Work Text:
Okay, so, let's set the scene. It was one in the morning on a Tuesday and Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian had just finished watching How To Train Your Dragon 3: An Epic Conclusion. Dick was borderline crying. His lower lip was trembling and he looked like he was about to start sobbing on the poor victim on his left, also known as Tim Drake, who was muttering about theories on the hidden kingdom, somehow already on tumblr and posting said theories.
Jason was staring into the distance, occasionally stopping mid-step and looking confused. He appeared to be attempting to process what just happened, and he was failing miserably. Damian was pretending to not care but he too, was hesitating mid-step and losing his train of thought (much like me, the author of this miserable concoction).
Bruce was in the bat-cave shenaniganing away because he hadn't seen the movie and did not desire to. The boys walked into a sitting room next to the kitchen. Dick immediately slumped onto a couch and started fiddling with the TV remote, possibly going to youtube and finding the How To Train Your Dragon 1 playlist. Tim was also dragged onto the couch with Dick and continued to rapidly type away on his phone while logging in on his laptop, seemingly to type faster. Jason had gone into the kitchen and he seemed to have immediately collapsed onto the floor. Damian appeared to be perfectly content, also lounging on the floor, but the floor next to the couch next to Dick's feet instead of the kitchen floor, because that's 'uncivilized'. He was on his phone, presumably texting Jon.
Jason crawled out of the kitchen with three bowls of popcorn, one of which he deposited on Dick, the other on the side-table next to Tim. He then made himself comfortable on the floor on the other side of the couch next to Tim's legs. He mournfully stuffed popcorn in his mouth and pulled out his phone to text Roy- 'we just watched httyd 3 and i require 68 hours to recover'. Roy texted back almost immediately with an 'im coming over'. Damian had received a similar message from Jon, who fully intended to come over despite not living in Gotham.
"Roy's coming over by the way."
"As is Kent."
"You can't call your boyfriend by his last name when. Especially when there's multiple Kents."
"What do you know, Todd? Harper doesn't have any relatives."
"See, you can say Todd because my parents are dead as hell, but you can't say Kent because there's like, twelve of them."
"Jason, there's like twelve of us. There's only a couple Kents."
"Amateurs."
Dick frowned at Jason's parent comment, but didn't say anything. There was a small knock at the door, as if the person was afraid that they would wake the house. That could only mean one person- Johnathan Kent. Dick whispered 'not it' as Damian stood up to get the door. 'This is Berk' began to play over the speakers as Jon and Damian strolled back into the room and took Damian's seat on the floor. Tim finally looked up from his phone and laptop because of the intro playing, and he kind of just sat there until someone pushed a cup of coffee into his hands, which he didn't even inspect before chugging.
Around fifteen to twenty minutes later, a loud series of knocks at the door to the tune of 'jingle bells' startled everyone, as they were sitting in silence listening to the How To Train Your Dragon playlist. Roy had arrived. Dick was now full on crying, saying "It's so beautiful," every time the music played. Jason tripped over Damian heading toward the door, so he kind of just wriggled over to the door and pulled himself up to the doorknob to face Roy.
"You look like shit, dude." A smile tugged at the corner of of Jason's lip, and he kissed him before grabbing his arm and dragging him over to the seat next to Tim's feet. Tim scooted his legs onto Dick to give them more room.
"The mood in here is really depressing."
"Yes, and?"
"You guys wanna go to a supermarket? Because I kind of have to do some grocery shopping and it doesn't seem like you have anything better to do."
There was a dead silence for a few seconds before Dick said "We're actually out of cereal."
Tim raised an eyebrow and said "You realize that we're all in sweats and no one is changing, right?"
"I didn't ask you to change."
"Are you suggesting we go to the supermarket in our sweatpants?"
"Yes," Roy and Dick said simultaneously.
"Okay, let's do it."
"Todd, are you kidding?"
"No." said Jason in a no-bullshit voice.
"Why not?" asked Jon.
"Dear god we're actually doing this, aren't we?"
A resounding 'yes' came from around the room.
Tim sighed. "I'll get Bruce's card."
A few minutes later, the six of them were trying to squish into the car. Tim was driving, since he seemed to be the most awake at two in the morning. Dick was in the passenger seat up front because he yelled shotgun the moment Tim said he was driving. Jason was in the middle of the backseat, with Roy next to him and Damian on the other side. Jon was somehow sitting in the trunk, but it was a big car, he was fine. It was supposed to have seven seats, but they were too lazy to put the back two up, so Jon was just sitting in the back with a box or two. Damian was not happy about this, but there was really nothing he could do about it.
Jason fiddled with the radio as Dick yelled at everyone to put their seat-belts on. He switched the channels until he found one he presumably liked, and everyone groaned as the intro to 'Highway to Hell' by AC/DC played. "OH, come on!" He yelled."You people have no taste!" Someone in the back muttered 'you pretend like you do' and he made an unintelligible noise while turning the volume up.
It took around ten minutes for everyone to settle down so that Tim could actually start driving, and even then, they were all talking over each other on the thirty-minute drive to the nearest Walmart. (Yes, it was thirty minutes away if they were out of toilet paper.)
