Chapter Text
Martin’s hands were shaking badly enough that he nearly dropped his keychain as he was fumbling through it for the key that would open the apartment. He somehow managed to unlatch the door and stumble inside. He shut the door and rested his back against it, staring blankly ahead.
And now you’ve got some creepy spider powers- which, by the way, are another thing that Jon hates- and all of a sudden he’s kissing you. Tim’s words kept echoing in Martin’s head, and Martin was having a hard time breathing, like there was a lead weight pressing down on his chest.
Because Tim wasn’t wrong. Martin had his unrequited crush for a long time. And Jon had only even started being civil to him after Martin had become a part of the Web. He’d only claimed to love Martin after Martin had really begun to develop his abilities.
Had Martin forced Jon into doing those things? Woven puppet strings through Jon’s mind and tugged him into behaving the way that Martin wanted?
It wasn’t impossible. He hadn’t done it on purpose, but maybe he hadn’t needed to. Sometimes it seemed like just being around Jon was enough to make people want to give him information. What kind of unintentional influence could Martin be exerting on the people around him? On Jon?
It made sense, really. Everything about this was too good to be true. What other reason would there be for Jon to claim to love him?
Martin thought about the soft way that Jon looked at him, the quirk of a smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth when he saw Martin.
He thought about pulling that facade aside to reveal Jon’s actual emotions, about the disgust and horror and hatred that would wash over Jon’s face when he was finally free enough to realize what Martin had done to him.
Martin clutched his arms and slowly slid to the floor, his knees giving way under him.
He thought about the times he had hugged Jon. About his arms caging Jon in place while some inner part of Jon struggled and screamed, desperate to escape but smothered under countless layers of cobwebs until his body could only be relaxed and pliant in Martin’s grip.
Martin felt sick.
Every memory of Jon felt wrong, felt possessive and controlling and monstrous. Every touch was him threading hooks through Jon’s flesh, binding him and dragging him down. Every kiss was a red-hot brand he’d pressed into Jon’s skin. Every one of Jon’s smiles or chuckles or soft words was something that Martin had torn out of him.
Jon would hate him. Jon, the real Jon, did hate him, surely. He had hated him before Martin had been able to spin his webs, and afterward Martin had only proven how justified that hatred had been. The sharp, sweet man who loved Martin wasn’t real; he was only a fantasy that Martin had forced into existence at Jon’s expense.
Monsters are monsters, aren’t they?
Martin closed his eyes and tried to breathe, tried not to fall apart. He wasn’t the victim here. He didn’t deserve to have a breakdown. What was important was figuring out how to not hurt Jon any more than he already had.
Martin couldn’t erase what he had done. He couldn’t turn back the clock, no matter how much he wanted to.
It was tempting to just… leave. Martin could pack up his things and disappear, get himself out of Jon’s life before he could do more damage. That way, he wouldn’t need to see the look on Jon’s face when he finally realized what Martin had done to him.
But Martin wasn’t even sure that he would be able to stay away from the Archives permanently. Tim couldn’t.
And even without that consideration, there was no guarantee that the webs he had caught Jon in would go away when he did. Leaving without a word might trap Jon in the state Martin had forced him into. It might cause him more distress and make him look for Martin. Martin had to let Jon see the lie he had been manipulated into. He had to at least try to set Jon free.
And that meant that Martin would need to talk to him. Would need to face up to what he had done.
He would have to do that when Jon got home. And after…
Martin should pack his things now, so that there wouldn’t be any reminders of him once Jon realized the truth and threw him out.
There was still the problem of him being tied to the Archives, but if he really couldn’t find a way to break that bond, maybe he could just go there when Jon was elsewhere. It shouldn’t be difficult to avoid Jon once Jon wanted to avoid him.
It took Martin a long time to pick himself off the floor and begin to gather his things together. He tried not to notice the way that his belongings had begun to migrate through the apartment, mingling with Jon’s. He rearranged shelves to fill in any gaps that he had left, and did his best to erase any signs of his presence. He evicted more spiders that had attempted to colonize the cupboard beneath the sink.
He wondered if Jon would hate spiders even more, now. Probably.
Martin hoped that they would stop trying to get into Jon’s apartment, once Martin was gone. He hoped that Jon wouldn’t have too many reminders of the way that Martin had violated his mind.
He hoped that Jon would be able to be okay, eventually.
Martin took everything that he had gathered and put it in the entryway, then did another sweep of the apartment to ensure that he hadn’t missed anything.
After that, the only thing left to do was wait for Jon to come back. Martin mechanically made a cup of tea for himself in an attempt to calm his nerves.
He didn’t drink the tea, only sat on the sofa and stared into it, trying not to think about all of the ways that he had hurt Jon.