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“And then,” Shang Qinghua says, still going on at length, “I heard a rumor that- get this-”
Mobei-Jun nods, face calm and still, not looking at Shang Qinghua any more than he has during the last 90 minutes of one-sided conversation.
“That Cu- Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe are sometimes- are you ready for this?-” he waggles his eyebrows dramatically- “switching.”
Mobei-Jun doesn’t react.
“My king, my king,” Shang Qinghua says, leaning into his side. “Did you hear? Switching!”
Mobei-Jun turns to look at him evenly.
“Switching?” Shang Qinghua tries, looking at him encouragingly. “You know, like… positions?”
Mobei-Jun stares blankly. “What kind?”
Shang Qinghua can’t believe it. He wrote Mobei-Jun to be thick, not thick-headed! “You know! Sex! Sex positions!”
“Mm. That’s what I thought you were talking about.”
“They switch positions during sex!”
“I know.”
“Wait--you know?”
Mobei-Jun grunts affirmatively. Shang Qinghua wants to tear his hair out.
“We do that too,” Mobei-Jun says evenly.
“...”
We do that too?
“No, like…”
Shang Qinghua pauses.
“Sometimes we do it from behind and not the front,” Mobei-Jun says.
Shang Qinghua nods frantically.
Okay okay okay. This is going to have to go more in depth. “Well,” he begins. “Sometimes,” he says. “Like sometimes Luo Binghe isn’t giving it, he’s taking it.” Please please let my literal minded king not make me have to be graphic, Shang Qinghua thinks.
Mobei-Jun blinks. His eyes suddenly sharpen, his focus fixing in on Shang Qinghua like a very attractive laser.
“Oh?” he says.
Oh, he’s going to have to be graphic. Shang Qinghua has written over a million words of porn--porn he wasn’t even interested in! He can definitely handle explaining this.
Not that this is something he’s interested in. He’s not interested in thinking about Luo Binghe, his son, and Cucumber Bro, his rival, switching positions in bed.
That would be weird.
Haha.
“Sometimes when Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu make love-” he thinks of the right way to phrase it, drawing on his extensive experience- “Shen Qingqiu’s heavenly pillar descends to Luo Binghe’s ravine, if you understand me,” he says, moving his eyebrows in a way that is meant to convey deep meaning.
Mobei-Jun does not make an expression of understanding, but he’s watching Shang Qinghua very, very closely.
“Shang Qinghua,” he says. “You want to be inside me?”
--------
“No, bro, you don’t get it,” Shang Qinghua says to Shen Qingqiu, who is waving his fan lazily, expression of amusement barely hidden under his farce of a cool cultivator look. “I said I would never dare to ask for that, and he just looked at me, and then said I should do it. Just like that! Do it? Do it?! He’s Mobei-Jun! He’s a demon, he’s my king!”
Shen Qingqiu completely fails to respond with the appropriate sympathetic reaction, and Shang Qinghua, used to his constant betrayals, barrels on.
“I’ve never topped before! I wouldn’t know where to start! Does he not like what we usually do in bed? Why is he trying to switch?”
Shen Qingqiu is examining one of the sweets on the table, as if waiting for Shang Qinghua to be finished. Or as if resigned to the fact that he may never finish.
“...He’s taller than me,” Shang Qinghua finishes, petulantly.
“So get a stepladder,” Shen Qingqiu says, with a complete lack of sympathy.
“Cucumber Bro,” Shang Qinghua says, putting his hand on his chest, “do you even care? What would you do if my son asked you to top? You’d tell him no!”
For all the rumors and long-windedly metaphorical descriptions he’s heard in song form, he knows that’s not something Shen Qingqiu would actually do. He knows Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe’s stats, and Shen Qingqiu is 4 centimeters shorter than him. And kind of lazy, to boot.
“I did tell him no. The first time.”
Shang Qinghua feels a distinctly cool breeze coming from outside. ”He asked?”
Shen Qingqiu inclines his head gracefully.
“You said no the first time?” Shang Qinghua repeats, faintly. “And... the second?”
Shen Qingqiu sips at his tea with utter elegance. “I fucked him.”
“What?” Shang Qinghua’s mouth is maybe hanging open. “Luo Binghe? Demon king Luo Binghe? The stallion protagonist?”
“He loves it.”
“But he’s taller ,” Shang Qinghua repeats. He doesn’t want to know any more; there’s some knowledge he can’t handle, and his son bending over for Shen Qingqiu is one of them.
...But he does need slightly more knowledge.
“Do you do it often?”
“Our sex life has doubled to eight times a month.”
Cucumber Bro, you should be doing it eight times in a week! Shang Qinghua mourns. Never mind that Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun only manage it twice a month, maybe three if it’s warm and humid and Mobei-Jun’s dick is like a refreshing popsicle in the summertime.
Wait…
“D- doubled? You top him half the time?” Shang Qinghua says, aghast.
“It’s easier that way,” Shen Qingqiu says, shrugging with a distressing amount of nonchalance. “Stop making that face. If you wanted him to top all the time, you shouldn’t have written him such an inconveniently sized heavenly pillar.”
“I was just trying to give the fans what they wanted,” Shang Qinghua says vaguely, staring blankly into the distance.
Raising one eyebrow, Shen Qingqiu asks, “Is that why Luo Binghe’s prostate is on a hair trigger?”
