Chapter Text
Tonight was going to be The Night.
Jungkook was sound asleep in the bedroom and Yoongi was settled comfortably under the weight of Jimin sprawled over him on the couch. Now, this in itself was nothing out of the ordinary; jimin had discovered weeks ago that his favourite place was Yoongi's lap, and his favourite activity was trying his best to draw endless delicious groans past the alphas lips.
So no, this wasn't anything new, the weight of Yoongi's hands on Jimin's lith waist was familiar, the heat of his breath along the column of Jimin's throat as tantalising as ever and the need, god the need in every one of Jimin's whines was as maddening as always. And as always, it remained excruciatingly unfulfilled.
Every time, Without fail, before the air around them had the chance to tip from innocent intimacy into toe curling pleasure, Yoongi would pull away, smattering kisses along whatever patch of skin he was fixating on before dousing the atmosphere in often appreciated but hopelessly mistimed affection. Truthfully, Jimin had zero qualms with remaining close in this way, he was more than happy to bask in his alphas warmth, his gentle kisses lulling him to the brink of sleep before moving into the bedroom where their beautiful pup lay starfished on top of the comforter. Things were comfortable right now, but Jimin couldn’t ignore the quiet buzzing under the surface of his skin, the tingle of anxiety in the back of his mind, cutting through the daze of contentment to tell him that he wasn’t doing enough.
They had been together long enough now, that it would only be natural to assume that Yoongi would be wanting for more in the physical aspect of their relationship. The need was clear in the feverish kisses Jimin was able to coax out of him, but something was holding the alpha back from taking what was his and that left Jimin reeling. Every time the alpha pulled back from jimin's advances, he couldn’t help but be wrought with insecurity; why was he holding back? Was jimin not doing enough? Was he doing too much? Did yoongi want a chase or had he decided that he didn’t want Jimin at all? Yoongi was a good man. He was the best man. And jimin knew that if he had decided the omega wasn’t worth his affections, he would almost definitely let him down easy- maybe he was waiting for the right moment and until then trying his damndest to keep away from his embarrassingly desperate advances.
Jimin knew he wasn’t the omega he was not even two years ago. He was older now, worn down. His stomach ruined with unsightly scar tissue and stretch marks that couldn’t even be justified by the existence of a pup. Jimin knew it was unattractive, knew most alphas would recoil at the physical reminders of jimin's history. But he also knew that Yoongi wasn't that kind of alpha, the only thing stopping him from spiralling into a pit of anxiety was the knowledge that Yoongi was a. Good. Man. A huge part of Jimin's brain could recognise that such thoughts were simply products of his own anxieties, however, he couldn’t help but feed into them every time he failed to please his alpha.
All he had to do was figure out what Yoongi wanted, and give it to him.
So tonight Jimin was determined to just that.
Tonight Jimin had showered in unscented soap, leaving his own natural pheromones pure and loud and free of any artificial sweetness. Tonight, jimin had shaved and moisturized every inch of his body, he had styled his hair in the softest curls, and taken the extra time to line his eyes in a subtle brown smoke, painting his lips and cheeks a pretty pink blush. For weeks now, he’d been using oils and creams on his cesarean scar the broken mess still out and obvious but much better than before, and his stretch marks were thankfully superficial enough that he could easily cover them with a heavier concealer.
The look on Yoongi's face when Jimin had turned up at his door, made up and dressed in one of the alphas own shirts and sleep shorts was pleasing in all the best ways. His eyes trailing up the Omegas smooth legs and exposed shoulder. His hands had twitched at his side, and jimin wanted nothing more than for him to finally give in and indulge.
Tonight was going to be The Night.
Jungkook was already fast asleep by the time Jimin came over, so the omega had wasted no time pulling Yoongi over to the couch, the tv already on quietly in the background while Jimin tucked himself close, burying his nose in the crook of Yoongi's neck. As desperate as he was to be as close as possible to the Alpha, Jimin wouldn't begrudge this quiet intimacy. They fit together like puzzle pieces, slotting into the emptiness and filling it with easy affection. Jimin loved this man, loved him in all the ways he thought hed never be allowed to love.
Before Yoongi, love was submission, always. Submission to his parents, submission to whatever alpha they tied him to. Love was the submission of his own will under that of the alpha he had given everything up for. Love was being thankful for roof, money and status. Love was hurting and hiding it unless that was what his alpha wanted to see.
But with Yoongi love was patience. It was support without expectations and the patter of small feet running through a tiny apartment. Yoongi gave jimin everything he wanted, a fairytale romance and a family. Yoongi asked about jimin's day and listened when he told him all about it. Yoongi laughed at his jokes and let him be silly with his pup and Yoongi never raised his voice and certainly never raised a hand and Jimin couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Yoongi deserved to take whatever he wanted but he hadn’t so it was up to jimin to give it to him.
