Chapter Text
Chris came barreling out of school that afternoon, moving faster than Eddie had ever seen. Eddie was alarmed, but calmly caught Christopher when he ran himself straight into his father's stomach.
“What’s up, mijo? What’s the rush?” Eddie bent down so he could block his son from the crowds of parents trying to locate their kids.
Chris had a panicked look on his face when he asked, “Are we seeing Buck today? Can we see Buck right now?”
Eddie frowned at Chris, “You know Buck’s at work right now. We weren’t going to see him today, why do you need to see him so bad?” When Chris’s eyes widened a fraction and looked to be tearing up Eddie tried to soothe him, “We can call him right now? If he’s not busy he’ll answer and if he is he’ll call us back when he’s able to.”
But Christopher was already shaking his head, “No, no. I can’t tell y-” He abruptly stopped and shook his head again, “I have to tell Buck myself. Daddy, please? I have to tell Buck.”
At a loss, but not missing the part when Chris almost said he can’t tell Eddie, he relented. “Okay, okay, buddy relax. We can go to the firehouse and wait around for him. It’ll be okay. You want to tell me first?”
Chris had calmed considerably and he shook his head again, nudging Eddie to stand so they could get a move on already. “No it’s okay. I’ll tell you after I ask Buck. It’ll be okay after I tell Bucky. Come on Dad, we gotta go.”
___
Buck had been just arriving from an easy call when he heard the clacking of Chris’s crutches on the firehouse floor, sounding much quicker than they usually did. Buck spun on his heels to meet the little boy, who, as soon as he could, launched himself into Buck.
“Woah! Hey, buddy. Whatcha doing here?” Buck looked to Eddie for clues, but he just had a small frown on his face, worry wrinkling his pretty features. Eddie shook his head and shrugged his shoulders at Bucks questioning glance.
The rest of the 118 looked on with the same questioning frowns. While it wasn’t out of the ordinary for Chris and Buck to be hugging, it was unusual that Eddie looked so tense over it.
“He’s gotta tell you something. So important it couldn’t wait or be said over the phone.”
Buck frowned, but quickly morphed to a smile for Christopher. “Cool, bud. Can’t wait to hear it.”
Chris shook his head, he whispered, but it wasn’t quiet enough for it to not carry throughout the vast open space of the firehouse, “We can’t tell Daddy yet. Can we go upstairs?”
Buck glanced all around him, sure that everyone could hear the strange request. “Sure bud. Do you want to walk, or-”
“No, I need Daddy to hold my crutches. Can you hold me and my backpack?” Chris asked it like a question, but he already had his arms secured around Bucks neck and didn’t indicate he’d be letting go anytime soon. Buck stood, taking Chris with him, and Christopher immediately tightened his knees around Bucks sides and laid his head on Buck’s shoulder.
Frowning over Chris’s shoulder, Buck and Eddie tried to communicate with just their eyes.
“I don’t know what's wrong.” Eddie's said.
“It’s okay, I'll take care of him.” Buck's assured.
Eddie had made the switch of crutches for backpack efficiently, and Buck soon was walking up the stairs towards the lounge with Chris wrapped around him like a monkey.
The 118 soon swarmed Eddie to confer in quiet whispers, and to give Buck and Chris some space.
“I don’t know what’s the matter. He sprinted out of school and nearly cried when I said we could wait to see Buck. He didn’t tell me, said it had to wait until he talked to Buck first.”
Hen winced, “Eddie, Buck will tell you what he says.”
But Eddie waved her away, “I know that, I’m just worried about it being something bad. He doesn’t like to tell me things that he’s scared of because it makes me sad.”
___
When Eddie went to drop Chris on the couch before Buck sat down, he clenched his knees tighter and whimpered, “No, I want to sit with you.”
Buck’s heart ached, and he gently cradled the back of the little boys head as he carefully sat them together. Buck ended up a little sideways on the couch, back to the armrest so he could lay them out together, trying to get Chris to look him in the face again.
“Okay, buddy, what’s the matter?” Chris frantically reached for his backpack, twisting so fast he almost slid right off Bucks lap where he sat, facing the older man.