Shang Qinghua sputters. “I didn’t need to know that!” He pauses. “Wait, is it... Is that a demon thing?”
Does... does that mean that Mobei-Jun also-
“...How did you find out?”
“How do you think I found out?” Shen Qingqiu says, fan still waving lazily. “Sex.”
Shang Qinghua shoves a pastry into his mouth. He needs to think. Wait, he needs to not think. His son, his precious son, ravaged by Cucumber Bro! Swallowing the pastry too fast, Shang Qinghua starts to choke, eyes watering. He looks to Shen Qingqiu for help.
Shen Qingqiu nonchalantly watches Shang Qinghua choke. This isn’t a joke, Cucumber Bro! He thought they were friends! After everything Shang Qinghua has done for Shen Qingqiu, including growing him a body, writing him badass magical powers and a great sword and a powerful position as a Sect Leader, getting him laid with the most beautiful person on the planet- this is his thanks?! Just letting him choke to death on a fried bun?
Shang Qinghua finally stops dying, no thanks to Shen Qingqiu. He glares. “Would you have let me choke to death?”
Shen Qingqiu snorts. “You left me to choke to death on that oversized-”
He claps his mouth shut as Yue Qingyuan slides the door open.
“Qingqiu, are you all right? I knocked, but then I heard choking and I--ah, Shang-shidi.”
Oh no, Yue Qingyuan! All of his plans for the original goods and Yue Qingyuan had had to be scrapped, leaving Shang Qinghua wracked with guilt. He didn’t mean for Yue Qingyuan to get NTR’d! Well, technically he did make Yue Qingyuan die horribly in Proud Immortal Demon Way , which is arguably worse. But it doesn’t quite have the emotional impact of a good, hard NTR by the NTR stallion Luo Binghe. He feels a little bit worse about that part, overall.
Though apparently Luo Binghe is now the one getting that good, hard-
“Zhangmen-shixiong,” Shen Qingqiu says brightly. “Come sit with us.”
Shang Qinghua shoots him a betrayed look.
So eager to ditch when the going gets tough, Cucumber Bro?! Who’s he supposed to go to for help with this now, when his only fellow demon-fucker has a Zhangmen-shixiong shield protecting him from attacks on all sides?
Well, there is one other option…
“Qingqiu,” Yue Qingyuan says, turning his soft, obviously smitten eyes on Shen Qingqiu’s oblivious ass. “Have you been well?”
Time to go! It may be Shang Qinghua’s fault originally, but he doesn’t want to sit here and see Yue Qingyuan get his heart slowly dragged through the mud by this idiotic transmigrator with the emotional awareness of a walnut.
“I just remembered,” he says, quickly making his way to his feet, “I have somewhere to be.”
And he does. In fact, he has somewhere to be for the exact time period that Shen Qingqiu is occupied hosting Yue Qingyuan.
He makes his way out of Shen Qingqiu’s study post-haste, and hops onto his sword as soon as he’s outside.
He’s off to Luo Binghe’s palace.
----------
Of course, Shang Qinghua can’t simply go up to his son and ask him about his prostate. He actually can’t go up to Luo Binghe… at all. Luo Binghe is out of Shang Qinghua’s league. Maybe if Mobei-Jun was there, to ease the way, he would be able to approach him, and maybe even sneak in a question or two. But that would defeat the purpose of getting advice on this particular matter.
Mobei-Jun must never know. So, he can’t speak to Luo Binghe.
Luo Binghe, Shang Qinghua doesn’t want to be an absent father, but you left him no choice!
So, with Luo Binghe out of the question, Shang Qinghua decides to ask Sha Hualing. She definitely didn’t want to murder him the last time he spoke up in the palace, so he thinks it’ll go fine.
Perched on the wall, Sha Hualing looks down from sharpening her nails.
The scrape of the file, like metal on metal, makes Shang Qinghua start to doubt that this was the best idea.
“Yes, human?” Sha Hualing asks.
“I wondered if you had some advice to give,” Shang Qinghua says nervously.
“That color doesn’t suit you,” she says, giving him a disdainful once-over. “It’s shit-brown.”
“It’s the uniform,” Shang Qinghua responds, anxiety rising.
He was prepared for a beating, but only a physical one! Why is she so ruthless on so many levels?! What kind of sadist wrote her to be this way! Cucumber Bro even said she was mean back in his earliest comments. He always had the most savage reviews for Sha Hualing, like he was jealous or something.
Jealous of getting to scratch Luo Binghe up, probably, Shang Qinghua thinks sourly. Who knows what else he’s doing to his poor son!
“Demon anatomy,” Shang Qinghua squeaks out. “Is it significantly different… down below?”
Sha Hualing raises one perfectly groomed eyebrow. “Wouldn’t you know?”
Fuck! He forgot he gave her a super sensitive nose! It was to help her find rivals with Luo Binghe’s scent on them, so she could angrily challenge them to aesthetically pleasing clothing-ripping fights… who would have thought that it would come back to bite him in the ass?
Another thing that Cucumber Bro is probably doing to-
No! He isn’t going to think on it any more! “Ah, hmm,” Shang Qinghua replies. “What if I didn’t know about the uh--”
He can feel the sweat soaking through all the layers of robes he’s wearing. Probably making the shit brown even darker. At least it’ll cover him, if he actually shits himself right now, which he feels like he might.
...Ahhhh he can’t do this!!!
“Actually, I really have to go! My king needs me!”
