Chapter Text
Leaning against a wall, Alec faced the center of the room with his usual scowl. His body position was defensive; his arms were crossed and nobody dared to look him in the eye. In the center of the room, was Hodge Starkwater briefing everyone on the next mission. Apparently, he was to be taking point while Izzy and Jace backed him up. It was a simple demon that needed to be taken care of. Evidently, the thing had killed three mundanes already before being brought to the attention of the Institute. Whoever had summoned the thing hadn't shown up yet, but they could at least kill it before it caused anymore damage.
To an outsider, Alec was the model soldier, listening with intent. But in reality, Alec wasn't really listening to any of it. His mind was elsewhere, thinking of what was to come and how he could prevent it. Last night's event couldn't go ignored. As his mind whirled with the possibilities, Izzy crept up on him and lightly poked his arm. He startled at that.
"What's going on up there?" She asked. She wasn't being patronizing, just inquisitive. Izzy was no outsider when it came to Alec's body language, and had easily picked up on her brother's mood.
"Nothing" he responded with a glare. No way was he going to try and explain the images in his head. No one could know and no one would if he had anything to say about.
"Really, because my usually sulky, levelheaded brother is starring off into space in the corner not even pretending to listen to a mission that he is supposed to be leading in a couple of hours. I'm pretty sure that the "nothing" is actually something, big bro." She said with a smirk. She read him too well, and had pinned him.
"I'm fine, Izzy. Really it's nothing that concerns you. Please, just drop it." he said, exasperated. He loved her, he really did, but sometimes she just chose the most inconvenient times to annoy him.
"Fine, I won't press, but keeping things bottled up is no good for your health Alec. Seriously, it's okay to show something other than cold indifference." Izzy whispered, but there was no heat behind the words, just annoyance and concern.
Serves her right, Alec thought with a smirk. His smirk didn't go unnoticed by Izzy.
"See, Hermano, emotions look good on you. You should really try them out sometime." She returned with a smirk of her own. Alec immediately schooled his features, once again becoming cold and indifferent.
"Whatever. Let's just get this mission over with." Alec snapped. He stalked off to get ready. Despite her earlier comments, he had managed to scrape together the gist of what the mission entailed. He was to hunt down a demon with Izzy and Jace. They were to follow it until they could get it into a nightclub, Pandemonium he thinks, and eliminate it there. Easy.
A couple hours pass, and Alec had managed to almost set everything up. He was currently setting up his arrows for the mission which entailed him mindlessly running his stele over all of them. Abruptly, Izzy decides to join him. She walks over to the mirror that is set up for this exact purpose. In her hand, is a platinum wig that will certainly grab any and all attention. Her outfit isn't subtle either. It was a highly reflective silver that was striking to the eye. Yes, he knew that they were going to a club. Yes, he knew that they would need to at least seem like people actually clubbing. Yes, he knew that wearing anything other than that outfit would most certainly make them stand out even more.
Did he like that his sister was dressed to the nines in an eye catching outfit? No. He didn't.
Did he know that it was necessary? Yes, he did. What could he say? His brotherly instincts were kicking in, and the outfit was starting to raise his alarms.
She started to fit the wig onto her head, tucking her deep, brunette hair out of the way. Posing in the mirror, she flashed him a confident smirk catching his watchful stare.
"You know that we aren't going for the music, right? We are there to complete a mission." He teases, his voice deadpan.
"Whatever. Having a little fun wouldn't kill you, Hermano," She responded. Izzy continued to settle her wig into place. Demons always favored blonds, thought Izzy with a smirk. Through the mirror's reflection, she noticed Alec. More importantly, she noticed the way he carried himself, to the way that he worked. He was exhausted. She knew that her brother had his issues- repression, martyrdom-but this level of exhaustion spoke of a mental struggle. He was hunched over the table, almost like he wished for it to come alive and swallow him whole. His eyes were down, boring into the surface with a strange intensity. His arms worked with an autonomy that was only achieved once the conscious mind was unfocused. Her 6ft, tank of a brother looked small. Izzy thought in that moment, His eyes are probably glassed over with exhaustion. Whether or not he wanted her to, she was going to find out whatever it was, and how she could help because what were siblings for if not that?
"Alec"
He didn't look up, and continued working. She knew that he was meticulous with these things, but not to this extent. Usually if she sent him so much as a look, he would be questioning her until she had to forcibly remove him due to the high likelihood of death by hug. She loved him, but his hugs could turn deadly and quick.
"ALEC"
Again he remained adamant in his task.
"ALEXANDER"
Alec pointed a glare at his sister, "What?!"
