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Today was a rainy day. It hadn’t been rainy yesterday, it had been mucky and humid as shit. I didn’t know what I prefered more, the humid heat that made my hair stick to my face, or this rain that made the road slick and muddy.
I couldn’t help thinking back to that summer, to seeing Eren in those swimming shorts and trying to get me into the water. I tried to hide it, but I knew he’d captured a smile from me. The grumpy crab I think he called me.
I chuckled, pulling out of the driveway after dealing with the mud on my shoes, thinking on that anniversary. Our first, the day that ended in me with a shirt, and that boy with brown hair that had captured this heart wearing the matching necklace. A necklace I rarely took off, and had recently lost it.
I tried not to think on it, on losing something so precious to me as the pair to go with the white wing he held around his neck, but that simply led into me thinking to the first moment he got sick. I guessed I always knew somehow he was sick. I played it off as pretending I’d somehow done the impossible and had gotten him pregnant.
He laughed so hard the first time I mentioned it, and we’d spent the evening pretending to make said baby all over again until the next morning when he started getting sick again. I don’t think I’d ever smiled so wide as when I saw his eyes light up as he laughed like that. Laughed without a care in the world because he was mine... and I was his.
The first few times of running to the toilet were nothing, thinking a stomach flu. As it progressed I felt a pit form in my stomach. I urged him to see a doctor, knowing there had to be something wrong- praying there wasn’t anything.
The news of what was going on made my heart sink, but I didn’t let it show. I had to be strong for him. I knew I did, because those bright green eyes needed something to look to for strength. Even if I had gone to the doctor to check and see if I were a donor match. Perfect match for a liver despite my early drinking years- but I wasn’t going to let him know that
We’d find a match and we’d both live happily ever after like he always wanted.
I put the key in and turned the ignition over, trying to clear my head. I took a look into the mirror, seeing my eyes dotted with tears, the black bangs I didn’t even bother styling did nothing to hide them. Why was I crying? He was going to be fine.
Pulling out of the driveway, I wiped my eyes and tried to focus on the road as I pulled down our street.
As I drove, my mind was focused mostly on the road, at the rain that poured down and was blurring the windshield a little.
I had to stop at the sign just before the hospital and my mind went to the first time I’d seen Eren there. He’d complained, but said it smelled like my dream come true with all the sanitation.
He was so wrong, that place was hell. It was a clean hell that didn’t deserve to have my fiancé in it.
I’d proposed, yes, but I was going to do damn sure that I did it properly once he was better, once he was that strong shitty little brat that I adored.
“Tch, shut it fucker I’m going” I said to the man blaring his horn behind me, I’d only been at the stop sign a few seconds longer than normal. Rolling my eyes I took care in pulling out extra slow, looking at the red grow on the mans face, stark against the grey sky. When did it get so dark in the day-
When did the world suddenly start spinning? I heard the sound of screeching, of the broken glass, the crunching of metal, and the break of my own bones. The pain wasn’t even a thing that registered to me, all I could see were lights, my own blood as it dripped down the glass that my stomach was hanging over.
I coughed, seeing the black wings of the necklace across from me in the mud and broken pieces of my car, had it been in the car the entire time?
It had, it was that time he and I made love on the pier, seeing his body... I’d taken it off because it kept stabbing me and it must have slid under...
All of that faded now as the pain hit me. I heard the haze of people rushing over, chatting, gawking at the mess my body had become. For a moment everything turned black...
When I woke up things were being written down.
‘Car crash’
‘life threatening’
‘probably not gonna make it’
‘just down the street’
‘male’
‘short’
‘black hair’
I wanted to grunt and fight against it. Fight against the words they were saying about not going to make it. But who was I kidding, I could feel it. Feel the blood rush.
Hearing the wheels grind as if rusty when I knew they weren’t echo in my ears made me want to protest again, until the idea hit me that I may be able to help. There wasn’t much left for me, I knew that, I could feel it.
I did my best to approve it, and heard screaming. Was it his screaming? My heart sunk, and I grunted from the pressure of the glass and the feel of it.
They put me beside him, only able to barely see him through the blood and matted mess of my black hair over my face. I reached over weakly, feeling his hand brush mine and I used all I could to mutter a few words...
“I love you, Eren. Don’t be scared, I’m right here...” With that I shuddered and felt myself sink back, feeling light, as if I were floating.
What happened next, I’m not quite sure, I just remember feathers and a field of green. And a field of trees across the field. Feathers from a single black wing on my shoulders... One I knew I’d get the match to when the time came, but not now.
Eren had the rest of his life ahead of him, and I was content to be here, wherever here was, knowing he was going to live on. With me there to protect the brat in some unique way.
We always were a unique pair, weren’t we?
“I love you, Eren. Don’t be scared, I’m right here. Waiting for you.”