Shang Qinghua rushes out of the yard, the sharp sound of Sha Hualing filing her nails making him retreat faster.
As he breathes heavily, trying to calm himself down, he walks.
Maybe he should try to find Luo Binghe after all?
While he’s still considering his options, his feet bring him to one of Luo Binghe’s suites. He specifically designed this suite for ease of overhearing for some important harem infighting scenes, so he thinks he’ll be able to tell if Luo Binghe is in there.
The low murmur of voices is coming from it.
Oh shit! Cucumber Bro is here already?
Did you ditch your poor infatuated Shixiong to come visit the guy who stole you out from under him? Too cold, Cucumber Bro!
“Shizun,” he hears Luo Binghe say.
“Not while we’re doing this, Binghe, I’ve told you,” Shen Qingqiu says, exasperated.
Doing…
This?
Shang Qinghua’s ears perk up.
Or, uh… he’s horrified.
This is his chance, though! Should he be taking notes?
“Shizun, this disciple needs you inside.”
There’s a slight smacking sound. “Not Shizun.”
“Shizun,” Luo Binghe repeats, and there’s another smacking sound, accompanied by a moan.
Shang Qinghua ruffles frantically through his sleeves for paper.
“Binghe, you’re still so tight.”
Demons, tight, okay. Shang Qinghua can work with this.
“I don’t need prep,” Luo Binghe says. “I’m already taking three fingers.”
Demons don’t need prep, ok.
“Already the same size as Shizun’s cock,” Luo BInghe purrs, and this time there’s a louder smack, followed by laughter.
Was Luo Binghe supposed to be able to sound like that? Also, why was he laughing? Was that allowed? He certainly never laughed during any of the sex scenes Shang Qinghua wrote for him!
Shang Qinghua stares down at his hand for a beat, where he holds three of his fingers tightly together.
Is Cucumber Bro’s body really only…
He’s… so sorry, Cucumber Bro… if he’d known, he would have added in a throwaway line to fix it...
“Stop joking,” Shen Qingqiu says, with the same fake annoyed voice that he uses when Shang Qinghua gives him a manuscript of terrible, terrible porn for him to tear apart.
Which is what this is apparently shaping up to be, because the next words Luo Binghe says are “This disciple is only joking, of course. Shizun’s cock is perfect. It feels like it was made to fuck me.”
Shang Qinghua can guarantee that that is NOT what it was made for!!!
“Are you ready, Binghe?” Cucumber Bro’s voice drops, becoming strangely…
...Alluring? Is that… oh shit, does Cucumber Bro have a bedroom voice?! Should Shang Qinghua be trying to get one of those? How does one develop one?
He scribbles a note in the margins of his paper. Bedroom… voice…
“Yes,” Luo Binghe says breathlessly. “Please. Please, I need you…”
Shang Qinghua’s mouth drops open. Stop begging, Luo Binghe! He’s going to give you the dick! It’s barely been a minute! Do people seriously like being begged for their cock? Shang Qinghua has never asked for it in his life, just rolled over and let Mobei-Jun figure it out.
He closes his mouth and writes it down anyway, the brush skittering over the page when he hears Luo Binghe make… a noise. The sort of moan that only comes from having something shoved up the ass. Shang Qinghua knows this because he’s made that sound, albeit not perfectly like the protagonist, and he was in a lot more pain. Or so he assumes.
Unless Luo Binghe is also in pain? But from the noises he’s making now, he’s enjoying himself.
Maybe he likes the pain...?
Shang Qinghua pulls his eyebrows together, doubtful, then writes it down with a question mark.
Demons like pain?, question mark.
Then he hears Shen Qingqiu grunt. It’s entirely inelegant, and followed by Luo Binghe gasping and begging. Shang Qinghua thinks, briefly, that maybe he’s intruding on a private moment and he’s gotten all the information that he can get out of this.
But then he remembers all the bullshit Cucumber Bro wrote about him on the forums, and all the shit he said to him to his face, and he decides to stay. It’s thanks to Shang Qinghua that Shen Qingqiu’s able to grunt at Luo Binghe in the first place! Shen Qingqiu owes him! Shang Qinghua hangs around for Luo Binghe’s running commentary, which sounds ripped right off the pages of Proud Immortal Demon Way , to Shang Qinghua’s great regret, for a distressingly wordy 30 minutes.
Finally, just as he’s starting to fidget and wonder if he should leave- there’s no way he’s going to inspire that kind of dirty talk from Mobei-Jun, right? That can’t be a thing every demon does- Shen Qingqiu’s tone changes.
“Stop that, Binghe, I’m about to—”
Apparently whatever he’s doing, Luo Binghe does not stop, because a few seconds later, Shen Qingqiu grunts again, but even more inelegantly.
After a pause, Luo Binghe purrs, “This disciple thanks Shizun for—”
“No.”
Luo Binghe continues with a new sentence, not missing a beat. “This disciple wants Shizun to come inside again and again, until he can’t move without it leaking out~”
Wow, Luo Binghe just ramps it up doesn’t he? Shang Qinghua has really heard enough! Time to go, before he finds out even more about his bro’s willingness to perform!
As he rounds the corner to leave, he almost runs into Sha Hualing, who’s standing there, watching him.
“...”
“...”
“Ahaha,” Shang Qinghua tries.
Sha Hualing’s expression doesn’t change. She’s shorter than him, but she is 100% looking down on him.
