Chapter Text
"I hardly think this is necessary," the human boy argued around the light shining into his eye.
Foaly moved the flashlight away from his pupils and quirked an eyebrow. "No, yeah, of course a medical checkup isn't necessary. Not after you literally died and resurrected yourself into a clone body we made."
Artemis huffed. "Of course a checkup was necessary, but it's been six weeks. Surely the past twelve times you've observed me are sufficient enough to assure you that I am physically well."
"Six weeks, huh?" Foaly said casually as he continued with the examination. (He's no medical warlock, but every doctor was booked. Also, none of them wanted to be around the Mud Boy who kidnapped a fairy, even if he was redeemed.) "So how old do you imagine a Mud Person to be when they're six weeks old?"
"Are you comparing me to an infant?" Artemis asked with the slightest hint of embarrassment. "I was led to believe this body was designed to be fifteen, maybe sixteen. Comparing it to its literal age would be illogical."
"Sure, your mental and physical functions are teen-aged, but your experience is the same as a six-week-old," the centaur replied. "I tried to boost your immune system while making your body--vaccines and such, you're welcome--but who knows how your body will react when you get sick." He tapped Artemis's knee, which automatically raised his leg. Reflexes working, then. "For all we know, you could die again from a common cold."
"I'm not sick now," Artemis pressed.
"Sure thing, baby. Now why don't you stay quiet while the adult doctor does his work?"
From the corner of the room, Holly let out a laugh. "Good one," the elf said.
Artemis pressed his mouth into a thin line and ignored the burning in his cheeks. He decided that a change in topic should be in order. "I see the People have recovered well from the technological crash," he noted, nodding to the window outside, where the underground city stood well-lit.
Holly followed his line of vision, then turned back to him. "You mean the Big Dark?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Is that really what people are calling it these days?"
"It's easier to say than Great Technological Crash," Holly replied with a shrug. She then smiled, adopted the smug tone she only used to aggravate Artemis, and said, "But yes, obviously we recovered. I don't know how long it takes humans, but seven months is more than enough for us to repair important technology."
Seven months. He'd spent six of those dead. Artemis fell quiet.
Holly's smugness melted away into concern. "Something the matter, Mud Boy?" she asked.
Artemis chose his words carefully before saying, "I still believe that further physical examinations are unnecessary...but perhaps a mental examination could prove useful."
Foaly looked up at him with a raised eyebrow and quirked lips. "What? Are you worried you may have lost a few IQ points in your new body?"
Holly, however, understood what he meant. "Your memories," she said.
Artemis shifted in place from where he sat on the small examination table. "Rest assured, most of the memories spent in my old body have returned," he told them before they could worry. "However, I am curious about the time I spent outside any body."
"You mean as a ghost?" Foaly asked with some surprise. "Why would you want to remember being dead?"
Artemis stared at the centaur genius as if he was an idiot. "Why wouldn't I? Countless philosophers have wondered what it must be like after death. I had the chance to experience that myself, yet I cannot remember any second of it."
Holly frowned. "You need regression therapy for that."
"I could set an appointment with Dr. Argon," Artemis suggested. Dr. Argon was the psychologist who treated Artemis back when he was suffering from Atlantis Complex, a fairy disorder that made him delusional.
Holly's frown deepened. Something in her gut told her that Artemis was hiding things again. She opened her mouth to question the boy, but then she saw his eyes suddenly widen and his already pale face grow paler as he stared at something just behind her.
"Um," he said, "just to make sure, you can both see a large, glowing tentacle coming through the wall behind you, right?"
Holly whipped around, and sure enough, an octopus was entering the room through the wall. A huge, transparent green octopus with glowing red eyes.
"D'arvit!" Holly shouted the Gnommish swear. "Foaly, theres more."
"More? More what?" Artemis asked. Then, realization dawned on him and he pointed out, "That's a ghost."
The two fairies ignored him. Foaly trotted to his desk to retrieve something from the drawer while Holly shot at the ghost animal, which was a futile action, considering all her shots phased through.
"You better have that weapon finished, Foaly," she said through gritted teeth.
"Got it!" Foaly held up what looked like a standard Neutrino gun if you didn't look too closely. "It should be finished enough."
Foaly threw the weapon to Holly, who turned around and caught it. Unfortunately, by the time she aimed it at where the ghost had been, it had moved past her and toward Artemis. The human boy, who had the same level of athletic ability as his old body (read: very poor), was unable to dodge the octopus as it curled its tentacles around him.
