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Slipping out of bed, fighting to catch his breath and not gasp out loud, Neil glanced behind him. He watched to check he hadn't woken anyone and tiptoed to the door. He began to open it, but startled at the sight of tired hazel eyes narrowed on him in anger. Possibly. It was occasionally hard to tell with Andrew. Even now. Neil shot him what he hoped was a reassuring half smile, even though his chest burned to catch a real breath and pointed briefly upwards. He received an eye roll and a brief nod in reply. He continued his mission and slipped quietly out of the bedroom, chest still heaving. Carefully the redhead listened for the sounds of waking once more before he pulled the door shut behind him.
Neil tugged on his trainers and made his way slowly up to the roof, shallow, shaky breaths leaving his throat as he went. Shoving the door open with a hard push to get the stupid thing out of his way, he stepped out onto the roof. He ignored the soft thump it made as it swung shut, since he knew it wasn't like he was locked up here or anything and made his way towards the edge. He didn't sit quite as close to it as Andrew always did, but close enough for it to comfort him still. Pulling his legs up against his chest, he curled his arms around them and rested his head on top. There was just something calming about being up here, even with the inky blackness of night around him. Sure anyone or anything could be hiding in the shadows, but they weren't. Neil knew that, but sometimes he just needed to be up here and remind himself of it.
Taking a deep breath, he idly ran a finger of over one tiny spot on the back of his wrist that remained unscarred and watched the lights that occasionally flickered in the distance. His eyes were heavy. He was so tired, his body ached from yet another exhausting day of Exy practice, but he couldn't sleep. His body still felt jittery, the rush of adrenaline from where he'd awoken suddenly had yet to wear off. Neil held out a hand only to watch it tremble slightly from the hormones still rushing through his system. Well that and the cold wind that ripped through his thin sleep clothes. The combination left him feeling simultaneously too hot and yet still cold at the same time.
A clang sounded behind him, the door to the roof thudding against the wall a second time and he snatched his hand back and tucked it back under his chin with a barely there grin. Of course he would, it wasn't like he'd expected anything less. He just wasn't sure how long it would take. It was after all, a simple matter of when, not if. A heavy weight dropped around his shoulders and he frowned while he reached out to grab at the material and stop it sliding off him like it threatened to do. A jacket. Andrew had all but tossed a jacket at him as he moved to sink down on the edge and grab a packet of cigarette's from his pocket.
Neil felt the shaking ease a little more when he slipped his arms into the sleeves and wrapped the jacket around himself. He noted immediately that it wasn't just any jacket. It wasn't one of his, or even Kevin's. It was Andrew's. His favourite one. It was a little big on Neil, at least across the shoulders and chest, but he tugged it tighter around himself and took a deep, cleansing breath. At least he thought he did. Suddenly hazel eyes were locked onto him, cig dangling from Andrew's down turned lips while he checked him over. He almost choked on his next breath. It felt like Andrew could see everything, even the things deep down inside of him that he mostly tried to keep hidden and he didn't know how to stop it. Knew that Andrew could see that actually and he found himself suddenly not really caring. Not any more.
A warm hand reached out, arms bare of their usual elbow length bands. Andrew's hand hovered at the back of his neck, eyebrow raised and he plucked the cig from his lips then spoke.
“Yes or no?” he murmured, his voice a low sleepy rumble.
It made Neil's heart beat a little faster. He nodded. “Yes.”
Andrew's answering nod was all he got in return before warm, rough fingers pressed at the back of his neck. Not moving, simply resting there, sure and heavy and perfect. Neil sighed and this time the breath that he took was a little less shaky, a little less shallow. He glanced to Andrew for a second, blue locked with warm hazel, then reached out and plucked the smoke from Andrew's lips. He held it between scarred fingers for a moment before he placed it between his own. He inhaled lazily, feeling the last of the need to run, to burn this feeling from his body leave him and grinned at the frown growing on Andrew's face.