“...Research,” Shang Qinghua says, weakly.
He makes it back to Mobei-Jun with only his life and limbs intact, dignity strewn in pieces on the floor along with his torn-up notepad and a quarter of his sleeve.
---------
So despite the harrowing nature of Shang Qinghua’s adventure- which left him with nothing much but some wild guesses about demon anatomy and the knowledge that Luo Binghe is much more vocal about his desires than Shang Qinghua had ever intended- he’s at a loss.
…
He definitely didn’t write Luo Binghe like that.
...In fact, now that he thinks about it, the most Luo Binghe ever said during a sex scene in Proud Immortal Demon Way was “next.”
Whatever, that’s a thing! People are into that! The fans called him ‘stoic’! Though now that he remembers, Cucumber Bro had been a little weird about it. “Luo Binghe should open up more or he’ll be lonely,” he once posted, and Shang Qinghua had double-checked his screen for signs of damage. Lonely? Luo Binghe had hundreds of wives, papapa every day, how could he be lonely?
It all makes sense now, though... Shen Qingqiu had been gunning for him to ask for it since the beginning.
And in the end, Luo Binghe… really ended up opening up, after all…
Even though he’s taller...
He’s so occupied with putting every single forum post by Cucumber Bro into a new light that he runs right into someone in the hallway. The second time in as many days? What is with these people and their hallway usage!
Shang Qinghua rubs his stinging nose as he looks up… and keeps looking up… into the eyes of someone much taller than him. Mobei-Jun’s chiseled jaw tilts downward so he can meet Shang Qinghua’s eyes. He’s so tall. He’s got altitude. Elevation. Topping him would be completely inappropriate and weird. Because of his height.
On the other hand, Shang Qinghua had spent a lot of time doing research lately. He knows about... the demon prostate.
Hair trigger.
No prep.
Coming inside.
“My king, it’s been fourteen days,” Shang Qinghua says, in his most suggestive tone. Then, boldly, he adds, “since we’ve gone to bed together.”
The cool air from Mobei-Jun’s breath brushes by Shang Qinghua’s neck.
When did cold air start turning him on? If he ever ends up back in his original world, he’ll be shit out of luck; can’t get it up unless an air conditioner’s aimed on him.
“Yes. You ran away the last time we tried,” Mobei-Jun says.
Well, not this time!! Hair trigger!! No prep!! Coming inside!!!
“Well, not this time!” Shang Qinghua squeaks. Clears his throat, tries again. “I, I’m ready, this time.”
Mobei-Jun’s clear eyes focus in on him, that gaze just as intense and arousing as it was the last time. And a little terrifying, but that doesn’t seem to influence how turned on Shang Qinghua is. He’s probably turned on by being terrified, at this point. So, if he ever gets stuck in his own world again: air conditioner, horror movie, lubricant he’d gotten out of the fridge.
...Why is he thinking about going back to his own world?
Oh, right, because he’s about to embarrass himself so thoroughly by trying to top that he transmigrates back into his original body out of shame.
“Oh?” Mobei-Jun says, his deep voice low and sexy. So, so sexy.
God, please don’t ask him what he’s ready for. Shang Qinghua might die if he has to say it.
“I’m ready to, to be inside you!” he blurts out.
Death doesn’t come.
Neither does Shang Qinghua, or Mobei-Jun, because they’re not having sex yet.
That should change.
Mobei-Jun is still looking at him. His body is cool, but his gaze is hot. If Shang Qinghua was one of his commenters, he would leave a trail of fire emoji to describe Mobei-Jun’s face right now. And maybe a few snowflake emoji, for the contrast. And a couple sweat emoji, for the… foreshadowing.
...Refreshing...
“Take us to your rooms?” he says, leaning into Mobei-Jun’s space a little.
A portal immediately opens behind Mobei-Jun, but Mobei-Jun doesn’t move.
Shang Qinghua steels himself a little, then puts his hands on Mobei-Jun’s tall, broad chest, and pushes him back a little, until he passes through the portal, Shang Qinghua following.
Sexy! In control! He’s got this!
He backs Mobei-Jun against the bed, feels his knees gently press against it.
He’s… got this…
The portal closes behind them, leaving Shang Qinghua alone with Mobei-Jun in his room, about to push him down onto his bed and… have his way with him.
Like Cucumber Bro with Luo Binghe, he thinks desperately.
Mobei-Jun is still standing there, still being all… handsome, and cool, and tall.
The tall thing has to stop!!
“My king, would you like to sit down?”
Mobei-Jun stares at him, and doesn’t move.
That’s a no, then?
Mobei-Jun coolly appraises Shang Qinghua, and takes both Shang Qinghua’s hands in his. He places them on his firm, defined pecs.
He wants… Shang Qinghua to feel him up…?
Shang Qinghua squeezes the pecs. Wow, they are really rock hard. And really, really cold.
Mobei-Jun raises an eyebrow, and his hands press Shang Qinghua’s forward into his chest, a little hard, so that he rocks back slightly.
He wants… Shang Qinghua to push him…?
…?
...
OH.
Mo- Mobei-Jun would let Shang Qinghua… push him down?!
Okay, maybe that’s not, like, as intense a thing to allow as sticking his cock up his ass, but Shang Qinghua’s stallion-novel ready mind has written so many pushing down scenes that he can’t help but overlay them on top of Mobei-Jun, and…
The… the contrast…
The… the gap, in having someone this strong allow someone like Shang Qinghua to push him around…
Oh shit. Is this what Cucumber Bro is into?!
