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Bill wasn’t going to get married. In fact, he probably wasn’t going to ever touch a girl, let alone share a house with one. He’d thought about it long and hard and every time he had ended up at the same conclusion.
He didn’t like girls.
And it seemed they didn’t like him either. Today, Susi Adler had pulled his hair and told him it was too long and the day before that Stefanie Braun had stolen his yoghurt at lunch. Following this he’d managed to trip her up during afternoon break which made him feel slightly better.
It didn’t change the fact that he didn’t like girls, though.
Therefore, his passionate dislike for girls made it very hard for him to understand why his brother was so eager to spend as much time as possible with the female half of their class. Bill knew he was Tom’s favourite because he always shared his sweets and helped him reach the cookie jar when their mother put it too high, but it still stung when his twin would run off to cavort with girls at break instead of him.
Last week Tom had even bought back a girl for tea. Simone had cooed and told Tom how pretty his girlfriend was. Bill had scowled and told him she looked like a rabbit.
Unfortunately for him, Simone had caught this particular dig and had sent him to his room, forbidding him from coming down for dessert. Bill did this with very little grace and had remained sulking alone while Tom’s girlfriend cruelly usurped his role. Luckily, Tom had joined him a few minutes later with a secret stash of pudding and a promise never to bring her round again.
Yes, Bill was certain he was Tom’s favourite.
But today was a bad day and he was finding it very hard to see the silver lining of anything. He’d barely even seen his twin all morning and now it was lunch time. He couldn’t tell the time properly but he was still very aware that only half the day had elapsed and already he’d been made fun of, told he was a loser, and pushed out of line for the water fountain; all of the offenses having been committed by girls.
“Susi Adler says she likes my hair.”
Bill looked up from the ant hill he was prodding. His brother was standing above him, blocking out the sun and grinning foolishly.
“What?” he said and gave the ant hill another poke with his stick.
Tom crouched down on the other side of the ant hill and his grin widened. Bill smiled back hesitantly, and closed one eye against the sun.
“Susi Adler likes my hair,” Tom said again.
This time Bill heard and he glowered, immediately returning his attention back to the ant hill. He poked it with vigour and watched as a minute landslide fell on top of two wayward ants.
“She told me just now,” Tom went on, “she said she likes it long.”
Bill’s head snapped up. “She told me mine was too long!”
Tom blinked and Bill pinched his face into a scowl. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” Bill said, “she pulled on it, too.”
“What?” Tom scooted closer, one of knees mashing the side of the ant hill. He ignored it and Bill lifted the corner of his mouth a bit. “Did it hurt?”
Bill looked up, still squinting against the sun. Tom was looking at him intently, frowning slightly in a way that made Bill’s belly flip flop. “Um. Yeah, a little.”
Tom’s frown deepened and he reached forward to pat the side of Bill’s head before sitting back on his haunches. “I don’t think it’s too long,” he said.
Bill smiled, poking feebly at the ant hill with his stick again. “Neither do I.”
There was a moment of silence, during which Bill returned to his assault on the ant’s nest and then Tom said, “I don’t like Susi Adler anyway.”
Looking up, Bill saw Tom still frowning and he leaned forward to poke the crease marks on his brother’s forehead. “Good, because I don’t, either.”
Tom laughed and stood up again.
“Where are you going?” Bill asked, unhappy that Tom was leaving so quickly. He’d wanted to see his twin all morning and already Tom was abandoning him.
“Danielle asked me if I wanted to play with her new stencil set.”
Bill sighed as Tom ran off to the other side of the field.
~~~~
“Hi, mum!” Bill called into the house. Once they’d turned seven their mother had allowed them to make the short journey to and from school alone. As long as they promised to stick together.
Today though, Bill had been neglected for an entire five minutes before he’d decided to journey home by himself. He didn’t know where Tom was. He hadn’t seen him since lunch apart from in class and even then Tom had sat with Danielle.
She must have had a pretty good stencil set.
“Hi, honey,” Simone popped her head around the archway that separated their kitchen from the living room and smiled. Bill saw her face shift into a frown when she noticed that he was without Tom. “Where’s your brother?”
Bill shrugged, dumping his lunch box and book bag on the floor. Probably with Danielle and her rubbish stencil kit. He scowled, moving to the sofa and throwing himself onto it.
“Hey,” Simone walked over to crouch down in front of him. “What’s up?”
Bill folded his arms and scrunched his expression into an even deeper set glower. “Danielle.”
“Danielle? Who’s Danielle?”
“And Susi,” Bill went on, “And Stefanie and—”
“Whoa!” His mum rested a hand on his knee and shook it gently. “What’s this got to do with your brother?”
