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Kageyama has been acting weird.
To be fair, Kageyama always acts weird. This is weirder than usual, though, weird enough for even Hinata to notice. They're off during practice, for one thing. When he turns to grin at Kageyama after a decent play, he's already onto the next thing, not paying attention, like it's slipped his mind that he's playing alongside Hinata. Usually, he gets as into it as Hinata does, pumping his arms in the air and yelling until Daichi shoots them a look that has them scurrying back to playing. Practice is Hinata's absolute favorite time of the day, even more than lunch, but now he's left feeling empty just thinking about it.
Kageyama doesn't sit with him at lunch anymore, either. He makes up the excuse that he has to meet with a teacher, that he promised friends he'd eat with them, or he's just nowhere to be found to even ask. Kageyama doesn't have any other friends to eat lunch with, and while he sucks at schoolwork, he doesn't suck enough to have to meet with a teacher every single day of the week. Hinata's left sitting by himself, sulking, not bothering to join his friends who call him to their table because he just doesn't feel like it. He plays with the straw of his juice box and thinks about the milk Kageyama always drinks.
He also goes straight home after practice, doesn't even wait around for Hinata to grab his bike. They usually walk together, or run together, depending on how competitive they're feeling. And speaking of being competitive, Kageyama doesn't even race him. The second Hinata takes off from the school gate, looking behind him to see how close Kageyama is, he skids to a stop to see him trudging along way back there. It's no fun if he's not even bothering to participate.
Even when they sit together on the bus, if Hinata's lucky enough to force Kageyama to sit with him, he keeps his distance. He'll set his bag between them, shove Hinata away with his foot when he gets too close, and Hinata's lost a comfortable spot to sleep.
Frankly, Hinata is miserable. He knows it's dumb, that he shouldn't sulk over Kageyama being an ass because that's just his personality, but he feels like he's done something wrong. They've been close almost since joining the team, despite their rocky start, and it's weird to not have Kageyama there looking over his shoulder or pretending to rest his arm on Hinata's head. Hinata wouldn't even mind arguing with him; now, his day just feels empty. He even tries texting Kageyama, and although getting no answer is the same as usual, it still bothers him.
Hinata has never been subtle, and it takes about half a practice for everyone to notice something is up. He's tripping during receives, missing sets, taking a ball to the shoulder because he's so caught up in the boy over to the side doing his best to ignore the fact that Hinata's right there. The rest of the team knows they're close, teases them about it sometimes (“Kageyama, your puppy is lagging behind”). Hinata asks them, one by one, if there's anything he's done that has made Kageyama weird, and none of them can figure it out, either.
The final straw is when his mother comes up to him one day, asks him what's wrong and if he needs to talk about it. Even his mom knows something is wrong with him, and it's all stupid Kageyama's fault for being a jerk and not telling him he's upset about something. He's going to confront him, he tells himself, if he can actually manage to corner Kageyama.
Xxx
It works on his first try, because he takes Kageyama by surprise, clinging to his waist after practice before Kageyama has a chance to sneak out. Kageyama tries to shake him off, growls out a “let go” before he goes full-force, shouting and pushing at Hinata's arms locked around him.
“What the fuck, Hinata, seriously, get off! What are you, five?!” He's still pushing and pulling, but Hinata's pretty proud of his arm strength, and he's not going to let go until Kageyama tells him what's wrong.
“You've been an ass to me for three weeks!” Hinata blurts, and finally the weight of it is pushing down on him. He's been trying to ignore it, telling himself it's just Kageyama being Kageyama, but this isn't like him, this is weird, and Hinata hates it. He's miserable. He presses his face against Kageyama's back, cheeks heating up with anger. “Tell me why you're ignoring me! You won't eat lunch with me, you won't walk home with me, and I know I'm your only friend-”
“You're not my only friend, jackass!” Kageyama's fingers grip Hinata's arms, hard, but he's still not letting go. “I have...friends...other friends that I hang out with, okay? I can't always be around you all the time!”
Hinata huffs against his back. “Why not? You were around me all the time before!” And it's true, they had been almost inseperable. Hinata can't see a reason Kageyama suddenly doesn't want to be around him.
“Because!” Kageyama snaps, suddenly, voice too loud. “You're annoying!”
He freezes at the same time Kageyama does. The others in the room stare, finally paying attention to their argument when it takes a turn for the unusual. Kageyama has called Hinata annoying before, frequently, but not with this sort of venom.
