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Oz gazed at the coffin. A framed picture of Miranda was placed atop it, one of her smiling as she posed. It was at a party, he believed. A good one, not like the one that killed her. He had been at both parties.
Oz killed her.
‘You monster.’
Oz was the reason why Vicky was sobbing into Amira’s chest as the fire elemental held her tightly. The reason why Polly was clutching a copy of Miranda’s picture and being hugged by Liam and Scott, who were both crying. The reason why Vera and Valerie were refusing to be separated, taking turns consoling the other as they cried. The reason why Brian, usually so calm and relaxed, was sitting in the back, shoulders stiff and expression far away. The reason why his boyfriend, the love of his life who never seemed to feel any strong emotions other than rage and love, was crying, seated between his dads.
‘You killed her. You might as well have stabbed her in the back yourself. Why should that bother you? You’re already a murderer. Monster.’
Unable to look at her any longer, Oz turned and walked back down the aisle. Damien looked up as he passed and reached out, claws snagging on Oz’s suit jacket.
“Oz,” Damien said, his voice breaking. “I love you.”
‘You sicko. You love him too, but you put him through this?’
Damien’s Dad, the nicer one, moved over, though he didn’t relinquish his hold on Damien’s shoulder. Oz allowed himself to be tugged over to the seat and embraced.
The words, said so many times before with only a warmth lighting up in Oz, now felt like poison, not a lie, but wrong to say to someone he caused such grief. “I love you too,” He whispered, feeling Damien tremble as his hold tightened. “I love you so fucking much.”
Oz felt ready to melt into Damien’s shadow and just let him take him wherever by the time the funeral was over and most of the others had left. If it weren’t for the fact that Damien refused to let go of him, he might have attempted it. “Hey,” Damien murmured into his ear. “Could you maybe spend the night?”
Oz merely nodded. As much as he didn’t want to admit it out loud, he wasn’t ready to be alone.
They stood up, Oz still tucked into Damien’s chest, and his fathers gently set their hands on the boys’ shoulders. In a rush of flame and heat, the LaVeys and Oz found themselves in the foyer of the LaVey mansion.
“Go on up to bed, you two. We’ll excuse the room sharing for now.” Damien’s Dad said, giving them a soft, sad smile.
Damien led Oz up the stairs, holding his hand in a death grip as they went. “Fuck, Ozzy.. The first fucking time we get to hang out in my room and it... Fuck.”
Oz was quiet, staring down at his feet.
“I miss her.” Damien said, his voice wobbly.
“...Me too.”
Damien threw the door open, and made a beeline for his massive bed. Beside it, he changed into pajamas, tossing his suit aside. Damien rifled through his drawer, eventually handing Oz a shirt and pair of shorts. “Even if they’re ‘excusing it’, my dads would probably flip if we’re just in underwear.” He said, not looking at Oz.
Oz melted his form enough for his suit to fall to the ground before solidifying and changing. He climbed up onto the bed and collapsed under the sheets, feeling more drained than he ever thought he could feel.
Damien crawled up after him, holding Oz against his chest. Oz closed his eyes, relaxing against the warmth of his boyfriend even as his thoughts raced.
‘You killed her, you killed her, you killed her, you killed her, you killed her, you killed—’
“...This is bullshit.”
“Huh?” Oz mumbled, opening one eye.
“All of this,” Damien said, waving a hand. “Is utter bullshit. Like, why the fuck didn’t Miri have guards or some shit to protect her from those pieces of shit? Why did they have to kill her so painfully?”
His embrace became even tighter, his voice softening. “..Why did you have to see that shit?”
Oz stiffened. “Because I could’ve stopped it, I guess.”
Damien snorted, and loosened his hold enough to let Oz turn around to face him. “Babe, I love you, but that is complete fucking bullshit. If her royal fucking family couldn’t stop it, why could you have?”
Oz sniffled, tearing up for the first time that day. “Because I knew it was going to happen!” He choked out. “That fucking eel told me, so I tried to stop it on my own because I didn’t think Miri would believe me and now she’s dead because of me! I fucking killed her!”
Damien went silent as Oz sobbed, choking on his own tears.
‘Fuck, he probably hates me now.’ Oz went to wiggle out of his hold, only for Damien to pull him back into his chest. “Oz, that bastard of a fish is the one who killed her, not you. You were trying to save her.”
“You.. you don’t hate me?”
“Babe, I love you. So fucking much. No fucking fish will change that, and I will never blame you for what happened. I miss Miranda so goddamn much, but with what she and her parents were doing, this was bound to happen. Do I wish it happened to someone else? Fuck yes. But it didn’t.”
Damien shifted to look Oz in the eye. “If I got my ass assassinated and Miri knew about the plot and tried to stop it, would you blame her?”
“N-no..”
Damien huffed. “Exactly. So stop being mean to my fucking boyfriend.”
Oz gave him a watery smile. “Okay.”
Damien nodded, burying his face into Oz’s hair. “Good,” He said, muffled. “Now let’s go the fuck to sleep. I’m fucking exhausted.”
Oz yawned. Despite the grief and hurt that still remained from Miri’s death, the weight felt somewhat lifted by his boyfriend’s epic beat-down of his guilt. It was going to be a long road to take before any one of them felt remotely ‘okay’, but as long as they were all there for each other like Damien was for Oz and vice versa, maybe it would turn out okay.
Still fucking hurt, though.