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The burning sensation of the night is killing him. Every shadow of the night is crawling and watching him. Every noise he hears is like some type of taunt. Some unseen taunt that he can’t shake off. He can’t. Shaking, he’s shaking. It’s all he can do but shake and cry.
Fuck the tears are never ending. Never ending like the anxiety he feels slowly creeping his way. It’s all around him. It’s smothered into the sheets and clumped in his throat, it’s pouring down his face and the whispers of the night is all he can hear.
The world is spinning and he can’t-he can’t what? What can’t he do? He can’t do anything. He gets up. He has to do something. He rapidly gets out of bed before he realizes he’s weak. He’s so weak he can barely stand. The pounding migraine makes everything so much more difficult and-
Fuck who’s body is this? It isn’t his. He doesn’t want to be in this body. It’s constricting. Something is constricting-
It’s the binder around his chest that he can just can’t take off. Because if he takes it off he’s not a real boy then. The thought is so scary.
He has to get out of here. But where? Where is he going to go.
He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care.
He needs to get OUT.
There’s no composure in the way he walks to the door and struggles to walk. The tears are too blurry for him to see clearly. He unlocks the door.
Where is he? He doesn’t know. His head is pounding, pounding, pounding.
It doesn’t matter. He walks. He tries to steady his walking.
Suddenly he hears something behind him and runs. He runs down the dark hallway and down the stairs and out through a door-
It’s loud in here. The lights are loud.
There’s someone here? Who’s a someone? Who is he? Where is he?
The person has purple hair and they smile.
“Why hello there Shuichi! What are you-“ The blur loses its cheerful tone and stares at him. “Shuichi?”
The blur gets closer and all Shuichi can do is back up against the door until there’s no more door to back up against. He sobs. What is going on?
He can see the blur now. He looks concerned and confused. “Hey, Shuichi, look at me.” He feels soft hands against his face and he sobs more. He feels so scared and pathetic.
“It’s Kokichi, breathe, okay? In and out.” Oh. It’s Kokichi.
He sees the other more clearly now that Kokichi wiped his tears away. He listens to the sweet voice he hears. He breathes. Suddenly everything is more clear.
He sees Kokichi smile. “That’s it, good job.” He says softly, and feels Kokichi pet his head. “Just keep breathing.” He instructs, as he feels himself being pulled to a table and being seated. Kokichi sits very close to him. Then the other gets up and grabs a cup of water.
“Drink.” Kokichi says softly. He puts the glass to his face and he drinks. The cool water hits his throat and it’s relieving. “Good.” He hums. He breathes more. Things are more clear. But the lights are still loud. Kokichi notices that and grabs something from the counter. “Here, it’s medicine, it’s gonna help you okay?”
He nods his head and swallows it.
Kokichi brushes his hair with his soft fingers. It’s soothing. “What happened Shu?”
“Everything hurts? It’s tight, so, so tight.” Breathing is harder now. “Make it stop make everything stop spinning and being so tight-why does it hurt?”
“Shuichi. Breathe.” Kokichi grabs his hands and squeezes them softly. He listens to the soothing voice. “What hurts?” Kokichi asks softly.
He’s still crying but he points to his chest.
It seems to click for Kokichi.
“Hey, let’s go back to your room okay? You need to take the binder off and sleep.”
Saying that makes him cry more and shake his head. “I can’t take it off, I can’t I can’t-“ He sobs.
Kokichi brings his face to his lips and kisses the golden eyes. “Yes, you can. It’s okay. You’re still a boy with or without it.”
Hearing Kokichi say that was the relief he needed to hear. The simple phrase was everything he needed and more. He nodded and let Kokichi take him back to his room.
“Here, let’s get it off. It must hurt right?”
Shuichi nodded and let Kokichi take off the binder. Suddenly the weight has been lifted off his chest literally and physically.
He puts his shirt back on and tears slowly adorn his face. He’s breathing okay. He’s apparently okay.
“Hey, Shuichi, do you want me to stay with you tonight?”
He nods his head and holds onto Kokichi.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“
“No. Don’t be sorry. Shuichi I-“ Kokichi laughs a bit and looks into Shuichi’s golden and hazy eyes. “I love you.” He whispers.
His tears stop. The world stops.
He was so in love with Kokichi Ouma it hurt.
“You-you l-love me?” He whispers against Kokichi’s skin.
“Yes. Always have, always will. Let’s go to bed, okay my beloved?”
Shuichi nods. He’s so tired. He wants to snuggle with Kokichi and go to bed.
He goes under the covers and Kokichi follows. He’s okay now. He’s not hot. He’s warm. It’s a difference.
“Goodnight my love.” He hears Kokichi whisper.
It’s okay. He’s okay. He wants to be okay in Kokichi’s arms. And he is okay.
He feels Kokichi placing soft kisses all along his head and neck.