Archive of Our Own ^beta

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The Mechanics of Smoking

• Actually Inhaling AKA are they doing it right? - In order to smoke a cigarette, you need to inhale. I'm sure that sounds hella obvious, but you'd be shocked by how many new smokers I've hung around that treat cigarettes like cigars and just puff on them. Inhaling is easy enough to portray in writing/drawing, since you can just write/draw that they inhaled smoke and exhaled it, but if you want to illustrate a first-time smoker, have them suck in their cheeks whilst the cigarette is in their mouth, and then inhale quickly. They should cough immediately, because the smoke is actually entering their lungs, unlike if you just puff on the cig. (Not everyone coughs, though.) It should only make you cough the first few times, and then after that it's just like breathing.
• Dizziness and Nausea - Some smokers feel dizzy as fuck the first few times they smoke. I was among their number. The feeling can vary from making you think you're high as shit (that was fun)  to making the room spin (that was much less fun). It can make you nauseated as well, especially if you're also drinking.
• Ideas for Dynamics between Smokers and Non-smokers - This is a pet peeve of mine that I incorporate into my writing sometimes. When I was in uni, I had friends who absolutely were not smokers, but every now and then they'd ask me for a cigarette. They did this because we were still teenagers, even if we were legal adults, and they were rife with the desire to act out their newfound freedom. That would have been fine with me, if they hadn't done the dreaded puff-on-the-cigarette-like-it's-a-cigar-and-pretend-to-smoke thing. Ladies and gents, here's a shocking statement for you: cigarettes are expensive. If you're not a smoker, please don't waste a smoker's cigarette because you want to be rebellious. Either smoke the damn thing or, preferably, enjoy your healthy lungs. In terms of writing, the above scenario is useful if you ever have a character who has to pretend to smoke to fit in with a group (a la Rachel from Friends in s5, ep18), or if you want to write some genuine bickering between a smoking and non-smoking character. Trust me, us smokers have all had a friend do that to us, and plenty of non-smokers have pretended to smoke. Someone will read that scene and go, Yes, that. That thing right there.
  
• How/Where to Hold a Cigarette - This is how I can usually tell if an artist is a smoker or not. If you ever see a character hold a cigarette between their first/major knuckles (the ones closest to your palm), the artist probably isn't a smoker. No smoker holds a cigarette there. I tried it once just to see, and I dropped it almost immediately. Cigarettes are held between the second and third knuckles of the index and middle fingers. **Important** It doesn't matter which hand. It can be your dominant hand or not. Most people tend to go for their dominant hand, but if you move an ashtray to the opposite side of their body and watch, I promise you they'll switch hands and keep smoking like nothing changed. When I drive in countries where the driver's seat is on a different side of the car (e.g. America versus England), I switch the cig to whatever hand is nearest the window.
• What it Tastes/Smells/Feels like to Smoke - Please don't ever write that a character smoked a cigarette and "felt it burn their lungs." The only time a cigarette ever felt like it was burning/hurting was when I tried to smoke one the morning after a night of heavy chain smoking. My entire body felt like a big pile of ash, though. Otherwise, it doesn't feel like anything except normal breathing mixed with happy brain chemicals. Yes, it will make you feel good. No, it's not worth it. Have I mentioned yet that none of you should smoke? Don't smoke. Now, it can definitely hurt your throat, and I never smoke without having something handy to drink. The taste varies depending on what kind you smoke, but it's basically like coffee and, well, smoke. Your character's clothes and hair will smell, though for writing purposes know that this only lingers if you smoke regularly/indoors/with no wind/don't put on some body spray. And their breath will smell like it as well , but even swishing water in their mouth can get rid of that, unless they just chain smoked a whole pack. And it can stain your fingers, but I've only had that happen to me once before, and I was never able to figure out why (I wasn't smoking more than usual.) Note: fellow smokers won't be able to smell it on your character, and your character won't smell it on themselves, so if they're really trying to hide it: mouth wash and just keep spraying that body spray. Also, some non-smokers love how smokers smell. I did back before I smoked. Perhaps it was a sign.

Cigarette Culture and Etiquette/What Smoking is Like in Various Countries.

