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Dave Karofsky was nervous; as a matter of fact, Dave was more nervous than he had ever been in his entire life.
Kurt Hummel, his loving boyfriend, or so he had thought, was simply amused by his sheer terror. "Kurt, it's not funny," he said, glaring at the smaller boy. "Your dad almost killed me when he found out we were dating and then he went and tore you a new one and he loves you."
Kurt smiled and took his hand.
"Dave, can you really blame my dad?" he asked softly. He held Dave's hand close to his chest, rubbing the back of it with his fingers. Kurt was really amazing at calming him down. "You were my high school bully. It's not that easy for someone like my dad to just forgive something like that, but think of it this way, he and Carole invited us over for Christmas. He'll meet you, the real you, and fall in love with you, just like I did."
"I'm gonna try my best to impress them Kurt," he mumbled, softly. "I don't want them to think of that stupid, scared and messed up kid that I was. I want them to know me like you do."
"You'll do fantastic," Kurt assured.
Dave shook his head and then, distracted, reached up to touch Kurt's eye. It was still bruised, the deep black eye that Kurt had received when Dave decided to teach him how to skate. "I am never taking you ice skating again," he said laughing gently. "That thing isn't fading up either. I think it’s getting darker.”
"Don't remind me, Dave. I look hideous."
"You could never," he mumbled, leaning down and kissing Kurt quickly. "You’ve like color coordinated a whole wardrobe around that bruise. Okay, let me go get dressed before I like piss myself from how scared I am."
“Ew,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes.
Dave got dressed, still terrified. What did one wear when meeting your boyfriend’s parents for a holiday dinner? He wanted them to like him, think of him as a nice guy. Even worse, Hudson, no Finn and his girlfriend Rachel were going to be there. Dave could not deny that like Kurt, he had made Finn’s life a living hell and unlike Kurt, Finn had yet to forgive him.
Dave could not forget the fact that his boyfriend’s family did not like him. Kurt had come to him crying the night he had told his dad they were a couple. Burt Hummel had been furious. None of them understood what he and Kurt had and assumed that he was some manipulative asshole who was cornering Kurt into the relationship. That was stupid. He and Kurt only got together on the conditions that Dave start taking anger management classes, went to therapy, and told Kurt when he was feeling negative things.
Kurt Hummel absolutely had the upper-hand in their relationship and Dave adored him for it.
Time seemed to pass quickly, while Dave stared at himself in the mirror. A button up black shirt, black jeans, perfect for a casual dinner and even Kurt approved, but he still felt silly.
“C’mon Dave, you look gorgeous. Let’s go.”
The whole drive up to Kurt’s place, Dave was quiet, speechless. “I have never seen you so nervous in all the time I’ve known you,” Kurt said, as they pulled into the driveway in front of Burt and Carole’s home. “Dave, I love you, we’ve been together for nine months, been living together for two, we’re a strong couple and they’ll see why I love you, really soon.”
Dave felt like throwing up. “Whatever you say Kurt,” he said, slowly getting out of the car. All he could really think about was the last time he saw Burt Hummel. It was three years ago, but one didn’t exactly forget the guy who slammed you into a wall for threatening his son.
Kurt knocked and Dave reached for his boyfriend’s hand.
It was Finn’s mother, Carole Hudson-Hummel, who opened the door. She had a friendly but overly polite look on her face. “Kurt,” she said softly, leaning forward and hugging Kurt. Kurt hugged her back. “We missed you so much honey.”
Their hug broke and she looked over Kurt. Dave felt like he wasn’t even standing there. “Kurt baby, what happened to your eye?”
"Oh man Carole," Kurt said as they walked inside. "Evidently, I can rock Gaga heels with the best of them but I cannot manage a pair of ice skates. Dave loves hockey so he convinced me to go to an ice rink with him. That was a dumb idea."
"I figured you were more coordinated than that," Dave told Kurt playfully.
Carole led them inside, a strange look on her face. "Burt's in the kitchen," she said. "Finn and Rachel are on their way now."
They walked into the kitchen together. Dave was not comfortable in the slightest, not with the way Kurt's stepmother was looking at him and not with Kurt's father anywhere near a set of kitchen knives. "Dad," Kurt said softly.
Burt turned around and looked at them. His expression darkened when it landed on Dave. He looked like he was forcing himself to look back to Kurt. "Kurt hey...what happened to your eye?" His expression darkened considerably and he stared at Dave hard. Dave flinched.
