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Brighter than a sky over open water, deep blues skimmed the passage again. And again. And again. It was a moot point really. The passage was ingrained into his Grace at this point, always there. However, he had to try. To see if it was still right there laid bare for anyone to come across.
Swallowing down his emotions, the young Seraph felt the constant companion of longing as it made its annoying presence aware again. As if he had forgotten. As if he could ever forget.
"Find anything, Cas?" a voice asked at his side.
He closed the book with a sigh and shook his head. Nothing he was willing to share with Dean at least.
"Damn," grumbled his Righteous Man, his body so close the Seraph felt unnaturally unsteady. That was happening more and more lately. "What about you, Sammy? You find anything over there?"
"No." Sam slid the book he had been reading back into its place on the shelf. "Unfortunately."
"Great." Dean sighed heavily. "Well, let's head back to the hotel then and regoup." The three nodded solemnly, heading towards the door. "Thought for sure we'd find something here. Otherwise, what's the freakin' point?" he muttered.
The trio slowly walked out of the library.
However, when Dean gently grabbed hold of Cas's arm and motioned for Sam to keep going, Cas glanced at his hunter.
"Dean?"
"I might not get another chance to do this. And with how shitty everything's going lately, I—"
Cas's eyes narrowed in confusion.
"Damn it!" Dean huffed before he surged forward suddenly.
Their lips never connected, though.
Instead, Dean was ripped back by something unseen, the hunter reaching towards his angel with silent screams as he was pulled further and further into the black ooze.
"NO!" Cas roared, his Grace exploding before everything vanished into familiar empty darkness.
When his opaque surroundings a moment later were engulfed with harsh incandescent lights from an opened doorway, the Seraph felt jostled inside to his very core. He took gasping breaths, feeling strangely out of sorts. His eyes stared wide at the glowing green-eyed shadow standing in the entryway before the shadowy silhouette quickly flew to his side.
Strong arms wrapped him up in a heated embrace, causing Cas to blink more, unsure of what was happening. His senses all told him that this was Dean, but he couldn't see the beautiful bright soul he had fallen for. And that hurt.
"Hey. Hey, it's okay. All right. It was just a bad dream," whispered Dean above him, holding him firm against his bare chest. "You're fine. You're safe. I got you."
"Dean?"
Was this real? Cas wasn't so sure anymore. About anything.
"Yeah?"
"What happened?" he asked, his voice rough and groggy.
Dean forced a quiet laugh, rubbing gentle circles against his back. His touch felt more like it was burning Cas than comforting for some reason.
"You had a bad dream."
"No. I-I don't sleep."
Dean's hand paused in its rubbing before the hunter pulled back slowly. His eyes passed over him silently in obvious examination before he raised a hand and gently placed it over Cas's forehead.
"Shit, no wonder you're out of it," he declared, withdrawing his hand. "You're burning up."
"But I don't get—"
"Cas," Dean then lowered his voice, "you're human now." He forced their eyes to meet. Dull blue meeting the bright green. "Remember? You sacrificed your Grace to protect me? Any of this ringing any bells?"
"I . . ." Yes. Maybe. He couldn't be certain. There was a thought that wiggled in the back of his mind. He supposed that could be what it was, but that didn't . . . He also didn't feel warm right now. In fact, he actually felt cold except where Dean was touching him.
"It'll come back to you once you're feeling better. I'm sure of it." he forced a gentle, reluctant smile. "Anyway, let's get some soup and Tylenol in you and spend the rest of the day in bed so you can rest. Sound like a plan, Sunshine?" When he caught Cas's trademark squint, Dean rolled his eyes. "Dude, come on. This is me talking here. Would I lie to you?"
"Yes." Cas then dipped his head forward. "In fact, you have. Many times before."
"Yeah, well, touché there." Dean poked him back in the chest. "Empty Deal ring any bells?"
Blue eyes instantly fell guiltily. Oh.
"But it worked out in the end. So, you know, whatever." He then patted Cas's blanketed leg gently, the place remaining warm even after Dean's hand had left. "Think you're up for a walk to the kitchen or should I bring it in here?"
"Bring what?"
"The soup, dumbass." Dean sighed. "Never mind." His hands a second later tenderly cupped Cas's face. "Stay here. Hear me?"
