Work Text:
Alastor had been genuinely smiling for days, walking through the halls of the hotel with greetings on his smiling lips, tunes filling the radio static around him, but after a week the tunes started changing from bouncy swing to something more mellow and his smile started to freeze in place more.
He didn't understand why his feelings were crashing, everything was good, he and Angel had finally admitted to liking each other, they were even going on a dinner date tomorrow night, so why was he sitting in his room, staring at a small fragment of a holy blade with trembling hands and a cracked smile that took too much effort to hold?
Things were going good, so, so good, yet all he felt was the need to feel something he hated feeling. He shifted the fragment of blade, trembling hands giving way to trembling fingers that kept nearly dropping that little piece of salvation.
And why was this considered salvation in his mind?
With that last thought, and his smile slipping away completely he moved his hand, the trembles disappearing as the first cut ran along his thigh, tracing an old scar, reopening and for a few blessed moments his mind was clear, until he thought of Angel, his Fluffy Whore who smiled like he was their whole world.
And that's when the spiral truly started, mind filling with images of Angel being upset at him for what he was doing, of the disappointment and soon he was cutting again and again, tracing old scars, renewing them.
He had to come up with an excuse not to go to dinner, but standing before Angel, seeing him smile, something in him froze and he couldn't get the excuse out, because something else was melting. He couldn't help the softening if his smile or the way his stomach clenched with anticipation or the way his static filled with music, bursting to life around him when Angel blushed as he kissed the back of Angels hand.
Getting ready for dinner his static was still playing swing, his feet tapped the ground in time with the beat and his smile refused to leave his face. And dinner was a wondrous affair, the two sitting close together, drinks and amazing food, someone singing softly to a jazz band accompaniment. Angels fingers slotted with his own perfectly when they held hands, relaxing after their meal.
Angel even laughed at some of his sillier dad jokes, giggling softly before kissing his cheek.
Their walk back to hotel was as sweet as Angels lips, as bouncy as the jazz trailing through the air behind them. Everything was perfect, until they were upstairs in the hotel, he'd invited Angel to stay the night, to share a bed and watch picture shows. "You're spoiling me Al" Angel had said with a blush, smile wide and eyes full of so much warmth.
Alastor had forgotten all about his legs until he was pulling his pants off to change into sleep wear, even then, he only remembered when Angel made that sad, strangled noise he made the first time he saw Alastors scars.
He turned, eyes wide, smile frozen and even his static was gone. But Angel didn't seem to notice, too busy rushing over to wrap the deer in his arms, all six of them, kissing the top of his head, one hand, no gloves tonight, lifting to run fingers soothingly through his hair.
"Angel, I'm so-"
"You don't need to apologise Al, not when you're the one hurting, come lay down, we'll watch a movie and then we'll talk once your comfortable" the ex prostitute said, the hand in his hair trailing down to his chin, lifting it so his eyes could meet Angels and even now they were full of warmth, there wasn't any pity, just understanding in those beautifully mismatched eyes.