"Are you sure that everything's okay? You seem-"
"I'm fine..." He cuts her off. "It's just that I've got some stuff going on, and I need to process it. Even though I need to process it, I can't seem to find the time, and it's just really confusing because everything is mismatched and won't fit together. I can't seem to find where the source is, and everything is just looking bleak at the moment because it just won't leave me alone. I can't seem to get a hold-" Alec sucks in a harsh breath, effectively cutting himself off and his tangent. He almost gave everything away in that one moment. He immediately locks down his emotions, balling them up and shoving them deep. The action is almost instantaneous.
Subtly, the room begins to darken. The shadows elongate and the room quickly loses warmth. An oppressive chill seeps into the air, invading the space with deadly precision. The pale Institute walls become alive with darkness. The shadows dance with glee, cynical smiles on it's many faces, claws at the ready. A silence rings throughout the room, quickly dampening any and all sounds that manage to escape.
The new atmosphere goes completely unnoticed.
"I can't seem to hold everything together right now, and it's just stressful with everything else," Alec finishes with a grimace. He looks back down to assess his weapons of choice. Meanwhile, Izzy raises an eyebrow. If she noticed the break and the very obvious change in words, she doesn't comment on it.
"Well I know that you'll figure everything out, Hermano. You always do," Izzy states with a finality. Her confidence in Alec will always be resolute. He's her Hermano, her big bro. He could never disappoint her. Alec smiles a little at the vote of confidence. It's not a lot, but it's something.
After a few moments of silence, "Do you feel better now?" she asks. She looks at her brother again. His shoulders aren't as slumped, and he holds himself differently. The visible weight that he is always carrying seems to have been lessened, if only a little.
"No.... yes. A little bit." Alec states in a resigned way. Izzy smirks triumphantly as she positions her wig a final time. She quickly tugs her dress to show all of her finer assets, and begins to strap on her shoes. No matter the occasion, she could always be counted on to wear her signature high heels.
"Let's go, Hermano. Let's catch us a demon." she says with an air of confidence. Her smirk is obvious even though Alec can't see her.
"Yeah, let's go." Alec responds with his own small smirk. He finally looks up, and huffs a bit at Izzy's outfit. Oh well, he thinks, guess everyone's going to be staring at us tonight.
Alec grabs his newly runed arrows, quiver, and bow. He leaves quickly, never really losing the small smirk as he watches Izzy work her way towards him in her dress and heels. Izzy flashes him her confident smile as she adjusts her coiled, serpentine bracelet. They finally make their way to the main ops room to begin their mission. Everything will be okay, Alec reminds himself. It's his life's mantra at this point.
As they leave, warmth slowly overtakes the room.
The hunt was a complete disaster.
They got the target after a long confrontation that shouldn't have been necessary, but they also encountered a mundane with the sight. Not only that, but she also wielded a seraph blade. There are no new shadowhunters. There just isn't. They got her back to the medical room in the Institute because of course she had to get injured, and applied a rune to her shoulder. It took. Now here he was, looming over her unconscious figure, silently wondering where she fit into everything. He wouldn't tell anyone that he recognized her. The mask of indifference helped with that. Recognizing a complete stranger would have brought up too many questions that he wasn't willing to answer. Ever. He would know that fiery, red hair anywhere if his events were any indication. Now he just needed to figure out where she fit into the puzzle. All he knew was that she, Clarissa Fray, was the catalyst, and he didn't know how to feel about that.
His whirlwind of thoughts was interrupted by Jace, who calls out "What are you doing? If you look at her any harder, parabatai, she's going to burst into flames! After all I did, I would rather not have to deal with her death." Jace raised a cocky eyebrow at him waiting for Alec to explain. Jace knew from experience that when his brother got thinking about something with that level of intensity, that it was important.
He wishes Alec thought. His experiences spoke for themselves. Avoiding things like this never worked for him in the past. Why should it suddenly start working now?
In a contemplative stance, Alec says, "Nothing. Just thinking. I have some things on my mind, and I'm trying to piece them together." Alec looked up after that with a half-smile, half-grimace plastered on his face. Jace, his parabatai, was the only person alive that Alec spoke to most openly. Not even Izzy got insight into his innermost thoughts. That is, not if he could help it. He never said anything out right, but he edged more towards the truth with Jace. It also helped that Jace was too dense to actually understand half of what Alec said. Most things slid off him like oil on water. Alec really didn't have the concern that Jace was going to talk about what was said in private. He didn't understand it when listening, so how could he coherently repeat it to someone else?