“We got told about our field trip at school and I got really scared, but I don’t want to be scared. I want to go, but I know it’s going to be scary. I miss surfing so I have to be brave and do it, but I can’t do it without you. You saved me last time so I know that you could save me this time too. I know Daddy could too, but I just know that you’re really good at swimming and I -” Chris was still on a roll, still searching his backpack, but not really making sense so Buck stopped him.
“Woah woah woah. Okay, bud, lets slow down. What are you looking for? You gotta start from the top, I don’t know what you’re talking about." Buck grabbed the small boy's face in his hands and breathed in and out slowly, "Take a deep breath." Chris followed his lead, his tiny chest expanding and falling slowly, then pulled a paper from his bag.
It was a notice to parents about the upcoming field trip. They had already begun the planning well in advance, but due to recent happenings were changing some things up. The trip was to a water park. Buck glanced around for Eddie quickly, but the man was nowhere to be seen.
It was decided on before the tsunami, but due to those affected, the faculty wanted to give ample time to parents to decide how to proceed. The letter said that they asked the students, and they overwhelmingly wanted to go to the water park rather than delay and pick a new trip. But the students also largely admitted to fear and apprehension concerning the trip, so the faculty decided to change the chaperone policy.
Usually it was about 5-8 students per parent/teacher lead group. They had decided to open it up to all parents, and they are removing the rule about immediate guardians. Anyone who is approved by the parent can chaperone the trip, be it an uncle, a family friend, an unmarried partner. This is to maximize the amount of available chaperones.
If a child has no guardian available to chaperone, they will be placed in a group, with a maximum of about 3-4 students per 1 or 2 chaperones. The letter states they want all the children to feel safe and want every child to feel like there is an adequate number of adults to supervise. Usually they strongly encourage every student to accompany them on the school trips, but this one is open attendance and they will not be penalized if they call out of school that day.
Buck had been absently rubbing Christopher's back, as he had slumped to lean all the way against Buck's chest, forehead planted in Buck's neck. He had calmed down a considerable amount and so Buck deemed it safe to start over.
“Do you want to stay home this day? No one will think you’re not brave if you do.”
Chris shook his head, but didn’t lift it. “I want to go. I miss surfing and I miss swimming. I'm scared of the water though. That's why - Buck - That’s why I want you to come. I know you can save me if I get scared, just like last time, Buck.”
Buck gulped, hugging Chris close. The 118 had slowly tricked up the stairs, but kept their distance, loitering in the kitchen. Buck still couldn’t believe Chris and Eddie didn’t blame him for losing Chris.
“Okay. I see. You don’t want to tell Dad? Your dad will want to come on the trip too.”
“No, no. He can come. I just need to tell you first. I don’t want him to know I’m scared. I don’t want to go if you can’t come, so I can’t tell him about it yet.”
“Buddy,” Buck gently admonished, “It’s okay to be scared. You can tell Dad anything - everything! And you should, he likes to know how you’re feeling, even if you are scared or sad.” Buck took a deep breath and eased Chris up to look at him. “I can come, of course I can come. I would do anything for you, Chris. So would your dad, so we should have him come over and tell him, yeah?”
Chris hugged Buck, and Buck took the moment to get himself together. Honestly, the idea of the water park scared him too. He didn’t know if he could even have Chris in the wave pool without having a panic attack. But he would do anything for Chris, so he’ll learn to keep it together. Buck wasn’t going to rush Chris, or disrupt this hug - that might’ve been holding him together, so he just hugged him back and waited.
Finally, Chris sighed into Bucks neck and slowly leaned up. “Okay, Daddy.”
Eddie barely let Chris finish, was at the couch before he completed the sentence. Bobby, Hen, and Chimney had given up all pretenses and were openly staring at the trio.
“Everything okay?”
Buck swung his legs off the couch and twisted to give Eddie room to his next to him, he did not, however, release his hold on Chris. When Eddie searched Bucks face, he saw a touch of panic behind a mask of calm.
Chris had shrunk back down into Buck’s chest, and in other circumstances the sight would have made Eddie swoon. But as it was, his little boy clenched as small as he could be, was making his heart hurt and his pulse rise with apprehension.
