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David leaves and Matteo doesn’t know what to do. This is different than last time. Matteo could have stopped David, but he didn’t know what to say. He was stunned. Transgender? He had heard the word before, but he didn’t understand what that meant. David is a boy, he said he is a boy, but he also said he is transgender. Matteo’s thoughts were swirling. He laid back, grasping his blue pillow, the scent of David renewed. His head felt stuffy and his heart ached.
The door to the apartment shuts loudly, stirring Matteo from his daze. It’s been a few hours, according to his phone. The groupchat has been blowing up. No message from David. He tosses his phone aside with a sigh, before slowly pulling himself up.
Hans is alone in the living room when Matteo opens his door. He’s painting his nails. Matteo bites his lip, mulling everything over, before walking up to him and hovering by the couch. Han’s nail polish is clear with silver glitter, and it creates dazzling rainbows when he shifts his hands.
“Can I ask you something?”
Hans looks up, nail polish brush paused above his pinky nail. Matteo shifted his weight between his feet before blurting out:
“What do you know about being transgender?”
Hans’ eyebrows shot up to his hairline. He capped the nail polish bottle. “Well, I wouldn’t exactly call myself an expert. I’m not transgender, just feminine.”
Matteo flops down on the couch next to him. He chews his bottom lip, the pauses. It took him a few tries to start talking. His breath felt stuck in his chest. “No, I know that. I .... someone that I ...... my friend, he just told me that he was. You know. Transgender.”
Hans turns fully to look Matteo in the eyes, deadly serious. “Thank you for coming to me with this. I know that coming out has been hard for you. This is a great next step and I’m here to support you no matter what.”
Matteo blinks, furrows his eyebrows, then turns back to Hans. “It’s not me! I mean it - this - this isn’t some sort of bullshit excuse, I’m not trying to hide behind some made-up friend. Please, Hans, I need your help. I don’t want to mess this up.”
With that, Hans’ solemn face morphs into a smirk. “Ahh, finally turning to your gay guru for help, I see. Well, every transgender person has a unique experience. Do I know the person?”
“I promised not to tell. And, uh, I know what it’s like, to have people be talking about you behind your back. And it’s shitty, even if they mean well.”
Hans nods. “I’m proud of you, Matteo. Not a lot of people realize how important secrets like these are. Well, anyway, you could always ask this person more. Reach out to them and let them know you’re open-minded and willing to learn more. In the mean time, I can send you some links to informational websites. And that LGBT group that I’m a part of, we meet on Thursdays. Come with me on Thursday. There are a lot of trans members. I think it’ll be beneficial and eye-opening.”
“Thank you, Hans. I really don’t want to mess this up. I really care about him.”
Hans leans over and hugs Matteo, careful of his still-wet nails. “You’re trying, and that’s what matters the most. Now, I’ve got to finish my nails. Be a dear and go put on Netflix, would you? They just added Love, Simon.”
Matteo would be forever grateful to Hans for knowing when something shouldn’t be made into a huge ordeal. Sure he was dramatic, and prone to blowing things out of proportion, but he absolutely knew when to move on. He settles in next to Hans, content for the time being with watching a cute movie instead of thinking.