It’s… kind of hot??
There’s no way that he and his harshest critic secretly have the same kinks, right?!
Shang Qinghua swallows, clearing his head of Cucumber Bro and his… situation.
As long as Mobei-Jun doesn’t start begging for his jizz, he’ll be fine.
...Okay. Okay, he can do this!
He pushes feebly at Mobei-Jun’s chest.
Mobei-Jun doesn’t even wobble.
…
Shang Qinghua’s head hangs dejectedly, eyes on a level with Mobei-Jun’s pecs, clearly defined even through his robe.
Yes. He knows he’s not physically a match for Mobei-Jun. He was already aware.
Of their own volition, his hands squeeze a little, as though trying to cheer him up.
...It actually does help him feel a little better. Mobei-Jun’s chest is really, really nice.
Okay!! He can do this!!!
Steeling himself, he takes a deep breath, and shoves, hard, at Mobei-Jun, who, again, fails to move at all.
…
Okay, obviously he can’t push him over for real! Did Mobei-Jun forget to let Shang Qinghua come out on top here?!
“My king,” he says, refraining from whining. Mobei-Jun twitches a little, and his hands come up, guiding Shang Qinghua closer.
O.. oh… he’s pressed all down Mobei-Jun’s front, all of a sudden.
Hm…
His face is… in his sculpted chest…
Maybe there are upsides to being shorter...
“Now try,” Mobei-Jun says, deep voice low and arousing, and Shang Qinghua leans his body weight into him until Mobei-Jun slowly leans backwards, Shang Qinghua following him down.
This time, he goes!
Success!!
Shang Qinghua is now lying on top of Mobei-Jun. Or, well, partially on top. He’s braced on an elbow. He has a knee between his legs. They’re not really touching.
Except for… at the crotch. Very specifically at the crotch. Mobei-Jun is completely hard, like he’s an iceberg and Shang Qinghua is the Titanic. There aren’t enough life rafts for Shang Qinghua’s brain, heart, and dick to share, but that’s fine because only two of those are functioning right now. Shang Qinghua is starting to feel like, since his brain was left to freeze to death in the Arctic, maybe he can top a demon king. Even if he’s taller.
Shang Qinghua grinds his cock down a little, experimentally. Mobei-Jun lets out an exhale, his hands coming up to hold Shang Qinghua’s waist. Instead of doing what he normally does- that is, moving Shang Qinghua bodily exactly where he wants him (extremely hot)- Mobei-Jun leaves his hands there. Mobei-Jun is trying to let Shang Qinghua take the lead. Shang Qinghua decides to be bold.
He rips off Mobei-Jun’s robe. Really tears it off, and he cringes at the sound, because he can just imagine what it’ll be like to sew back together later. Or what the replacement cost will be.
But hey, he has some perfectly serviceable cultivation that he usually chooses not to use. Or, you know. Doesn’t remember to use.
Sometimes he forgets he’s a cultivator, and not just a glorified replacement goods service for demolition peak and unaware-of-how-much-fancy-teacups-cost peak.
But tonight, he’s going for it!
Mobei-Jun’s robe will be in shreds!
He lets the energy flow through his hands, and once Mobei-Jun’s robes are blasted off his chest, he tosses the remaining scrap or two of fabric onto the floor, shaking out his fingers.
Mobei-Jun’s eyes are slightly wide.
Good sign? Bad sign? Weird sign? He can’t tell. But Mobei-Jun can stop him if he doesn’t like anything, so Shang Qinghua mentally shrugs and decides to get down to it.
To… it…
Down to it…
Down to…
There.
Mobei-Jun spreads his legs and draws them up, giving Shang Qinghua a view he’d never expected. Wow. That’s his asshole. Is it rude to stare at what you’re about to fuck? Shang Qinghua quickly takes his own clothes off, leaving off on the dramatic ripping this time. He looks down again. Demons don’t need prep, right? On the other hand…
If Mobei-Jun’s dick is cold, doesn’t that mean his ass is too? Shang Qinghua would die of shame if he lost his hard-on because he was essentially fucking a cold-pack fresh out of the freezer. He decides to test the temperature before he commits to anything. He goes to put two fingers in his mouth, but Mobei-Jun stops him with one hand on his wrist.
“My king?”
“Allow me,” Mobei-Jun says, and wraps his mouth around Shang Qinghua’s fingers. Shang Qinghua shivers, and not entirely because of how cold Mobei-Jun is. After Mobei-Jun swipes his tongue across them, Shang Qinghua withdraws them in a hurry. This whole thing is weird, but Mobei-Jun is looking at him with half-lidded eyes and gently stroking Shang Qinghua’s thigh.
Shang Qinghua reaches down between Mobei-Jun’s legs and feels around. He presses one finger inside and...
Yep, that’s cold. That is boner-killing cold. This is a problem.
Maybe he can… warm him up…?
There are... options...
His fingers are a little warm, he thinks, glancing at them doubtfully. But that won’t last long, once they’re inside Mobei-Jun’s refrigerator ass.
Maybe his tongue? Shang Qinghua is not particularly averse to the idea of using his mouth on any part of Mobei-Jun, but there are times when it has proven to be… somewhat problematic. One time he accidentally made Mobei-Jun come in his mouth, and he got brain freeze and had to lie down, letting his king massage his head until it wore off.
