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- one taught me love
usually, felix would wake up to jeongin shaking him awake and warning him that if he didn’t wash his hair, they would be late because of him. it wasn’t the most pleasant way to wake up, but seeing the maknae’s face first thing in the morning made it just a little better.
today, he woke up to a hand running itself through his hair and warmth covering the entire left side of his body. he absentmindedly noted that the blanket was draped over him and the heater next to him. that is, until he opened his eyes and realized that, no, it wasn’t a heater. close enough, though, seeing as it was a living, walking heater. his eyes felt stuck together as his sleepiness set in so early in the morning. there was no jeongin, yet there was sun seeping into the room. close enough.
he blinked his eyes open and shuffled his head around, snuggling further into the body next to him. “hyung, what are you doing here?” he mumbled into changbin’s chest, so it came out muffled and garbled.
changbin understood, though, “jus’ wanted to cuddle my favorite felix,”
felix let out a hum and shook his head, squeezing changbin tighter around the waist with his right arm that was draped over the shorter--not by much, changbin would argue--boy’s stomach. “i’m the only felix that you know.”
“you don’t know that for sure,” felix practically heard the--sleepy--smirk in his voice, and was very tempted to dig his fingers into his sides. however, he was just a little too tired to do so. maybe they could lay there for just a little bit longer.
felix opened his mouth to ask a question but stopped when he answered it in his own head. he had forgotten they had a day off that day. that’s why they could lay in bed for longer than normal.
changbin stopped moving his hands through felix’s hair and felix looked up at him with a pout. changbin rolled his eyes fondly and started massaging his scalp again. “my hand is getting tired, lix.”
“too bad,” felix stuck his tongue out and snuggled even closer. his heart felt even warmer than he did. he heard--then felt--changbin chuckle lightly at him, playfully tugging on his hair. “hyung, i have the full power to tickle you right now. don’t test me,” he spoke with his eyes closed, not really wanting to go back to sleep but not wanting to break out of the moment.
“you love me too much to do that,” changbin teased, ruffling felix’s hair.
felix smiled softly, feeling just a bit more content, and in turn making him sleepier.
felix did love changbin. maybe too much. maybe it was weird to love the way he spoke, or maybe it was too extra to love his rapping and singing and voice a bit too much. he just loved changbin as a whole, including his so-called-flaws. everything about him was just… nice.
don’t tell jeongin, but maybe felix liked mornings like this a little bit better.
2.) one taught me patience
it didn’t bother him. that’s what felix liked to say. it didn't bother him, the way changbin started to cling onto everyone else but him--and jisung, but that was different.
it really didn’t! he actually really loved that changbin was happy with their other friends. he was too busy to notice, anyways. at first, at least. they were all focused on promotions and performances and keeping each other healthy. it didn’t matter that during practice breaks, changbin stayed the furthest away from him. it didn’t matter.
maybe he was just trying to convince himself that.
it didn’t hurt, yet. like he said, he brushed it off as changbin just wanting to spend time with the others. him and changbin probably spent too much time together anyways.
felix observed everyone in the room, each of them doing their own thing. including him, seeing as he was the only one being lazy on the practice room couch practically drowning himself in water. or sweat. or both. they had about thirty minutes for a break before their choreographer came back in and helped teach one of the most difficult moves in the dance. felix wasn’t worried, he knew they’d all get it down eventually.
felix took this time to observe changbin in specific. even more specifically, the way he was currently acting with chan. they seemed to be having a very hushed and serious conversation, one that felix could not hear for the life of him over the heavy panting and shoes squeaking and louder conversations. they had been talking for what felix assumed was about a minute now, him having gotten distracted a few times. he wasn’t trying to snoop, no, he just wanted to watch changbin and think. think about his own feelings and perhaps leave himself to wonder how changbin, himself, felt. changbin was confusing, to say the absolute least.
but he was willing to wait. he’d always be willing to wait for changbin. he could be patient if it meant changbin was happy.
3.) one taught me pain
it wasn’t like he was jealous. he wasn’t, really. he was just… sad. seeing changbin cling to someone else only to reject felix himself wasn’t the best feeling on earth. he doesn’t think changbin was fully doing it on purpose, no, but it didn’t seem like it was a complete accident either. you couldn’t just ignore your best friend like that. maybe he should talk to changbin about it. that’s what chan would say, if he weren’t so busy and focused on his own, real problems. maybe felix should go to chan about it. maybe. but, for now, he’ll just sit and suffer through this movie while hyunjin and changbin cuddle and act like a couple.
“hyung, pass me the popcorn,” hyunjin mumbled through a mouthful of sour patch kids. changbin simply looked down at him--he was lying on changbin’s chest, just like felix did only a few days prior--and shook his head.
“get it yourself, brat,” changbin playfully sniped, pinching hyunjin’s ear and cooing at the pout that planted itself on his face--and more obviously, on his plump lips that changbin seemed to love so much.
see, felix isn’t jealous. just… confused and upset. not jealous.