When they arrived, Jason scrambled over Roy and fell out the door. Fell. He opened the door and promptly fell out. Roy giggled and got out to help him up. Damian scoffed and got out the car from the other side to get Jon out of the trunk.
Dick stepped out with way too much cheer for someone who was awake at two in the morning. Tim turned off the engine and stumbled out of the car as his previous wakefulness seemed to have disappeared.
"You okay there Timmy?"
"Ngh."
Jon, who had apparently gotten out of the trunk and was now hovering around Damian, looked over at Dick, who asked the question, and asked or said, really, "Jason literally fell out of the car?"
"Jason literally jumps off rooftops without grapple guns and survives, he'll be fine."
"That one building that I jumped off had only one floor!" Jason yelled in defense. Roy shook his head. "It had three floors, and you broke your left arm trying to break your fall." "Whatever."
"I saw you jump off one last week!"
"That was barely a building!"
"It was two floors! That's high enough to break a leg falling off of!"
"Oh, what do you know, you haven't slept more than two hours in the last three days!"
"TIM!"
"Yes I have!"
"Is this really happening in the parking lot of a Walmart?"
"Yes!" Came multiple voices from the bickering brothers.
"Can we just go in now?"
After another wasted fifteen minutes, Dick, Jason, Roy, Damian, Jon and Tim walked into Walmart at what was now three in the morning.
Dick grabbed a cart and Tim promptly hopped into it. Dick half-sighed and then decided to roll with it and pushed Tim while yelling and running at an extremely fast speeds. It was actually a wonder that no one had stopped them. Well, you kind of do stop caring after one in the morning. Everyone who worked there was kind of just.. watching.
Roy, Jason, Damian and Jon hung back and decided to actually shop, for some reason. Jason grabbed a cart and so did Damian, and they kind of just went their separate ways with their respective boyfriends.
Dick and Tim were obviously in the cereal aisle, as Dick had decided that the manor needed more cereal, which was highly unnecessary because if Dick Grayson lives with you, you're never out of cereal. Once, the man had sat at home in the early morning and ate three entire boxes of cereal by himself. He was incorrigible.
After they were done with the cereal aisle, they headed on towards the coffee.
Obviously.
Tim reached out of the cart and grabbed around eighteen jars of coffee and a couple boxes and one that was actually tea. Dick frowned. "You realize that's tea, right?" Tim nodded. "Jay." "Oh, yeah."
Meanwhile, Damian and Jon were in the ice-cream aisle, because apparently Jon needed ice-cream if he was going to survive the night and Damian had never actually said no to him. So they were in the ice-cream section and Jon was choosing which flavor he wanted. "How come your parents let you out so late?" asked Damian.
Jon laughed nervously. "Actually, they don't know that I'm here." Damian looked bewildered. Jon continued. "I just thought you might be sad because, you know, when you saw the first movie you were so excited and then the second one came out and then this one so, I mean, you're worth my mom and dad's possible anger."
Damian flushed awkwardly. Jon giggled and put some ice-cream in the cart.
And back to Jason and Roy, who were arguing in the back of the store over- what was it? Ah yes, water bottle caps.
"What do you mean? That is completely wrong!"
"What do you mean, that's wrong? How can it be wrong? It's a water bottle!"
He kissed him angrily. What? They were arguing a moment ago?
Whoop.
And, we're leaving them alone now.
Dick and Tim had run into Jon and Damian in the clothes section. They looked at each others minimal items in both carts and immediately decided to put everything from Damian's cart into Dick's cart and then go find Jason and Roy.
By the time the others found them, they had gone through the entire store and had finished the grocery shopping for the entire week for the whole family.
They finally got everyone together after an awkward run-in with them (as well as one with Damian and Jon) and got to the cashier, where Tim pulled out Bruce's card and basically threw it at the counter from his spot in the cart. The worker caught it and scanned it, somehow unfazed by the sons of billionare Bruce Wayne and Oliver Queen in Walmart at three in the morning.
Everyone piled the bags into the back of the car, without Jon this time, and stuffed themselves in, but this time Jon had to sit on top of Damian. This caused various chuckles from Jason and Roy, along with a sigh from Dick. Jon fell asleep not even two minutes into the drive, allowing a very red Damian for the others to take pictures of, since he couldn't move.
Thirty minutes later, in Wayne Manor, Jason, Roy and Dick were carrying the bags, Tim was basically asleep and Damian was carrying what appeared to be Jon. Still asleep.
They all piled up in the living room where they originally were and one by one, fell asleep.
And that's how Bruce found them all the next morning- Dick and Tim lying on the couch, Dick's head lying over the end with his legs spread out and Tim sitting on top of him with his head lolling over the top. Jon and Damian were actually cuddling on the floor next to the armchair. Jason and Roy were on the floor too, at the bottom of the couch, Jason sitting up where Dick's arm was hanging off the side with Roy's head on his lap, sprawled out on the floor.
Bruce took a picture and sent it to the family group. It was definitely going on the fridge.