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“Hey Max,” Kate gently prodded as she waved to Max.
“Oh, sorry Kate, just zoning out again,” Max mumbled as she shook her head.
“It’s ok Max, no worries,” Kate soothed as she handed a mug of steaming tea to Max who was sitting on her bed. “Your tea is ready, although you might want to give it a minute to cool down.”
“Thanks Kate,” Max said as she lifted to mug to her face and inhaled deeply, “it smells wonderful. What is it?”
“Lavender chamomile, it’s one of my personal favorites. Especially when I’m stressed out,” Kate grinned bashfully as she sat down on Max’s couch, “And I hope I’m not being too presumptuous, but you seemed pretty stressed out these past few days.”
Max chuckled, “Yeah, you could say that.”
“Well Max, You’ve been a really good friend to me these past few weeks. I don’t want to pry into anything private just,” Kate’s brow furrowed as she sighed, “let me know if there is anything I can do to help alright Max?”
“I…ugh…” Max mumbled as she covered her face with her free hand. “It’s kind of a long story, and some parts of it are private but-”
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me anything if you’re not comfortable,” Kate reassured Max as she cut her off.
“But,” Max continued, “it’s ok. I don’t mind, but like I said, some parts are a bit personal.” Max breathed for a minute as she gathered her thoughts. “I actually grew up here in Arcadia Bay, and I used to have a really close friend before I moved. She was my best friend. We did everything together. Until I moved. Which also happened to be right after she lost her father. Then I kinda didn’t talk to her for the past five years until I moved back. I actually had a good…ish reason, um, thats the private part though.”
“Wow, that sounds rough,” Kate said.
“It was, and I know I should have been there for her,” Max paused as she zoned out for a second. “Um, either way, apparently she still lives here, and I finally worked up the courage to text her a little while ago. She, um, she was a little less than happy,” Max grimaced with the admission.
“Oh.” Kate whispered.
“Yeah. I uh, texted her a few times and she just said that she needed some time to process everything.” Max sipped at her tea and laid down on her bed, legs dangling off the edge.
“That sounds… Difficult.”
“Yeah. I’m just trying to figure out if there’s anything I can do to try to make it up to her.”
“Hmm,” Kate hummed as she thought for a bit, “you could always try getting her a small gift. I know it’s not the same thing, but my dad always used to buy my mom flowers whenever he’d put his foot in his mouth. And he also bought my sister Lynn flowers when she was in the hospital after she broke her arm. Oh, and he also got me flowers when he heard I’d been accepted into Blackwell too. They were kind of his go to gift you know?”
Max giggled halfheartedly as she sat back up. “I think I get what you mean. That… actually sounds like a good idea. I just want to make it a bit more personal than, Sorry I sucked so bad, here’s some flowers. Also, I kinda don’t have any money. All I have is a credit card in my dad’s name that is for film and other necessary school items only Maxine.” She deepened her voice to imitate her father for the last half of her sentence. “I don’t think I’d be able to convince him that flowers were an acceptable emergency purchase,” she finished as she flopped back down on her bed.
“Hey, I have an idea Max,” Kate said as she stood up.
“What's up?” Max asked as she sat up to look at Kate.
“Why don’t you try combining your photography with the flowers, and try taking pictures of flowers? Maybe try giving your friend a bouquet of photos?”
Max grinned as she got up and wrapped Kate in a tight hug. “That sounds like a great idea Kate. Thank you so much!”
“It’s no problem at all Max,” Kate said warmly as she separated from Max, “I’m just glad I could help.”
Max sat back down and picked up her mug. As she started drinking her tea, she started thinking of where she could find flowers to photograph. She hoped it would work.
She spent the rest of the day taking pictures of flowers wherever she could find them. She took a photo of the flowers Samuel had planted right outside of the girls dormitory. Kate texted Max about a bouquet of flowers she had to sketch in one of her drawing classes which Max happily ran over to photograph. She even took a shot of a vase of flowers on Ms Grant’s desk right before class, and as she was shaking the photo back and forth, her phone buzzed.