Not super sexy.
Not that he expects that to be a problem here; he feels like Cucumber Bro would have at least done him the favor of informing him if demons come out their asses.
Well, that’s decided. Tongue it is, then!
“My king, do you mind if I…” How should he phrase this? Nothing had prepared him for tonguing the ass of one of his own characters. He hadn’t thought about Mobei-Jun’s attitude towards rimming at all when he wrote him. He’d never even written rimming in Proud Immortal Demon Way! He’d floated the idea around the forums, but Cucumber Bro had smacked it down, hard.
Whatever. What a hypocrite. Luo Binghe probably eats ass.
Scratch that… Luo Binghe definitely eats ass. Shang Qinghua remembers his monologue during the... overheard sex times... with increasing despair. Luo Binghe had been very clear that every single part of Shen Qingqiu’s body was appealing to him. Very clear. Detailedly so. Long-windedly.
But hey, if the stallion protagonist (tall) can eat ass, so can Shang Qinghua (short)!
“Do you mind if I put my tongue on your…” he trails off delicately “...to warm it up before I go inside?”
Mobei-Jun’s eyebrows nearly reached his hairline. “You may.”
Great! Permission to eat ass obtained. Did this count as prep? Shang Qinghua put his hands on Mobei-Jun’s thighs, tilting him up to get the angle for… it… right. Then he swipes his tongue across, very quickly because oh wow he is putting his tongue there.
Mobei-Jun gasps.
Shang Qinghua’s eyebrows almost reach his hairline.
“My king?” he says, curiously.
Silence from above him.
Shang QInghua tries it once again, and this time, Mobei-Jun’s ass twitches against his tongue. Cold. But also… hot.
Emboldened, Shang Qinghua dips his tongue inside, and Mobei-Jun’s thighs tighten around his head. It’s the same reaction he gets from giving Mobei-Jun a blowjob, except this time he’s not choking on dick and he feels kind of. Excited.
...Powerful.
He repeats the motion. Wow, it’s cold. Although it seems like it’s getting slightly less cold with each lick?
He applies himself whole-heartedly to his task. Gotta get him warm enough for… for Shang Qinghua to! Put it in! Hair trigger! No prep! Coming inside!!!
He gets a little distracted from thinking about no prep, though, as he continues. He’s actually kind of having… fun?
As he keeps going, though, coming inside starts to have a certain prominence in his thoughts.
The way that Mobei-Jun feels on his tongue…
He wonders what it would feel like… to have his cock surrounded by that…
No, what it will feel like.
His face feels warm, but maybe that’s just in contrast to Mobei-Jun.
Oh, there’s also…
Hair… trigger…
He wonders if he can find the demon prostate? Shang Qinghua slides one finger inside, finding Mobei-Jun relaxed enough that it isn’t like the typical wrestling match that Mobei-Jun’s dick has with Shang Qinghua’s ass. Demons really are different down there! He crooks his finger, trying to feel for it, when Mobei-Jun suddenly makes a sound like he’s being murdered.
“My king? Are you all right?”
Mobei-Jun is breathing… slightly faster than he was earlier? Hopefully not because he’s about to die?
“...I’m fine,” he says, voice as low and sexy as usual. “Keep going.”
Shang Qinghua scrunches up his eyebrows, but gets back to it, putting in two fingers this time.
Barely a minute later, though, Mobei-Jun makes the same noise again.
“My king!” Shang Qinghua says, pulling his mouth off him wetly. “Are you sure everything’s fine?”
Mobei-Jun looks down at him, face completely unaffected. But, strangely, his throat works as though swallowing? Maybe he’s thirsty?
Then, Mobei-Jun pushes Shang Qinghua back slightly.
Shand Qinghua scrambles back. Fuck! He was doing something wrong!
But instead of sitting up and striding out of the room in annoyance, Mobei-Jun just uses the space to…
Turn…
Over…?
Wow, Shang Qinghua thinks, eyes glazing over. That is a lot of very muscular thigh and ass.
“Uh,” he tries, as Mobei-Jun props himself on his elbows, head resting on his hands. The flex of Mobei-Jun’s unfairly ripped shoulders distracts him from what he was going to say next.
Shang Qinghua’s heart is beating fast from fear. Definitely fear. What if he screws this up? Fear. Fear-based arousal? Okay, he’s absolutely turned on.
Using his tongue on Mobei-Jun from behind seems like asking for trouble. Can he really do it from behind like this? He swallows. Mobei-Jun’s ass is right there! What if he grabs it by accident?! Mobei-Jun has let him get away with a lot today, but there’s got to be a limit!
But... they’re not going to get anywhere if he keeps sitting here! He leans back in, a few strands of hair trailing onto the backs of Mobei-Jun’s thighs. He tucks them behind his ear, pausing a few inches away from his target.
He…
Can’t…
Reach it…
Mobei-Jun needs to be, uh… spread…. For him to get at it...
Uhh…..
Well he’s just gonna go for it!! He puts his (NOT shaking, thank you very much!) hands on Mobei-Jun’s asscheeks in a NOT proprietary fashion and barely kneads them at all before using his thumbs to spread them apart in a business-like and appropriate manner.
They’re cool and firm under his hands, which he isn’t thinking about, because he’s focused on his job! Warming Mobei-Jun up!
He leans down and licks a wet stripe along Mobei-Jun’s opening.