I've lived in a mixture of Ireland/mainland Europe and America for the past few years, and in my travels I've been surprised to discover the different "rules" for smoking in different countries. I've also had the opportunity to talk to smokers from five of the seven continents to get an idea of what's universal and what's not. Here are some cultural nuances and rules you can add to your writing to make smokers seem more authentic. ** I'm assuming everyone here knows cigs are called fags in most English-speaking countries, so moving right along...

• Flipping a Lucky - in my experience, this is almost entirely an American thing to do. Flipping a Lucky means that when you buy a new pack of cigarettes, you take one of them out, flip it over (so the end with tobacco is facing out instead of the filter), and then you avoid smoking that cigarette until every other one in the pack is gone. It's supposed to be good luck. I had an S.O. offer me their Lucky once, and I actually considered that a romantic gesture.
• Packing Cigarettes - This is another thing people apparently only do in some parts of the world. So, one time I was in a hostel in Vienna with a Kiwi friend of mine, and I started to pack my cigarettes. He stared at me like I was insane, and it took me a minute to work out what was confusing him. If you're from Straya, NZ, or mainland Europe, you're probably also giving your computer screen a bewildered look as you struggle to work out what I'm on about when I say "packing cigarettes." It's an American thing! :D (And maybe other places too.) Packing cigarettes means you take a new, sealed pack and hit the top part (the part that opens) against the heel of your hand several times. What this does is "pack" the tobacco in the cigarettes down towards the filter. The purpose is to remove excess oxygen, which makes them burn longer, and to keep your cherry (the lit bit of tobacco at the end of a cigarette that glows "cherry" red) from getting knocked out. Does it work? Hell if I know. I've done it all these years, and I'm not stopping now. 
• Lighter Thieves - All smokers everywhere in the world beware the dreaded lighter thieves. They literally make leashes for lighters so no one can take yours without you knowing, it's such a prevalent issue. Lighter Thieves can appear anywhere: at parties, outside your lecture hall, at work, and even in the guise of your friends. Basically, they ask you for a lighter, you give them yours, and somewhere between them lighting their cigarette and you forgetting to keep your eyes on it at all times, the lighter just disappears. In reality, they usually just get pocketed or left behind, but I know bloody rotten bastards people who steal lighters on purpose so they don't have to buy their own (and lighters aren't even fucking expensive). Despite their low cost and disposable nature, little will enrage a smoker more than having their lighter stolen, because we have all had a time where we desperately needed a cigarette and had no way to light it because someone took all our lighters. Fun idea: a person writes their name on a lighter to avoid thieves, loses it at a party and a potential romantic partner must return it to them. :D
• Bumming Cigarettes - to bum a cig is to ask someone else if you can have one of theirs. I used to do this in bars when I wanted to talk to someone and needed an opening. ;) You can just ask, but the polite thing to do is to offer them a pound/a dollar/a euro/whatever in exchange. Whether or not they accept your money depends on where you are, and for different reasons. In a pub in Dublin, Ireland? They'll almost always tell you to keep your money and just give you a cigarette. In a club in Miami? They'll give you one. London? Nope, they'll take your money or say they don't have a spare. In New York: you better have a dollar ready, or you'll get no cigarette and a traditional, American one-finger salute. So, why the difference? Obviously it must be cost-based, right? Wrong. Out of those locations, cigarettes are most expensive in Dublin and London (an average of €9 in Dublin and £8 in London, which is $12-14.) Cigarettes are $6 in Miami and $10 in New York. I used to think cost was the reason people in New York always demanded a dollar in exchange for a cigarette, but people in Dublin usually don't, and their cigarettes cost more. So, why the different reactions? Who knows. These are just my individual experiences, and there could be a million other factors contributing to this, but if I had to make a blanket statement, I would say larger cities breed less hospitality. New York and London both have populations of 8.3 million. Dublin and Miami have half a million. Coincidence? Most likely, but who knows.
