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The cherry blossom trees bloomed earlier than expected.
The students who noticed commented that the phenomenon was most likely due to global warming but conceded that the light pink petals dusting the pathways would make for a picturesque send off for the third years come graduation. They only hoped that the leaves would hold out until the new class of first years entered through Lillian’s gates. Experiencing Lillian in its cherry blossom glory during orientation was almost tradition, and it would be a shame if the new first years were deprived of that moment.
Though most students did not notice, or rather, put any thought in connecting the cherry blossom petals scattered across campus and the time of year. There were still tasks to be done in order to ensure that graduation would go as smoothly as possible. First and second years buzzed about campus, completing last minute details with a meticulousness and ease that was come to be expected from the young ladies of Lillian. Third years, finally done with exams and finalizing their future plans, were free to do as they pleased, to reminisce about their days of Lillian youth, with tears, with laughter, with a longing for things to stay as they were, with a restlessness to go forth and start this new chapter in their lives.
But they would all look, during a moment of respite, at the petals floating in the wind, covering uniformed bodies, falling like a springtime snowfall, and find a newfound vigor blooming in their chest. In their own ways, they all thanked Maria-sama for being able to witness such a beautiful sight.
One person noticed the bloom before she arrived on campus. When she had stepped off the bus that morning, with her usual gracefulness, she stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. She felt the floral scent travel from her nose to the back of her throat before settling in her chest with a warmth that made her feel held, connected to something larger than herself.
She smiled softly, bringing her hand to her chest as she looked towards campus, completely removed from the rest of the world, as if existing on some ethereal plane away from the people moving around her.
A group of first years passed her by then and remarked amongst themselves that she looked even more beautiful than usual, more impenetrable too. They didn’t dare disturb her with the customary gokigenyou, choosing instead to cast curious glances her way. They thought her smile exuded a radiance that was almost biblical. An exact reflection of Maria-sama herself. And you did not disturb Maria-sama.
Shimako Toudou was not privy to that conversation amongst the first years, was even less aware that they had existed in the same space moments ago. Though had she been, she would make one correction. That she was not a reflection of Maria-sama, but that she was reflecting Maria-sama’s grace. That the joy given to her in that moment by the cherry blossoms had no choice but to bounce back on those she encountered.
Her heart had been heavy moments ago, with thoughts of graduation swirling through her mind. A bittersweet ache was infused in everything she did these last few weeks as she thought about how each moment could be the last something of her Lillian career. But now, she felt settled as she entered Lillian’s campus with her smile still in place.
There was one place she needed to go before classes started. One person she hoped to be able to see.
On her way, Shimako paused at the statue of Maria-sama, brought her hands together in prayer, closed her eyes, and tilted her head towards the ground. She prayed for the health of her family and friends, for guidance during this time of transition, and for the happiness for those who would be graduating and for those who would be staying behind. She managed to block out that this would be the second to last time she would be able to complete this specific morning routine as a student.
The graduation ceremony would be held tomorrow, and after her name was called and after she had walked across the stage to receive her diploma, Shimako would be an alum of Lillian High School. She would no longer be Rosa Gigantea, no longer be tethered with the responsibility of the Yamayurikai, no longer be adulated by the student body as a model for Lillian perfection.
She would just be Shimako Toudou.
She welcomed the change.
She was sad to let it go.
But there was no time to think about that now. She still had a task she needed to complete.
Done with her morning prayers, Shimako continued her trek, taking the fork in the path that would lead her to the auditorium. As she got closer, she could see the branches peaking from behind the building and her steps quicken, though not to the pace that would be deemed undignified. She wanted to be under her favorite tree in the world, the one that brought her the two most important people in her life.
If possible, her smile grew wider, and when she reached her destination, she felt the closest to salvation that she had ever felt.
Because there, waiting for her, was her precious petite soeur.
Noriko.
The tree had called out to her too.
Shimako paused in her steps, not wanting to make herself known quite yet. She wanted to drink in the image of Noriko for just a few seconds more undisturbed, wanting to etch the moment into memory. The younger girl stood there, staring at the tree, with her hands clasped behind her back, gently rocking back on her heels. Totally at peace with the world.
Shimako almost sighed. Noriko looked absolutely gorgeous.
She had grown a few inches taller since her first year, though she had yet to surpass Shimako in height, and her face had lost some of its baby-ness, sharpening in a way that reminded Shimako of Sachiko, all matured and refined. Her hair had grown longer too, and sometimes, when they took lunch outside and there was no one around, Shimako would thread her fingers through Noriko’s hair, almost reverently, as if caressing the beads of the rosary.
Though some things remained the same, her perfect eyelashes and her pretty pink lips, her innate cleverness, and the way her eyes brightened when she spoke about Buddha statues. The way those same eyes would peer up at Shimako with this affection that always made Shimako consider risking it all by just slowly leaning down…
Ahh, Shimako could spend all morning watching Noriko like this, but she knew she couldn’t stay in this bubble forever.
“I thought you would be in the Rose Mansion finishing up preparations for graduation.”
Noriko turned at the sound of Shimako’s voice, her eyes softening as she looked at her Onee-sama.
“I knew you would be stopping by.”
Shimako did not resist the pleased smile from forming on her lips.
She felt a slight urge to chastise her petite soeur for not being conscientious of the work her fellow student council members would have to do in her absence, but she could not find it in herself to care one bit.