Mobei-Jun’s whole body jerks.
Maybe he doesn’t care that much about warming him up! Maybe he should just stick it in! He doesn’t know what he’s doing!! Lube? Does he need lube? He thinks back to when he’d overheard Luo Binghe and Cucumber Bro, wondering if the humping noises had sounded wet or not.
Fuck, if he’d written warming lube into this universe that would have been perfect for this! Hindsight 20/20!
He releases Mobei-Jun’s ass and grabs a jar of tragically room-temperature lube. Better to cover all the bases. Particularly Mobei-Jun’s… base... hole.
“Now I know demons don’t need lube,” Shang Qinghua says, realizing he just gave Mobei-Jun an opening to ask how he knew that, “but my king, maybe, for my own comfort--”
“Shang Qinghua,” Mobei-Jun says in his low, commanding voice. Shang Qinghua’s, uh, sky pillar, reacts.
He kind of just wants to stick it in? Mobei-Jun will need to roll back over for that, though.
“My king,” Shang Qinghua says, reluctantly dragging his eyes away from Mobei-Jun’s ass. Well, not that reluctantly; the rest of his is incredible to look at too. He climbs on top of him, so he can reach his face, and presses a nervous kiss against one of Mobei-Jun’s cheeks, where it’s exposed by the fall of his hair. “What is it?”
Mobei-Jun’s arms are tense. He doesn’t respond for a moment, then all at once, he rises up, lifting Shang Qinghua with him on his back, prompting an awkward squawk, onto his hands and knees.
“Now,” Mobei-Jun says, imperiously.
Now? Now what?
Uh… this position is…
Uhhhh…
By ‘now,’ could Mobei-Jun mean…
Like this?! From behind?! Doggie style?!!!
Excuse you, who looked at Shang Qinghua and thought ‘that looks like the kind of guy who could bend an ice demon king over and give it to him from behind!’ Who wrote this scenario?!!
Like he’s not saying he’s not into it! But! How would he tell if he was hurting Mobei-Jun if he couldn’t even see his face? And how would he tell if Mobei-Jun was having a good time? All his sex noises just sounded like death!
“My sex noises sound like what?” Mobei-Jun asks.
Shit shit shit Shang Qinghua’s speaking his thoughts out loud again. “Your sex noises sound so good they could arouse me to death,” Shang Qinghua replies.
Mobei-Jun buys it. “Try not to die.”
Psh! Has Mobei-Jun forgotten that Shang Qinghua was an expert at not dying? “Got it, my king!”
Shang Qinghua spreads the lube over his dick. Honestly, the lube alone feels a little chilly, and that’s not a good sign. He experimentally presses one finger inside Mobei-Jun.
Still cold! Fuck! There’s no way that Shang Qinghua can keep it up inside that, no matter how firm Mobei-Jun’s asscheeks are!
He panics a little bit.
Should he just go for it? Try to suffer through?
He disconsolately pictures his dick slowly softening inside Mobei-Jun as he tries to thrust, tears of self-pity dripping down onto Mobei-Jun’s back…
No! There’s got to be a better way! He deserves better… his dick deserves better!
Mobei-Jun is always so cold to him… always so cold…
Except for that time when…
A flash of brilliance! Scintillating insight! Wow, he’s a genius!
“My king, do you remember that time when you made it so I wouldn’t feel the cold so much?”
“Yes.”
Shang Qinghua finds himself caressing Mobei-Jun’s thigh, fingers maybe a little over-eager. “Could you do that again?” he asks, heart beating fast.
Mobei-Jun reaches behind him and grasps Shang Qinghua’s fingers. The icy skin of Mobei-Jun’s thigh goes from feeling cold to nicely lukewarm. Good enough for Shang Qinghua! And in fact, the rest of his body is feeling warmer, too. Especially his… hm…
The heat in his dick is extremely noticeable, now that he’s not afraid of the boner-killing cold.
Well, that’s that! Time to stick it in. He lines up the head of his cock with Mobei-Jun’s entrance and slowly-
Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun both make startled noises. It feels…
Pushing in further, Shang Qinghua’s brain shorts out. Mobei-Jun feels incredibly soft inside, almost… velvety? Shang Qinghua would never breathe a word of it to Mobei-Jun. But Mobei-Jun’s also really tight, making it feel like Shang Qinghua is being squeezed every time he manages to move.
“Velvety?” Mobei-Jun says, confused.
Shang Qinghua quickly changes the subject. “Does it hurt?” he asks, leaning forward a little to try to see his face. His hips slide forward.
“Nngh-”
Ah, a death noise. So that’s a no, then. Shang Qinghua thrusts lightly, and Mobei-Jun’s fingers tighten around Shang Qinghua’s. All right, he gets the message! Harder, then. Shang Qinghua fucks Mobei-Jun, slamming in with a little remembered frustration of years of doing Mobei-Jun’s laundry, and also oh hell, this is good. No wonder Mobei-Jun always gets mopey when they go over two weeks without doing it.