• An Addition to Bumming Cigarettes - There's one person every smoker hates even more than the Lighter Thief, and that's the I-only-smoke-when-I'm-drinking Guy. This person would be fine, except they don't buy their own cigarettes. Why would they, after all, when they have your character, their friend who smokes regularly and therefore always has cigarettes they can bum! No one likes you, Guy. You're a waste of cigarettes, you don't even smoke properly, and you know you're going to smoke, yet you would rather waste our money than your own and just bum from smokers. Grr! I've included this type of character in stories before because it's easy to portray them as carefree, sort of naive characters who don't understand that just because something doesn't cost money doesn't mean it's free. It's also easy to show them as having divided allegiances, since they'll claim to be a non-smoker if someone asks them if they smoke, but if you tell them they won't understand something because they don't smoke, they'll be incredibly offended and detail to you every time a cigarette has touched their lips. Every single time. It's easy characterisation without directly saying what someone is like.
• Never Take The Last One - this is a universal smoking truth. No matter where you are in the world, if it's someone's last cigarette in a pack, you can't bum it from them. Once, once, I convinced a guy to give me his last cigarette, and I feel bad about it to this day. It simply isn't done. That could be a cute romantic thing, though, and has the potential to be hilarious. Imagine: someone presents their S.O. with their last cigarette on bended knee, acting dead serious about what a sacrifice they're making for love. I'd read that. :D
• Chain Smoking/Drinking and Smoking - Any smoker will tell you that drinking and smoking go hand in hand. Why? I have no idea. I'm sure someone knows why, but all I know is the second a cocktail hits my tongue, I gotta smoke. Somehow, alcohol makes you want to park yourself outside and smoke an entire pack of cigarettes in one sitting. And then you will feel disgusting the next day, and you will smell like an ashtray, and your lungs will make a wheezing, death rattle with every breath. But the night before it was fun! Coffee can be just as bad as alcohol in triggering the need to smoke. Fun writing idea: I often have characters who are incapable of human interaction in the morning before they've had a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It's shockingly similar to what I'm like in the morning.
• Smoking Indoors - before I start talking about this, note that there are differences between smoking indoors in public places or smoking in your own house. For example, you can smoke in your own house pretty much anywhere, but you can't smoke indoors in most apartments or hotels, but some hotels do have smoking rooms. So, make sure you specify/do the appropriate research. As for different regions, if you're in a pub in Edinburgh, you have to go outside to smoke. In a bar in Prague? You can smoke inside. In a restaurant in America? Outside! Bar in America? Inside! Why is that? It depends on if the establishment serves food or just alcohol. If it's just alcohol, you can almost always smoke indoors in the states (though most wine bars or craft beer bars don't allow indoor smoking.) Most clubs also allow smoking indoors. The key is to look for ashtrays. If you see some, you can smoke. If you don't see any, ask before having a character light up, unless you want them to get in trouble. Tip: no one will kick your character out or have them arrested for smoking indoors, except in extreme circumstances (like, don't have your character smoke on a plane. Seriously. I'm embarrassed just thinking about it). They'll just tell them not to smoke and make them put it out.
• Foil and Plastic Wrapping - every pack of cigarettes comes with plastic wrapping to protect the box from water and foil inside to cover the filters. Both of these are easily removed and have been appropriated for other purposes. The plastic wrapping forms a pouch that can be folded over and then burned with a lighter to seal it. People use this to transport other drugs, usually. On a lighter note, I use the foil to make origami hearts for people at parties. :D As I'm sure you can imagine, these two actions can describe very different sorts of characters.
• And finally, just as a quick note, some people keep their cigs in their freezer because it keeps the tobacco from getting stale. You can use this to show that someone is only an occasional smoker, since a pack-a-day smoker wouldn't have to worry about them getting stale.