"Gross," complained Artemis, who had been in life-threatening situations so many times that he stopped bothering to panic. "You're slobbering ectoplasm all over my suit."
Holly shot the modified lasergun at one of the octpus's tentacles. This time, it didn't phase through, and the ghost released Artemis with a hiss. Holly continued to shoot at it, splattering gooey ectoplasm everywhere, until it fled the room in agony.
"Are you okay?" she asked Artemis, racing to his side as soon as she made sure the ghost was gone. Artemis didn't miss the way her voice was laced with more concern than any instance before his temporary death, even though he had certainly gone through much worse. They really are treating me like an infant, he thought with dismay.
"I'm fine," he quickly said, brushing her off. Not meeting her eyes, he adjusted his tie and spoke, "I see Foaly modified a Neutrino to work against ghosts. Unless you're worried another Berserkers incident may occur, then my guess is that this place has been attacked by ghosts before."
"It has," Foaly confirmed. "For the past month and a half, ghosts kept popping up at random times and in random places. Commander Kelp is miffed."
"We're thinking it might have to do with the Berserkers gate having opened," Holly supplied before Artemis could ask. The Berserkers were ghosts who were bound in the earth for ten thousand years until the megalomaniac pixie Opal released them in her plan for world domination. Artemis didn't need to be reminded of that part; after all, he had given his life to stop them.
Artemis frowned. "But you said these ghosts have been appearing for a month and a half. The Berserkers incident was seven months ago. That can't be it."
"Then what could it be?"
Artemis rubbed his temples in concentration. What ghost-related event happened six weeks ago that could have triggered this? Well, that answer was easy. A heavy weight settled in Artemis' stomach as he said, "It was me."
Foaly let out a horse sound that may have been a laugh, pulling the boy's attention toward him. "Tell me, Mud Boy, do you remember being in a dimension of ghosts?"
A...dimension of ghosts? Artemis shook his head, but he argued, "I don't really remember anything, though--"
"Right, but we monitored the place where your soul was bound. It was definitely there, in our realm, which means we couldn't have opened a rift to the ghost realm when we brought you back. It wasn't you."
Artemis' brows furrowed. "You keep talking about a dimension or realm of ghosts."
Foaly gave an exaggerated gasp and placed a hand on his chest. "Don't tell me--the brilliant Artemis Fowl finally doesn't know something?"
A migraine was starting to form in Artemis' head. "Excuse me if being in a--what was it you said?--an inexperienced infant body made my memory a little murky. Please, do enlighten me about this ghost dimension. "
"Will do," Foaly responded cheerily. "As everyone knows, ghosts form whenever a living being dies either a violent death or with unfinished business. The problem is that it's difficult for them to stay in the living plane for long; the Berserkers only managed to stick around as long as they have due to strong magic and considerable willpower. Other ghosts might be able to stay if they bind their essence to a relic, but otherwise, they'd have to move on--except they can't move on to the afterlife. That's what made them ghosts in the first place. So," Foaly held up a finger as he explained, "they instead go somehwere that is between the living plane and the afterlife."
"A dimension of ghosts," Artemis guessed.
Foaly nodded. "It's sort of like Limbo, but instead of a time pocket, it's a parallel dimension mirroring our own. Close enough to our world to satisfy them, but nearer to the afterlife so they don't vanish from existence."
Artemis leaned forward on his elbows, his intrigue growing. "And, somehow, ghosts are making their way from that place back here."
Holly crossed her arms. "Since you say it's not the Berserkers gate, then it's not the Berserkers gate. But it's not your resurrection, either. So what could it be?"
A short silence fell over the three before Foaly broke it by nervously saying, "Actually, I might know."
Holly glared at him. "You know? And you didn't say anything?"
"I said I might know," Foaly corrected her. "I haven't checked yet, and you know how the Commander doesn't like to act out on hunches."
"What is this hunch of yours?" Artemis asked.
"Okay, so you know how some humans are obsessed with myths about cryptids?"
"You're saying a human did this?" Holly said incredulously.
"Maybe. Honestly, humans have tried and failed for so long to summon real ghosts that I didn't think it could be a problem. I mean, have you watched those ghosthunter shows? They hear a door creak and think that's a message from the beyond."
"But ghosts are showing up now," Artemis said, "and you're suspecting that one of them may have succeeded. Was it a seance?"