Before he knew it, Andrew stole his cig back and placed it between his own lips with a roll of his eyes. His head dropped back to look above instead of in front of them and his thumb rubbed soft circles into the back of Neil's neck. The redhead closed his eyes, shuddering for a different reason this time. Andrew broke the silence a second time, shot a stern glare in his direction along with his words.
“These things will kill you.”
Neil grinned. “They'll kill you too.”
“200%.”
Neil snickered, leaned into Andrew's touch where it still rubbed at his skin and turned in order to look at him properly.
“You know, you can't actually get more than 100%, so...”
He waited, and for a second there was silence. Nothing but the bright glow of the almost finished cigarette and the trail of smoke that spiralled upwards left to distract him. The butt was dropped from Andrew's lips and crushed against the asphalt of the roof and that hand squeezed warningly before it pulled away altogether.
“500%,” Andrew shot back.
“Okay.”
Neil beamed at him, the kind of shit eating grin that he knew Andrew hated because they both knew he only did it when he was right and shivered. It wasn't cold, not any more, just a little chilly every now and again when the wind came from a certain direction and caressed what bare flesh it could find.
“Yes or No?” Andrew asked again, his hand reached out towards Neil but stopped just short of actually touching him.
“Always yes,” was Neil's only reply.
“Junkie,” Andrew muttered. He cupped his jaw and tugged Neil down just slightly.
His palm held Neil's jaw, thumb running over the skin of his cheek now and leaned in. Their lips met in a soft brush that left him gasping and seeking more. He leaned forward and Andrew finally complied, finally kissed him properly. Their mouths moved together in a dance Neil had long grown accustomed to, fingers clenched into a fist to keep from reaching out for him like he ached to do. Icy blue eyes slipped closed when a wet tongue licked at them, forced them apart with gentle persistence followed by a soft groan. Neil kissed him back, reached up to tangle a hand into the soft blond hair, since that was the one place he could always touch without crossing any boundaries.
Tongues twisting and sliding against each other, Neil felt the shivers return, for a much better reason this time and shifted closer without thinking. Andrew didn't seem to mind though. He just gripped Neil's jaw tighter and kissed him harder, took control of the kiss until he could barely breathe. Panting softly against Andrew's lips and tasting the cigarette smoke he'd just inhaled, Neil twitched in his hold and clutched ever more fiercely to the blond locks trapped in his hand. His tongue slid and pressed against Andrew's own with more insistence than before.
Slowly Andrew pulled back, breathing a little faster but otherwise showing no signs of the affect Neil's kiss had on him. Except for the extra sharp glint in his eyes anyway.
“Easy, you need sleep,” he murmured, hand sliding around to the back of Neil's neck once more.
The redhead frowned, swept a stray lock of stubborn auburn curls off his forehead and sighed. “I'm fi... I'll sleep in a bit,” he replied, cutting himself off before he could finish that phrase. Before he could say that thing he just knew would have Andrew marching him back to the dorm and all but locking him in bed. Hmmm, not such a bad idea actually, now that he thought about it.
“Now,” Andrew muttered back.
He contradicted himself immediately though when he leaned forward and captured Neil's lips in a softer, slower kiss that grew ever more languid the longer it went on. Neil had never expected that Andrew could kiss like that, or rather that he ever would, but it sent a thrill shooting down his spine every time he did. There was just something soft and sweet about it, while also being downright dirty too. Lazy sweeps of his tongue, soft nips with his teeth, the way he moved his lips until Neil was almost dizzy with the need to breathe. It was the hottest tease ever and yet it calmed certain parts of him too. Parts like his over active brain and the urge in his legs to run all his troubles away.
So when Andrew finally pulled back, lips kiss swollen and slightly parted to catch his breath, Neil sucked in a sharp gasp of his own and sighed. He wouldn't get anything else tonight, that much was clear. Even more so when Andrew's hand withdrew from his neck and reached to snag another cig from the pack. Neil found himself watching closely when a bright spark lit everything around them for a second, before it flickered down into the glowing ember that just barely illuminated Andrew's features.
