cried out, but his throat and mouth were too dry to make much of a sound, so all that escaped was a barely audible squeak.
He barely registered the music restarting, until he heard Johnny's voice cut through the air. "Haechan, let's go! Taeyongie said no breaks."
His voice was tight with anger, and that spiked Donghyuck's adrenaline, because hyungs are mad , and despite his reputation, he never wanted to make his hyungs genuinely angry.
Donghyuck jumped up, body responding to the anger in Johnny's voice reflexively, but he immediately slammed back into the ground as his ankle gave out from under him. The sound of the music was oddly muffled as the pain in his ankle spiked. His heart was hammering against his ribcage, and he squeezed his eyes shut as his head pounded in unison with his thundering heartbeat, stomach rolling uncomfortably as he swallowed convulsively
His cracked his eyes open after a few long moments and he abruptly realized he was being cradled in Doyoung's lap. His breathing immediately quickened as he panicked, because how had he not even realized he was being moved? His hyung's lips were moving, but Donghyuck couldn't hear the words through his muffled hearing, and that scared him even more.
He stared at his hyung's face with wide, fearful eyes as feeling returned to his limbs. He could feel Doyoung's arms wrapped around his back and someone's hand enclosed tightly around his own, but he didn't want to move his eyes from Doyoung's face to see who the hand belonged to.
Slowly, his hearing faded back in, and he realized the music had been turned off. The only sound in the room was Doyoung's voice, which Donghyuck had never been happier to hear.
"Shh, Hyuckie, hyung's got you. It's okay, hyung's here. Can you hear me? Please, Hyuck-ah," Doyoung muttered, his tone soothing but with a frantic edge.
"H-hyungie?" Donghyuck forced out of his tight throat. "Hurts."
Doyoung looked somewhat relieved hearing him answer, but worry was still etched into every line of his face. "I'm here, Hyuckie," he answered, stroking his hand gently through Donghyuck's hair with a thoughtful frown. "Can you tell hyung what hurts?"
Donghyuck's leg cramped violently again, and he stuttered out, "E-everything," with a choked off sob.
He heard a choked gasp off to his left and realized he was surrounded by his other hyungs. Mark was the one holding his hand, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb and avoiding Donghyuck's gaze. He couldn't focus his vision on anyone else's face, but he could spot Taeyong's pink hair. The leader was turned away from Donghyuck, arms raised as if covering his face with his hands. He was confused, but as he strained his vision, his head spiked with a particularly harsh throb, causing Donghyuck to whimper and rest his eyes back on Doyoung's face.
Doyoung stroked his thumb across Donghyuck's cheekbone, looking heartbroken. "I'm so sorry, hyung is so sorry. Do you think you can tell me what hurts the most, baby?"
Donghyuck drew in a shuddering breath and took a few moments to discern the question he was asking. "Head, stomach, a-ankle."
He felt someone gently touch his ankle and flinched violently, curling into himself and pulling his ankle away. He glanced down to see Sicheng, hands extended and face situated in a small, comforting smile. "Can hyungie look at your ankle?"
His warm expression and soft, lilting Korean relaxed Donghyuck, and he slowly extended his ankle back towards his hyung. He felt Sicheng slowly roll up his sweatpants, cool air suddenly hitting his ankle. Jaehyun cursed at whatever sight met them. No one scolded him.
Doyoung broke the heavy silence. "Johnny-hyung, he isn't sweating."
"What?" Johnny asked, voice sharp. Donghyuck flinched at the tone, mind blaring hyungs are mad , but a gentle hand rubbed his calf, effectively distracting him. Donghyuck glanced over and could just make out Taeil's reassuring smile through his spinning vision.
"I'm saying, we've been practicing for three hours, his skin is burning, but he isn't sweating ," Doyoung ground out, thumb still gently caressing Donghyuck's cheekbone. That sentence seemed to shift the atmosphere in the room, but the implication was lost on Donghyuck.
Doyoung gently tapped his cheek, and Donghyuck realized he had been saying something to him. "W-what?"
