Work Text:
Ready, Set, Carve!
As soon as the last lock on the heavy door clicked open, Artie heard an excited voice from behind him.
"We have a Halloween section? How come you never told me we had a Halloween section?" Claudia almost squealed with joy, and slipped inside the room before Artie had a chance to stop her. He really needed to be more careful in the future; Claudia had turned tailing him through the Warehouse into an art form.
"Yes, we have a Halloween section!" Artie bellowed and went after her. "And I didn't tell you for a very good reason—everything in here is dangerous, especially on this day, and you have a bad habit of not keeping your hands off things that are dangerous!" Claudia was already circling the various tables and glass cases, marvelling at the artifacts.
"Don't worry, Artie, I've learned my lesson from last time," she told him, sounding awfully carefree. "That is one ugly witch doll. Is that a real shrunken head?"
"That's what you said last time too," Artie sighed, getting more exasperated by the minute. "Look, I cannot emphasize enough how dangerous it is for you to be here on Halloween. Will you please just go away now, I need to check these artifacts before sunset to make sure none of them have become active."
"Ok, ok, I'm going, spoil sport," Claudia huffed, and turned to make her way out—and knocked out a small table while doing so. Something clattered to the ground.
"Oh, no," Artie groaned, realizing the source of the sound.
"Sorry, sorry, I'll pick them up right away!" Claudia said, and promptly started doing so—naturally without remembering to put on her gloves first. Artie hear a barely audible 'zzzzt', and then a slightly worried: "Artie? What am I holding?" The hand Claudia had one of the items in—a curved metal blade with a wooden handle—was already shaking.
"That is, in fact, one of the Demonic Pumpkin Carvers," Artie explained, digging the Farnsworth out and calling Pete. "Their true origin is so far undetermined, but allegedly they belonged to a woman obsessed with seasonal decorations. Apparently she ran out of pumpkins and attempted to carve her husbands head instead."
"You wouldn't happen to know what it's going to do to me?" Claudia asked, and then yelped as her arm flailed out, the tool drawing an angry arc through the air. "Or where I could get some pumpkins! This thing really wants to take a stab at something and I'd prefer it to be round, orange, and not a member of the human race!"
Artie opened the cabin closest to him, grabbed a plain looking burlap sack and threw it at her feet.
"What's up, Artie?" Pete said as he picked up the call, Myka by his side as usual.
"What am I supposed to do with that?" Claudia shouted, trying to constrain the possessed limb with her other hand, and failing. There was no way to bag that without help, and they needed to neutralize all the tools at the same time. Artie could of course just douse the room with the purple goo—they had emergency sprinklers set up for a reason—but he figured Claudia would benefit from the extra lesson in caution.
"Pete, emergency neutralization. Grab the large spray gun and head over to the Halloween section immediately. Claudia, just open it and say 'pumpkin'."
"Will do!" Pete replied and hung up, while Claudia struggled to open the sack with just one hand and her mouth.
"Phumphkin!" she shouted with the fabric still between her teeth, and fortunately the artifact wasn't too picky about the pronunciation. The sack dropped from Claudia's grasp as it suddenly gained weight, and a beautifully round and orange pumpkin rolled out from it. The arm holding the carving tool lunged at it, forcing Claudia to take a seat on the floor, and immediately she started working on a pattern with inhuman speed. A minute later another pumpkin appeared with a plop, just in time when the first carving was done, and it was attacked with equal fervour.
"That should keep you busy until help arrives," Artie said, and got only a glare in response. Claudia would have a sore arm later on, but hopefully more respect for the artifacts too. Artie could try and deny having actually grown fond of the young woman, but he had to admit, Claudia had brought life to the place and Artie would be sad to see her leave. Which was why it was so important to make her understand what they were dealing with.
By the time Pete arrived, with the worried Myka at his tail, there were already a dozen or so very artfully carved pumpkins on the floor beside Claudia. Pete wasted no time in soaking her and the tools with the neutralizer liquid, covering everything in the slimy purple mass.
"Oh thank god!" Claudia exhaled and collapsed on her back with a squelch. "If I ever see another pumpkin it'll be too soon."
"Demonic Pumpkin Carver set?" Myka inquired, and Artie nodded. "And the burlap sack is?"
"Cornucopia Cucurbitaceae," Artie replied, fishing out a pair of gloves from his pocket and putting them on. "Produces anything you wish from the plant family Cucurbitaceae, also know as gourds, including the colourful seasonal favourite. Too bad it keeps producing them at an exponentially growing rate, and won't stop until neutralized. Once a whole village was covered with them before Warehouse agents got to the scene."
"Hey, those are some outstanding carvings, Claudia," Pete said with a big smile, picking one up and admiring the intricate scene depicted on it. "We should take them up to Leena's, the place could use some more Halloween decoration." Claudia just groaned, too worn out to comment. "Unless they're like cursed or something?" Pete turned to look at Artie with a slightly worried but hopeful expression.
"No, Pete, they're perfectly safe," Artie said and sighed. Didn't anyone take things seriously around here? Yet he couldn't suppress a brief smile. "But first we have to clean up this mess. Get your gloves and get to work people, the sun is setting soon!"
Later on, after Claudia had cleaned herself up as well—and had once again sworn to Artie she'd be more careful in the future—they'd set the pumpkins on the porch of the boarding house, adding a lit candle inside each.
And after night fell, they all agreed that the scariest of the bunch was the one that looked more than a little like a very angry Artie.
~~~ End ~~~