It feels like he has been slapped. Hinata drops his arms, steps back. Kageyama is looking at him like he regrets what he's said, opens his mouth to say something else, but Hinata isn't sticking around for it. With one swift move, he slams his fist into Kageyama's stomach and takes off out of the room.
Hinata doesn't stop running until he's halfway home, bending over with his hands on his knees. He feels like his lungs are about to burst, his legs burn, but it's nothing compared to the hollow in his chest when he thinks about what Kageyama has just said. It's probably just another of Kageyama's moods, but it feels like someone has poured a bucket of ice water over his head.
He trudges the rest of the way home, wiping his face from what is sweat and definitely not tears. He forgot his bike, but he doesn't care; let Kageyama feel bad for making Hinata walk all this way. His mom asks him what's wrong when he comes in looking like a mess. He doesn't even know what's wrong himself, why he's so bothered by what has happened with Kageyama.
That night, after he takes a bath and flops into bed, he hears a knock downstairs. He doesn't think anything of it, other than wondering who would be here at this time of night; maybe a neighbor, or something.
In the morning, when he gets up extra early preparing to jog to school, he spies his bike next to the door.
Xxx
Kageyama meets him at the gate in the morning. He waves, awkwardly, opens his mouth to say something—and Hinata walks right past him, turning up his nose. He was upset last night, but now he's just mad, mad that Kageyama would pretend nothing is wrong after having avoided him for weeks and then yelled at him for absolutely no reason. He looks back out of the corner of his eye, wanting to see if Kageyama is feeling bad yet.
The way he's biting his lip and glaring at the ground tells Hinata yes, he is. It's still not enough. All the meat buns in the world would not be enough, Hinata tells himself, locking his bike and then breaking into a sprint for the gym.
Kageyama tails him the whole day, and Hinata ignores him the whole day. He's giving Kageyama a taste of his own medicine, eating lunch in his classroom with other classmates, because unlike SOME people he does have other friends. He pointedly ignores Kageyama when he peeks in the door.
Their coordination in practice is even worse than it was before. Hinata's full-on ignoring Kageyama while Kageyama tries to get his attention, sends a ball to the back of Hinata's head at one point, and they both get an earful from Daichi. It's shaping up to be an absolutely horrible week, and Hinata can't wait to get home and eat his emotions. He's unlocking his bike, ready to pedal and not think about anything (especially Kageyama) when there's a hand on his arm.
Kageyama is panting; it makes sense, because Hinata had decided to run the entire way to the bike rack, to try and make it home before he had to deal with this. He sets his jaw and turns back to his bike, trying to shrug Kageyama's hand off.
“Look, I'm sorry.”
The voice is breathless and sounds...well, genuine. Hinata falters for a moment, fingers slipping on the combination lock, because it's rare that he hears Kageyama actually sound guilty for some jerkass thing he's done. That one moment of weakness is all it takes for Kageyama's fingers to tighten on his arm and yank him around. They stare at each other until Kageyama glances away, cheeks pink with what Hinata hopes is shame and embarrassment.
“I didn't mean it like that, Hinata.” His voice sounds rusty, like he's not used to saying these kinds of words. “I was just...I've had a lot on my mind and I guess I snapped. Daichi told me to-”
Hinata jerks his arm away, quick and angry. “Of course Daichi told you to apologize! Like hell you'd ever do it on your own, asshole!” he spits out, clenching his fists. Kageyama's eyes are wide, and he's opening his mouth, raising his hands like he's going to backtrack. “You ignored me for a whole week and then yelled at me and you wouldn't even say sorry until Daichi made you just so we can play together again!”
He shoves him, hard, knowing full well that Kageyama's tall and strong enough for it not to matter. He staggers back anyway, caught off guard, and Hinata feels smug. He shoves him again, and again. “You're such a jerk! Just when I thought that hey, maybe Kageyama's not such a bad guy, maybe it's fun to hang around him-”
There's a warmth in his hands before Hinata realizes what's happened; he looks down, surprised, sentence cutting off as he sees Kageyama's hands clutching his. He stares for a minute, because this is the most Kageyama has touched him in weeks. Hinata feels suddenly exhausted after his tantrum, doesn't bother yanking his hands away, and Kageyama doesn't let go.
When Hinata slides his eyes up to Kageyama's, the glare is absolutely intense. He's about to pull away, to go off on him again, when he takes a second look; Kageyama's cheeks are definitely red now, he's staring at their hands like they've killed his mother or something, and he looks...well, he looks like Hinata feels.
Miserable.
