Chapter Text
Wonpil sighed as he leaned back against the concrete wall, rubbing his hands together to get rid of the coldness that anxiety brought upon his entire body. He felt nauseous. He felt as if his body wanted to get rid of the unwanted and deeply buried feelings that had surfaced over the past few days. In an act of both distracting and punishing himself, he tried to recall every event that had lead him to his present situation but fell short; Wonpil couldn't clearly remember when it all started, but he knew that he had fallen in love with his best friend.
Sungjin, his best friend ever since childhood.
Sungjin, his best friend who was in love with someone else.
The realisation struck him in a bus, unwelcome and abrupt. As Sungjin's back became smaller in his view in order to chase after Minjung, all he could feel was the tightening in his chest. A few days ago, when he watched his best friend take secret glances at their classmate in the library, he thought, You're so obvious, just go for it and confess. When Sungjin left Wonpil's side and ran after her, what he thought was, Don't go.
Wonpil didn't like any of it—he didn't like being in love with his best friend and he didn't like feeling as if he had betrayed their friendship by harboring more than platonic feelings for Sungjin. He also didn't like watching Sungjin gaze at Minjung as if she was the reason he went to school everyday, but it's not as if he had control over that one. What he can control, was himself and his own feelings, and he was determined to do something about it.
Which lead him to decide to confess behind their school's gym. He wanted to wait until they were on their way home together, but something was crawling further up his throat as the day went on, so he decided to advance the dreaded confession. He had to get everything out in the open as soon as possible and be over with it.
Wonpil's vision seemed to blur as he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. His struck his hand against his chest once, twice, before he faced his best friend. He really felt like he was about to throw up.
"Pil? Why'd you call me out here?" Sungjin said as he wiped away sweat caused by the after-school basketball match happening inside the gym.
"I have something to say to you," Wonpil was able to croak out. Now or never. It's now or continue suffering alone with these feelings.
Sungjin raised his eyebrows, signalling to go on with what he wanted to say. His best friend was smiling at him; Wonpil embedded that image in his mind, in case he might never see it again after his confession. For a moment, he hesitated, thinking whether it was worth it to risk losing Sungjin's friendship just so he could get over his own feelings. Before his mind could make up a clear decision, his mouth had already betrayed him.
"I like you."
Wonpil watched as Sungjin's smile fade and as he let out a sound that was a mix between a laugh and a scoff. And then, a frown.
"Wait... you're not joking?"
"I wish I was," Wonpil said as a bitter laugh escaped him before he could stop it.
Sungjin ran a hand through his hair, looking at the ground. "You know I'm... I'm not-"
"I know you don't like me back, and I don't expect you to. I just... I just wanted to be honest with you. Because you're my best friend."
Wringing his hands together, Wonpil waited in as Sungjin processed his words. Every second of silence made him want to swallow his words back in, to tell his best friend that it was all just a prank; but he knew Sungjin wouldn't fall for it. The damage had been done, and Wonpil was just waiting for the severity of the consequence.
"I'm sorry, Pil," Sungjin finally said, followed by his retreat into the gym, leaving Wonpil to stare at his back.
This feels familiar, he thought. Wonpil tried putting on a smile, telling himself that the worst was over and that he was one step closer to getting over his best friend; but it didn't take long for the tears to flow instead. He slumped into a squat, not caring if his pristine uniform was being stained by the dirty wall---he needed something to support him, now that the person he could lean on was out of his reach, possibly forever. He messed up. He messed up because he was selfish, when he could have just kept his feelings to himself and worked alone to get rid of it without Sungjin ever knowing. Sobs racked his body without pause, making it harder and harder for him to breathe.
"Hey. Kim Wonpil."
With the mention of his name, Wonpil's head snapped up to the direction of the voice. There was a blur of purple, white, and flesh, before he rubbed away his tears to see who it was looming above him and was apparently holding out a handkerchief.
"Younghyun?"
His classmate strongly shook the hand holding out the handkerchief, which made Wonpil automatically take it and wipe his tears. He glanced at Younghyun, not knowing what to say in the awkward situation besides mumbling a "thanks". He and Younghyun weren't close, and they had barely spoken to each other ever since they were classmates in middle school; Younghyun always kept to himself while Wonpil and Sungjin were attached to each other's hip. Wonpil didn't want to be caught in his current state, but he was just out of luck today.
Younghyun cleared his throat. "I didn't mean to, but I saw you and Park Sungjin earlier. I was on the way to the basketball game."
Wonpil felt tears sting his eyes again and panic rising up his chest. "Please... don't tell anyone," he said between hiccups.
"I'm not going to. Don't worry." Wonpil mumbled his thanks again, expecting Younghyun to walk away in his usual cool, uncaring manner; to Wonpil's horror, his classmate squatted next to him instead, looking like he had no intention of leaving Wonpil to his own misery.
"What-"
"I'm waiting for you to be done with my handkerchief," Younghyun said, looking at the cloth clutched in Wonpil's fist. "Wow, you really cried a lot."
Younghyun's offhand remark annoyed Wonpil. "Sorry, but I really want to be alone right now. I'll wash your handkerchief and give it back to you tomorrow."
He wiped his tears and stood up, ignoring Younghyun's eyes that were trained on him. As Wonpil fleed, he saw his classmate smile in the corner of his eyes, but he didn't have the strength anymore to think about what Younghyun meant with the action. All he wanted to do was to go home, plop down on his bed, cry some more, and sleep the day away.
Now that he got rejected by Sungjin, his (former?) best friend seemed to be everywhere, but nowhere near Wonpil. He missed Sungjin; they were never too far apart for long ever since they were children, but with yesterday's confession, Wonpil completely understood if Sungjin couldn't look at him anymore. Wonpil wasn't sure either if he could bear to look at Sungjin in the eyes without feeling guilt and embarrassment. The moment he got to their classroom, he asked to exchange seats with any of his classmates near the back row; only one person agreed, and that person happened to be sitting in front of Younghyun. Wonpil didn't want to be near Younghyun, but his desire to stay away from Sungjin was stronger.
When Sungjin entered the room, Wonpil made eye contact with him out of habit. Wonpil looked away first and Sungjin sat down without a word.
Wonpil thought that his plan of avoiding Sungjin forever was going well, until he saw him walking towards his new seat as class ended and lunch break began. Wonpil gripped his desk, panic starting to creep in. He needed to stand up and run away before Sungjin reached him, but his entire body was frozen.
"Come on, let's go eat."
Wonpil turned around. That wasn't Sungjin.
Leaning towards him with a hand on Wonpil's chair, was Younghyun. His face was so close that all Wonpil could do was stare at him for a moment, and then without much thought, clutched Younghyun's arm to pull himself out of his seat. They left the classroom with Wonpil clinging onto Younghyun as if he was his lifeline; if Wonpil cared, he would have been embarrassed with the amount of looks they were receiving—Sungjin was gaping at them, Minjung's and Park Jaehyung's eyes were blown wide, and even Yoon Dowoon, who was just usually sleeping, was looking at the odd pair.
But at that moment, all Wonpil could focus on was Younghyun.