“And before you say anything,” Noriko continued. “We have already completed all the arrangements for the morning. Touko, Nana-chan, and I are way more on the ball than you, Yumi-sama, and Yoshino-sama were last year.”
Shimako laughed at the gentle ribbing. Even if there were some last-minute hiccups, the graduation ceremony had gone fine last year, thank you very much.
“My petite soeur has gotten cheeky,” Shimako teased.
She walked closer to Noriko, lacing their hands together. She remembered back to the time when they had first met and how Noriko stood beside her, telling her how this cherry blossom flourished alone amongst the ginkgo trees.
So much had happened since that time, and yet, some things felt very much the same.
They stood there together, observing the cherry blossoms, for what felt like, seconds, hours, days, time pausing in its forward march to allow them to enjoy this quiet respite. Who knew how many more times they would be able to spend time like this?
The thought was almost too much to bear for Shimako, and when the bell rang, signaling that homeroom was to start soon, Shimako spoke, bringing them back to reality
“Can you meet me in my classroom after school today? I know you must be busy but-”
Noriko placed her finger on Shimako’s lips.
“For you?” Noriko smiled, brilliantly. “I’ll find the time.”
“Thank you, Noriko. We should head over before we’re late.”
Shimako turned with the intention of going to her classroom when she felt Noriko grab her arm.
“Wait.”
And before she knew what was happening, she felt Noriko begin to remove the cherry blossom petals that found their way into her hair, with a tenderness and grace that always startled Shimako in such a wonderful way.
Had she spoke to the first years from earlier, she would tell them, that this, this moment, was radiance.
After her homeroom teacher had given the class an overview of the next day’s proceedings, she dismissed them for the day. Shimako lingered enough to say goodbyes to her classmates but left before any weeping began. Perhaps, it was callous to not be supportive of her classmates when they had always been so supportive of her work with the Yamayurikai, but there would be time for a collective reminiscing session tomorrow. Today, she wanted to say goodbye to her most treasured places alone. She would come back to the classroom later when it had emptied.
Days beforehand, Shimako had spoken to Sei and had asked her Onee-sama what she had done the day before graduation. Sei had remarked that she had done something similar to what Shimako was doing now, and as she walked to her first destination, Shimako wondered if she was following Sei’s blueprint for the day or if she was saying goodbye in this manner out of her own merit. When she reached her destination, she realized that it was a bit of both, and while the idea might have caused her to internally dwell on the ramifications of such a conclusion last year, now, Shimako just accepted it as it was. It was a great idea regardless.
She stood before the church, observing the stained-glass windows simmering in the sunlight and the way the church always managed to look both imposing and quaint. A part of her wished that she had a penchant for photography like Tsutako so that she could document the moment, but for today, she would have to rely on her memory alone.
She walked up to the doors, thankfully finding them unlocked, and walked in, taking a seat in the front pew. She reminisced on her first year when she realized that the girl she had seen underneath the cherry blossom tree was Rosa Gigantea, and on her second year, when she admitted in front of God and everyone that she was the daughter of a Buddhist temple.
How once, during the beginning of her third year, she and Noriko had found themselves trapped in the church during a torrential rain pour after finishing last minute preparations for the Maria-sama Ceremony. And how they had fallen asleep on one of the pews, with Noriko’s head on her shoulder, and her arm wrapped around Noriko’s waist. How that was the first time the idea of kissing her petite soeur came to mind. How she suppressed the urge with tight fists and prayed for forgiveness for the thought. How she was still planning on being a nun back then. How when Noriko stirred from her sleep and had asked her if anything was wrong, Shimako had tucked a loose strand of hair behind Noriko’s ear and told Noriko that she felt joy. Despite. How Noriko understood what she meant without asking.
She thought back to Sei, and how Sei had also told her that she had received a kiss from Yumi as a graduation gift of sorts the day before the ceremony, and while Shimako was still unsure of the validity of the statement, she brought her fingertips up to her own lips. If only…
She shook the thought from her mind, even as a light blush settled on her cheeks. She made the sign of the cross in forgiveness for having such thoughts in such a holy space, but when she glanced at the crucifix of Jesus that hanged at the altar, she relaxed slightly. He looked no different. He had the same loving expression, and Shimako had to remind herself that he did not consider her feelings unholy.
She stood then, having spent more than enough time, and gave one final bow before exiting the church.
She squinted as her eyes adjusted to the sunlight, smiling when she saw the cherry blossom tree a few feet away. When she felt she had loitered enough, she headed to her second location.
The library was empty, save for the lone librarian at the reception desk, who told her that the library would be closing early today. Shimako thanked her before heading towards the stack of books in the back. She had no set place in mind, wandering the aisles, allowing her fingertips to skim the spines of the books, wondering if Shizuka had done something similar before she left for Italy.
When her and Shizuka were on better terms after their Valentine’s Day date her first year, Shimako would occasionally stop by when the older girl was on duty to chat. At first, it was to confirm that they were indeed on good terms after their date, but then afterwards, Shimako found herself wanting to spend time with the older girl. And though Shizuka retained her trademark chiding of Shimako and her choices, Shizuka had soften considerably, no longer did her words have any bite to them, if anything her words were tinted with a fondness that was often teasing. Shimako would sometimes blush at the words but considered those moments of embarrassment to be a small price to pay in order to be looked upon by Shizuka.