"I said, when was the last time you drank some water, Hyuckie?" Doyoung repeated, gently.
Donghyuck thought, brow furrowing. He took a few minutes to answer, but everyone waited patiently with bated breath. "I-I don't know. One- no, two days ago, m-maybe?"
"Fuck," Johnny spat in English, rushing over to the side of the room. He returned fast enough to make Donghyuck's head spin, pushing an open water bottle towards his face. "Here, Channie."
Donghyuck immediately turned his head away, burying his face in Doyoung's stomach. "N-no, too sick, I'll just throw up a-again," he whined, voice slightly muffled.
Johnny grabbed frantically at his shoulder, but Doyoung tightened his hold on Donghyuck and hissed, "You're kidding, right? Be gentle ."
A smaller, more careful hand rubbed his shoulder, and Donghyuck heard Mark softly say, "Hyuck? Can you look at me, please?"
Donghyuck slowly moved his face away from Doyoung and looked into Mark's wide, guilt-filled eyes. He'd never been able to refuse Mark when he requested something in that tone.
Mark gave Donghyuck's hand a soft squeeze and Donghyuck weakly squeezed his hand back. "Can you please take a sip of water for me? It's okay, it can be a tiny sip, but just- anything , please."
Donghyuck had never heard that tinge of desperation in Mark's tone, and it scared him. "Okay," he relented. "O-only a little."
Mark took the water bottle from Johnny, who looked as if the world had crashed down on him. He held the water bottle to Donghyuck's mouth and poured a small amount. Donghyuck swallowed but quickly turned his head away from the bottle as his stomach flipped.
"Is that all?" Mark asked disappointedly.
Donghyuck grabbed weakly onto Doyoung's shirt and nodded slowly. "Sorry, hyung, I-I tried."
"Don't be sorry," Doyoung muttered, pulling Donghyuck closer to his chest.
The door to the practice room suddenly slammed open, and Yuta appeared in his line of sight as he talked quickly to the group, sounding out of breath. "I called the manager, an ambulance is on its way. He said we should go down to the lobby so it'll be quicker."
Donghyuck furrowed his brow. "Ambulance? Is... someone hurt?"
Yuta let out a broken noise that Donghyuck had never heard the Japanese boy make. " You're hurt, Hyuckie. Don't worry, the doctors will make everything better," he said, voice cracking on the last syllable.
Donghyuck shook his head lethargically, struggling to understand Yuta's sudden sympathy. Hadn't he told him to stop making things difficult? "But.. no, I'm okay. I just need a b-break. We're a-all hurting, it's okay."
Donghyuck felt a tear hit his face, and he looked up to see Doyoung crying silently. "This is so far from okay. That's not what I meant when I said that. You're hurting a lot more than we are, and you need help, Hyuckie."
Donghyuck closed his eyes as his throbbing head conjured up his previous conversation with his hyung. Doyoung had made a good point before, hadn't he? "But- choreography. Taeyongie-hyung will... get in t-trouble with management."
He heard footsteps, and suddenly nimble fingers were carding through his hair. "Fuck management," Taeyong said fiercely. "You're way more important than anything they might say to me. Do you understand?"
Did he understand? Honestly, not really. He didn't understand most of what was happening at this point. Why was he so confused ? Donghyuck simply buried his head into Doyoung's stomach once again, breathing in the familiar scent of his hyung's detergent to distract himself from how much everything hurt.
" We need to get down to the lobby, right now. Johnny, can you carry him?" Doyoung said, voice mostly steady.
There was a moment of hesitation before Donghyuck heard Johnny shuffle closer to them. "Hyuck-ah, can hyung lift you up?"
Donghyuck had no idea why he was even asking, but he slowly nodded his head. Johnny's hands snaked around him carefully, as if he were made of glass.
Regardless of how gentle Johnny was, his body exploded in pain when he was lifted. He felt something in his ankle shift , and pain blossemed in his head at the sudden shift in altitude. He heard voices, but all he could focus on was the bright bursts of light behind his eyelids, before consciousness slipped away from him.