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Vanitas’s breakdown over Jeanne’s affections (and his own) had stuck with Noé for a while as a fine example of what an “overreaction” looked like. It wasn’t that he was without sympathy—Vanitas was clearly suffering—it was simply that there was nothing he could do to help. Straightforwardly telling Vanitas he deserved to have someone who cared for him just like anyone else would hardly go over well, and he definitely couldn’t tell him he’d grown on him quite a bit either.
So instead of doing those things, he simply nudged him in what he hoped was the right direction and that direction was curse bearers. He had a much easier time with that particular brand of danger, and it was something Noé was a bit more invested in as well if he were honest.
Still, whenever Jeanne came up in conversation, he tried to be encouraging, and he liked to flatter himself into believing that it worked because Vanitas actually managed to go on dates with her without turning into a flustered mess. Definite progress! With one drawback: for some reason Noé kept having to attend.
He wasn’t sure what he’d thought would happen by encouraging the two, but playing permanent chaperone hadn’t been it. Jeanne kept shooting him confused looks and he could hardly blame her. She and Vanitas were on a date at the park and Noé’s trailing behind them was incredibly awkward no matter which way he looked at it.
Vanitas was acting as if he were completely unaware of the nervous tension between his two companions as he regaled Jeanne with a story about … something. Noé hadn’t been paying attention.
Noé couldn’t claim any expertise on the fairer sex, but there was no doubt that Jeanne was a beautiful, powerful woman; she was more than capable of defending herself and Vanitas. Noé didn’t need to be here.
“I must return to Master Luca’s side,” Jeanne eventually said with a wistful air after they'd whiled the time away. “It was, er, not nice to see you exactly, but… fulfilling!” she exclaimed with a twinkle of triumph in her eye as if that had been a good save. That was another thing Noé couldn’t comprehend about their relationship. Jeanne kept pretending like she didn’t like Vanitas (hadn’t she genuinely disliked him at some point?) and Vanitas kept pretending to be suave (Noé didn’t think he was especially good at it) and the two just stood there with Jeanne expectant and Vanitas reluctant and Noé just wanted to go home now.
Apparently, Jeanne wasn’t particularly patient because she flung her arms about his neck and pulled him forward, pressing a passionate kiss to his lips. Vanitas flailed for a moment before regaining his balance (though not his dignity) and he clutched at her waist with shaking hands. His face was bright red, but he kissed her back.
Noé wasn’t sure if he felt proud, annoyed, or just incredibly weary. He had a sudden vision of Jeanne picking Vanitas up as her bride, whisking him away, only to go dancing where she’d probably dip him and smother him in yet more kisses.
He’d had to witness variations on the act so often now… He couldn’t help but wonder if it was nice and whether Vanitas was the sort who would enjoy being whisked away in such a fashion.
She finally let him go with a starry-eyed look of adoration before turning to Noé with a formal, “I’m off. Please take care.”
“You as well, Jeanne,” he replied in turn. Vanitas was frozen to the spot, his cheeks blazing red. When Jeanne bid him adieu, he made a stiff nodding motion and didn’t meet her eyes.
When Jeanne was finally out of earshot, Vanitas slumped slightly, his face still red, his hands still shaking. For a moment, Noé feared he might resign himself to bed for another week and they wouldn’t get anything done. Moreover, he wondered if that was a normal reaction to a date.
“Are you all right?” he asked hesitantly. He’d thought things had gone well or at least as well as they ever seemed to go with those two.
“Of course I am,” Vanitas mumbled. “I’m in love.” Noé had never heard anyone sound so miserable over the fact. Luckily for Vanitas, he was too gentlemanly to point out that he had had a complete and utter breakdown over the very concept some time ago and it was starting to seem like he still wasn’t over it. He couldn’t help but feel like something was amiss with this reaction, no matter what Vanitas told him. He’d written a letter to Dominique to see if she would have any advice on the matter, but she’d been oddly reticent of late. It was yet another worry that was always in the back of his mind, but he had to focus on the matter at hand.
What he did know was that Vanitas’s reluctance regarding love and affection stemmed from a hatred firmly pointed at himself. Noé had hoped that encouraging things with Jeanne would help, but if it was making things worse…
He frowned. Maybe he would need to take a different tactic. “I’m not sure it should hurt so much,” Noé offered gently. “You know you don’t have to force yourself.”
“I’m not,” Vanitas snapped, finally looking up at him. All of the park’s residents were too far off to overhear them, for which Noé was grateful.
“All right,” he allowed. Pushing Vanitas didn’t always have good results. “What would you like to do now?”
Vanitas’s angry expression faltered and for a moment he hesitated before asking, “Would you like to go to a café?”