After Shizuka had left for Italy and when Shimako found herself missing the singer, she would come back to the library and linger amongst the stacks, feeling a certain comfort that the books never asked her to be anything other than she was, that Shizuka had never wanted her to be anyone else.
Only upon future reflection did she realize that she maybe had had a tiny crush on Shizuka.
When she realized her feelings for Noriko that day in the church, Shimako went straight home and wrote a frenetic email to Shizuka, confessing her attraction to women and her attraction to her petite soeur, and how she was unsure what that meant in terms of her religion and what it would mean for her path towards becoming a nun. She had considered telling Sei first but had no idea how she would even begin to tell her in a coherent manner. Plus, the physical distance between her and Shizuka just made it easier.
She regretted the email as soon as she sent it.
But when she checked her email at the library, before her morning classes the following day, Shimako found that Shizuka had emailed her back. She opened the email with trepidation and almost cried when she read the first line.
Shimako-san, you could never be a sin.
Shizuka was kind in her email, welcoming Shimako to the club and that she would be there for her always and that she could only imagine how difficult all this was to process, but that she was sure Shimako would make the right choice for herself regardless.
By the end of the email, Shimako had tears streaming down her face, and when Noriko found her, the younger girl was so distraught about finding her Onee-sama in such a state. Shimako explained that Shizuka had sent a kind email, and there was no need to threaten Shizuka with violence. She stroked Noriko’s cheek to calm her down, and she thought about telling her then, but she was still planning on going to the convent. So, instead, Shimako told her that they should head to class.
Shimako felt a tap on her shoulder and was startled out of her thoughts. The librarian apologized for interrupting but told her the library was closing. Shimako took in her surroundings and realized that she was by that same computer from months ago. She thanked the librarian, took one last look at the library, bowed, and then headed to her next destination.
She stepped out in the sunlight once again and headed towards the areas she tended as a member of the Environmental Care Committee. She began at the hedges that separated the high school and university campuses. Whenever her heart felt particularly lonely, she would come to this spot and look towards the university, always hoping that she might catch a glimpse of Sei. She wondered if next year she would look towards the high school and look for Noriko. She sighed, because she knew she would, and then gave the hedge a fond pat before making her way to the courtyard.
Once there, she walked around the flower beds, inspecting the quality of each section. She passed by the irises and the buttercups, the lilies and the gardenias. When she got to the roses, she noticed some weeds sprouting near the stems, and though her first inclination was to crouch down and pick them herself, she refrained from doing so. They were no longer her responsibility. Instead, she caressed the petals of the nearest white rose and then stood up.
She looked towards the wooden covered walkway that connected the school buildings, where she had once caught Sei staring at her before they became soeurs. She smiled despite herself, remembering how cold Sei had looked at her then, and how complicated their soeur courtship had been, and how things eased once Sei had given her the rosary. She remembered fondly how Sei could always find her regardless of where Shimako was on campus, and when Shimako had asked Sei about it once, she had responded that she could always sense Shimako. Shimako understood. She could sense Sei too.
A few weeks after Shimako had emailed Shizuka, Shimako had found Sei waiting for her in the middle of the courtyard. They exchanged pleasantries, and when a silence descended on them, Sei remarked that she had the feeling that Shimako wanted to speak to her. Shimako had looked around, making sure there was no one within hearing distance, and she told Sei everything.
Sei took the information in stride. She was a bit surprised, but also not surprised, at the information, chuckling to herself that they were more alike than she had realized. But then she looked at Shimako with a seriousness that Shimako was rarely privy too and asked how hard it was for her to accept. Shimako began to cry then, all the emotions she kept bottled up as she tried to decipher if her existence were a transgression released in one instance. Sei took her in her arms and stroked her hair, murmuring soothing words, telling Shimako how proud she was of her and how she was one of the bravest people she knew.
When Shimako calmed down, she pulled away from Sei, and told her it had been hard but-
“Your existence made it easier for me to accept.”
It was Sei’s turn to cry then, which made Shimako start to cry again, and Shimako was just thankful that the school was pretty much deserted at that time of day. When the tears finally subsided, they began to laugh, remarking that they were probably the most emotional of the rose families. Before they parted, Sei told her that perhaps, she was very biased with this advice, but it would be best not to tell Noriko until Shimako had decided what to do about the convent. Shimako promised that she wouldn’t.
A bell rang in the distance, breaking Shimako from her thoughts. She took one last look at the courtyard.
She knew she had made a huge impact during her time as a student council member, but she always believed she did her best work for the school by helping to maintain the outside grounds for others to enjoy. She would often imagine what those plants must have witnessed during their lifetimes. Tears, laughter, triumphs, heartbreaks.
Love.
The first and seconds years began to pour out of doors, and taking this as her cue, Shimako gave one final bow before heading towards her classroom.
Thankfully, she found it empty.
She walked over to the window and stared out in the direction of the cherry blossom tree behind the auditorium. She could never actually see the tree from this spot, but if she squinted her eyes enough and if a breeze passed through at the right moment, she could see the petals disperse with the wind and that was enough to soothe her.