“Hinata,” he starts, still staring at their hands. This time Hinata doesn't interrupt, waiting. He'd better have a really good explanation if he wants Hinata to forgive him. “Hinata...I...was avoiding you.”
Hinata snorts. “Yeah, no kidding.”
“Shut up, okay?” Kageyama snaps, hands tightening. “I was avoiding you because it's hard to be around you sometimes. No, wait! Stop moving! I didn't mean it like that! I mean...” He looks flustered, his face scrunched up in the most terrifying glare Hinata has seen to date, though it's not directed at him. Hinata feels like he's going to lose circulation in his hands.
Finally, Kageyama heaves a long, heavy sigh. “It's because I...like you.”
The last part is nearly impossible to hear, and Hinata has to bounce it around in his head a few times to really get it. 'I like you.' Kageyama likes him. That's normal, right? Of course Kageyama likes him, they're partners, they're teammates, they're friends-
Kageyama Likes him.
Hinata can tell in the way he says it, in the way it tumbles out of his mouth in an angry mutter, the way Kageyama's hands are still clenching his hard enough to hurt. He feels like he's just jumped into a freezing lake, watches the pieces fall together.
“Oh,” is all he manages to say.
And then Kageyama's letting go of his hands, stepping back like he's horrified, like he's done something awful, and he turns and mumbles a shout that he's gotta go, and then he's running, running down the road toward his house and Hinata doesn't think he's ever seen Kageyama run that fast.
His hands still feel warm.
Xxx
Kageyama is not avoiding him now. They eat lunch together, although Kageyama keeps his distance. They walk home together, though the silence is taught and awkward. They practice together, and they work okay, but it doesn't feel the same. Hinata doesn't feel the excitement when he manages to hit the ball, can't look over and grin at Kageyama. Kageyama is stiff, quiet, and more awkward than usual.
He hates it.
He hasn't responded to Kageyama's confession, because he doesn't know how to. This is honestly the first time Hinata has been confessed to; he'd always thought it would be a girl, awed with his amazing athletic ability, and of course he'd easily accept it and they'd be dating and get married and have babies, because that's what people do.
But this is Kageyama. They can't get married and they definitely can't have babies. Kageyama is also not a cute, bubbly girl who is awed with his amazing athletic ability. Kageyama's not really cute at all, and he is certainly not bubbly. He's not bad-looking, and Hinata guesses it could maybe be considered cute when he gets embarrassed or excited, but still. He's Kageyama.
There's another thing; Hinata cannot figure out at all why Kageyama would like him.
Kageyama's...well, he is pretty popular with girls, as much as Hinata hates to admit it. He could have anyone. Maybe he's gay? But still, Hinata thinks, there are people he'd probably get along a lot better with. Hinata spends entire nights telling himself this, over and over, trying to find some reason for Kageyama not to like him, to pass it off as just...Kageyama being weird.
Even if it's true, Hinata has no idea how to answer. Thinking about it, about the way Kageyama's face had looked, the way his voice maybe trembled when he said it, makes Hinata's stomach knot up in the way it does when he feels like he's going to puke. It keeps him up at night, playing over and over in his head. He remembers all the times his team has teased them about being a little too close, the times Tsukishima has told them to get a room, the times Kageyama had blushed and snapped at him and stalked off with Hinata in tow. Knowing the reason now, that Kageyama actually might want to get a room, makes Hinata's face grow warm.
He should tell him no. He should tell Kageyama that he doesn't feel that way, that he doesn't like boys. But it's not a boy; it's Kageyama.
Hinata thinks about the hollow feeling in his stomach when Kageyama ignored him, the empty feeling of being with him now that Kageyama's making a point to keep his distance. He's gone out on a limb, confessed, and it makes something in Hinata's heart clench. He had pushed him to this point, so he thinks the least he can do is take responsibility. He sleeps a little easier after that, after he makes up his mind.
Xxx
“Kageyama, we should talk.”
The way Kageyama's shoulders fall almost imperceptibly has Hinata flapping his hands, trying to diffuse the panic he can feel in the air. “It's not bad! Not a bad talk! A friend talk!” The way Kageyama is looking at him isn't making it any better.
It's lunch, and they're sitting side-by-side on the roof this time, because it's nice out, and the fresh air and blue sky eases Hinata's nerves. The feeling of the breeze in his hair makes his stomach unknot, just a little. Kageyama is still a safe distance away. He hates it.
So Hinata starts by scooting closer. He has to test this. Kageyama watches him, confused and wary, opens his mouth to say something dumb, most likely, until Hinata tells him to shut up. He keeps moving until their thighs and legs are pressed together.
