Chapter Text
Waking up as Lori Grimes kind of sucked because she rated as my least favorite person. Then again, she became universally hated because of her ongoing unhelpful and hostile actions during a zombie freaking apocalypse. Waking up before the apocalypse would hopefully help save lives. I hadn’t arrived until after the fateful morning argument and subsequent shooting that placed Rick in a hospital, but judging from the text messages on her phone, that had only happened last week.
The only benefit from having a husband in the hospital recovering from a gunshot sustained on duty. No one expected me to act like Lori normally acts. I didn’t know people’s names or Lori’s history with anyone that hadn’t been part of the show. But other moms volunteered to shuttle Carl to and from school. People dropped off casseroles and Lori didn’t really need to say much of anything. Everyone had condolences and well wishes and hugs. No one really questioned if it took several tries to respond to the name Lori or if I didn’t greet them.
The other terrible benefit, no one to question or stop me from buying all the things I might need. The first thing I did after some other mom picked up Carl for school and handed me a pie, I looked up all the camping stores in the area. Since I knew that Rick gets to the quarry after 2 months into the apocalypse, it meant camping. An hour and a half later I pulled into the giant Bass Pro Shops parking lot.
“Mom, we got a new car?” Carl slumped into the house and asked in a vaguely annoyed tone.
“Yup, we’ve got a minivan!”
“But where’s the old car? What would Dad say?”
“I traded it in, they gave me a great deal,” and they did. Everyone in town knew what happened to the Grimes family. They wouldn’t be sending a bill for the minivan for two months. By that time, no one would be paying their bills anymore.
“It’s more fuel efficient than the old car, and it’ll be easier for your dad to get in and out of the minivan when he’s coming home.” At the mention of Rick, Carl seemed to accept the new car without any more fuss.
“Can we go see dad?” Carl asked hopefully.
“Of course, take your backpack.” Carl seemed surprised, but energetically gathered up his stuff and waited by the door semi-patiently. I grabbed a large tote and tossed in Lori’s purse and a book along with some snacks and water bottles. Let’s see what I might be able to take from the hospital.
We spent the afternoon reading and talking to Rick. Carl did his homework. When one of Rick’s doctors came in, I faked a sinus infection and got a pity prescription of antibiotics.
The next month followed that sort of pattern. Apocalypse prep whenever Carl had school, home in time to spend the afternoon and early evenings with Rick. Almost all day Sunday we spent in his room talking, reading, and watching movies. Judging from the looks it got from the hospital staff and Shane, it wasn’t something Lori had spent a lot of time doing before.
“I’m really glad you’re bringing him by.” Shame said during one visit when I stepped out to run to the cafeteria for our afternoon snack.
“Yeah, it’s good for them. Rick needs to hear familiar voices. I’m glad he has you talking to him too”
“I told them it was shock, that’s why you weren’t coming with Carl.”
“Yes…” God, what a bitch! Why did either of them like her? I stopped walking and turned to look at Shane.
“I feel like I just woke up the other day. I can’t even really remember the beginning. I… I don’t even really know how I was acting.” I responded semi truthfully as I digested just how awful Original Lori had acted toward her husband and family.
When we first started to come, Rick didn’t have any personal items in his room. Now he had photographs, his clothes, and toiletries for when he woke. I knew it would be after we left, so I taped a note to the bathroom mirror.
“Dad, your clothes are in the dresser. We’re sorry we weren’t here when you woke up. But we will see you soon! Love Carl, Lori” and underneath added in a different marker, “and Reverend Shane.”
The nurses allowed it with good humor assuring us that they would call first thing if we missed him waking up.
Saturdays we spent part of the day with Rick and part of the day I took Carl all over the place shopping for his apocalypse readiness gear under the guise of going on a camping trip as a family this summer when Rick was better. A couple of Saturdays we even went with Shane, I told him he was part of the family and expected to come on the trip. So we bought new tents, air mattresses, camp beds, hikers backpacks, apparel, and all the new fancy camping things that would make the apocalypse a little more comfortable.
“Lori, are you really sure we should be doing all this? What if…” Shane stopped and looked horrified.
“What if he isn’t well enough to camp in the summer?” I asked with a sympathetic shoulder nudge and a gentle smile. I knew that it was hard for Shane to see him lying so still in the bed for so long. Even I expected him to move or react or wake up while we spent so much time in the room with him.
“Yeah, what about that?”
“Then we camp in the yard or somewhere nearby and then tell Rick all about it.”
“I could take him for a weekend, we could do a boys weekend in the woods if Rick’s not feeling up to it.”
“Exactly, and then we all go camping in the fall or next summer. But he’s going to get better and I’m not putting any negativity into the universe. Carl needs to hear that we have faith. Rick needs to hear that we have faith. You’re a good brother, Shane, a good uncle.”
Shane smiled and ran over to Carl looking at some sort of crazy long shovel multitool. It would be great against walkers. So I slowly joined them as I put more camping gear in the cart and grabbed a couple of hats for Carl to try on. They thought it was all in good fun, but we would be throwing two of those crazy sharp shovel multitools in the cart. They high fived and excitedly followed me to the crossbows.