Some Smokable Things and their Connotations

There are a few different things you can have a character smoke, and what they choose can add a particular flavour to their character without you having to describe much else about them. Your basic choices are these:

• Cigarettes - This should be pretty obvious, but I'll say it anyway. Having someone smoke cigarettes can suggest sexiness, danger and darkness, but it can also be used to indicate low class, lack of education and bad hygiene. If your character is a teenager who smokes, it's usually meant to indicate rebellion/refusing to adhere to the rules, or perhaps even depression/self-destructive tendencies.
• Cloves - Clove cigarettes or "Kretek" are a treat to most smokers. They're made with a blend of tobacco, cloves and other flavours and have a sweet, smooth taste, sort of like vanilla and incense. It's a common, sexist stereotype that cloves are "girl" cigarettes, but they're every bit as addictive and dangerous as any tobacco product. They give a more youthful/carefree impression. Think of them as the Manic Pixie Dream Girl of smokables.
• Rolled cigarettes - Some smokers choose to cut the cost of smoking by buying pouches of loose tobacco and rolling papers, and rolling their own cigarettes. In my experience, the time and energy it takes to roll a cigarette can also contribute to saving money/encouraging people not to smoke if it's "not worth the effort" e.g. they're loo lazy to roll one. Rolling takes practice to get right. Loooooads of practice (I've never mastered it). They also look just like joints, so writing funny scenes where people mistake them for weed is an option. The stereotypes associated with rolled cigarettes are that they're more of a subculture sort of thing (so hippies and hipsters abound) and that it's more likely for males to roll than females. It's considered "cool" to an extent because it requires practice and is less common.
• Cigars/cigarillos - cigars are obviously associated with "class." Most people think of men in suits drinking whiskey when cigars are mentioned. Cigarillos are just small cigars. They can be really cheap and terrible if you buy them from petrol stations and the like, so I don't consider them as classy as cigars.
• Hookah - Let me tell you about how much uni kids love hookah. It's tasty, flavoured tobacco in a cool instrument, and they think it's not bad for them! Pro tip: it is, and you can get addicted to it, same as any other tobacco product. I use hookah for obligatory group-activity scenes in books sometimes.

So, essentially, you can make a certain character smoke a certain thing to indicate what sort of character they are, in general. Hipster girl? Cloves. White Guy with Acoustic Guitar? Rolled cigs. Pretentious group of English majors? Hookah. Etc.

Murphy's Laws of Smoking

There are certain things that happen to every smoker or person who has smoker friends at some point, and these are them in all their sundry inconvenience. 

• Cigarettes get wet. It blows, and there's almost nothing you can do about it. You can dry them out, but they're just not the same. The best solution I've ever found is to wrap a new rolling paper around them. This is usually the practice of broke uni students who can't afford to throw out a half pack just because it landed in a puddle. Fun character idea: have a smoker take a hair dryer and try to desperately blow dry their last, wilting cigarette after they've just had the worst day of their life. Let them think this is the lowest moment of their existence, because that's precisely what it would feel like. (Not that I've been there at least twice.)
• People smoke in their cars, and when they're finished, they flick the butts out their window (unless they're incredibly responsible and environment-conscious.) There is no smoker on Earth who hasn't accidentally flicked a still-burning butt or ember into their backseat and then panicked like the car was going to explode as a result. Enjoy writing that. It's fun.
• If your character is the only non-smoker in a group of smokers, the smoke will go directly to them. This is a law of Physics. It happens every time. If they move, the smoke will follow them. If they leave the room, it will get angry and chase them. This is a fact. I am a scientist. 
• If your character dates someone who hates smoking, no matter how understanding they are, they will be a controlling asshat about it at some point. It can come in many different forms, from them outright trying to tell your character they have to quit to them casually talking about how much your character's smoking habit costs whilst adding it up on their phone. It just happens. How your character deals with it is up to them and can be a really great character-building tool. Do they try to quit for love only to discover they can't do it unless they decide to quit for themselves? Do they tell their lover to fuck off only to realise later that they were being defensive because they don't think they can quit? Do they ignore them entirely? The choices are endless and are all excellent ways to say loads about what sort of person your character is (and their lover, for that matter.) 
• A few more thoughts on characterisation: why did your character start smoking? Do they plan to quit? Why and when? Do they smoke regulars or menthol? Why? Do their parents smoke? Do their peers smoke? What age did they start? If they're underage, how do they get the cigs? How many a day? What triggers them? Is it a cause of stress or a relief from it? What do these details say about who your character is? 
• The best way to get a bus to show up is to light a cigarette. If you're waiting for something/someone, all you have to do is think 'I have time for a cigarette' and BAM! You won't.

Side Effects, Hazards, and Nicotine Withdrawal

I originally had big, science-y plans for this section, but this guide is hella long already, so I'm just going to briefly touch on a few things.