If there was one thing jimin was good at, it was pleasing an alpha.
His single minded determination meant that it didn't take long for the television to be forgotten in favour of rapidly escalating kisses. Yoongi's hands had settled demure and high on Jimin's waist the second jimin had taken his lips down the path behind his ear. The alphas fingers tightened against Jimin's side, crumpling the fabric of his nightshirt while he tipped his head back to allow Jimin closer. Wordlessly, without pulling away from the patch of skin he was currently nipping at, jimin had reached around, grabbing Yoongi's hands and bringing them down and up, under the shirt and dangerously low on his hips. Jimins entire being lit up at the feeling of the alphas thumbs tracing mindless over the skin just above the waistband of his sleep shorts.
This was good, this was already further than they'd ever been before and Jimin was in no way blind to the growing stiffness in Yoongi's sweatpants. He almost drooled at the thought of it, the temptation to grind down onto it practically unbearable. Jimin could already hear the broken, airy and choked off groan the alpha would make, but he knew he needed to play his cards smart and slow, less he spook the man and end it all before it could get any further.
Instead, he pulled back away from Yoongi's neck so that he could once again meet their lips together in a breathless tangle. He arched into the warmth of Yoongis hands on his hips, pulling back for a moment to capture Yoongi in a heated gaze. The alphas eyes were blown wide in arousal, his chest heaving under the pressure of his omegas hands as he stared back, captivated. Yoongi couldn't reconcile the vision before him with what he knew of his boyfriend, jimin was unlike anything yoongi had ever seen before, practically dripping with sexuality as the omega fixed him with a look so depraved and wanton yoongis entire being lit up in flames beneath him.
In that moment Jimin knew he had him. Tonight was the night and jimin finally released him from his gaze in favour of closing his eyes, head tipping back and finally, finally, he rolled his hips devastatingly slow against the pressure in Yoongi's sweatpants. Jimin's entire body lit up at the sound of the alphas answering groan, his hands had slipped from their perch on Jimin's hips down the swell of his ass and finally, finally, Jimin was going to give this beautiful, wonderful alpha everything he could.
He pitched his voice high and airy, on just the right side of desperate as he allowed Yoongi to take control. The alphas hands digging into the meat of his ass, bunching up his shorts till they were all but useless in covering the pert cheeks. The sounds and smells of yoongi's arousal getting jimin wet embarrassingly quickly but that was okay because he could tell the scent of his slick was driving all thoughts of stopping out of Yoongi's mind.
“Shit baby- fuck you smell so good-“
“Alpha- ah! Alpha am I good for you?” Jimin tried to hide how desperate he was for Yoongi's validation in the roll of his hips, meeting Yoongi’s own mindless thrust with delicious friction.
“So good baby, s-so pretty for me, smell so goo-“ Yoongi cut off with a groan as he felt some of his omegas slick leak down the plush of his thighs, seeping through his shorts and dampening the front of Yoongi's sweatpants “Shit baby, please- can I- can’t I turn us over huh? Can I get you on your back baby make you feel so good?”
Jimin was so relieved he could cry, his alpha wanted him after all. Despite everything his alpha was still there, desperate and hard beneath him and jimin all but choked on his relief. Instead of attempted to say anything, he nodded his head, breathless as he allowed the love of his life to lift him up off of his lap so that the alpha was crowding him into the soft pillows of the couch. He spread his legs easily, letting the alpha slot himself sinfully close and pulling jimin into a frantic kiss. Jimins arms came up around yoongis shoulders, hands meeting each other at the back of his alphas neck and he arched up into his thrusts, he could hardly catch his breath between the pressure of Yoongis hard cock against his own heat and the almost overwhelming demand of Yoongis kisses and oh-
Oh god, it was all so overwhelming.
The weight of Yoongi between jimins thighs was suddenly stifling, his scent cloying and heavy in the space between them but that was fine. It was okay because yoongi was finally letting himself indulge. Yoongi wanted him, This was good, Jimin had successfully made himself open and available and now his alpha was able to let go of whatever it was that was holding him back for so long now. So what if jimins heart stuttered at the familiar weight of an alpha holding him down? This was Yoongi, yoongi was good, he would never hurt jimin. Yoongi deserved to be intimate with his own boyfriend.
If jimin was good, maybe they could even be mates soon.