She saw the Rose Mansion in the distance and imagined that the student council was busy finalizing last minute details. She thought about stopping by but knew she would be an inconvenience if she did so. Since the elections, Yumi, Yoshino, and she had retired from their rose duties, and besides, the three of them had plans to have tea together in the meeting room after graduation as a final goodbye to their time in the Yamayurikai.
She had yet to tell Yumi or Yoshino about her feelings towards Noriko, not that she didn’t trust them with reacting well, but she did not trust them to not accidently reveal the information during a student council meeting.
However, Shimako still had time to tell them. Yumi would be going with her to Lillian University after graduation, and while Yoshino had decided to experience a coeducational environment, she was still planning on going to university in Tokyo. She would tell them when the time was right.
Shimako glanced at the clock. She still had some time before Noriko would arrive.
She crossed her arms and leaned against the bookshelf lining the walls, examining the desks and the chalkboard, the windows that looked out into the hallway, and waited.
It sometimes still surprised her that she had managed to graduate from Lillian. During her first year, she had expected that she would either leave early for the convent or transfer to another school. But when her secret came out and the student body didn’t demand that she leave the school, Shimako began to relax, and though she still had thoughts of living in a convent back then, of dedicating her life to poverty, chastity, and obedience, the desire felt less urgent, less all consuming.
After speaking with Sei in the courtyard a few months back, Shimako was still in the process of finding a convent to go to after she completed university. A nun who had given her a tour had asked her what her root was, what made her want to become a nun. Shimako had mentioned that her biological mother had been in the process of becoming a nun before meeting her biological father and that she always had had an infinity for living her life by the cloth. The nun had expressed relief, saying that girls who typically said ‘The Sound of Music’ generally did not make it long. When Shimako had asked why, the nun responded that those girls typically left for love.
Shimako had tucked that information to the back of her mind, and when she went home that evening, she found an old copy of the film in the living room and watched it from beginning to end. When she got to the part where Maria and the Captain kissed in the gazebo, she began to cry. In her heart of hearts, she knew she wanted something like that with Noriko more than she wanted to become a nun.
She ended up deciding not to go to the convent.
After making her decision and telling her family and friends, she considered telling Noriko about her feelings. Regardless of how the younger girl felt about her, Shimako was sure that Noriko would not be callous in her response to Shimako’s confession. However, Shimako worried that their soeur bond could potentially influence Noriko’s decision and had decided to wait until after she graduated to let Noriko know, though she doubted she had been particularly good at hiding it. But Noriko had said nothing, so they continued to exist as they were.
Would she tell her tomorrow or the following week or next month? Shimako wasn’t sure, but she still had time, and she trusted herself to know when the time was right to tell Noriko.
And that’s when Shimako felt her.
She stayed in her position, closing her eyes. She enjoyed these moments when Noriko would watch her. Was this how Noriko felt this morning when Shimako watched her? Shimako could not stop the pleased smile from spreading over her face as she turned around to find Noriko leaning against the doorframe watching her. An adoring expression on her face.
They stared at each other for a few seconds before Shimako indicated to Noriko to come closer, which the younger girl did. Like always.
“You came,” Shimako breathed out.
Noriko tilted her head to the side, her eyes shining with fondness.
“Of course I would.”
Shimako hummed in response as she watched Noriko place her schoolbag on Shimako’s desk before making her way over to her Onee-sama.
When Noriko was close enough, Shimako reached out and allowed her fingers to fiddle with Noriko’s collar, straightening out imaginary wrinkles. Noriko never seemed to mind being fussed over her appearance like this so Shimako would indulge whenever she had the chance.
When Shimako finished her ministrations, Noriko laughed as she took in Shimako’s appearance.
“I think you’re the one who needs to be fussed over.” Noriko chided good naturedly, “I can’t have my Onee-sama looking like this. This is very unbecoming for a maiden from Lillian, Shimako-san.”
Shimako looked down and found her bow skewed. She could not recall a time that her bow wasn’t properly in place and wondered if she had spent all day looking so disheveled. Even that rainy day in spring when Noriko became her petite soeur didn’t tussle her bow one bit.
She laughed a bit as Noriko came closer to her but quieted once when she felt Noriko’s fingers begin to undo her bow before retying the cloth in a proper arrangement. A silence fell on them then, and Shimako felt her heart begin to race and worried that Noriko could feel the alacrity through her uniform. She fought a blush that was threatening to color her cheeks and instead focused on what Noriko was doing. She wondered if this was how petite soeurs usually felt when they were being fussed over by their Onee-samas. Sei had never been one to dote on her so she was not familiar with the sensation.
Shimako glanced at Noriko’s face, noticing the younger girl biting her bottom lip in concentration. Before thoughts of kissing could consume her mind, Shimako broke the silence.
“Are you nervous for tomorrow?”
It was not the actual question she wanted to ask, but there would be other times for her to be bold.
Noriko laughed as she patted the bow as a finishing touch. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
“I’m not the one giving the second-year address.”
“I just ran through it with Touko, and I think it’ll be a good speech. Even if Touko made me cut parts of it out,” Noriko grumbled.
“Am I finally going to get a preview of the speech?”
Noriko shook her head before giving Shimako a smirk.
“You’ll have to wait with everyone else. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”
Shimako sighed.
“I have a feeling I’m going to cry during it regardless so maybe I should just wait until tomorrow.”
“Shimako-san,” Noriko whined as she headbutted Shimako lightly on the shoulder, letting her head rest there afterwards.