Chloe: hey Max sry 2 keep u waitin
Chloe: what time do u get off
Max: I’m done at 4, what’s up (:
Chloe: of classes I mean
Chloe: coolcool
Max: Wait, what?
Chloe: dont worry bout it
Chloe: meet me at the parking lot at 4
Chloe: nd NO EMOJI
Max’s heart swelled at the exchange. Here was a chance to try to make it up to Chloe, or at least start. It was going to take a hell of a lot more to cancel out five years of silence than just a few photos of flowers though. Max’s heart sank again at the realization. How the hell were a few polaroids supposed to undo the damage she did. Max had only just heard from Dana about what Chloe went through while Max was away, and it definitely sounded like Max was going to spend the rest of her life making it up to Chloe. As long as she let Max back in anyway. Who knows if she would. Maybe Chloe was just calling her to the parking lot to finally end their friendship, maybe this was it. Max felt like she deserved it. Max definitely felt like-
Stop. Breathe.
Max took a long breath in, and slowly exhaled through her nose, focusing on the air as it passed through her nostrils.
I’m going down a bad thought cycle again. Focusing on the negative thoughts isn’t going to actually help. Focus on the breath.
She spent a minute breathing and found herself a little calmer.
If she accepts me then she accepts me, if she doesn’t then she doesn’t, and beating myself up isn’t going to change anything.
She sighed and stared at the few pictures she had taken thus far. She hoped they were enough, that she was enough. She’d know in an hour. She really hoped that Chloe would take her back though. She missed her captain.
Max’s last class let out about fifteen minutes early, so she decided to walk around campus looking for any more flowers she could photograph before seeing Chloe again. Her heart sped up with the thought. It was even getting harder to hold the camera still. She was so close to seeing her old friend again, but she was also terrified. Max genuinely had no idea how the meeting would go.
Max was behind the main building when she saw just what she was looking for. A beautiful blue flower growing sideways out from the middle of an old crumbling retaining wall, the sunlight hitting it’s petals just right. It was like the flower itself was glowing. Perfect. Max raised her camera and captured the moment with a photograph. It was an amazing shot, although Max would probably only say it’s ok. It was just what she wanted though. Hopefully that shot, along with a heartfelt apology, would get Chloe to talk with her again.
Although there was still the whole situation with herself that she would need to fully explain to- Max was snapped out of her worried thoughts by an alarm she set on her phone.
Three fifty. Time to go see Chloe.
Max sighed loudly and walked towards the parking lot, trying to focus on the walk itself so she wouldn’t have a panic attack. It almost worked too.
After a few minutes of calming down by the fountain, Max had finally arrived in the parking lot. She looked around but couldn’t find anyone there, all the cars were empty. No sign of Chloe. She sat down on the stairs that went to the lot and waited for the reckoning. She was a few minutes early so there was still a good chance Chloe would get there soon.
A few minutes later Max was starting to get worried, but maybe Chloe was just running late. Traffic? Max did some breathing exercises to calm down and kept waiting.
Fifteen minutes had passed, and maybe this was it. Maybe Chloe wanted to get her hopes up and leave her hanging. A final bit of payback for the pain Max had caused years ago. This was just what Max deserved for being such a shitty friend. Just as Max was starting to really spiral, an old rusty pickup careened into the parking lot and skidded to a halt, resting across two parking spots. Max recognized both the truck and the blue head of hair inside of it from her extensive stalking of Chloe’s facebook profile. Max took one final breath, stood up, and crossed the lot to meet her fate.
Max reached the pickup just as Chloe got out. “H-h-hey Chloe,” Max stuttered, her heart racing.
Chloe turned around to face her. “Hey Maaaaaa-” her voice trailed off as she stared at Max, her mouth open. She snapped her mouth shut and shook her head. “Um, sorry,” she said as she recomposed herself, “w-what do you, um, go by?”
“It’s ok, technically it’s Maxine now,” Max replied, blushing slightly, “and, I know it might sound dumb, but I’ve actually just been going by Max again. Weird I know given all,” Max gestured to herself, “this.”
“Cool, Max, no problem. Um, she, her, and all that stuff right?” Chloe asked with a mix of uncertainty and surprise in her voice.