Chris began muttering softly, “We got told the field trip today. It’s going to be okay because you and Buck can come and make sure it's all okay. It’s going to be scary, but were all going to be okay, okay Daddy?” Chris crawled out of Buck’s lap and into his fathers, patting his face softly and tucking himself under Eddies chin. Buck let the boy go, but kept a hand on his back. He may have been soothing himself more than Chris, but he couldn’t bring himself to move his hand.
Eddie belated realized Chris was trying to assure him, “Okay, buddy, I believe you.” Eddie also moved to smooth his hand down his son’s back and didn’t notice when his fingers landed over Bucks. Neither of them moved.
Buck handed over the paper and Eddie scanned it quickly, shooting a worried look at Buck.
“Oh, wow. You’re sure? You both are sure? You guys want to do this?” Buck had begun to stare off over Eddie's shoulder.
"Hmm," He hums faintly, in a vague response to Eddie's question.
Chris gives a much more enthusiastic agreement, "It's going to be so fun once it stops being scary. Right, Buck?"
Eddie watched Buck build up his mask, smirking at Chris, "Yes, sir! I'm very excited, buddy."
___
After Eddie and Chris left the day went by slowly. The bell never rung, the team lazed about in the lounge. Bobby had tried to get Buck to open up about how he felt about going to the water park but he was putting up a brave face which wouldn't be cracked. Only after he had been home did he begin to process.
He did think it would be good for him to face the water again. Being in charge of Chris stressed him out more than the wave pool, in which he could most certainly touch the floor and have his head out of the water still.
Buck had simply been staring at the wall, imagining how it would feel to lose Christopher again - this time he slips out of Buck's grasp and gets swept into the undertow of the artificial waves. He gets trapped by all the other kids, all the other parents. They surely can't save him if Buck can't even hold his hand properly - when he noticed his phone ringing, vibrating it's away across the coffee table. He knows it's Eddie because his contact photo is his favorite picture of the two Diaz boys. Eddie is bent to squeeze his head in next to Chris's and Chris is grinning like a fool, reaching his hands out towards the camera for Buck. Eddie had his eyes on Buck also, full of fondness and other things Buck wasn't willing to inspect.
Buck was so caught in the memory, he almost missed the call.
"Hey, man. How's Chris doing?" He spoke slowly, purposefully putting himself at ease, banishing the images of Chris floating away from him from his mind.
Eddie sighed, "Buck. Christopher is fine. You put him totally at ease, he's looking forward to it now. How are you doing?" There was a special emphasis on the final question that Buck was going to ignore.
"Oh, I'm doing great man."
Eddie waited. Buck pursed his lips, wondering if Eddie would let it slide or if he would push. Eddie sighed again.
"Buck."
"Eddie." Buck aimed for a deadpanned voice, but it may have come out a touch pleading.
"No, Evan, I'm serious." And that was Eddie's angry-dad-voice, one that rarely ever made an appearance for Chris. He continues, gentle but firm, "How are you doing? You haven't told me anything about the nightmares recently, but that doesn't mean you're over it. I need to know you're actually up for this."
Buck winced. He knew Eddie didn't trust him as much as he claimed. "I am up for it. I can't not go. Chris thinks I make him feel safe, I will be there to make him feel safe. If I can't actually save him, again, you'll be there to." Buck hesitated to say it but blurted it quickly, "You'll always have my back, right?"
Eddie practically growled, "Buck we have been over this countless times. I don't think you failed Chris. I don't think that you won't be able to protect him, I know you can. I will always have your back. I-" Eddie seemed to suck in a breath and exhale it slowly, "I will always have your back. I meant are you mentally up for it. If you're not that's okay. You can still come. You can support Chris and I'll support you. We're a team, okay? We're gonna be okay."
Buck breathed out harshly, but it was exactly what he needed to hear without even realizing it. "Okay. Okay. It'll be okay."
Eddie reassured him once more and then wished him goodnight, made him promise he'd really go to bed, not stew over his fears. Buck promised to try.
After the phone call, though, Buck was feeling much lighter around the chest, and sleep came easy.