Shimako laughed good-naturedly at her petite soeur’s antics as she encircled her arms around Noriko’s waist, bringing the girl closer to her body. She knew she was taking a risk, but it seemed Noriko didn’t mind.
“I’m already worried about maintaining my composure,” Noriko continued. “If I have to worry about you, then I’m going to lose it on stage like Sachiko-sama did your first year, and while I’m sure Touko would love more than anything to come rescue me, I would rather not have to experience that sort of mortification.”
Shimako brought her hand up and began toying Noriko’s hair.
“In that case, I’ll keep my emotions in check during the ceremony, but I can’t make any promises for afterwards.”
“That’s all I ask for, Shimako-san.”
They stayed like that for a few more moments, the only sounds were the hum of the AC and their own breaths before Noriko stepped away from Shimako’s embrace as she reached into her pocket.
Shimako immediately missed the warmth but watched with interest as Noriko pulled out something shiny.
“Before I forget, I need to return this to you.”
She held the rosary that Shimako had let her borrow all those years ago, the one that Sei had carefully wrapped around her wrist on a clear fall morning and the one she had placed around Noriko’s neck during a rainy spring afternoon.
It still held its beauty after all this time.
Shimako accepted the offered gift and inspected it, feeling the familiar weight of the rosary in her palm. Her fingertips caressed each bead in admiration.
When Noriko took on a petite soeur, a wily first year who was a star in the painting club and who would carry the Rosa Gigantea mantel beautifully, Shimako imagined that Noriko would give the rosary to her petite soeur. Instead, Noriko had given her petite soeur juzu beads, which amused Shimako as much as it scandalized her.
When Shimako asked her about it, Noriko had told her.
“Shimako-san, it’s your rosary. I’m just borrowing it. Besides, I like wearing it. It reminds me of you.”
Shimako closed her hand around the rosary as she met Noriko’s gaze.
“Why don’t you keep it for another year?”
Noriko looked between Shimako and the rosary.
“Are you sure?”
Shimako nodded her head.
“I want you to have a memento of me.”
Noriko frowned.
“But you’ll be right across campus.”
“I know. I know. But for when I’m not there when you need me. I would like there to be a piece of me with you always.”
“Okay, Shimako-san.”
Shimako smiled as she took one of Noriko’s hands in her own and wrapped the rosary around the younger girl’s wrist.
“This is how my Onee-sama gave it to me when I first became her petite soeur,” Shimako remarked once she finished. She allowed her fingers to linger a bit before letting Noriko’s hand go.
Noriko dangled the rosary on her wrist, getting used to weight of it. The sound of the metal clanking reminded Shimako of the chimes at her family temple.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to wear it like this always.”
Shimako shrugged her shoulders. “Humor me for today at least. It’s my last request as Rosa Gigantea. Because after tomorrow, you’ll officially be Rosa Gigantea. Even if technically you’ve been doing the work of a rose without the title since the elections.”
Noriko released a sigh. “Don’t remind me. I’m excited to be running the student council with Touko and Nana-chan, but it won’t be the same without you. It’s going to take awhile before I get used to the title.”
“I know. I felt the same way when Onee-sama graduated, but I think you’ll make an incredible Rosa Gigantea so I’m excited to see how your generation does at Lillian. I might be biased because I’m so fond of you, but I think you’ll be the best Rosa Gigantea there ever was.”
Shimako watched as Noriko’s face began to blush and felt a pride that she was able to produce such a reaction in Noriko. She wanted to stroke Noriko’s cheek then, make some quip, but she knew that would be crossing the line.
“Also, I have another small surprise for you,” Noriko announced when she gathered her bearings.
She didn’t wait for a response as she walked over to Shimako’s desk and began pulling out items out of her schoolbag. A cloth pouch, a thermos, and two cups.
“I passed by the cooking club on my way over, and they gave us their leftovers from their end of year party.”
“That was sweet of them,” Shimako said as she reached over and opened the cloth pouch, finding an assortment of cookies.
She divided up the treats as Noriko poured the two of them tea, and when they finished setting up, they clanked their cups and began to eat.
“You know,” Shimako said after taking a sip of her tea. “I don’t think I ever ate in this classroom during lunch time. I always ate my lunch in the Rose Mansion or behind the auditorium.”
“Apologies for hijacking your time,” Noriko joked.
Shimako laughed.
“I never regret the time I spent with Yumi-san, Yoshino-san, and of course, you.” Shimako smiled. “You all are my favorite people.”
“I thought that wasn’t the proper attitude to have as a student council member.”
Shimako playfully rolled her eyes. There may have been times in the past where she might have chastised Noriko for saying similar things.
“I’m retired at this point so I can slack a bit, Rosa Gigantea.”
Noriko rolled her eyes this time but did not offer any retorts, though Shimako detected a pleased smile on the younger girl’s face.
As they finished up and cleared the trash, Noriko inspected Shimako.
“Shimako-san, you have some crumbs.”
Before Shimako could bring her hand up to brush them away, Noriko reached over and wiped the crumbs with her fingers. As Noriko began retreat her hand, Shimako brought her hand up to cover Noriko’s hand and nuzzled the younger girl’s palm briefly before letting go.
“We should head out before it starts getting to dark,” Shimako remarked.