Kurt swallowed deeply. “I just told Carole,” he said. “Dave convinced me that I could ice skate, since I was small and graceful and stuff. Probably not his best idea, considering I’m a secret clutz.”
Dave nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he said, shaking his head a little. “It’s…it’s really good to see you Mr. Hummel.”
Burt said nothing in reply and very quickly turned around. “Dinner will be ready in a few. Carole, can we speak in private for a second?”
Dave watched as the two shared a very deep, meaningful look. Kurt was oblivious to it though and pulled Dave out of the kitchen by the hand. “I really missed this place,” he said honestly. “As much as I hated Lima, this place has always been home to me. I mean, I grew up in this house you know?”
“I do,” he said, but he was still distracted by the look that the two shared. Something did not seem right to him at all.
“Dave, are you alright?” Kurt asked very gently, breaking out of his thoughts and rambling for a moment to look up at Dave.
“Your parents were giving us really weird looks,” he mumbled, hoping that it wasn’t as bad as he thought. He really hoped that he was just nervous and they were just suspicious because of the person he used to be. “It’s probably my nerves, babe, don’t worry about it.”
Kurt reached over and touched his hand.
There was a moment of quiet, before a door could be heard. “That’s Finn and Rachel!” Kurt said, excitedly. “Come on.”
Dave didn't want to disappoint Kurt, or worry him with his paranoid behavior, so he followed him back into the front of the house.
"No, we don't know yet Finn, but just stay quiet about it for now, okay?"
Dave heard that, and looked at Finn Hudson for the first time in a couple of years. He looked like the same old guy really, tall, lanky, awkward but at the same time much more confident in himself. He had his arm around the same little girl he had been dating in high school. She leaned up against him, her eyes falling on Dave the moment that he and Kurt walked into the room. "Hello," she said quietly, to alert to the others that they were there. "Kurt, Dave."
Kurt leaned over and hugged the girl, as soon as she dislodged herself from her boyfriend's side. "Rachel," he said squeezing her tightly. "I missed you so much. How are you guys doing?"
Rachel smiled, brightly. “We’ve been doing fantastic,” she said. “I’m starring in a local theater production of Mama Mia!, and Finn is playing football for his school, finally. Things could not possibly be going any better for us. How about you Kurt?”
Kurt smiled back at her. “Well, I’m doing great in school, learning a lot about design. Dave and I just moved into an apartment together.”
“That’s…fantastic.”
“Come on,” Carole said brightly, her tone forced. She squeezed between Rachel and Finn and put an arm around her son. “Sit down, sit down. We’ll get dinner started. I’m sure that everybody is absolutely hungry.”
They sat around the table in the middle of the dining room. Rachel sat with her seat pressed very close to Finn’s. Dave sat next to Kurt on the opposite side and looked over to Finn. “That’s great that you got onto the team,” he said softly. “You were always a really good Quarterback.”
Finn nodded, slowly. “You stick with football?”
Dave shook his head. “Nah, I prefer ice hockey really and my school’s got a pretty fantastic lineup.”
“Hockey games are really fun to go watch,” Kurt injected. “As long as I’m not on the ice, of course,” he said laughing and touching his eye.
Soon, Kurt’s parents brought out the food and Dave swore he had never been through such an intense meal in his life, not even after he had come out to his own parents. He shifted in his seat. Every answer or question that came his way was curt, short, and he was absolutely uncomfortable. He picked at the plate in front of him, feeling way too much anxiety. He wasn’t quite sure if Kurt knew what was going on. He seemed totally oblivious to what was happening.
Finally, the meal ended. “Here, Rachel and I will help you clear the plates,” Kurt told Carole.
Kurt’s father left the room as well, mumbling something about needing to go take his medication. That left Dave and Finn, suddenly sitting awkwardly in the dining room.
“Dude, we need to talk for a minute,” Finn said.
“We don’t buy Kurt’s BS story about falling, Karofsky.”
It only took a couple of seconds and Finn Hudson was up in his face, basically accusing him of beating the boy he loved and Dave was forced to be calm. Years of anger management therapy could not have prepared Dave for being accused of being an abuser. He struggled to keep himself calm and under control. “Are you implying that I hit him?” Dave asked, swallowing. It was obvious that he was, but still he could not believe it and sometimes it was easier to play dumb.
“What else would I be implying?” Finn asked.