"Yes." It was rather hard not to with how Dean was practically shouting. Or maybe Cas was just being overly sensitive to the hunter's voice today for some reason.
"Good. Because if I come back and you're being your usual stupid know-it-all self, angel, we're going to be having a lengthy discussion. And it's not going to be the fun sexy kind either." Dean then shook his head. "Course I only have myself to blame here."
Cas's head tilted.
"You're sick because of me," he stated quietly.
"How?"
Dean's brow raised before he sighed heavily and closed his eyes, his shoulders sagging.
"All right. Well, I don't know how much you remember right now. They said you might not remember any of it considering it was your second time, but, anyway, I dragged your ass out of the Empty and brought you back here. That's how." He rubbed at his forehead with a tired sigh. "Even though, they all told me this would happen, I didn't—doesn't matter. Time to clean up my mess this time, right? Plus," here Dean smiled cockily and leaned forward "not to brag or nothing, but I'm sort of awesome at taking care of people, you know?"
Cas frowned. "Yes, Dean. I'm aware of that. You often exhibit your tendencies to care for others." He didn't see why the human was so gleeful over it. It was one of the many things he loved about him. A love language that Cas had finally understood not long ago. When he heard the groan a moment later, Cas's head tilted more. He had said something wrong here clearly.
"Just stay in bed, brat." Dean walked back through the darkness, pausing to flick on the light before he left.
As soon as the light illuminated the room, though, Cas felt himself breathless. He was in Dean's room. His eyes darted wildly around, noticing the new touches. He paused when he caught his angel blade displayed prominently on the wall next to Dean's ivory gripped handgun.
No.
That didn't make sense.
That would mean that they—
"Gabriel!" he called out sharply. This felt like one of his idiot older brother's tricks. One of his mindscapes the assbutt would do as some screwed up form of an apology. It wouldn't be the first time after all that his brother dreamed up a world where Cas and Dean were reality. However, Cas was met only with the unnatural silence and slight ache in his chest that reminded him of his brother's sacrifice in the Apocalypses World for them.
The Empty then? Was that what this was? Had it decided to toy with him with this fantasy? One Cas desperately wished was true but knew it wouldn't be.
He grabbed his blade from the wall, quickly drawing the sigils while ignoring the pain from where he had cut his palm with his blade to bleed. Nothing happened, though. The sigils didn't glow. They didn't do anything but remain there, bloody reminders.
"All right. So, I hope you like—Cas?"
"What is this?" the Seraph asked, whirling around and gripping his blade tighter. He couldn't feel the thrum of his Grace, so it did seem that at least part of the story of his being human was true. However, it was strange that he could almost sense his Grace nearby. As if it was close yet inaccessible to him for some reason.
"Uh, our room?" Dean then inhaled slowly, trying to remain calm while it was clear he was anything but. "Dude, it's me. All right? It's Dean." He set the tray with bowl of chicken noodle soup and a glass of water down on the edge of the nightstand. "Cas, it's me," he repeated, approaching slowly with his hands up.
"What do you mean 'Our room?" The Seraph shook his head, trying to fight off the vertigo that was starting unfortunately. It was as if he had bees buzzing inside his head.
"As in the room we sleep together in."
"No. That's a lie." He would remember if they shared a bed. He'd hold that memory dear forever.
"Cas, it's not. Honest." A pained look crossed his face. "Damn it." He sighed heavily, rubbing at his temple as he took a moment to think. "Why does nothing ever go easy for us? Like, fuck, just once I want us to both have a win. Is that too much to ask for?" he grumbled under his breath. A moment later, he glanced back at Cas. "All right. I know you're going to think I'm full of shit here, but I need you to trust me. Okay? Could you do that for me?"
Sharp sapphires glared back in response but Cas said nothing.
"We were losing. Big time. Chuck had our asses to the mat. We were bloody. And we were tired. And I did something stupid. But it worked out. That's all that matters. It worked, Cas." He then muttered under his breath, "Or rather we thought it had."
"What did you do?"
"I let Sammy and Jack do their thing with the whole Chuck saga, and I chose you for once, Cas. It took some convincing with Michael, and I think Adam had to help sway him too—but, I mean, dude, I wasn't going to lose you again. Not like that. Not to that fucking place. So, once Michael explained about our bond, I stopped fighting it and accepted it openly, with all my fucking soul. I came for you like all the times you had ever done for me. Course I had to die first to get to the Empty, but Michael helped with that part. Or maybe it was Adam. I don't know. Those two are so in sync with each other now. It's freaky."