It's warm, and Hinata feels relieved. This is what he wants it to be like.
They sit there in silence for a minute, Kageyama clutching his milk box in one hand, the hand that's not resting on his leg closest to Hinata. Hinata bites his lip, steels himself, and then reaches out and places his hand over top of Kageyama's.
It's also warm; it isn't like they haven't held hands before, because they have, and Hinata is just now starting to realize that's kind of weird. He had always initiated it, though, so he guesses it's a little bit his fault there is this misunderstanding.
“Hinata, seriously, don't.” Kageyama's voice is loud next to him. “I don't want your bullshit pity hand-holding. I don't care, you just wanted to know why I'd been avoiding you, and-”
“God, shut up for a minute!” Hinata huffs, watching where their fingers line up. He slots his between Kageyama's. They fit nicely. “I'm testing something.”
“You can't...what?” Kageyama stares at him. “What the hell are you testing, dumbass?”
Hinata shrugs. “Seeing how it feels.” He releases Kageyama's hand, and sees his friend's shoulders relax visibly when he does. But he's not done; instead, he swings himself over Kageyama's legs, straddling him.
Kageyama's face turns five shades of scarlet and his shoulders hike back up around his ears.
“Hinata, I'm serious, knock it-”
Hinata presses his lips to Kageyama's.
This is what people do when they like each other, and so, reasonably, this is the test to see if he maybe might like Kageyama back. There's not much, at first, because this is Hinata's first kiss and he's not very good at it. He hopes, secretly, this is Kageyama's first kiss too.
Kageyama is still frozen under him, and Hinata decides to try to get him to move, sliding his lips along Kageyama's, reaching up and tilting his head to the side. He feels Kageyama's lashes flutter against his cheeks as their angle improves, feels a hesitant hand at his waist. There's warmth flooding his cheeks and his ears and his neck and the pit of his stomach, and he opens his mouth against Kageyama's, who does the same, slotting their lips together.
He jerks back, shocked.
Kageyama's eyes open, and he looks terrified, like Hinata jerking away is bad sign, removes his hand and pushes at Hinata's shoulders. Hinata hurriedly stops him, grabs his hand and slides it down, down, right above his heart.
They sit there feeling the way it beats rapidly in Hinata's chest.
“Is that what you feel like, Kageyama?” he asks, watching as Kageyama's gaze falls to the side. He's chewing at his lip, and then he nods and grunts out a “yeah” before bringing Hinata's hand to his own chest, pressing the palm against it. His heart is thudding, and Hinata curls his fingers against the fabric. “That's why I was avoiding you, stupid. It's annoying.”
So that's what he'd meant by annoying. Hinata could kick him. He's currently on his lap, though, knees bent beside him, and his hand is pressed against Kageyama's chest and he doesn't really want to move it, not when he's feeling the heart fluttering beneath his ribs. So he does the next best thing; he headbutts Kageyama right in the forehead.
Kageyama is swearing and his hands are flying up to grip at what most likely will be a bruise, and Hinata feels the soreness in the center of his head as well, but it's worth it, because they both deserve this for being stupid. And then he feels a little bad, because Kageyama has been undoubtedly as miserable as he has, so...he maybe kisses his forehead, too.
“I guess I maybe like you also, Kageyama,” he says, wiggling around on Kageyama's lap, liking the way he's solid and warm beneath him. He missed this. He doesn't want to stop doing it. He would give up a cute girl and marriage and babies for this, probably, for the way Hinata looks at him during matches, for the way Kageyama's hand feels in his, for that really actually incredible kiss he kind of wants to try again.
So he does. He forces Kageyama to admit it was his first kiss, and then he goes for it, pressing his lips against Kageyama's again, slow and experimental.
They end up being late for class, hair mussed and lips a little too red, and he hopes nobody is able to put two and two together, but if they did, he guesses it won't be the end of the world. He kind of wants people to know, now, that Kageyama is off-limits. He's stolen his first kiss, and feels a little self-satisfied that nobody is going to be able to get that now.
When they practice that afternoon, everyone notices how they're in sync again, and when Daichi asks if they've made up, they both flush and Kageyama bows, repeatedly, apologizing for his stupidity earlier. Hinata makes him apologize again, later, in his room, lips at the corner of Kageyama's mouth and on his cheek and his neck and his forehead. He has to make up for those stupid weeks Kageyama refused to be near him, after all. And then some.