"Kurt told you all what happened Hudson," he said, evenly. "I'm sorry you can't think of me as anything but the guy I was in high school but even then, I was no abuser. God damn it, I love him."
"When I get Kurt to tell us the truth, I'm gonna kill you Karofsky."
To be honest, Dave wanted to hit him. How dare he make such an accusation, all that Dave had been through for Kurt? Still, he knew that he had to keep calm and not give into those urges. He had been doing well for a very long time. Instead of violently reacting, he tried to be calm and rational, like Kurt was always telling him to do. “Do you love your girlfriend, Finn?” he asked.
“Of course I do,” he said, honestly using the exact words that Dave expected him to. “Rachel’s everything to me.”
“Would you hit her?” Dave asked. He was a lot more quick-witted since beginning to date Kurt and though he knew it was manipulative, he had to make Finn Hudson understand just how much he loved Kurt. “Would you hit her, beat her or make her cry? Would you be angry if I walked outside of this room and asked Rachel if you were hitting her?”
The other boy stammered, looked at Dave with big eyes. “I would never hit Rachel,” he said sharply. “I’m not that kind of guy, Karofsky. Rachel knows that I would never hurt her. Everyone knows that I would never hurt her. Of course I would be angry, because that would be the stupidest accusation in the whole world. In case you didn’t notice, Rachel’s not the one with a gigantic black eye.”
“It’s the stupidest accusation in the world to accuse me of hitting my boyfriend,” Dave said sharply. “Do you know how much I had to fight to get him? Do you know what kind of struggles I went through so that Kurt and I could be together? I’ve been in fucking therapy for three fucking years. I’ve worked through my anger issues, come out to my homophobic-as-hell parents and I’m still standing. Kurt and I are a strong couple and I hate that the second he has a weird bruise, it’s oh – I must have hit him! Do you have any idea how much guilt I went through, because of all I did to Kurt? I will never, ever forgive myself for scaring him, hurting him, forcing him to leave the high school where all of his friends were and where he should have been safe! I made his life a living hell because I was so afraid of who I was. I’m not that person anymore Finn. I’m not that person any more than you are.”
He didn’t know if he could take any more without damaging property or Finn’s face, so he went into the kitchen to find Kurt.
When he found Kurt, Kurt was staring at his father, stepfather and that Rachel girl. He was in tears. Kurt was crying. He was standing in front of his stepmother, father and Rachel and he was absolutely crying. Dave rushed to his boyfriend's side and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Kurt barely moved, completely focused on the people in front of him. "Kurt, what's up? Why are you crying?”
"Because I thought my family could trust and believe me," he spat, glaring at his parents. Rachel was shaking her head at the end of the room, leaning back on a counter. "Everyone in this room is convinced my boyfriend is an abuser, aren't you all? It's the stupidest thing. Dave and I both know who we were in high school. That's not us anymore."
Dave half-expected Kurt to leave it at that, but he should have known better. Kurt looked at all of the people around them with his piercing gaze and his voice came out absolutely hurt. “I get that you guys love me,” he said honestly. “I get that you guys worried when I told you that I was dating the guy who bullied me, terrified me in high school, but none of you have been there for everything that he and I have gone through. I would not want you guys to have to go through the things that we’ve gone through to make our relationship work. It was tough and nearly broke the both of us down.”
Dave nodded slowly. He knew that he should speak up, have something to say for himself, but Kurt had all of the power like was so common in their shared life. Kurt wiped at his eyes. “Dave’s worked twice as hard, fighting against problems that were a huge part of his life. I admire him. I admire him because if I came from the positively fucked up place that he did, I wouldn’t have gotten better. I would have continued to hate myself and the world around me, but he didn’t. He got stronger and I am so honored that this guy is my boyfriend now. Do we have psychological issues? Perhaps. Neither of us is going to deny that we still feel the strain of who we were, that we have some hang-ups and traumas that are probably never going away but we know that’s not who we are anymore.”
“Kurt.”
Finally someone spoke up. Kurt’s father looked at him with a sense of hesitation, yet determination. It was fitting that the only person bold enough to speak up when Kurt Hummel was on a tirade was his equally brave father. “Kurt, you have to understand where the concern was coming from. It’s not from a lack of trust in you.”
“Dad, it is!” Kurt yelled. Dave put a hand on his shoulder, hoping he could remind his boyfriend to be calm. “I get your concern but I can’t help but feel like you don’t trust me. I love Dave. I love Dave and I promised to you that he didn’t hurt me. Isn’t that enough? Is it that unbelievable that I might not be that coordinated?”