Noé was a bit surprised; he’d been to one with Jeanne earlier, but the offer immediately perked his interest. He loved having an excuse to explore Paris. Even after spending so much time in the bustling city, he still wanted to see more of what made it tick. There was the added benefit of getting to spend some time with Vanitas the way he usually did, and at some point that had become something he longed for, much as he did with Dominique.
The difference was that he got to see Vanitas every day from morning to night. He’d only ever had that on rare occasions with Dominique when she visited. The only person he’d ever gotten to share that much time with was—
He mentally shook himself. Now wasn’t the time for painful memories.
“I would love to go,” Noé replied with a smile.
They took a short stroll to a familiar location adjacent to the park called The Blue Fox. It specialized in pastries baked with berries. They also had excellent tea in Noé’s estimation.
It wasn’t the same café he’d gone to with Jeanne, Noé noted silently.
Once they were seated outdoors (the weather was much too fine to go inside), the stiffness that had lined Vanitas’s body finally gave out and his expression softened as he took in the sights.
“What do you think you’ll get?” he finally asked, an oddly indulgent smile gracing his lips. “The usual?”
“I was thinking so,” Noé admitted. “Their blueberry scones are incredible and put that with some Earl Grey tea…” Noé let out a contented sigh. “It’s simply bliss.”
“Mm,” Vanitas acknowledged. “I think I’ll just get some peppermint tea myself.”
“That’s all?” Noé asked, strangely disappointed. Vanitas usually got a small cup of soup if nothing else.
“I don’t feel up to anything else,” he muttered. “It’s been a taxing day.”
Unable to resist the opening, he responded, “But you said you like seeing Jeanne.” He couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty at the irritated glare Vanitas shot at him. “I do. I’ve told you that multiple times.”
“Then why…” Noé bit his tongue. It wasn’t worth it and he didn’t want to leave just yet.
Rather than look angry, however, Vanitas merely seemed tired as he gave their order to the waiter. “I don’t know why…” Vanitas began with an uncertain expression. “Why does it matter?”
“I thought most people would be happy,” Noé admitted honestly. “I know you said you liked Jeanne because she would never have any interest in you, but… surely it’s nice to have someone care?”
The waiter had returned, so Vanitas didn’t respond right away. He merely took his cup and saucer with a quite “thank you” and stared into it as the man walked away.
“You think so too, then?” he said suddenly.
Noé blinked in confusion as he finished chewing his bite of scone. “That it’s nice for someone to care?”
“No, that… I want to know if that’s really… Does she care?”
Noé almost replied with a straightforward “yes,” but then he paused and considered the situation. Vanitas didn’t want Jeanne to care, right? So… would it be kinder to say she had no interest in him? But that would be lying; Jeanne was interested and she wasn’t doing all that much to hide it. But Vanitas wasn’t asking if she was interested, he was asking if she cared, and Noé had never considered the difference between those two states until just now.
He floundered, torn between an easy answer and something more complicated that he had no experience with.
“I think… she wants to be around you,” he managed. “Um, she likes kissing you.” So much. Noé had had to put up with a great deal of it.
“Yes,” Vanitas said, not sounding at all certain, and Noé felt so wholly inadequate in that moment he wished he could summon Dominique to his side, so she could dole out words of wisdom. But Dominique wasn’t here, and the only person Vanitas had was Noé.
“Maybe it’s impossible to completely know one another’s hearts,” Noé tried. It had been something he’d wondered about a lot of late and it seemed like something Dominique might say. “But on a very basic level, I would say Jeanne wants you the way you wanted her before.”
Vanitas looked down at his hands embarrassedly. “You mean physically?” he asked in a strained, high-pitched tone.
“Er, I don’t know about that…” Although she probably did. Once again, Noé wasn’t an expert, but his Teacher had said that was how such relations usually went. “Would that not be something you wanted?” Noé asked curiously. Vanitas had seemed very keen on Jeanne’s physical traits if nothing else.
“That… that part would be fine,” he managed. “I let her drink my blood, but if… if I love her… shouldn’t it be… different…” His expression was mortified now; likely the meaning behind his words had just dawned on him: shouldn’t there be an emotional connection?
Well, Noé had no idea about that. For normal people he would say yes, but he’d thought Vanitas didn’t want that and who knew about Jeanne. Once again he wondered how he’d gotten in the middle of it.
“Noé,” Vanitas said in a hushed whisper as if someone might overhear. He needn't have worried; the entire cafe was much more interested in their own conversations. “I do care about her.”
“Yes,” Noé replied simply.
“What if she doesn’t care about me?”
“Then… you have to decide if that matters to you,” Noé instructed as he took a sip of his tea. It was starting to cool.
Vanitas stared into his own cup anxiously, as if he sought the tea leaves’ advice. Finally, he brought the cup to his lips and took a few sparing sips.