The slapping noise of flesh on flesh is embarrassing Shang Qinghua; at the same time, he’s so turned on he has to occasionally squeeze his eyes shut and think about logistics or he’ll come right there. The noise is also making Shang Qinghua think of… be tempted by…
Mobei-Jun’s asscheeks are right there. He could, maybe, spank one? He just wants to know if it would make the same noise. Would Mobei-Jun let him get away with that? He’s sounding really into it right now, maybe he wouldn’t even notice…
Shang Qinghua lightly smacks Mobei-Jun’s ass. Mobei-Jun groans and tightens around him. Fuck. Shang Qinghua’s fingers tighten on the perfect skin of Mobeo-Jun’s perfect waist. Shang Qinghua not only got away with it, but Mobei-Jun likes it? Are all demons masochists?! He’ll have to add it to the list.
He bites his lip and spanks Mobei-Jun again, harder this time. Then he does it twice more, until Mobei-Jun’s pale cheeks are red like an appropriately poetic metaphor that Shang Qinghua can’t think of because he’s about to lose it staring at Mobei-Jun’s sexy back and body. And to make it worse, Mobei-Jun feels like he’s doing some sort of ass Kegels around him or something. Is this even fair?! How’s he supposed to last?!
Forget ‘about to lose it,’ he’s losing it right now. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want, my king,” he says, pitching forward over Mobei-Jun’s back. The new angle makes his cock slide in even deeper, and Mobei-Jun makes an indescribable noise. “I can’t last any longer. I’m going to, ah-”
Coming inside, Shang Qinghua remembers! Demons want you to come inside!
Shang Qinghua reaches down, thinking he can at least give Mobei-Jun a handjob even if he can’t bring him off by the hair-trigger prostate, but then he finds…. Oh.
Mobei-Jun already came. That explains all the flexing, and how unyieldingly tight he is now… Mobei-Jun makes a pained noise when Shang Qinghua touches him, and Shang Qinghua pulls out before he can cause any discomfort. Staring down at Mobei-Jun’s body on all fours in front of him, Shang Qinghua starts to jerk himself off, hand working fast and wet over his cock. He gets in only a few strokes before his muscles seize up, a stream of nonsense spilling out of his mouth and one of the best orgasms of his life spilling out of his body.
He takes a few moments, panting, to regain his functionality, looking at the cool tone of the come painting Mobei-Jun’s ass. It looks almost... icy. Suits him. Shang Qinghua’s come suits Mobei-Jun.
Staring at it, his brain suddenly jolts back into gear, and he starts berating himself.
Shang Qinghua, you had one job! Hair trigger, yes... no prep, yes... coming inside, no! You came all over Mobei-Jun’s ass instead!
Well, at least he got him off. Maybe he’ll just have to try again… later. Mobei-Jun seems like he might let him top again, if how he came untouched on his dick is a good indication.
He wonders if the sex was good enough for Mobei-Jun to not retroactively tear him a new one for the spanking.
“Clean me up,” Mobei-Jun says. Nice! That’s all? Maybe he’s in the clear!
Shang Qinghua obediently lowers his head to lick up the mess he left on Mobei-Jun’s skin, blushing in shame. He deserves this humiliation, after all...
“...I meant with a rag.”
Shang Qinghua swallows his embarrassment, literally.
-------------
“Bro! Bro!” Shang Qinghua says, running up to Shen Qingqiu. Oops… He’s talking to someone. It’s Yue Qingyuan. “Shixiong!” Shang Qinghua rephrases, and bows to Yue Qingyuan. “And Zhangmen-shixiong!”
“Shang Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan says, smiling. “Did you need Qingqiu for something?”
“Y...yes… a minor matter to consult on,” Shang Qinghua says. Apparently his mouth decides he needs to say more. “Peak business, of course.” His mouth added a lie. “A matter of supplies.” Not even close to the truth. What are you doing, mouth?
“My apologies for interrupting, though, Zhangmen-Shixiong, I can speak with him later,” Shang Qinghua backtracks. He’ll be shit out of luck if Yue Qingyuan has any questions about the supposed peak business that he made up to cover the fact that he needs to talk to Shen Qingqiu about demon masochists and prostates and coming untouched.
“Nonsense,” Yue Qingyuan says with a gentle smile. “Cang Qiong benefits greatly from your dedication. I appreciate your tireless efforts.”
Nice to hear, though it would be nicer to be given the money and the assistants he’s been requesting for the past, oh, 15 years! But whatever!
“Thank you, Zhangmen-shixiong,” Shang Qinghua says with another bow.
“I’ll see you later, then, Qingqiu Shidi. Shang Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan says, and after directing a quiet, smitten smile to Shen Qingqiu- as he’s done every time Shang Qinghua has ever seen him interact with him- he walks away with all the poise and grace of a noble sect leader who isn’t going to go spend a few hours mournfully pining over the man he’s loved his whole life marrying a demon lord.
“Bro!” Shang Qinghua says immediately, spinning to face Shen Qingqiu. “You were right!”
Shen Qingqiu raises one elegant eyebrow at him, flicking open his fan as if in preparation for Shang Qinghua to say something outrageous that he’ll need to block out. “Oh?”
“All that stuff about demons, you were right! It doesn’t matter how tall you are, Mobei-Jun takes it up the ass just as easily as Luo Bing-”
Liu Qingge walks around the corner, Shen Qingqiu’s eyes go wide, and when Shang Qinghua wakes up in Mu Qingfang’s office 8 hours later, he’s informed that there was the demonic equivalent of a mosquito on his face, and that Shen Qingqiu saved his life by hitting him hard enough that it buzzed away.
Ah well, he’ll probably just have to suck up to Cucumber Bro a little to make it up to him. He’s an expert ass-kisser, now, after all.