"Well whatever it is, you'll figure it out. I know you will. It's what you do!" Jace exclaimed, his face full of pride. Alec smiled a bit at the praise. He rarely saw them directed at himself, so any little thing was big for him. Also, it was coming from Jace which only served to heighten the emotions. Briefly, Alec felt happiness. His smile was small, but it was there. His heart rate accelerated, his stomach fluttered wildly as if thousands of butterflies were suddenly released, and his smile grew. Soon enough, the emotions started to swell into a beast. Intimately, he knew who and what this beast was. He had to. He fought it daily. The fights were taxing, and he always hoped to finally control the thing but never succeeded. It was a fruitless hope after all. It grew in size and complexity until its teeth were snapping and its claws were slashing at his insides. He felt raw. When it had finally reared its ugly head, it got ready to pounce, to strike. His heart wouldn't survive this.
The blow never connected.
Internally cursing, Alec worked quickly to neutralize his feelings. No matter how hard he tried to deny, to destroy those feelings, they always manage to pop back up. His mood quickly dimmed. He clamped down on what he was feeling, and hastily destroyed it by burying it deep within himself. He couldn't be feeling such strong, complex emotions and certainly not those emotions; that would just be disastrous for everyone. Immediately, his features turned emotionless, and he internally checked the block on his parabatai rune to see if anything had leaked through. Nothing had, but the tension didn't leave.
On the outside, Jace saw his brother light up but then immediately shut down. He watched the smile grow, but then suddenly disappear. Alec's shoulders hunched as if a weight that looked far too heavy to bear settled upon his shoulders. Internally, Jace shuddered at the sight. His tall, stoic brother was collapsing upon himself, and all Jace could do was watch. How could his brother, parabatai, go from bright to dim so quickly, and why couldn't he help him? It was almost like a switch for Alec. A switch that he can just flick on and off, Jace thought sadly.
"Thank you, Jace." Alec replied, completely monotone. His facial expression was the epitome of neutral, and his voice gave nothing away in terms of emotion. He was indifference incarnate, yet Jace knew that Alec must have been feeling something. Even Alec couldn't remove every emotion from himself, from their bond. Why Alec didn't allow himself to feel emotions was beyond Jace. One of these days, thought Jace, he was going to get Alec to open up.
In that same moment unbeknownst to them, the room developed a chill. This chill was possessive in nature; one that spoke of absolutes.
No warmth, no sound, no emotion.
Nothing.
Shadows grew in depth and intensity. The Institute's walls became littered with them as they stretched and compressed, their claws growing. Claws scraping against their prison, they cut into the walls that held them back. The cold grew as did the shadows; they grew together as if feeding off of one another.
It was a subtle shift, one of shadows and imagination. Nobody paid attention to it. No one saw the dancing shadows or the chill that crept upon them.
The claws scratched and mauled the shadowhunters within the Institute.
And still, nobody noticed.
"I have some reports that I need to get to. Look after her. As you so eloquently put, all your hard work would be wasted if she ended up dead." Alec said. He stalked off toward his room, not even waiting for an answer from his parabatai. He left with a finality surrounding him like a thick cloud, clinging to him like a second skin. No more conversations. No more interuptions. No more problems.
As Jace watched Alec's receding back, a depressed feeling overtook his mind; it sunk into his very soul. It was a profound sadness. This was a type of depression that accompanied resignation like a plague. Long and devastating. Why wouldn't Alec let him help, thought Jace helplessly. A shaky breath followed that thought. It tasted stale and was full of frigid air. Releasing another shaky breath, Jace returned his attention to Clary. He observed her peaceful demeanor. Somehow, he knew that this was the last time he would see her in such a state. Purposefully, Jace made himself internally step away from those morbid thoughts. They never helped him in the past. Why should they help now?
As Alec strode down the hallway to the private rooms within the Institute, he thought back to Clarissa Fray. Clarissa Fray, the would be mundane that appears to be more than anyone can guess. Alec already knew that much, one glance had been enough for him to see the trouble, the mess that would surely come in her wake. He just didn't know the how or the why. That was easily the most frustrating part of all this. The problem, the mess, everything just wasn't adding up. One thing was for sure, even if he hadn't recognized her, he would have known that she meant trouble. Jace has fallen for her within a day. Izzy is just excited for a new shadowhunter. Alec, he was wary of Fray. Whether or not those feelings were coming from his event or his other emotions, that had yet to be decided. Despite all this, desperately, he had to believe. He had to believe that it would all somehow, inexplicably work out in the end. That single thought rang through his mind like bell, the sound driving his thoughts back. Slowly, he drew in a breath and breathed out, getting his mind back in order. At the back, a thought formed. It was incomplete, yet it was potent and clear.
Something was coming.