“Kurt,” mumbled his stepmother. “We’re very sorry. It’s just that when you gave us an excuse it seemed so much like a stereotypical…”
“It’s not that hard, Carole, just apologize to my boyfriend for being ridiculous!”
Dave breathed in. “Kurt, I get that they’re…”
“I am sorry Kurt,” Carole said. "I'm...sorry Dave."
Kurt glared at his father. A long moment passed without either of them saying anything. Kurt choked a little on a half-sob. “Merry fucking Christmas.” He then walked out the door. Dave was left standing, staring at a Hummel-Hudson family that didn’t quite trust him.
He quickly followed Kurt.
Dave followed Kurt out to the car. By the time he arrived, Kurt was already sitting in the driver’s seat, leaning against the steering wheel. He wasn’t crying anymore but was staring intently at the wheel, anger burning in his eyes. “Kurt,” Dave said softly, shaking his head. He opened the passenger door and slid into the passenger seat, putting an arm on his boyfriend’s shaking shoulder. It had been a very long time since he had last seen Kurt so overcome by emotion. It reminded him of the first time they had spoken about their feelings, the bullying and all that lay underneath it. Kurt was a powerful and passionate man and Dave adored him. “Kurt, baby, talk to me.”
Kurt turned to him and sighed. “Was I really stupid just now?” Kurt asked him, a slightly insecure tone to his usually confident voice.
“No,” he said, rubbing circles on the boy’s shoulder. “You weren’t stupid at all Kurt, you were just freaked out and you reacted.”
“Kinda what I kept telling you not to do for all that time, huh?” Kurt asked sadly, mimicking himself. “Dave, think before you react and do not panic.”
“Oh Kurt,” he said softly. “You used to say that because I had a tendency to lash out when I was panicked or afraid.”
“Oh and I didn’t just give my family the verbal lashing of the century?” Kurt asked, but he was slightly amused by Dave’s words. He actually smiled, which was usually a good sign as far as Dave knew. “I know that they kind of deserved it for not taking my word for it, but they really care about me and I’m really confused if I did the right thing or not.”
Dave thought about it for a moment. He really couldn’t blame Kurt’s family entirely. “I think that they care about you a lot,” he said, despite the fact that they had made him feel horrible, insecure and brought back self-loathing that he thought was buried pretty deeply inside of himself. “I don’t know much about abusers or whatever, but a really abused person wouldn’t tell the truth, if they wound up with a bruise. I mean, I’m not mad at them, I’m just hurt because I’ve already demonized the fuck out of myself and it’s hard when all you want to do is not be ‘that guy.’”
Kurt paused and there was a moment when all Dave could do was look into his eyes. “I’m sorry baby,” he said softly, leaning over and kissing him. “I can’t even imagine how disgusting it is for you to be accused of that. You’re not a high school bully anymore and you were never an abuser.”
Dave kissed him again, in lieu of an answer. He would have kissed him again and deeper if it wasn’t for the fact that Burt Hummel was behind Kurt, knocking on his window. Kurt groaned. “That’s my dad, isn’t it?”
Dave nodded. He opened the passenger door, stepped out and around the car and found himself looking at his boyfriend’s father. “Dave,” the man said firmly. “I…think that I might owe you an apology. I know when my son’s telling God’s honest truth and that was it. Kurt doesn’t get like that for just anything.”
“Dad,” Kurt said, getting out of the car as well. “It hurt…I know that you guys just care about me and don’t want to see me in something bad but this, this isn’t something bad. It’s something so very good.”
“Mr. Hummel,” Dave said, deciding that he would take control. “I did so many dumb things when I was a kid that I can’t even count them anymore. I was a bully, a jerk, a guy who picked on the vulnerable, the weak. Kurt was an easy target because he was gay, like me, but not afraid to say it or flaunt it as this perfect part of himself. I’m keep repeating that I’m not that guy anymore, but I don’t think I’ve been able to tell you why. It’s because of your son. He saved my life. He’s made me so freaking happy. I never even knew that kind of happy existed. I mean it. Having Kurt in my life means more to me than anything in the world and I would never hurt him.”
Burt nodded slowly and reached for Dave’s hand. Dave took it and shook it firmly.
“Come back to dinner boys. It’s Christmas time, come on.”