"Dean!"
"Sorry! Sorry. Um, yeah, so once I got reaped and taken there, well, I followed in your brother's footsteps. I screamed and screamed and yelled your name non-stop. All the while, I kept focusing on our bond, on you. And for a moment I had you, but then I lost you again." Dean paused, starting to pace and run his fingers through his hair. "The Empty really hated you. Like, really, hated you. So, I decided I needed some help. I started shouting for Gabriel and Balthazar and Alfie and Gadreel and all of them. The good ones at least."
Cas felt his world shift and turn inside out instantly. "What?" Dean had woken up his siblings?
"I mean, it made sense at the time," Dean replied with a haphazard shrug. "We'd need all the angels we could get to beat your dad. And Gabriel mentioned something about using them later up in Heaven to keep the lights on or something. I don't know. I was only focused on you."
"What did you do?"
"I'm telling you, Cas. I chose you, man. I finally fucking chose you. And once they had all woken, we all started shouting for you. Oh, hell, the Empty was pissed then. It only made us try harder. And then—I don't know—Gabriel and Balthazar did something. Like combined their Graces or something. I don't know. Shit got weird there for a second. All the other angels were staring at them like something blasphemous had happened. And then there you were. All three of us grabbed you at once. Crowley and Meg helped even too. Shit!" Dean stopped short, his eyes widening. "Did I tell you about them at all? Yeah. They got woken up too. Anyway. We all got you up out of that crap. And, fuck, dude, if I wasn't in love with you before, the second you stood up to the Empty, it was like—like that time in Bobby's kitchen when you told me how you could throw me back into Hell if I didn't start respecting you. It was fucking hot."
"Dean . . ." This had to be a fever-induced hallucination regardless of the fact Cas still felt unbearably cold. There was no way Dean 'Straight as a level' Winchester had just admitted to finding Castiel, dorky Angel of the Lord, hot. Right? Had he somehow fallen into Bizarro World?
His eyes narrowed as he observed Dean. The hunter certainly looked like his. And he acted like his. Sort of. This Dean seemed more relaxed with himself, more at peace, though. Like someone had lifted the weight of the world off his shoulders finally and just let him be the man Castiel loved.
"Yeah. I know. Your brothers both told me to keep in my pants too," Dean chuckled, shrugging. "What can I say? I get all bothered when you're all commanding and shit. It's the bottom in me."
Cas's mouth dropped.
What the hell?
No. No. That . . . his Dean would never admit that aloud. His Dean could never hide it well of course, so Cas knew, but absolutely not. This was yet another instance that screamed this wasn't real. Had to be.
His eyes then hardened. It was the Empty. This was unequivocally the Empty. He launched towards 'Dean' with his blade, hitting air a moment later when the hunter stepped out of the way and grabbed him tight from behind.
"Let me go!" Cas roared, his eyes turning ice blue.
This couldn't be real.
It couldn't be.
Because if it was real, then it meant it was over and they had won. That they no longer needed to fight for scraps of their love anymore. Fight to stay alive. Sacrifice themselves for the world. Sacrifice for each other. For once, they could focus on them and tell the rest of the world to bite them.
But if it was real and he was wrong, then . . .
"What the hell is going on here!" Sam yelled, rushing into the room. "Dean, let him go!"
"Dude, I have it!" Dean shouted back, glaring.
"Like hell you do, jerk," Sam replied glaring before he shoved Dean back. His bluish green with flecks of brown eyes then darted towards the Seraph. "Cas—Castiel—this is real." His voice was steady and even. "It's not a trick. It's not the Empty. It's not even a trip on African Dream Root. This. Is. Real."
"Bullshit."
Sam's face instantly morphed into bitchface #25. "Yeah, okay. Answer me this then. Why? Why dream up you and Dean playing House in the bunker?"
"To keep me distracted."
"From what?" Sam shrugged flippantly. "Chuck's gone. Jack's running Heaven now with Michael and Gabriel supervising. Supposedly. So, why even waste energy on this sort of thing?"
"It can't be true."
"Why not?"