Bill opened his mouth to explain how much he hated girls and how much Tom seemed to like them but was cut off before he could get a single word out.
“I’m home!” Tom bellowed, slamming the door shut and dumping his bags and coat before kicking off his shoes to join the heap.
“Tom,” Simone stood, folding her arms, “what have you done to your brother?”
Bill looked at him; his face still screwed up in anger at all the girls. And Tom for liking all the girls.
Tom blinked and then squawked, “I haven’t done anything!”
“Yes, you have!” Bill replied, indignant. “Susi Adler likes your hair and Danielle’s got a new stencil kit and now you like them more than me!”
“I don’t like Susi Adler, I told you,” Tom said, moving closer to the sofa and climbing on next to Bill.
Bill stiffened and turned away.
“Ah, okay, okay,” Bill heard their mum say. “Girls.”
Bill and Tom both nodded. Bill could feel Tom’s knee pressed against his thigh but he ignored it. If Tom wasn’t going to spend any time with him, then Bill wasn’t going to either. He would make new friends. Andreas was nice and he didn’t hang around with girls all the time.
He felt his mum’s hand on his knee and looked down at it. Her other hand was covering Tom’s knee and she gave them both a light squeeze as she chuckled.
“It’s not funny!” Bill cried, offended.
“Do you like girls?”
“Yes.”
“No.” Bill crossed his arms tighter across his chest. “They’re mean to me.”
“Billy,” his mother said softly, “that might be their way of telling you they like you.”
Bill looked up at his mum incredulously. “No way.”
He glanced over at Tom who was sitting beside him looking affronted. “That can’t be right,” he said. “They’re nice to me.”
Simone laughed. “Honey, I’m sure they like you, too.”
Bill hoped not.
“My boys,” she shook her head, “I think someone may have a crush.”
That was a new word. Bill looked at his mother, waiting for an explanation, but Tom was already blurting out, “what’s a crush?” and looking just as confused as Bill felt.
“When you like someone,” she said.
“I like Tom,” Bill said. He looked over in time to see Tom grinning at him.
Their mother laughed again. “Not like that, honey; when you like them as more than just a friend. Or a brother,” she added, “you can’t have a crush on your brother.”
Bill frowned. He liked Tom as a brother and a friend and everything else. Tom was his favourite.
“I’m going to finish up dinner now. You boys hungry?”
Tom nodded enthusiastically but Bill was still busy pondering the new word. Crush.
A tap on his leg removed him from his reverie and Bill turned his attention on his twin with questioning eyes. Tom was grinning.
“What?” he asked, frowning slightly.
“I’ve got a crush on someone,” he announced.
Bill’s eyes widened. Who did his brother have a crush on? It wasn’t him because their mother had said that couldn’t happen. If it was Danielle, or Susi, Bill would have something to say about that. Tom couldn’t have a crush on girls who made Bill upset. Bill didn’t really like the idea of Tom having a crush on any girls.
“Who is it?” he demanded, twisting to face his brother.
“I’m not saying,” Tom said, looking impish.
Bill thumped him on the shoulder. “You have to!”
Tom shook his head at the same time their mother called into the living room, “dinner!”
Tom hopped off the sofa without saying anything more, leaving Bill alone to puzzle over who Tom had a crush on. The corners of his mouth down turned and he slumped against the back of the couch.
It had to be a girl, Tom liked girls.
“Bill!”
Bill heaved himself up and made his sorry way to the kitchen where the smell of his mother’s cooking made him perk up slightly. His belly gave a loud rumble of agreement.
When he got inside he heard Tom ask around a mouthful of lasagne, “what do people do when they have a crush?”
Simone was serving Bill up some food and Bill noticed she looked amused at Tom’s question. The scowl that had been marring Bill’s expression most of the day returned. He didn’t want to talk about Tom and all his girl crushes at the dinner table. In fact, he didn’t want to talk about them at all.
“You could give them something,” she suggested, giving Bill a mandatory helping of vegetables that they both knew he would ignore.
“Like a present?” Tom said, his mouth still mostly full.
“Kind of,” Simone said, now serving herself. “Maybe some flowers. Or even a kiss.”
She grinned as Bill and Tom both choked on their food. “Mum!” Tom groaned, “that’s gross!”
“Yeah,” Bill agreed, “I’m never going to kiss anyone.”
Simone chuckled and Bill pulled a face at her. “You might want to one day.”
Shaking his head vehemently, Bill swallowed and said, “Kissing is so gross.”
“Not even on the cheek?” she asked, tapping her own with a finger.
Bill thought he might throw up a bit.
~~~~
“Have you cleaned your teeth?”
“Yes!” the twins answered together.