"Could have been. I have a whole list of human doings six weeks ago that might have opened a portal to the ghost realm, and most of them are seances. I doubt it, though, considering these things have been happening for years without any ghost outbreaks." Foaly stroked his chin and added, "Although, there is one--a human couple, actually, who built a machine."
"A machine to bring the dead?" Holly asked, eyebrows high.
"I know! It's wild," Foaly said with a grin. "These two have been working on a way to interact with ghosts since college. Nothing successful, of course, though I have to respect them if this does turn out to be their doing. An entire portal into the ghost realm, can you believe that?" He snickered (a horse snicker, that is). "Actually, I've been keeping tab on their family for a long time. Their ancestors were fairy hunters."
"Fairy hunters," Holly muttered, rubbing her forehead. "Wonderful."
Artemis was listening with increasing interest. "Where does this couple reside?"
Foaly opened his mouth to answer, but then he suddenly stopped and narrowed his eyes at the human. "Hold up. I'm not telling you."
Artemis knit his brows. "Why not?"
Foaly met Holly's eyes, and she nodded and turned to Artemis. "Yeah, we're not letting you come on this mission."
The human glanced between them, his confusion growing. "It's a simple reconnaissance task to see whether the portal they created is truly functional or not. I understand if the LEP prefers to do it alone, but I don't see why you're so strongly averse to my participation."
"Oh, gee, maybe it's because the last time you were on a mission you literally died," Foaly said.
"And it hasn't even been two months since we had to pull you back from the dead," Holly added.
Artemis was feeling conflicted. "I appreciate that you care for me, but come on. Surely you weren't being literal when you referred to me as a baby. Don't you have a little faith in me?"
"No," both fairies said at once.
At Artemis' expression, Holly sighed and placed a hand on his knee. "Look, I'm sorry. But your...absence...was really tough on everyone who was close to you. Especially your family. It wouldn't be fair to them if you go on any world-saving adventures, at least not for a while."
Artemis' scowl lingered for a moment longer, then it faded into a neutral expression. "I understand," he said.
Holly blinked in surprise. "You do?"
"Of course," he said, standing up and adjusting his suit. "It would be selfish of me to make my friends worry so soon after getting me back. I think I shall stay inside the mansion and spend some quality time with my family. No world-saving adventures."
Foaly narrowed his eyes at him. "You're not just saying that before you ignore us and sneak out on your own, are you?"
Artemis gave him an innocent smile. "Why would I do that?"
A few minutes after Holly escorted the Mud Boy back to the surface, she sat at the edge of Foaly's desk and crossed her arms. "He's definitely going to sneak out, isn't he?"
"Absolutely," the centaur agreed. "But I'm monitoring his house. I should know if he leaves."
Holly frowned. Of course Artemis knew that. Of course he'll somehow find a way around that.
After a few seconds of silence passed, Foaly said, "Kind of weird how he kept adjusting his suit but didn't bother brushing the ectoplasm off."
Butler was the first one to greet Artemis on the surface. The boy knew his bodyguard wanted to accompany him underground, but he also knew how claustrophobic the man could get. Anyway, he trusted Holly to look after his charge.
As soon as he saw Artemis' face, he scowled and grumbled, "You're plotting another scheme, aren't you?"
Artemis gave an exasperated sigh. "No. Does nobody trust me?"
"No," said Butler.
Artemis shook his head. "Don't worry, old friend. I won't be leaving the mansion."
"Really?" The skepticism was clear in Butler's voice.
Artemis threw his hands up, an uncharacteristic gesture that proved his frustration. "Why is everyone so insistent on looking after me? Yes, I've died, but I'm better now."
Butler softened. He could understand why the teenager would be put off by the suddenly overwhelming care from those around him. Then again, it was hard not to care for someone when you've attended his funeral. "We just want to..."
"To make sure it doesnt happen again," Artemis completed. "I know. But I've been in many dangerous situations, and I fared just fine on my own."
Butler raised an eyebrow, and Artemis sighed in defeat. "Okay, so maybe I had you and Holly to thank. But I'm fine."
Butler could feel the irritation rolling off the teen, and he decided to change the subject. He eyed the green goo that still coated Artemis' expensive suit. "What is that?"
Artemis looked down at the ectoplasm on himself, then up at Butler with a grin that showed off his vampiric canines. "That, old friend, is my new subject of study."