Noriko nodded, a little dazed.
They grabbed their belongings, and as they stepped out into the hallway, Shimako remembered there was one more place she wanted to visit before going to the cherry blossom tree.
As they walked, Noriko commented, “This isn’t the direction of the auditorium.”
Shimako shook her head no, a mischievous grin on her face. She laced her hand with Noriko’s and gently tugged the younger girl to their new destination.
“We have a slight detour.”
She led them to the environmental care committee’s bulletin board.
“This is where I hid my Valentine’s Day card my first year,” Shimako began. “I was so desperate for someone to come along and understand my heart, but at the same time I felt I had to keep it hidden. I just wanted someone to see me for who I was and stay. When Shizuka-sama found my card, I was not happy. There had been tension between us because of the student council elections, but after the bumpy start to our date, I realized that she was kind.”
Shimako stared off wistfully, remembering how naked she felt in front of Shizuka’s piercing gaze. How things had changed since that time.
“Did she understand you heart?” Noriko asked.
Shimako furrowed her eyebrows at the tone. Did she detect jealousy?
“She did,” Shimako carefully began, “and so did Onee-sama, but not like you. Noriko…” Shimako paused wondering how honest she wanted to be, if it would be too much. She glanced at Noriko, taking in the younger girl’s caring expression. She could trust Noriko with this. “I consider it a miracle that you came into my life when you did.”
“Shimako-san…”
Shimako could hear the quiver in Noriko’s voice. Noriko opened her mouth to say something, struggling to find the words, and then closing it in frustration.
Shimako squeezed Noriko’s hand.
“I know,” Shimako whispered before taking on a cheerier tone and saying, “Let’s head to the cherry blossom tree before they kick us out.”
Noriko nodded her head as she wiped the corners of her eyes with her sleeves.
Shimako led them out of the school building towards the cherry blossom tree behind the auditorium, their hands never letting go.
They didn’t hold hands much while at Lillian High School. It was an unspoken rule between them that they would only do so when there was no one around. Being student council members, they were already held under a microscope at school, and Shimako worried what kind of fangirl riot would be caused if someone were to see them.
But most people had left by then Shimako was sure, and it was the last day before graduation. She could stand to indulge a bit.
They reached the cherry blossom tree in no time, setting their belongings off to the side, and as she took in the tree, Shimako thought it looked more beautiful than it had this morning.
“I just wanted to watch the cherry blossoms with you one last time before graduation,” Shimako confessed.
Noriko hummed in acknowledgement, squeezing Shimako’s hand as to not spoil the moment.
They stood there watching the wind shake the branches just a bit, the petals falling on them like snow.
After a few seconds, Noriko broke the silence. “Shimako-san, do you have any regrets?”
Shimako turned to her petite soeur, trying to read her expression but finding it draped with a certain seriousness.
“I don’t think so. Do I look like I have regrets?”
“You seem more contemplative than usual lately, and I thought it might have been because of graduation, but -and maybe I’m reading too much into it- it seems there’s still something you want to do before you leave.”
Noriko was always the perspective one, and though most times she felt elated at that fact, this time Shimako felt exposed, unnerved.
She felt her heart race.
This was her moment to be bold.
“Well,” Shimako began. “Perhaps there is something.”
Her rational side began telling her to shut it down, but she pushed those feelings aside as she felt adrenaline begin to course through her bloodstream.
Shimako looked away from Noriko’s piercing gaze and instead, focused on the pink petals swaying in the wind. She wanted to wait until after graduation before she even broached the subject but maybe this was Maria-sama’s way of telling her to go for it.
Noriko squeezed her hand.
“You should know by now that your troubles are never a burden to me. I’m not going to force you to tell me, but I’m here in case you want someone to listen.”
Shimako sighed in fond relief. How did Noriko know how to handle her so well?
She had had this conversation with Sei so many times, about what to do with her feelings for Noriko, and Sei would listen like she always would and would tell Shimako that even though she didn’t know what Noriko’s reaction would be, she knew their friendship would be strong enough to survive any outcome.
“Shimako, my advice is to tell her when you’re ready. I’m pretty sure she’s in love with you too. You’re pretty loveable you know.”
Shimako began to blush then. She felt like a heroine in one of those shoujo magazines Rei used to read before student council meetings.
Did she really want to potentially ruin this perfect moment with a love confession?
Her heart began to pound in her chest. She knew what she needed to do. She disentangled her hand from Noriko and took a few steps to create a distance between them.
Noriko watched her closely but didn’t say anything.
“I’m trying to figure out if I’m being too brazen for telling you this now, and maybe I am, and I don’t mind what your response is as long as we can still be in each other’s lives. But-” Shimako paused, she looked at Noriko’s face, finding a bit of confusion and a bit of worry but mainly adoration. It steadied her. “I like you Noriko. More than what the rosary dictates, and I wanted to wait until after graduation when we technically wouldn’t be soeurs anymore, but-” Shimako paused here, laughed to herself, though there wasn’t really any mirth behind the action. “what’s a day really?”
“Shimako-san…”
“I know, and I don’t expect a response now, but I just couldn’t keep it in anymore, and maybe, I’m being selfish, but I didn’t want to have any regrets before I left Lillian, and I just wanted you to know that I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone else.”