Noé’s eyes followed the movement, watched as his throat swallowed, and internally sighed at the reminder that this man’s blood was still off limits and likely would be for the rest of his life, no matter how pleasantly his scent mixed with peppermint and blueberries.
Perhaps that was the one thing about their relationship that bothered Noé on a personal level; what they had would never be shared. Jeanne had something he wanted simply because she’d been quicker on the uptake.
But that wasn’t quite right, he knew. Vanitas wouldn’t let Noé taste his blood because he was an Archiviste. His heritage was his very own curse.
Suddenly, he didn’t want to be at the café anymore.
“Vanitas?” Noé asked quietly. “Could we return to the hotel now?”
He glanced up at him and his anxious mien transformed into a more serious, concerned expression. “All right.”
The return was quiet as Noé was lost in his own gloomy thoughts. When they reached their room, he let out a quiet sigh of relief and gave Murr a quick pat on the head that was swiftly rebuffed. Unconcerned at his cat’s usual grumpiness, he settled himself at the desk and took out a book he’d been in the middle of.
He heard Vanitas settle himself on his bed directly behind him followed by the steady, sharp sound of him sharpening his daggers. For a time, neither of them said anything, and the self-doubt that plagued Noé began to fade. His ancestry was difficult for him on a good day; it was harder to deal with after a day of watching two people who shared the kind of intimacy he longed for and would never have.
“Noé?” Vanitas finally uttered. He turned in his seat to face him. Vanitas fumbled with his words for a moment before settling on, “You seemed upset earlier.”
It was unusually tactful of Vanitas, who had a great deal of experience with using his words to hurt people, but had always struggled with doing the opposite.
“Mm, my thoughts had just drifted to something else,” Noé admitted. “I’m all right.” He didn't want to get into it after Vanitas's stern rejection of his Archiviste heritage. Perhaps he hadn't meant it that way, but it had been a sour reminder of how the rest of society viewed his ability.
“I see,” Vanitas murmured. “Then, I’d like to ask you something.”
“Of course,” Noé said promptly.
“That is… about caring. I know you can’t say for certain with Jeanne, but what of yourself?”
Noé frowned at the question. It was unexpected of Vanitas to bring the matter up of his own accord, but he'd been different of late. More prone to self-analysis and doubt. Regardless, he knew the answer, that much was simple, but how Vanitas would receive it was something else entirely. He didn’t want anyone’s love, didn’t want their affection. Noé didn’t particularly relish the idea of telling Vanitas he enjoyed his company only to be met with a week of outrage.
Vanitas wavered at his hesitation before letting out an exasperated huff. “You can be honest. I’ll accept it, whatever it is.” Noé wondered how much of that was false bravado, but Vanitas said the words almost earnestly and Noé chose to believe him.
“In that case, I do care about you,” Noé said easily. “Like I said, I’m glad you’re the person you are now. If you were someone else, we might have ended up enemies and no vampire’s name would be saved.” Noé smiled fondly. “It’s much better this way, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” Vanitas whispered. “I’m glad… That is… You’re an odd vampire,” he said bluntly. “But it suits you.”
“Thank you,” Noé replied a touch dryly, but inwardly he was pleased. “If you don’t mind, I would like to ask you something in turn.”
Vanitas gave a hesitant nod.
“Why do you insist on bringing me with on your dates?”
He couldn’t say what Vanitas had thought he would ask him, but he seemed genuinely dumbfounded by the question. His eyes were wide and he was looking up at Noé as if he couldn’t decide what the right answer was. Noé wished he could simply say that it didn't matter what the answer was--he just wanted to know--and be believed.
“It’s not that I can’t handle a woman,” he began hastily, as if that had anything to do with Noé’s question, “but when you’re around she’s more restrained and that’s more enticing, don’t you think?”
At Noé’s blank expression, he frowned and shifted awkwardly before admitting, “I just want you there. I’ve gotten... used to your presence.”
“I feel the same,” Noé answered truthfully. It felt strange going about without Vanitas at his side. Even so, “But I think I qualify as a third wheel.”
Vanitas looked away, his cheeks blazing now. “You’re not a third wheel,” he muttered. “I don’t think you could ever be one.”
“Then I’m on the date as well?” Noé laughed.
Silence.
“…Am I on the date as well?” Noé asked with sudden realization. Huh, that seemed like something Vanitas should have mentioned to somebody.
“I… You… You should just be there,” Vanitas stammered uselessly. “You’re… you said you care about me,” he said almost accusingly.
“Do you care about me?” Noé asked curiously. They might actually be getting somewhere now.
“What a foolish question.”
Noé would just take that as a yes. “I’m glad,” Noé said warmly.
Vanitas stared at him and for the first time, Noé got to see what it was like when Vanitas was starry-eyed instead of Jeanne and his stomach gave a not-wholly-unpleasant flip.