“Yep,” Max replied, her blush growing along with her heart rate.
“Well, Max, sorry for being late, I was having some issues with my step douche,” Chloe said.
“Step douche?” Max asked.
“Oh, yeah, um, a year or two after you left Mom started seeing this asshole. Ex military hard ass kinda guy. A few months later, she married the fuckin prick,” Chloe ranted. “Since you’re at Blackwell, you’ve probably had the displeasure of meeting him. Does the name Madsen ring any bells?”
“Oh no, Maddog Madsen?”
“The same.”
Max’s face fell. “Oh Chloe. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that guy at home.”
“It’s… ok,” Chloe replied. “I mean it sucks hardcore, but it’s whatever. Just the new normal round these parts.”
Max shuffled her feet while staring at the ground. “I, um. We. Oh dog, I tried to plan this out and I couldn’t think of what to say,” Max mumbled. “Screw it.” Max looked at Chloe as tears formed in her eyes. “I’m so so sorry for what I did Chloe. I never should have ghosted on you for all this time. I was just so scared. Scared of what I was. Scared that you wouldn’t accept me, or that you’d hate me, or think that I’m gross or something.” Max took a second to catch her breath. “I saw so many people, both online and in person, who lost so much when they came out. Parents who kicked their kids out of their house with no savings or a way to support themselves. People who husband or wife divorced them. Or people who’s friends turned on them, hurting them either emotionally or physically.” Tears were streaming down Max’s face as her voice began to break up. “I know you would never do anything like that Chloe, but I got so damn scared and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know-” Max stopped ranting as she broke down crying.
Chloe wrapped Max in a tight hug and rubbed her back soothingly while Max cried, years of fear and pain working their way out in the middle of the parking lot.
Once Max had calmed down, Chloe broke their hug and moved her hand to Max’s shoulder. “It’s ok girl. I kinda get what you mean. It still hurts though, you not trusting me enough to come out to me, but I get it. The first few people you come out to are shitheads about it and suddenly everybody’s got the potential to be a shithead about it.”
Max nodded as she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie.
Chloe moved her other hand to Max’s other shoulder. “A lot of things have happened since you left. I, uh, actually had a girlfriend for a while. I know being gay isn’t quite the same thing. Also hey, I’m gay, big surprise right? Anyway, we were kinda out for a while and we definitely got our fair share of assholes. Sexist pigs shouting shit at us from their huge ass lifted tiny-dick-mobiles. Religious folks telling us how we’d go to hell. Or even just plain old condescending assholes who thought that we’d grow out of it and settle down with a ‘real man’ or some bullshit like that. Every so often though we’d come by someone really cool. Like this old hippy dude who runs a headshop over in Portland with his husband. Or that self proclaimed ‘psychic’ woman in, well Portland again, who gave us a super cool quartz crystal and talked with Rachel about ‘feminine energy’ or something like that.” Chloe pulled her hands back. “Um, sorry for the ramble. Point is we went through a lot of shit, but we also had so many amazing experiences that we never would have had if we were straight. Living your best life can be hard as shit, but it’s the most fulfilling way to live.”
“Wowsers,” Max muttered, enraptured by Chloe’s story.
“Wowsers, hah,” Chloe chuckled, “you really haven’t changed have you? Oh. I mean, well you’ve obviously changed. I just meant-”
“It’s ok,” Max cut off Chloe, “I know what you mean.”
“Cool, thanks. But like, listen Max. You are NOT gross. Like not even in the slightest. You are beautiful and you are valid as a woman, ok?”
Max smiled and whispered “Ok.”
Chloe nodded, “Also I hope it’s not weird coming from an out and proud lesbian such as me, but Max. You’re actually hella cute if I do say so myself.”
Max sighed as she replied, “I’m not cute.”
“Have you looked at yourself lately? Max, you’re a goddamn cutie! Seriously. Be still my gay ass heart.” Chloe admired.
“Thanks,” Max mumbled as the blush crept down her neck. “You’re pretty cute too Chloe.”
A sly grin crept it way across Chloe’s face.