“felix,” hyunjin whined, and when felix looked over at him, he was giving him puppy dog eyes, “can you please get me the popcorn?” he dragged out his words to sound cute, and it was bordering on aegyo, which felix did not want.
felix let himself sigh, half jokingly and half genuinely, before standing up and taking a couple steps forward to grab the popcorn off of the coffee table. he nearly tripped over seungmin, who was briefly hidden on the floor because of the tv screen going dark. he whispered a quick sorry to him and moved to pass the popcorn bowl to hyunjin and changbin without looking, who were just a jumble of limbs, to the point where felix couldn’t tell where one body began and one body ended.
instead of feeling hands grab the bowl, he felt it run into something and heard a soft, empty thud. felix whipped his head over to look at what happened and gasped, this time actually stepping--lightly--on seungmin, who started to yell until minho told him to be quiet because, “chan is sleeping!”
hyunjin was giggling softly as he held changbins head in his hands, “felix! how dare you hurt our hyung?” he teased playfully and felix let out a fake laugh, smiling sadly as he made his way back to the couch after mumbling a quick sorry--he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. once he took a quick glance towards the couple-but-not-so-couple, hyunjin had whispered something like “here, i’ll kiss it better!” before he began pressing light kisses all over changbin’s face.
he never once kissed his lips, but maybe felix was jealous. and just maybe, it hurt more than he liked to admit.
- + one
it was late. it was also raining a lot outside, bordering on storming. felix was awake, letting a little screen light up his face and the wall behind him. he had to be honest, he wasn’t feeling great. his feelings had been taking an, admittedly not so large, toll on his mental health and he was probably the one to blame for that. he’d been bottling it up within himself, and hadn’t talked it out with anyone. he was okay, though. he knew he’d be okay.
the wooden floor out in the hallway creaked and felix nearly dropped the little, bright screen onto his face as he scrambled to put his phone on his nightstand. if chan caught him on his phone so late, he would get a scolding and probably have to end up explaining himself and that would probably end with him crying. he didn’t want that. at least, not right now. eventually, he would let someone know how was feeling. not right now.
felix was left in darkness as his eyes fluttered shut, trying to pretend to be asleep as the door creaked open. it could’ve been one of his members coming in to go to bed, but they would all be equally as disappointed in him for being up so late doing nothing but “damaging his eyesight,” according to seungmin.
“yah, felix,” he heard a familiar voice whisper-shout. he only squeezed his eyes shut tighter and frowned once he recognized who it was. “felix,” changbin paused for a moment, seeming to wince, “i know you’re awake. you can’t ignore me.”
felix doesn’t know what brought him to say it but, “you’re the one who's been ignoring me,” he almost immediately regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. he was met with a light slap on the back of his head as the bed dipped in, signifying that someone had sat down next to felix’s sideways body. his eyes shot open, “hyung! stop that.”
“stop being snarky with me, then,” changbin muttered, patting felix’s legs as if to tell him to scoot over.
felix shook his head, frown deepening. “no. i can be snarky if i want to,” he turned so he was on his back, and he made eye contact with changbin in the dark as he crossed his arms.
“stop being a brat,” felix rolled his eyes, sitting up as he mocked changbin under his breath.
“i thought hyunjin was the brat,” felix raised his eyebrows, flushing as the words left his mouth. changbin stared at him in surprise for a few long seconds before sighing, shoving felix over.
felix let out a noise of protest, but let himself be forcibly scooted over nevertheless. “speaking of that, we need to talk.”
felix was tempted to just immediately reply with ‘no’, but decided against it, not wanting to say another stupid thing. he refused to look at changbin, instead staring forward at the wall across from them. he could feel changbins eyes on him but still refused to look, maintaining a poker face, as to not show how he was truly feeling. there was lots of emotions and thoughts going through his head, yes, but most of all, he was hurt.
hurt because he let himself fall for changbin. hurt because he let himself be so patient and wait for someone who didn’t even appear to want him. hurt because changbin was probably about to tell him that he’s noticed felix’s feelings and doesn’t feel the same.
but, alas, “felix, do you know that i love you?”
felix was silent for a moment, before he slowly turned his head to look at changbin with a frown on his freckled face. “of course i know that, i love you too. it would be a bit weird if we didn’t love each other, seeing as we’ve known each other and been in the same group for over a year.”
changbin sighed, loud in the quiet room, “no, felix. you know that’s not what i meant.”
“do i, hyung?” felix smiled sadly, shaking his head as he looked away again. “how could i, when all you’ve been doing is pushing me away the past couple weeks?”
“felix, face me,” felix stared blankly at changbin, but barely had two seconds to take in his face before changbin was invading his personal space.
changbin was… kissing him?
what?
changbin was out of his personal space almost as quick as he invaded it, and felix stared at him in confusion. his heart was warm, but at the same time it felt like it was about to drop into his stomach.
“felix, i’m so sorry. i was so… confused. i started to feel different around you and i didn’t want you to notice me acting dumb, so i went to hyunjin and he told me that i’m in love with you. i thought that was crazy, right? because like, you’re my best friend and i thought i couldn’t want more than that but turns out, i’ve always wanted to be more than just best friends.”
felix pulled his top lip into his mouth, chewing on it as he stared at changbin. “damn it, i forgive you. we all do weird things when we’re in love, and i’m no stranger to that.”
with that, he pulled changbin in for another kiss, one that lasted longer and one that meant more than the first one.
changbin taught him patience, quite possibly brought him pain, but most importantly, he taught felix love.