Surprisingly enough, that was the thought that finally threw jimin over the edge. The tears he had only just realised he had been holding back flew freely down his flushed cheeks and Jimin couldn’t do anything but pull his alpha even closer. Desperate, so desperate to please him, to prove himself as a good omega, good and willing and open ‘please, please, please love me, mate me, make me yours-‘ the thoughts swarmed all others, he wanted it so badly, wanted a bite for as long as he could remember, he practically ached for it.
Yoongi was nosing at his neck now, the scent gland working hard to fill the room with a cloud of ‘bite me, bite me, bite me’. It seemed like Yoongi was drunk on it, nosing at the gland, pulling the skin teasingly between his teeth and sucking hard enough to leave a bruise, but not the mark Jimin needed. Jimin stifled a sob, hiding it behind a manufactured moan as he scrambled to take Yoongi's shirt off. He wasn’t getting a bite tonight, he had to earn it, had to prove that he was the type of omega someone would want to share a life with and this was the only way he knew how.
“Come on doll, stop crying”
No. No no no no no no- not now. Not now-
Jimin’s eyes slammed shut, his breathing picking up as the voice grew louder in his head. Blocking out everything else, turning his stomach as the heat and weight and smell became too much, too quickly.
“Aww sweetheart, you make it look like you don’t love me”
“I- I love you-“ Jimin sobbed. The noise finally catching the attention of the alpha between his legs. Yoongi’s eyes seemed to fall back into focus as he took in the state of his boyfriend, scent soured by fear and chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath.
“Jimin?- baby are you okay?”
“Stop. Crying. Why would I mate with someone that cant even do this for me?”
Jimin was lost to the world now, throughly wrapped up in his own head where everything hurt and everything was his fault and he was stupid, so stupid and weak and why was he crying? Why couldn’t he just shut up and be good. Yoongi wouldn’t hurt him, he knew this, so why did he feel like he was going to be sick?
In his own panic, he was lost to the stricken look that had clouded Yoongis face, every ounce of arousal gone in a second at the face of his boyfriends distress. He scrambled to pull Jimins shirt back down where it had gotten bunched up under his armpits, pulling away to give the now openly sobbing omega some space. The distance between them seemed to do nothing but push him further into hysterics.
“No, no please-“ he was almost frantic in his movements, struggling to get Yoongi close despite the nauseating scent of fear permeating the room, “please alpha I’m sorry- I’m sorry I’ll be good, I’m sorr-“
Yoongi cursed under his breath, “no baby, please stop crying okay- shit jimin! Breath!” He was hyperventilating now, choking on nothing. Yoongi struggled to pull jimin up from the couch cushions he’d been pressed into, trying to get him sitting straight so that he could breath easier but the omega was having none of it. He cried out at the distance, hesitating when Yoongi refused to let him clamber back into his lap. He slumped back into the couch as he stared up at yoongi, vision clouded, focus miles away as he continued to sob.
Yoongi though that was the end of it, until jimin seemed to come alive again, like strings being pulled he rolled onto his stomach and Yoongi felt sick when he realised what was happening. Jimin was trying to present himself, body shaking violently as he buried his face into the cushions, suffocating himself further as he arched his back, slick drenched shorts sticking obscenely to the curve of his ass. He sobbed into the pillows, the sound so wretched Yoongi felt his guts lurch with it as he tried desperately to righten the hysterical omega.
He ignored Jimin’s begging, the please for Yoongi to “fuck me, please alpha I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-“ the alphas priority right now was wrapping Jimin up with the heavy blanket they used as a throw for the couch, pulling it down from where it was draped over the back of it to wrap him up tight, pulling him close enough that he could bury Jimin in his arms, trying his best to hold him together when it looked like he’d already fallen apart. The omega withered in his grip, trying in vain to free his arms so he could pull Yoongi back into a kiss. Yoongi dodged him, ignoring his cries in favour of pressing lighter kisses against Jimins sweaty forehead, holding him tight and murmuring reassurances on deaf ears.
“You’re so good, jimin. So good.” He tucked jimins face into the crook of his neck, hoping his scent would help calm him enough to pay attention to what he was saying, “my baby, my precious, sweet omega. Come back to me, I’m sorry. I love you-.”
They sat like that for what felt like an eternity, Jimin’s breathing starting to slow as Yoongi continued to coo into his ears, running his fingers through the omegas feather soft hair until the frantic delirium calmed into a steady lull. Jimin quieting down into a few shuddery breaths before falling limp in Yoongis arms.
“Jimin baby, can you hear me?” His voice was pitched low and quiet. The heavy timber cutting through the remaining fog in Jimin’s mind, coaxing out a final weak sob as jimin curled up in the blankets wrapped around him.
