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What Natasha actually says is, “Steve was the ex-director’s boyfriend.”
What Clint hears, however, is very different. “Steve’s the director’s ex-boyfriend.”
Wow, he thinks. That was… Wow. “How?” Clint asks, his face screwed up. “How the hell does anyone have the balls to break up with Fury? I’d probably just quietly leave the country. Unless… Fury must have done the breaking up, right?”
Natasha raises an eyebrow and stares at him for far too long.
Damn. That means Steve was the one to break up with Fury.
“Are they… are they okay now though?” he asks tentatively. He thinks hard about it for a moment. And he realizes his initial reaction is a bit childish. Fury’s scary when he wants to be. When you fuck up. But he’s nice if he wants to be, and he would never be abusive.
Clint wonders what happened to make them split.
Natasha shrugs a shoulder. “What do you think?”
Clint thinks no.
Steve goes running all the time as if running from something. Fury seems more ornery than usual. Obviously, neither are happy with this. There’s only one solution.
“I’ll get them back together,” Clint muses out loud. “Make them remember what they saw in each other in the first place.”
Natasha snorts behind her hand and shakes a little before clearing her throat and saying, “It’s your death wish.”
Look, Clint has gotten enough stupid jokes about Cupid to last a lifetime. He figures, just this once, he can live up to them.
He’s a romantic at heart, after all.
Clint starts out casually. He asks Steve out for a drink, and they get to talking. He brings up Fury very subtly. “So, you see Fury today?”
Very subtle.
Steve shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah,” he says. “Debrief earlier.”
Clint nods his head. “Fury’s pretty great. Really respectable. Good at what he does. Cares for people.”
Steve gives him a strange look. “Yeah, he is all that.”
When Steve looks down into his glass, Clint can see the longing in his eyes. He shakes his head. He has got to get them back together.
--
Barton starts talking about Rogers a lot. Before Barton leaves his office, he leans on the desk and says, “You know, I think Steve’s full of a lot of regret.”
Nick gives him a look that is supposed to mean he’s already dismissed Barton, he can go. “Who isn’t?” (It’s alarmingly true in their line of work, but they can’t let it stop them.)
“I don’t know, you could talk to him more?”
“I don’t think I’m that high on his sharing feelings list.”
Barton waves his hands in the air. “All I’m saying is that opening up a bit isn’t a bad thing. He’s not in a great place right now, and I think he really wants to talk.”
Nick doesn’t have time for this. If Rogers wants to talk about his problems, they have a number of therapists on staff. Barton is currently distracting him from his own job. “If you care that much, why don’t you ask him out?”
Barton goes red. “I didn’t- I mean-” He sighs and shakes his head. “It’s not like that between us, sir. Honest.”
After that, he turns and leaves, and Nick can finally get back to his work.
--
When Steve enters the bar, he doesn’t see Clint. He does, however, see Nick. Steve shakes his head. Clint’s been talking non-stop about Nick, and he has no idea why. They aren’t really friends. He respects the man, of course, but buddies they are not.
But Steve is here, and going home to the apartment is less than appealing.
He sits beside Nick and orders a drink.
Nick gives Steve a once-over. “Barton invite you?”
“Yeah,” Steve says. “But I don’t think he’ll show.” He gives Nick a half smile as he takes a sip of his beer.
“Keeps telling me you have feelings to talk about,” Nick says. “Told him that’s not my job.”
Steve laughs. “Oh, don’t worry, I know where the therapist offices are. Had to be certified combat ready after all.”
Nick doesn’t look at him when he says, “You failed those assessments.”
Steve shakes his head a little. “I know. But you let me stay on anyway.”
“You’re good at your job. Headstrong, could stick to the the rule book a little more, but good.”
Steve finds this hilarious coming from Nick, the guy who has defied the World Security Council on more than one occasion. And that’s just the stuff Steve knows about at his security level.
They get to talking, and Steve has to admit, it’s nice.
--
Clint sets up a few more dates before he finds out they’ve started making their own. He’s not one hundred percent sure they’re together together again, but it’s a start. He wants to crow with joy.
He keeps Natasha up to date, and she asks, casually, “What if they broke up because the sex was bad?”
That’s something Clint does not want to think about (people’s sex lives are their own private business), but it does worry him a little. “But they’re so in love,” he says. “I can tell, and they seem so much happier.”
Natasha hums thoughtfully.
It’s been a few weeks since Clint started his little campaign, and things seem to be going really good. So good, in fact, that when he goes to give Fury some reports, he pauses outside the door, hand raised to knock, because he hears… noises.
There’s groaning. There’s grunting. There’s someone that sounds startlingly like Steve going, “Yes, please, Nick, there, unnn.”
Clint’s fist hovers over the door. He needs to leave. Now.
“Like that?” he hears Fury say. “Want more? Want me to shove it in?”
“Yes, please, I need it, need it now,” Steve moans, actually moans out like a porn star.
Wow. Okay. So Clint did his job perfectly.
He backs quickly away from the door, but he does keep a lookout to make sure no one tries to enter Fury’s office for the next hour or so.
--
When Natasha tells them exactly why Barton has been pushing them together, Steve turns red in the face, and Nick thinks he’s getting old. He should have seen what Barton was doing from the start.
“And where exactly did he get that idea?” he asks Natasha.
Natasha, not so innocently, says, “I have no idea, sir.”
It’s Steve who suggests they continue the joke.
One afternoon, with Nick expecting Barton, they wait in his office, an eye on the camera outside in the hallway.
When Barton walks up, Steve moans loudly.
Nick feels like he’s a stupid kid again. It’s juvenile, but, admittedly, supremely hilarious and perfect payback for Barton prying into his private life.
They make as much noise as they can until Barton leaves, and Steve laughs while clutching his side.
“Thought I was gonna break,” he says while still laughing.
Nick chuckles, too, shaking his head. “That’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”
Steve gets control of his own laughter. He pats Nick on the back. “You need to find more things that are fun, then.”
Nick shrugs. “Don’t have the time.”
Steve gives him a knowing smirk. “Someone else not pass their assessments lately?”
Nick says, flatly, “That’s classified.”
It’s then that he notices Steve lean in a little too close. But it’s also his fault, because he’s leaning in, too.
When their kiss breaks, Nick looks at Steve for a long moment. “Well, that was unexpected,” he says as if commenting on the weather.
“Yeah,” Steve replies. He’s breathless, like he was during their play acting scene, but this time, it’s genuine.
Well, that changes things…
--
Natasha acts surprised and admonishes Clint for eavesdropping. Clint goes red in the face, but he gives her a genuine smile as he says, “I’m glad they worked it out, though.”
She points out, “You’ll only get more Cupid jokes for this.”
Clint shrugs a shoulder. “No one but you knows.”
True, Natasha muses. A fake relationship is not the kind of thing that makes for good SHIELD gossip. They are spies, after all. Gossip doesn’t really get spread so much as discovered.
This story has enough holes for a colander.
She does notice, however, with genuine surprise this time, that Steve goes to Nick’s office a little more often. And the day she sees Steve leaning over Nick’s desk for a quick kiss, she has to give it to Barton.
He really is Cupid.