"Because this is—" Cas cut himself off, shaking his head frustratedly. Why was he even arguing? This wasn't real. It couldn't be real. Even if Sam was usually the voice of reason here.
"You once called out Dean for thinking he didn't deserve to be saved. Remember saying that?"
"That's different."
"Why?" challenged Sam. "Because you two are both idiots in love with your heads so far up the other's ass you can't see that you both deserve happiness?" he replied flatly with pinched lips of disgust. "That everything that happened was because Chuck was a shitty writer who didn't realize he was writing the biggest love story in the damn universe? Or if he did, was a dick and a coward for not giving it its proper ending?"
"I love him!"
"I know!" Sam shouted back. "Everyone fucking knows! God! You two were the last idiots in the universe to figure it out! So, quit being a dumbass now and open your goddamn eyes!" He stepped into Cas's space with a fierce look as he towered over him. "You love him. He loves you. It's finally out there in the open after years of you two denying it. So, for the love of Gabriel, Castiel, if you continue this fucking unresolved sexual tension bullshit you two have been doing for goddamn years that I've personally had to fucking suffer through after everything we just went through, I will kick your damn ass from here to Vancouver."
Dean winced, scratching at the back of his neck awkwardly.
Cas, however, stared back wide eyed.
"You are the angel who fell for humanity." Sam pointed to Dean. "In the words of your annoying asshole brother, that's humanity, dumbass." His eyes went even colder. "He is the Righteous Man. You gripped his ass and raised him from perdition, piecing him back together with bits of your Grace and his Soul. And guess what? He went to the Empty to return the fucking favor! So, for the love of fucking Hell, Castiel!" Sam shouted, "get it through your goddamn mind! You two belong together. Chuck—who isn't here anymore by the way, thanks to Jack and me—was the one keeping you apart. Chuck! Not Amara. Not the Empty. Not Naomi. Not Rowena. Not me. Not Gabriel. Not Balthazar. Not Billie. Not Mom. Not Dad. Not even Bobby or Jody. Chuck! Who is finally gone. Just like the Empty too for that matter. So, like the damn song that Dean fucking plays all the damn time says, 'For there'll be peace when you are done.' Well, hello, dumbass! You're done! Both of you! We won!" Sam then threw his hands up into the air in complete frustration.
Eileen then stepped inside with a corner of her lips twitching silently to hold back her smile as she wrapped a gentle arm around Sam's side.
"Wow, Samantha," Dean remarked, shaking his head. "Been keeping that rant in for a long time, haven't you?"
"Don't tempt me, jerk."
"Jeez. All right, bitch," snorted the older Winchester with an eyeroll before he glanced at Cas. "What more do you need to convince you, Cas? Want us to pray to Jack? To Gabriel? Hell, I'll even pray to freaking Balthazar if you want."
Cas searched Dean's face, desperately trying to find the untruth, the lie in the words. He only found openness, though, and love.
"This is real?"
"Yeah, man." Dean smiled reflectively as he took a step towards the Seraph, the heat returning. "It's real." He then gave a quiet chuckle and shook his head. "I have moments where I doubt it too, you know?" he admitted in a hushed tone. "Because for so long I thought my story would only end one way. The bloody way. Cas, we rewrote our story, though, thanks to you. We gave ourselves a better fucking ending than your dad ever could have. We did that."
Cas then glanced towards the bed he had vacated, noting that it looked as if they had both slept in it. "Then, we're sexually intimate with one another?"
Dean instantly coughed harshly as Eileen snickered and Sam grimaced.
"No, man. We're taking it slow."
"Yeah, because almost twelve years of pining definitely needs to be taken even slower for you two idiots. Jesus Christ," Sam grumbled.
"Oh, just shut up over there, peanut gallery, will you?" Dean scoffed before he glanced back at Cas. "We're still . . . figuring things out. All right? These moments where you get a little hazy get in the way, but your brothers are working on a solution for that."
"What?"
"Gabriel and Balthazar. And I suppose Michael too, but I'm sure Adam's forcing him on that as well. I don't know. Jack has an idea. And it didn't work. But we'll just keep trying."
"I don't understand."