Bill was itching to go to bed. Not so he could sleep but so he could sneak into Tom’s room, something that had become a nightly ritual since their father had left not long ago. A large part of him wanted to see if he could wheedle out of his brother who his crush was. Bill hoped it wasn’t a girl.
“Alright,” their mother said, “into your own rooms now.”
Bill nodded, reaching up to loop thin arms around his mother to give her a quick goodnight hug. He saw Tom do the same as he turned and disappeared into his room.
Five minutes later, he threw back his covers and hopped to the carpet. Carefully, he opened his bedroom door and snuck across the hallway into Tom’s room hoping his mother was in bed or downstairs. Getting caught wasn’t something that would benefit anyone.
The light was off and the covers had been drawn right up to Tom’s chin but he knew his brother was awake.
He prodded him just in case.
Tom yelped.
“Shh!” Bill peeled back the covers and crawled up next to Tom, feeling his body heat through his thin pyjama top.
He didn’t lie down just yet, deciding to sit against the headboard instead. He was going to ask Tom who his crush was and he needed time to mull over the best approach. It took a few moments of working up the courage but at last he managed it.
“Tom,” he said slowly. Tom sat up to join him against the headboard.
“Yeah?” Tom prompted, nudging Bill’s side with his elbow.
Bill sucked in a breath and turned to Tom until their eyes locked. “Who do you have a crush on?”
Tom laughed quietly, scooting closer to Bill and nudging him again. “Don’t tell mum, ‘kay?”
Shaking his head, Bill promised. Twin secrecy was of utmost importance to them both; he’d never betray Tom and knew the trust went both ways. He saw Tom take a deep breath and his face became solemn.
“I’ve definitely got a crush on you,” Tom said seriously.
Bill blinked at him. Tom had a crush on him? “But mum said—”
Tom put a hand over Bill’s mouth, “I know what mum said. Mum also said we’re not allowed to sleep in the same room anymore and that we can’t have juice after bed time.”
Bill’s eyes widened like saucers. “Ohhhhhh.”
Tom was grinning again and nodded, “Yeah. So...”
“So what?” Bill asked, eyes still wide.
“So,” Tom said, “do you have a crush on me, too?”
Bill opened his mouth. Hadn’t their mother said that couldn’t happen? Did he have a crush on Tom? He supposed if Tom had a crush on him...
Tom touched his arm and Bill jumped. “Bill?” Now Tom’s eyes were huge and they were looking right at Bill, unblinking and earnest.
Bill definitely had a crush on Tom, too.
“Yeah. I have a crush on you, too.”
Tom grinned and snuggled down against Bill’s side. “Good,” he said sleepily. “Go to sleep now, I’ll give you a kiss in the morning.”
“Ew!” Bill squawked but settled down next to Tom all the same, “Mum said presents work as well.”
“Sure,” Tom yawned and Bill watched. Maybe kissing Tom wasn’t such a bad thing. Just on the cheek.
“Tom?” he whispered, touching his fingers against the side of Tom’s neck.
Tom turned to face him, “yeah?”
Bill shifted and sat up a bit to lean over Tom. He hesitated a moment and then kissed him on the cheek. It was brief but he saw Tom smile in the dim lighting and he returned it uncertainly.
“Night, Bill,” Tom said, and threw an arm over his belly before drifting off to sleep.
~~~~
The next morning was Saturday. Saturday was Bill’s favourite day of the week. It meant he didn’t have to get up early and he didn’t have to go to school and see any of the girls in his class. It especially meant he could spend all day with Tom, uninterrupted.
Sometimes, their mother even had breakfast waiting for them.
Today was one of those days and Bill whooped in delight at the sight of fresh waffles and orange juice crowded onto the kitchen table.
“Thanks mum!” he called to the house at large, not knowing where she was.
“Waffles!” Tom had followed Bill into the kitchen and Bill was pleased to see his twin smiling at the sight of so much food.
Several minutes later and they both sat with full bellies and sticky fingers. There was only one waffle remaining, which both twins were eyeing greedily.
Bill was hoping he could have it; he was the youngest so Tom should give it to him by default. But he knew Tom was hoping Bill would give it to him because he was the oldest. The dynamics of being a twin could be complicated sometimes.
“Hey!” Bill protested as he saw Tom reach for the waffle with sugary hands. He went for it as well, wanting to claim at least half of it.
“Hang on,” Tom smacked Bill’s fingers away mercilessly and Bill whined, watching as the waffle was placed on Tom’s plate.
“That’s not fair!” he said, watching with a watering mouth as Tom loaded the treat with strawberries and sugar. Bill wasn’t sure this was how Tom should be treating his crush. Bill might decide to crush on someone else and he told Tom so.
To his surprise, Tom just shushed him, telling him to be patient. Be patient for what? So he could watch Tom stuff his face with something Bill wanted?