“I’m sorry, Yoongi-“
“Why are you sorry huh?,” he pressed a firm kiss against the top of Jimin’s head, heart breaking at the heavy, shuddering breaths his boyfriend struggled to pull. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re my beautiful perfect Jimin.”
“Not perfect-“
“You are-“ Yoongi cut him off before he could finish, unfortunately familiar with the ways Jimin put himself down time and time again, “you're so perfect baby, i'm so sad you can't see it-"
Jimin couldn't help but start crying again, quieter this time, worn out and defeated as he curled impossibly tighter into himself. "Then why haven't you fucked me yet?" He couldn't look yoongi in the eye as he said it, insecurity eating up at him as he felt the alpha stiffen beside him, fingers freezing where they had previously been running through jimin's hair. He heard yoongi take a deep breath before steeling himself to answer.
"I just don't think were ready for that yet-"
"I'm ready for it-"
" We aren't ready for it Jimin. You just had a full blown panic attack for the first time in weeks."
"I'm sorry! I said I was sorry you didn't have to stop!" Jimin was getting worked up again and Yoongi couldn't gather himself fast enough to stop it. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"I didn't have to stop? Jimin do you really think id fuck you through a panic attack!?"
"I didn't ask you to stop! I would have been fine,"
"Park jimin, i'm not blind! I don't need you to ask me to stop, you couldn't even breath!"
"So what! I was still wet for you- fuck i'm still covered in slick, Yoongi what more do you want from me!?"
Yoongi felt sick, he was absolutely devastated at the words and logic jimin was spewing in his delirium. Jimin had been doing so well since winning his case against his last alpha, but Yoongi had been so naive thinking all of that was behind them. Only now could he see the extent of the damage laid out before him and he knew he needed to calm himself down before trying to unpick the tangle of thoughts being thrown at him so suddenly. As disgusted as he was, trying to shake some sense into his partner wasn't going to help, he needed to match jimin's growing frustration as calmly as possible. Jimin was crying still, angry and confused and so so frustrated as he tried to explain himself.
Yoongi could practically see the gears in his mind turning and stuttering and grating on each other as conflicting thoughts clouded his mind, he was speaking a mile a minute, every word and leap of logic more awe full than the last and Yoongi tried his best to listen and absorb without cutting him off. Instead he reached over, pulling the blanket tighter around Jimin before bringing one hand up to push a single delicate curl away from his forehead. Jimin's words stuttered to a halt, chest heaving as he looked up at Yoongi, eyes wide and wet and so so scared and Yoongi’s heart ached.
“Jimin. None of this equals consent. You have to understand that right?”
“But I just- I don’t get it Yoongi I’m asking you to have sex with me, how is that not consent?”
“Baby, you weren’t breathing-“
“I was just nervous!”
There it was. A strong footing amidst a landslide of tumultuous emotions, Yoongi could work with nervousness , he could open up a discussion about nervousness and use it as a starting point to hopefully unpack the rest of whatever this was.
“Jimin if you’re nervous we have to talk about that.”
“But Yoongi,” Jimin let out a small chuckle, an airy note coupled with an earnest look and a wobbly smile. The omega reached out, taking one of Yoongi’s hands in both his own as he fixed the alpha with bright eyes, “Yoongi It’s nothing- I would have been fine because I trust you. I have nothing to be nervous about because I know you would never hurt me.”
“That makes me so happy baby, I love that you can trust me,” Jimin was smiling now, bringing Yoongis hand up to his plush lips and pressing a single lingering kiss against his knuckles. Yoongi sighed, bringing the same hand away from Jimin's lips so that he could wipe away at the wetness clumping Jimin's lashes together, “but I need to trust that you’ll always be open to me about how you’re feeling. You can't work yourself up into a panic attack and expect me to ignore it.”
A whisper, “I’m sorry.” The words sat weak in the air between them, and Yoongi was afraid that Jimin was apologising for the wrong thing, he had to press, he needed to be sure.
“What are you sorry for?”
Jimin's brows furrowed, he fixed Yoongi with an incredulous look, as if the answer should have been obvious. ”I’m sorry I ruined tonight.”
“You haven’t ruined anything-“
“But-“
“We’re still here aren’t we?” Yoongi finally pulled Jimin close again, letting the blanket fall loose so he could wrap the other man in his arms instead. Despite everything, the tension in Jimin's body seeped away into the warmth between them, “It’s still ‘tonight,’ and we’re both still here, and we love each other, and we are warm, and we are safe and our pup is warm and safe, and tell me Jimin, how is tonight ruined?”