Shimako wanted to include more. That she had wanted her more than the convent, that any life plans she had had were pretty much destroyed when they had met. That she was in love with her, and though they were young, she could imagine a future together. One in which they would grow and change and stand by each other’s side, supporting each other throughout.
But there would be other days for those truths.
A breezed passed by then, and Shimako looked at the sky. The petals against a clear blue like confetti. She needed a moment to compose herself before continuing.
“I remember when I gave you the rosary here. You told me I was greedy and selfish-“
“That was a bit harsh on my part,” Noriko apologized, though she wouldn’t meet Shimako’s gaze.
“No, I like them.” Shimako affirmed. “It reminded me that regardless of how much I wanted to suppress my desires, that I was still capable of want. And Noriko… I want you.”
“Shimako-san-”
“Maybe I should have waited a few days before telling you,” Shimako cut in, wanting to get her thoughts out before Noriko could respond. “But the cherry blossoms are blooming, and you had asked me, and it feels right. It’s always felt right with you.”
That was all Shimako could muster to say. It was up to Noriko now.
A silence descended on them, and they stood there, the wind rustling the trees every now and then.
After a few moments, Shimako glanced down at her palms, flexing her fingers. She had pushed too much, been too bold, but surprisingly, she felt no mortification, no sadness. She felt a certain lightness, a relief. She had said what she needed to say. If Noriko needed time, then she would give her all the time she needed.
Shimako turned around then with the intention of walking away to give Noriko space, when she felt a hand gripping her forearm. She looked down at their connection before looking up and meeting Noriko’s gaze.
“I already have my response.”
Shimako didn’t say anything. She nodded her head. Her curls bouncing gorgeously like always, waiting with bated breath, trying to contain the hope sprouting in her chest.
“I like you too,” Noriko admitted. “More than what the rosary dictates like you said, and I thought you knew and just didn’t think of me in the same way. That there might have been somebody else. I thought it would be best to just stand by your side and support you until you graduated. But here we are,” Noriko’s voice began to tremble then, and Shimako could feel tears gathering at the corner of her eyes too. “and we’ve wasted so much time. Well, maybe not wasted because you just told me you wanted me without caring about the consequences, and that was unimaginable last year, and-” Tears began to silently stream down Noriko’s face. “It’s all a bit much. In a good way. In a really good way.”
Shimako walked over and gently wiped Noriko’s tears away with her fingertips, feeling relieved, feeling giddy, feeling absolutely in love.
“So, where does this leave us?” She asked quietly, worrying anything louder could spoil the moment.
Noriko grabbed Shimako’s hands and slowly placed them around her waist. Shimako could see a blush covering Noriko’s features, and she was sure there was a blush on her features as well. Shimako pulled her in closer as Noriko settled her head on the crook of Shimako’s neck.
A perfect fit.
The wind blew around them, shaking the petals from the tree, dousing them both in pink petals. They laughed happily as they playfully shook off the petals, but then they caught each other’s eye and a stillness descended upon them.
They glanced at each other’s lips.
Shimako took a breath before she slowly leaned down, finally being able to do what she had only been capable of doing in daydreams. When her lips were an inch away, she whispered, “is this okay?” Noriko nodded her head, and Shimako closed the gap.
A kiss, a soft one, her first. Shimako brushed her lips softly against Noriko’s, her stomach clenching at the sensation. It was better than she had ever imagined, and any trepidation she felt vanished and all she could concentrate on was how she could feel Noriko pressed against her. When Noriko responded in kind, pulling her lips away only to recapture Shimako’s lips, Shimako almost melted right then and there.
She wasn’t aware of how long they stood there nor did she care. All she cared about was memorizing the feel of Noriko’s lips on hers as they continued to kiss and kiss. With a few pecks here and a few more heated kisses there. Slowly and eagerly. They had a lifetime for more. Right now, they were just getting acquainted.
When they pulled apart, Shimako was struck by how puffed Noriko’s lips looked. She caressed those lips with her fingertips as a smile bloomed on her own lips. She felt a pride surge through her, and though she knew pride was one of the seven deadly sins, she did not care. Perhaps, she would ask for forgiveness later, but She had kissed Noriko, and Noriko seemed to have enjoyed it as much as she did. And that, was enough for now.
“So, where does this leave us?” Noriko asked this time, breaking the silence.
“I think we take it slow and see what happens. I’ll be at Lillian University, and you’ll be a third year, so we won’t be far apart. Just separated by the hedge.”
Shimako looked over at the hedge. The one she had helped maintained during her three years as part of the environmental care committee. Someone else would be maintaining it come the new school year. And though she dreaded it earlier, she found something almost charming about the fact that they would look at the hedge and think of the other.
“You know,” Noriko said, “the part that Touko made me take out of my speech was about meeting you here. She said it was too focused on you and not enough on the graduating class as a whole.”
Shimako tilted her head to the side, a soft smile on her lips.
“Yeah? What did it say?”
Noriko cleared her throat, fixing her posture as if embodying a model student persona. She reminded Shimako a bit of Youko then.
“I wrote, I consider it divine intervention that I ended up enrolling at Lillian. Too many things had to align for it to have been a mere coincidence. A once in a lifetime showing of a statue, a snowfall, a closed subway, and a missed exam. I had been angry at first, but then I met my Onee-sama underneath a cherry blossom tree, and I understood that sometimes the universe knows better than us about what we need. I thought she was Maria-sama when I first saw her, and as I’ve gotten to know her, I learned through her that the holiness of Maria-sama’s grace comes from our connection to people, and I’m so very glad that everything happened as it did because I got to experience that grace through my connection with her and with the rest of the graduating class.”