A slither of movement and a tap of a finger against the back of his hand caused Neil to look down. The faintest of smiles twitched at his lips while he moved his hand to curl his pinky finger around Andrew's and held it tight. They remained that way, even when a harsh wind whipped around them for a second and caused them both to shiver. But it didn't matter, not when Andrew let him shuffle closer with a deliberate tilt of his head. Not when the hand still holding his, twisted to grab his hand and pull it onto his thigh, then locked their pinky's back together like puzzle pieces... And it mattered even less when Neil yawned widely, covering his mouth with his free hand and slumped heavily against Andrew and Andrew just let him. He didn't move or pull away or make any sort of complaint. He just sat there, gave him a faint nod as though in approval, the rapidly dwindling cigarette held between his lips and let Neil lean on him.
With a huff, Neil dropped his head to Andrew's shoulder and the blond didn't even so much as flinch. He grinned to himself and opened his mouth to say something, something that would either get him punched or kissed, it wasn't certain which. He was stopped from doing so by the press of a cigarette against his lips, still held loosely in Andrew's hand. He took in a deep breath, letting the smoke slide down his throat and into his lungs, knowing he shouldn't be doing this but not caring in the least and let it out with a glance up at Andrew.
The blond never looked at him, simply stole his prize back from Neil's greedy lips and gave a light tap to the back of Neil's hand before he covered it with his own. He wasn't sure how long they remained like that. It was long after Andrew gave up on smoking, long after the cold had seeped into their bones and left them both chilled right down to their soul, but it didn't matter because Andrew was strong and real beside him. He was warm, mostly and solid and that was all that mattered.
When they snuck back into the dorm, Neil slipped off Andrew's jacket and moved to climb into his bunk. Fingers snagged in the back of his t-shirt and tugged at him before he could even start the climb. He glanced over his shoulder at the blond and cocked his head to the side in question. Andrew just nodded his head towards the bottom bunk and folded his arms, waited patiently for Neil to follow where he led.
And he did. Neil slid into the bottom bunk, facing Andrew like he always did. But instead of just laying down and closing his eyes, the blond lifted a hand and twirled a finger in a circle. It took Neil a second, half asleep already as he curled into the warmth of Andrew's bed to get what he meant. His brows furrowed before his eyes widened. He nodded and scrambled quickly to turn over, making more noise than he probably should, which caused Kevin to roll over himself and Nicky to mumble in complaint.
“Idiot,” Andrew hissed softly in his ear when he shifted closer, a hand reaching around Neil's waist but not actually touching him yet. “Yes or no?” he added, mouth dangerously close to Neil's neck.
“Yes,” Neil replied with a nod.
Andrew's arm wrapped around him him, fingers idly tapping against his stomach. Neil turned to look, his own hand sliding slowly down to hover over Andrew's. He didn't need to ask, Andrew just stared at him for a moment and then nodded with a huff. He dropped his hand down over the one on his stomach and let his eyes close. The soft ghost of Andrew's warm breath against the back of his neck and the heavy heat of that arm around his body eased something in Neil. It made his heart beat a little faster too, but he could deal with that. He was tired now, so tired and with Andrew there, the horrors in his mind drifted back into the dark recesses from whence they came. They drifted even further when Andrew moved and tangled their legs together like they did this all the time.
They'd come back to haunt him another time, he knew that, but for now he was safe, warm finally and Andrew was curled tight around him with a soft sigh. Things were good, just for this one moment, but they were really good and that was all he could ask for.
He squeezed Andrew's hand slightly and got a faint press of that hand against his stomach before the body behind settled down once more. Neil could already feel himself drifting off, beyond grateful for Andrew and his constant presence. What he'd do without it was anyone's guess, but those were thoughts for another time. Another day. Hell another life almost, or close to it and Neil wasn't going to let that drag him down. Not right now anyway. Not when he could almost feel Andrew's heart beating in his chest, pressed against his back as he was, his face buried against Neil's neck.
And definitely not when sleep was already beckoning with creeping fingers and the promise of sweet oblivion for just a few more hours.