"When you fought the Empty, you used up all your Grace to obliterate it after it threatened me. So no other angel or demon or Sammy or I even could end up there. And, you know, thanks to Gabriel, we got flushed out of it before it was destroyed and ended up back here. Came at a cost to him too, but he doesn't seem to mind that much." At Cas's look, he sighed heavily. "His mojo is a bit glitchy sometimes. So, he has to rely on Balthazar or Jack to come check on you, and it makes him a little bitch unfortunately at times."
"Gabriel checks on me?"
They were friendly enough with one another, so it wasn't improbable. In fact, his older sibling was the only archangel who had been kind to him. In Gabriel's own way of course.
"Yeah. Course he has. Dude, we've been a couple of selfish assholes lately, not noticing things. Your brothers—the good ones—they love you. Really. I mean, they have weird ways of showing it sometimes, but they do. They check on you every day. Sometimes two if it's a really bad day. And they've each tried to heal you with their Grace. None of it sticks, though."
Cas squinted, pondering over this new information. He couldn't seem to recall any of it. He then tilted his head to the side and frowned. In fact, the more he thought on it, looking back he only recalled Jack glancing up at them crying after the return of his soul.
"What?" Dean asked.
"How long has it been since Jack regained his soul?"
"Uh, nine months. Why?"
"It's almost Christmas then?"
Dean nodded hesitantly, glancing at Sam and Eileen. "Yeah. Why?"
"So, I've been 'glitching' since you rescued me from the Empty?"
"I suppose that's a way to put it." He frowned. "Cas, what's going on?"
"You've been taking care of me since then? Helping me recall?"
Dean nodded again. "Yeah. Usually about dinner time you can remember half of it."
Cas's eyes moved back and forth as he considered this, working on unraveling the mystery. He couldn't recall past Jack regaining his soul. He felt flashes, but they were jumbled up. As it had when Naomi had used her mind control on him. An astonished laugh then rumbled past his lips. Oh.
"What?"
Of course. It was so stupid.
"Cas?"
"How many mornings do I wake up as I did today?"
"Huh?"
"How many times do I wake up after a bad dream and you have to comfort me?"
Dean's brows knit together before he shrugged, dragging a hand across the back of his neck. "I don't know. Maybe every day since—fuck!" Bright green eyes widened as it hit him then too. That had to be related to his memory loss somehow. "I didn't even think about that!"
"Have we ever talked about my dreams?"
"No. I always figured you'd talk—oh my god. Wow. I'm an idiot." He stepped closer. "So, what do we do? How do we fix this?"
The way they aborted Naomi's programming. The way they had with Zachariah. The way they had with Michael. The way with Chuck. With so many others.
They fixed it by relying on one another, on their bond. On their love for one another.
"Like this," Cas murmured, tilting his head up and pulling Dean down to him. They'd fix this the way he had imagined for so long.
"Uh, guys?"
"Let's go, Sam," Eileen said with an amused laugh as she pulled him out of the room.
Cas and Dean's lips brushed against lightly, hesitantly at first. As if afraid that something would tear them apart again. When nothing did, they pressed firmer than before, melting against each other. They breathed the other's breath, offering their own. When still nothing bad happened, they crashed together, tangling up, hands wrapping around shirt and skin and hair desperately holding on.
When they bumped back into the wall, Cas let out a low growl, hearing the responding whimper. He felt the familiar scalding warmth against his flesh, calling out to him. He inhaled deeply, stealing Dean's breath and getting his first taste of his broken Grace that had sought Dean out in the Empty to protect him undeniably. Because he had only ever had one mission. Save Dean Winchester.
He chuckled silently when he felt Dean shiver. He pressed them harder against the wall, deepening their kiss and drawing in more of his Grace. It wasn't enough to be an angel anymore. Two drops in fact, he surmised, but at least it wouldn't burn Dean alive anymore.
He saw the flashes that had been hiding from him. The truths that had been lurking in the shadows. He let it all wash over him, bathing him in the emotions swirling underneath. As he watched the end, how it finished, he transferred more of his love to the hunter, trying to heal the wounds to the man's beautiful soul. When he remembered all of it, he pulled back, mournfully and solemnly.
The hope shining in his tearful eyes reflected into Cas's deep cerulean.
His now healed hand moved to where he'd first held Dean all those years ago, smiling warmly when Dean inhaled sharply. He felt his Grace react as well, one last time, as it slowly smoldered and left him human for real this time. They had all the time in the world now to make it up as they went along.
"Hello, Dean."