“Oh, before I forget,” Max reached into her bag and produced a small stack of polariods. “I took these for you. Kind of a ‘I’m so sorry for being such a shitty friend’ apology gift.” Max shuffled nervously, “Also, I kinda don’t have the money for real flowers either.”
Chloe looked through her gifts and, with each photo her mouth hung open a little wider.
Max’s nervous rambling picked up in speed, “I know it’s not much, and I didn’t really have a lot to work with but, I really hope that-”
“Max, these are amazing,” Chloe cut her off. “I remember when we were kids you wanted to be a photographer and you were really good back then, but these are breathtaking. Seriously I-” Chloe’s breath caught as she hit the final photo.
Max looked over and saw which photo Chloe had stopped on. “Over by that embankment behind the main building was this beautiful blue flower. Just growing right in between the cracks in the side of that crumbling wall, flourishing amidst the ruin. In spite of everything nature and man threw at it, it bloomed, bright and beautiful.”
Chloe looked at Max, tears in her eyes. “It’s perfect Max,” she whispered wetly, “thank you.” Chloe hugged Max as tight as she could, and held on until her arms shook. “I missed you Max.”
“I missed you too Chloe,” Max whispered back.
After a long minute Chloe released Max and wiped her eyes. “Alright, enough of this mushy shit. Don’t want to ruin my tough punk street cred, ya know?”
“Sure thing Chloe,” Max laughed.
Chloe’s stomach grumbled loudly, “Hey Max, you hungry? I need some food, and I know someone else who might like to see you too.” She smiled at Max. “Only if you’re ok with it, that is,” she tacked on hastily. “Think about it Max, Mom’s famous belgian waffles. Mountains of bacon. Unlimited coffee.”
“Please Chloe, you had me at waffles. I could never resist those, and it might be nice to see Joyce again too.”
“Alright Max! Welcome aboard the SS Arcadia. Destination, the Two Whales. It will be a long and treacherous journey, but by the skills of Captain Bluebeard we’ll make it,” Chloe babbled as she ran over and opened Max’s door with an exaggerated flourish.
Max smiled warmly at Chloe. “It’s good to be home again Captain.”
Chloe smiled back, with something else in her face that Max couldn’t pin down. “Good to have you aboard first mate. Now seriously,” she started as she got in the driver’s side, “no more mushy shit. I need food, not an hour long crying jag.” She started the truck and out it in gear, “You ready Max?”
“I’ve never been more ready in my life. Let’s set sail.” Max replied as she settled into her seat, truly happy for the first time since she moved away.
——————————
“So Max, any love interests in this new exciting life of yours?” Chloe teased as she turned off her turn signal.
“Nah, no one yet. I just wanted to get the whole transition business out of the way first. Then it turns out that Seattle sucks. Well actually, Seattle’s kinda cool but my high school sucked on ice. Pretty much no one wanted to be with the trans girl. I had a few friends through the gay straight alliance, but that was about it.”
“Damn, I’m sorry to hear that.” Chloe sighed as she thought how the phrase the next question carefully. “Well, what kind of people are you interested in? If you are interested in anyone that is, it’s cool too if you’re not.” Chloe winced internally.
“I dunno. Skater boys are kinda nice.” Max muttered.
“What about skater girls?” Chloe blurted, smiling to hide her internal screaming at how she was handling this.
Max looked at Chloe momentarily forgetting the question and just focusing on Chloe’s face. Her skin was pale and clear like porcelain. Her smile was wide and beautiful. Her hair was such a deep and vivid, “Blue.” Max’s eyes shot open in surprise as she realized what she just said out loud. She looked away at the dashboard, feeling completely mortified.
“Well, guess that answers that question,” Chloe chuckled, blushing in tandem with Max.
Kate: Did she like the photos?
Max: She loved them! TYSM.
Kate: It’s no problem at all.
Max: Also random question, whats your stance on gay people?
Kate: They’re human beings, deserving of as much love as everyone else.
Kate: Why?
Max: Check facebook
Kate: SDJKSHDJSHDJK
Kate: “Maxine Caulfield is in a relationship with Chloe Price”
Kate: MAX!!
Kate: YOU TWO LOOK SO CUTE
Kate: CONGRATULATIONS!