• If you light a cigarette, put it out before it's finished and then light it again, it's like smoking death through Satan's armpit. I've heard it said that it's also much worse for you, but I have no idea if that's true. That's just one of those myths all smokers perpetuate, like the idea that you can fix a cigarette if it breaks or that next time you try to dry a wet one, it will work. It's mostly just wishful thinking.
• Going without a cigarette/trying to quit makes you irritable as fuck, but it's not like actually withdrawing from hard drugs. There's no sweating or shaking or anything like that. People say it's the hardest to quit, but that's just because it's so available and ubiquitous, and you have to quit drinking too, and you basically have to stop hanging around your smoker friends for like a year. So yeah, it's pretty hard, but I've quit a few times and didn't struggle too badly (well, except that I always ended up starting again. Yikes.)
• Lighting the wrong end of a cigarette is the worst thing that can ever happen to you in regards to smoking, outside of getting cancer and dying a horrible death (don't smoke, guys). Remember what I said about relighting a cigarette? It's worse than that. It tastes like chemicals and smells worse and there's no way to save the cigarette, but that's okay because after that you won't want it. Every smoker's nightmare: desperately wanting a cigarette, having one left and lighting the wrong fucking end by mistake. Talk about heart break. 
• It's important to note that psychologically speaking if a character makes it out of secondary/high school and into uni/college without starting to smoke, they likely never will. This is important to consider when deciding what age your character began smoking and why. Peer influence? Parents? Late-bloomer rebellion? It's up to you.
• About one in seven of the people on this Earth smoke, so if your book has seven of-age characters, one should be a smoker. Unless you're in Western Europe, in which case all of them, their parents, their grandparents and their goats should smoke.

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Okay, I think that's everything. I apologise for how long that was, but I wanted to include everything I could think of. If you have any questions/comments, please feel free to comment! I'm happy to clarify, answer questions or edit anything that might be wrong. And please feel free to share your own experiences as well.

:edited to add: Miss_Enthusiasm was kind enough to educate me about smoking in Australia:

"I know this is probably different for each state but in Australia we don't call cigarettes "fags" we call them "smokes" or "cigs" but more smokes than anything else. Also the lucky smokes is something we do here as well! Or at least all the smokers I know do that. Something also to mention is that when it comes to Australia, we have plain packaging and incredibly strict smoking laws in regards to where you can smoke and buying cigarettes. I know this post was more about America and England but since Australia was mentioned there a couple of times I thought I'd better mention this. By Plain Packaging I mean that all cigarette and pouches and cigar containers must be packaged the same way with no particular brand logos or pictures on them (just google image Australia Plain Packaging Smokes and you'll get a better look at them), and they have massive anti-smoking warnings on them. In fact the only way you can tell brand from brand is that it's written on the top and sides of the package like Longbeach Original Yellow 40's or Bond Street Blue 20's etc in the exact same font. As a cashier, I can only sell smokes from a particular point ie the smokes counter and in our case, register one and two because technically all the counters are connected together. And the smokes cannot be on display, so most places have them in a cupboard. I cannot open the cupboard for customers to look in either, if they want to know what smokes we have I have to read it out to them, they cannot look in the cupboards themselves. On top of this, if I sell any smokes to anyone underage I am fined $22, 000 individually, but my supervisor AND the manager of the store AND the company itself is also fined in varying degrees, the company getting fined a good $110, 000. If the cigarette company packages its smokes wrong they're fined close to $1 million and if I sell any smokes that don't adhere to plain packaging laws I am also fined (or the company is...someone on our end gets fined). When the laws came in the first time around some JPS packages didn't have this small warning icon on the right side of the package- it had it on the left instead and we were told we had to look out for them otherwise we could have been fined. AND on top of that the tax on smokes goes up every year by 12.5% as per the LAW. You cannot smoke inside or five meters in front of an entrance unless you're walking. And even then in some heavily populated places you can only smoke in designated outside areas. Like for example in Brisbane in the CBD there's Queen Street Mall which is basically a pedestrian only street lined with shopping centres and you can't smoke anywhere in the outside areas. You have to leave the street and I think there's a designated area in some side streets or alleyways. I realise this became an essay and I'm sorry but it's interesting or I think anyway... btw all of this is Australian federal law aka nation-wide."