Bill felt he was being unfairly deprived.
“Done!” Tom said at last, sounding triumphant.
“Very nice,” Bill said sourly, and fidgeted. Would Tom let him have a bite?
“There you are,” Tom said, pushing the plate toward Bill and grinning.
Bill looked at Tom. “For me?”
“It’s a present,” Tom said, sounding proud.
“...because you have a crush on me?” Bill said slowly, beginning to pick at the corners of the waffle Tom had given him. It looked delicious.
Tom nodded excitedly and said, “eat it.”
Bill ate it, and gave in to Tom’s whines so Tom ate it, too.
Having a crush was pretty great, Bill decided.
~~~~
Bill was bored. It was mid afternoon and they’d just finished lunch. Simone wasn’t letting them watch TV until dinner and Tom was trying to get Kasimir to eat a dandelion.
Having a crush was turning out to be inexorably dull. Tom wasn’t paying him an ounce of attention and Bill didn’t know what to give Tom as a present. He’d thought about giving him his last gummi snake but Tom didn’t like the green ones so he’d consumed it singlehandedly.
“Tom!” he called, lifting his head from where he was sprawled on the grass.
Tom ignored him, instead poking one of Kasimir’s ears.
“TOM!” Bill bellowed, sitting up and brushing grass from his belly.
“WHAT?” Tom shouted back.
“I’M BORED.”
Bill could see Tom roll his eyes and he scowled, feeling put out. He stood and watched Tom for a moment, wondering if Tom would show any interest in him if he stayed there long enough.
It turned out that Tom would. Bill peered at his brother as he stooped, picking something from the ground before rising and making his way back towards Bill. Bill waited for Tom to reach him; feeling that as he’d made the effort to call Tom to him, Tomshould come to him.
As Tom approached him he stuck his hands behind his back and grinned.
“What are you hiding?” Bill asked, wary. He took a tentative half step backwards and eyed his twin. “Is it a bug?”
Tom didn’t say anything, “You’ll like it. Promise.”
Bill didn’t feel so sure. “You said that when you put a frog on my foot last summer.” Bill had not enjoyed that and hadn’t talked to Tom for the rest of the day. Tom hadn’t enjoyed that.
Tom paused, remembering with a chuckle. “Oh yeah. But you weren’t my crush last summer.”
“Oh.” Bill supposed it must be safe given the change in circumstances and he stood straighter just as Tom reached him.
“Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”
Bill peered at Tom apprehensively before closing his eyes and cupping his hands close to his body.
He didn’t feel anything for a moment but then a set of warm lips were pressed against his cheek at the same time as something was dropped into his hands. He squawked reflexively and opened his eyes, jerking back.
“Bill!” Tom reprimanded, “you nearly dropped it!”
Surprised, Bill looked down and saw a single dandelion resting in his cupped hands. The petals were slightly bruised at the edges and the stem had been bent in three places but it was the colour of sunshine and Tom had given it to him.
“Another present?” Bill asked, looking back up to Tom.
“Yeah,” he said, looking proud, “and a kiss.”
Bill wiped at his cheek with the back of his sleeve. “Yeah, ew.”
“It wasn’t that bad!” Tom trilled, frowning.
Bill giggled and shook his head. “Not really, I suppose.”
“You should get me a present, too.” Tom said, looking serious.
Bill supposed he should get Tom a present. Tom had given him two and all Bill had given Tom was a kiss. What else would a crush want? What would Tom want?
“You can give me another kiss?” Tom suggested. “I liked the first one.”
Bill grinned, clutching the flower in one hand and holding onto Tom’s shoulder with the other. Carefully, he leant forward and placed a very soft kiss on Tom’s cheek. He decided kissing wasn’t so bad. As long as it wasn’t a girl.
~~~~
“You want some of my crisps?” Bill asked, holding out the packet for Tom.
Tom snatched them and dug already greasy hands into the bag. Bill munched on the few he’d saved for himself and let Tom devour the rest while they sat under a tree on the school playing field.
“Hi, Tom!”
Bill looked up and glared. It was Susi Adler. Bill had not warmed to her over the weekend.
“Oh, hi, Susi,” Tom said, not really looking at her.
“Me and Danielle were wondering... do you want to come play on the swings with us?”
Bill scoffed around his mouthful of crisps which earned him a disgusted look from Susi. He just stuck out his mashed-up-food covered tongue at her and then continued to ignore her presence. He hoped Tom would, too.
“No thanks,” Tom said easily, looking at Susi at last. “I’m having lunch with my crush.”
Susi looked momentarily baffled and then shrugged, turning to run off in the direction of the swings.
Tom caught Bill’s eye and grinned at him.
Having a crush was the best.