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Tony tried to breathe in. His heart was racing, sweat running down his neck in little drops, pooling on his forehead. It probably looked ridiculous.
He was ridiculous.
But to be fair he hadn’t expected to have the end of his relationship already so close, and shivers were wracking his frame.
It had been the sight of a simple toothbrush in his bathroom that set him off so completely.
Tony didn’t have a great track record with relationships; to be honest his relationships were a laughing matter, nothing ever seemed to be a real fit and no one wanted to stay around when he opened up more and therefore, became more complicated: buried himself in his workshop or dared to flirt with someone on a gala thrown by Stark Industries. People didn’t seem to understand that this was simply how he worked, how he conversed with people and made them careless with their words around him.
Pepper understood that, but his nightmares had frightened her too badly, and his role as a hero wasn’t easy to live with either. That was fair even when it hurt him. And so, his life continued, without a partner on his side until –
Yeah, until Loki stumbled back to Earth and strolled through the galas in his tight fitting suits that accentuated his endlessly long legs and –
Tony did try to resist at first, pinkie promise.
Loki was a villain, this didn’t bode well for Stark Industry business when the press got wind of them and ultimately, nothing good for his hero status either but -
He couldn’t stop himself from wanting, looking at the handsome face with the leer, and a fire like he hadn’t seen for a long while was lurking in green depths. Was it any surprise that Tony had taken Loki home with him the same night?
No.
This had been going on for months now, and eventually Loki started to stay over or told Tony he was looking forward to the next round in the early morning hours to teleport him back into his Tower and –
Yes.
It had been easy. There were feelings, somewhere, deep down in Tony, he refused to speak of them because awesome heroes like him needed to have flaws in their design too and his were nightmares, PTSD, and commitment issues, really, just the perfect mixture. That was why he never said anything and Loki never spoke of his feelings either.
He made Tony coffee – black, no sugar, no creme – in the mornings or massaged his back when he’d fought the new villain of the week. In turn, Tony always made sure to keep Loki’s favourite brand of tea stocked up because he wanted to see his Trickster … happy, he supposed.
And now –
There was a toothbrush.
He clamped a hand around it, felt the cold plastic in his palm and feared for a moment, he was going to break it apart.
Toothbrush in the bathroom spoke of commitment, didn’t it?
Tony didn’t … He did want commitment but he also –
He wasn’t ready to let go of Loki just yet. The casual fucking and the occasional long talk into the even longer night and even more fucking afterwards; it all helped him to keep a cool and clear head. It made him forget the guilt when he faced the Avengers again, knowing fully well where Loki was hiding and plotting something –
Namely how he could wreck Tony the following night and make him see stars.
He couldn’t stop himself from shaking, his heart clawing at his throat and he felt blood warming, black dots appearing in his vision.
Loki was simply one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to him; his ‘I do what I want,’ attitude which put a smile on Tony’s face when they were eating lunch atop the statue of liberty and nobody could see them, his skilful attempts at waking Tony up when he dreamt of water and he couldn’t escape the coldness, and –
There was always something which was ruining his relationships, every time it got serious and feelings were about to be talked about and –
His feet were running by themselves to look for Loki.
If this was going to end, why not now?
Panic was running through him, faster than his feet could carry him and he could try to regain his composure. It was hopeless, he knew that. Everything good must come to an end and if he was going to fuck it up anyway –
He didn’t want this to end.
“Loki-“
“Yes?” The Trickster looked up from the book he’d been reading in Tony’s bed. He looked at ease there, Tony realised. Like it was normal for him to stay in Tony’s bed and to read, waiting for him to come back from the bathroom.
“What-“ he broke up, started again. “What is this?”
“A toothbrush.”
“No, I see that but –“
“And I see that you should lie down in bed before you fall over.” Loki patted the spot besides him. “We can discuss toothbrushes later. Or tomorrow.”
“But Loki-“
“Anthony.”
“But-“
“Put the toothbrush down, I promise you it won’t explode in your face later.”
“That’s not what I had been worried about.”
“Not?” Loki sighed and rolled his eyes.
Tony nodded and made his way into the bed, the toothbrush still in his hand.
“You’re ridiculous,” Loki complained and plastered himself to Tony’s back, a cool blanket and his fingers were prying between Tony’s, grabbing hold of the toothbrush. “I brushed my teeth earlier, no need to remind me to do it now again.”
“I didn’t want to tell you that you had to brush your teeth,” Tony said and turned his head around. “I actually –“
“Tomorrow,” Loki decided firmly and planted a kiss on Tony’s lips. “You promised me to show me your Rock of Ages show.”
“Yeah,” Tony said and rolled his eyes. “Because we can watch movies like this.”
“I see no problem, I wasn’t the one who brought a toothbrush into bed.”
“I-“
“Mortals,” Loki slung a leg over Tony’s. “Overthinking matters when you could just enjoy what you have for as long as you do.”
“Oh?”
“Mhm.” Loki rubbed his nose in Tony’s hair. “Don’t overthink us, Anthony.”
“That’s not really reassuring,” Tony muttered but squeezed Loki’s fingers tighter.
“If you start overthinking us,” Loki’s voice was quiet and difficult to understand due to hair-in-mouth-reasons, “you’ll start to withdraw and make it complicated. Let us simply enjoy what we have.”
“No thinking?”
“No thinking,” Loki affirmed and clung tighter to him until Tony wasn’t sure anymore which limb belonged to whom. “Just feeling.”
Tony nodded slowly and his eyes started to flutter shut as his body started to cool down.
“And no toothbrushes in bed anymore, either.”
“No toothbrushes anymore in bed.”
“Good.” Loki sounded smug and pressed a short kiss to Tony’s nape. “That’s all I ask of you.”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all.”
Apparently it really was that easy for them.
Interesting. Maybe they were a good fit, after all.