There were tears again, tears dampening the space between Yoongi’s neck and shoulder where Jimin had buried his face. Small quiet sobs muffled against the skin there and Yoongi was lost to do anything but keep him close and close and tight.
“B-because. Because you’re so perfect Yoongi,” the words were muffled, broken and gasped as Jimin heaved, “and, I just- I just want to be perfect for you- but I can't-“
“You’re perfect-“
“No!” Jimin pushed away, sitting up straight and hitting two small fists weakly against Yoongi’s chest, “You don’t get it Yoongi!” His chest heaved, face wet but tears no longer falling as he paused for a moment, contemplative and serious as he tried to think of a way to explain his worries. Yoongi sat patiently, urging the omega on so he could finally understand how they found themselves here.
The moment stretched on for what felt like an eternity before Jimin’s shoulders slumped and he pulled away further, throwing the forgotten blanket away from them before grabbing the hem of his shirt, hesitating for a moment before steeling himself and pulling the fabric up and off, tossing it so it met with the blanket at their feet.
“Jimi-“
“No, listen.” Jimin was determined now, he sat there, wearing nothing but slick wet shorts before Yoongi, the warm lights above them colouring him warm and golden and in any other situation, this would be a moment right out of Yoongi's most shameful dreams but instead his heart ached for the way Jimin shook under his gaze. Wordlessly, the omega reached over to the coffee table next to the couch, grabbing a pack of wet wipes used for toddler related incidents out from under a pile of said pups doodles. Yoongi watched, eyes widening in understanding as he watched his love take a sheet and wipe at his sides, the white coming away stained with makeup.
“Jimin please-“
“I have to do all of this-“ he spoke without meeting Yoongi’s gaze, eyes down and focused where he continued to wipe at his stomach, over his scare and his hips and even down the inside of his thighs.Each swipe revealed flushed skin, red from the force of Jimin's hands, raised in silverish lines mapping the ways his skin had stretched to accommodate another life inside of him. “all of this to pretend like I didn’t waste the best of me on some shitty alpha that didn’t deserve it! You deserve it Yoongi, you deserve to have a beautiful omega that isn’t a walking illustrated fucking cautionary tale-“ Yoongi reached forward, trying to grab Jimin's hands so he would stop but the omega was determined now. He was crying yet again, heartbreak met with guilt and grief and loss and Yoongi's own eyes were suspiciously wet, “all of these marks- they would be all worth it if I had- i-if I had my son to show for them but I don’t. All I have is an ugly empty body and so much hurt… a-and so much fear, I can't give you what you w-want-“
“I have everything, please Jimin,” Yoongi’s voice was desperate, desperate as he pulled his trembling omega close, close, close. “Please believe me, baby I don’t want anything more than you and your love and your happiness. I don’t need you to do any of this because you are so beautiful Jimin, Jimin- my beautiful, perfect, lovely omega. You have to understand,” Any other alpha would be mortified by the sight of Yoongi so utterly lost in his own tears. His voice could barely carry past the lump in his chest, body trembling in tandem with his love as they fell apart and came together, “you have to understand that none of that matters to me beyond the pain it causes you. I hate these scars-“ his fingers traced a particularly severe mark, the touch feather light against the skin of Jimin's hip, “not because of what they look like, but because they make you feel like you have to hide from me.”
“I-I’m sorry,” again, “Yoongi, I’m so sorry,”
“Why are you sorry Jimin?”
“I’m sorry for hiding from you. I-I’m sorry I can't see myself the way you see me-“
Yoongi shook his head, pressing trembling lips against Jimin's hair, against his damp forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his lips. Kissing him broken and soft, letting the press of their lips heal them both in whatever fragile way it could.
“You’re allowed to hide Jimin. You’re allowed to hide as long as you remember to come out when you need to. We’re in this relationship together baby, you have to talk to me when things get scary because I’m here, I’m here in your corner when even you aren’t.”
“I know. I’m sor-“
“Please stop-“ another kiss, “you don’t have to be sorry, you just have to promise that you won’t take things into your own hands again. The pace of our relationship is driven by us, it moves forward when we are both on the same page and that can't happen when you hide away and make decisions for the both of us.”
“Yoongi… I- I promise.”
“I love you Park Jimin, more than I’ve ever loved anyone before.”
“I love you too Min Yoongi. I love you in a way I never thought I deserved to love anyone.”
They sat like that for a while, minds and bodies exhausted as they processed everything that had just come to light. Yoongi’s hands sat warm and comfortable against Jimin’s waist, thumbs tracing the lines and dips that mapped his skin. A moment captured in a snapshot, intimate in a way new to both of them as they fell, deeper and deeper and, impossibly;
Closer.