“In that case,” Vanitas began, licking his lips. Noé’s eyes followed the motion unconsciously, “would you be opposed to me … Could I… I want you to …” He growled in frustration, unable to form the words.
Noé gazed on, mystified, until Vanitas stood up decisively and walked across the small space between them. He was taller than Noé at this angle, but he didn’t look any more certain than he had before. Apparently, he’d given up on words and instead he gripped Noé’s face and leaned in to give him a hard peck on the mouth.
Noé had a brief, intense moment of clarity. Ah, when Vanitas had said he cared about Noé, he’d meant the way he did about Jeanne, but that would mean—
That would mean Noé was stepping into a role he’d never inhabited before. It was terrifying, but also thrilling, and Noé had never been able to turn away from new insights and experiences; he craved them more than anything else.
“Well?” Vanitas demanded.
“I had wondered what it was like,” Noé admitted dazedly. “You and Jeanne do it so often.”
“Do you want to do it again?” he asked, his eyes intense and locked entirely on Noé.
“Yes,” he admitted. This time he stood from his seat and hesitantly wrapped his arms about Vanitas’s waist, pulling him close, feeling both uncertain and like this was very right. The most shocking part was that Vanitas didn’t push him away. Of course, he had Vanitas’s permission and he had been the one to initiate, but some part of him had still expected the man to change his mind, to end things before they'd even begun. Instead, his heartbeat had picked up and Noé could feel it against his chest and he knew he’d never felt closer to his … partner? roommate? than he did right now.
So when he unconsciously closed his eyes and leaned forward to press his lips to Vanitas’s own, it didn’t feel the way so many described it in books. It didn’t cause his heart to race or his body to tremble. Instead, it felt overwhelmingly right, as if he’d always been meant to hold Vanitas in his arms, always been meant to kiss him and card his hand through his tresses until Vanitas practically melted against him, a silent sigh breathed against his lips.
Maybe this was where the human custom of kissing had originated; they didn’t drink one another’s blood, couldn’t connect their lifeblood in such an intimate way, but they could breathe life into one another and share warmth and it was nearly as perfect.
He was quickly beginning to realize why Jeanne liked this so much; Vanitas was terribly warm and soft against him despite the jagged edges of his personality and if he were the type to dwell on it he would feel terribly jealous—he still was of her claim on his blood—but in this moment he just wanted to press as close to Vanitas as he could. Judging by the way Vanitas kept pulling him closer, he was of the same mind.
It was only when Noé started trailing those same kisses down Vanitas’s neck, the gesture unconscious on his part, that the man’s breath hitched. He didn’t tell Noé to stop, but Noé wasn’t so distracted that he was unaware of what he feared. In response, he gently nuzzled him right against his pulse and whispered, “I won’t go any further.”
Vanitas’s grip loosened slightly and he gave a stiff nod and Noé took that as permission to press his lips to that pulse, light as air, before undoing his bow and kissing his clavicle, his jugular, and then his lips once more, lingering there for a time. He felt… dizzy, as if he weren’t all there, like he were made of bubbles and he might just pop out of existence at the slightest agitation, but it was delightful and he suddenly wondered why they hadn’t tried this so much sooner.
I should have asked for his kiss instead of his blood, he realized. But how was he supposed to have known? No one had ever said how similar the two could be.
“Enough,” Vanitas gasped after a time, as he pushed him away shakily, but he didn’t seem upset. His eyes were oddly moist and his face dusted with pink, but he seemed calm enough if somewhat overwhelmed.
“Ah,” Noé stepped away to give him some distance. Even if Vanitas wasn’t upset, maybe he had taken things too far? Absently, he wondered if this was really all right; certainly Noé had no qualms with the scenario, but Jeanne was another story. Surely Vanitas would have said something if it wasn’t?
He was silent as Vanitas took a moment to collect himself. Once he’d steadied his breathing and redone his bow he said, “That was… very nice.”
Noé nodded in agreement. He had also quite enjoyed it. He wondered if they’d be doing it again or if Vanitas had simply been satisfying his curiosity. Then he wondered if he’d simply been satisfying his own curiosity; he had wondered what it was like for a while now. But no, upon reflection, he’d really just like it if he and Vanitas could keep doing that.
“I didn’t think it could… That was different,” he continued, still somewhat frazzled. “Noé…” He looked at him helplessly, as if he would magically have the answer to his unspoken question.
“I want to do it again,” Noé stated bluntly. There would be time enough to analyze why later, but for now he felt quite certain about that one thing. Vanitas stared at him for a moment in disbelief before he snorted and laughed and suddenly all the remaining tension was gone.
Once his laughter had subsided, he gave him a fond grin and said, “It’s always very straightforward with you, isn’t it?”
Luckily, Noé didn’t have to come up with a response for that because Vanitas was leaning in to kiss him once more.