Shimako fought back the tears that were threatening to spill when Noriko finished. She had promised earlier that she wouldn’t cry during the speech. She took a deep breath, and once she felt calm, she responded.
“Noriko, Touko-chan was right to make you cut out that part,” Shimako replied, “But that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, and I feel a little bit underserving of it, but I’ll treasure the words always.”
“I’m glad, even if you are siding with Touko.”
They laughed, the seriousness from earlier dissipating.
“I think I first had feelings for you all the way back at the beginning,” Noriko confessed as she looked up at the tree before meeting Shimako’s eyes. “Though I didn’t realize it at the time. It took a while for my mind to catch up with my heart.”
“And when did you realize?”
Noriko furrowed her brows as she thought.
“I think it was that time we got stuck in the church during the rainstorm.”
Shimako hummed as she tucked a strand of hair behind Noriko’s ear.
“Funny, me too.”
Shimako leaned down and gave Noriko a quick peck on the lips, feeling a certain glee that she could do that now with ease.
And though a part of Shimako wanted to stay there for a few moments, she knew they couldn’t stay in this bubble forever.
Noticing the darkening sky, Shimako announced. “We should get going.”
Noriko agreed, and as they gathered their belongings, Shimako took one last look at the cherry blossom tree, hoping to express the enormity of the gratitude she felt in that moment and hoped that the tree would continue blessing those who met underneath it.
She gave the tree a final bow before turning to Noriko and grabbing the younger girl’s hand, feeling a thrill as Noriko automatically laced their fingers. They headed towards the exit.
When they stopped to do their prayers, Shimako examined the Maria-sama statue, wondering if she would see any disapproval or anger, but to her delight, she found that Maria-sama seemed almost cheerful.
She gave a slight bow in thanks before bringing her hands together in prayer. Shimako would give a longer one in the evening because all she could manage to say all she could to say was thank you, thank you, thank you.
Later, as they waited at the bus stop, Shimako took in the presence of the people around her. She wondered what they thought when they glanced their way. Friends, relatives, something more? But as Noriko began to tell a story of her escapade in Italy with Touko, Shimako found herself not caring. She knew what they were and that was all that mattered.
At some point, she knew they would have to tell their friends and family, but Shimako didn’t envision it happening anytime soon. She wanted to keep Noriko all to herself for just a little bit longer, even if a part of her was wanted to tell Shizuka and Sei as soon as she got home.
“Shimako-san?” Noriko called out, breaking Shimako from her thoughts. “I know what I want for my graduation present next year.”
“And what’s that?”
Noriko leaned in closer and whispered in Shimako’s ear.
“I want to kiss you in the Rose Mansion. I have daydreamt about doing that during so many student council meetings.”
Shimako blinked, rather taken aback by Noriko’s brazenness, but when Shimako looked at how dark Noriko’s eyes had gotten, she acknowledged that she rather liked this side of the younger girl, one she hoped she would to get to see more of in the future.
It was Shimako’s turn to lean in closer.
“I can arrange that,” Shimako’s voice coming out breathier than usual. “But we don’t have to wait all the way until your graduation.”
It was Noriko’s turn to blush, and Shimako laughed at her petite soeur’s reaction.
She noticed the petals that Noriko still had in her hair. She leaned over and began removing them, reminding her of the time she waited with Noriko at the bus stop in front of her family’s temple. Shimako could only marvel at how far they had come.
Noriko watched Shimako with her dark, piercing eyes, and Shimako found herself welcoming the attention.
When she finished, instead of disposing the petals on the ground for nature to do what it wanted with them, Shimako wrapped the petals in her handkerchief as a reminder of the day for years to come.
The bus puttered up to the stop then, and they stepped on, grabbing seats toward the middle like usual. Noriko laid her head on Shimako’s shoulder, asking Shimako to wake her up once they got to their stop. Shimako promised as she placed a chaste kiss to the top of Noriko’s head, smiling as she felt Noriko snuggled further into her side.
Her eyes flickered to the other side of the window as the bus drove pass the entire length of Lillian’s campus. Shimako spotted the branch from her favorite tree, standing proudly as ever amongst the gingkoes, and looked at it until it faded from view.
Her mind began to drift as the bus gently rocked them from side to side, and she wondered why the cherry blossoms bloomed earlier than usual that year. Perhaps it was due to global warming, but Shimako chose to think in more whimsical terms.
That this had been Maria-sama’s graduation present to her. To witness the cherry blossoms one last time as a student, and Shimako knew she would treasure that gift for the rest of her life.
Even though Shimako would be formally saying goodbye to Lillian tomorrow, she finally felt ready to move on, to start this new chapter of her life. She had Noriko by her side. What more did she need?
And by Maria-sama’s grace, the cherry blossoms held out long enough for graduation and for the new crop of first years to witness when they took those first steps inside Lillian’s gates as students, beginning yet another cycle of meetings and partings.
And as the years passed, the cherry blossom trees continue to bloom season after season for all of the young ladies of Lillian to enjoy.
And that, Shimako would say, was radiance.