By the time reports of the infection started to make national news, I had almost begun to think it wouldn’t happen. Even though I hadn’t always lived as Lori Grimes, it became easier and easier to think of myself as Lori. The longer I spent living and preparing as Lori, the longer I had to worry about all the normal first world problems. I racked up thousands and thousands of dollars of debt. The Grimes savings account diminished to practically nothing. I lied to doctors and nurses in clinics all over the state to obtain prescriptions I didn’t need. Stole from the hospital while visiting Rick, and opened store credit accounts in practically every store that had camp supplies, guns, ammo, or food. Which in Georgia, is a lot of stores. So if the infection did not happen, I had a lot of returns to try and make. Although I hated that so many people would be killed, hurt, and damaged by the events about to take place all across the world, part of me felt relief that I hadn’t gone insane.
Shane called a day after the plane crash to tell us to stay home. He didn’t want us to go to the hospital without him. He showed up with a blue and white vase of flowers for Rick.
We all went to visit him. Shane and Carl headed to the vending machines first so I placed a backpack right on the visitors chair. It had snacks, water, and a couple of meal replacement drinks. Leaning right into his field of vision I tried once more to get him to wake or at least tell him something he might remember.
“Rick, bad things are happening. We might not be able to come visit again. People are infected and dangerous. We got your clothes and stuff here for when you wake up. Please wake up soon. I will take care of Carl, but it might get too dangerous to visit or leave the house. Just wake up soon. What you need is in the backpack. Just in case.” Hopefully he would take the backpack. I had marked the quarry on a map in the front pocket.
During the time we’d visited, I held his hand, combed his hair, and rubbed his legs. Today, in a Hail Mary attempt, I leaned on the bed and kissed him.
Kisses his right cheek, “Wake up, Rick.” I murmured.
“Come on, baby.” Kissed his left cheek, “You can do it. Open those blue eyes for me.”
“Please, Rick, I’m sorry about the argument.” I apologized that he had to go through that. I knew Lori felt bad about it. Then I leaned down to kiss his lips.
“Carl needs you, I need you, Shane needs you.” Another kiss.
I climbed on the bed so that he would be able to see me, feel me.
“Rick, I’ve gotten as much ready as possible. Remember, I’ve told you all about it. Try to wake up, I know you’re tired, but you gotta open those eyes.” I entreated as I ran my hands through his hair and kissed his face with little kisses.
As I leaned over to whisper in his ear, I heard a giggle and the door shut.
“Rick, Shane needs you. Your partner needs you. He’s lost without you. Wake up, sleeping beauty.” Luckily, no one witnessed my ungraceful dismount of Rick’s bed.
Shane and Carl were standing in the hallway, Carl giggling and Shane looked a little flustered as he tried to shush him.
“Alright, sleeping beauty wouldn’t wake from my kisses. You boys are up.” I held the door open as they both laughed and walked into Rick’s hospital room.
“Up you go Carl, try not to lean on his chest, but give him a hug and kiss.”
Shane helped a giggling Carl up so he could give him a gentle hug.
“Dad, wake up, you’ve got to be ready for our summer trip.” Then Carl leaned into his ear and whispered to him for a while. I gave them space, but since Shane was supporting Carl to make sure he didn’t accidentally hurt him, he apparently heard him.
Whatever Carl said to Rick made Shane jerk his head up and stare at me until Carl kissed his Dad and giggled. Shane helped Carl down and moved to sit on the windowsill where he often sat when we were in the room.
“It’s your turn, Shane.”
“Yeah Shane, everyone has to try to wake up lazy bones over there. Gotta give him a kiss.” I teased.
“What?! I don’t need to kiss him.”
“Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!” Carl and I chanted and danced around the room laughing.
Shane groaned but leaned down, “The things I do for you, man.” Then gave him a quick kiss on the corner of his lips.
Carl and I cheered and high fived.
“Bringing you flowers, giving you kisses, you gotta wake up before I’m making you breakfast in bed.” Shave joked and rubbed the back of his neck. He lifted the flowers he had brought and told him about everyone missing him at the station before he set them on his bedside table.
We all clustered close to the bed. I think we had kind of hoped our fairytale kisses might wake up the prince.
“Rick, we’ll give you a little bit longer, but you gotta wake up soon ok?” Shane told him.
“Yeah, you owe us all some kisses.” I reached out to hold his hand and felt his fingers flutter.
“He’s moving! His fingers moved!” I shouted.
“Shane, feel his other hand! Keep talking!” Carl hugged me tight and I stroked his back as Carl held his Dad’s hand, crying happy tears.
“Rick man, now would be a great time to get you outta here.” Shane started to talk, but gasped as he felt a twitch of Rick’s fingers. Shane tried to blink back his tears unsuccessfully.
“Dad moved, I felt him move! Wake up Dad! Please… Dad… I think you’d be really happy now if you woke up.” Carl told him before leaning over to rub his face into Rick’s arm.
“I’m going to buzz the nurses,” I announced unnecessarily but faced with the prospect of him actually waking up filled me with so much panic.
No one had said anything about how Original Lori might differ from me. There were times when I would catch Carl staring at me, but when I asked him what’s up, he would brush it off or tell me he loved me. It made my heart burst, I loved him so easily and so fast. Laying in bed at night, I only ever felt guilty that I had stolen Carl from O.L. I worried about how to deal with Rick or Shane, but I never really felt bad at replacing a woman who manipulated them and led them to death and destruction.
Now, the idea that all the care and attention that we had showered on Rick might result in him waking up early made me want to take it all back. Yes, it would be better for a lot of people if he never had to wake up alone in an abandoned destroyed hospital in a zombie wasteland world. But Carl hadn’t seemed to care that I had gained almost 15 pounds and bought an endless amount of stuff. We took up running to stay fit and Carl joined me at night doing pushups and situps, but I unabashedly ate the casseroles (the good ones), cakes, cookies, brownies, and pies that friends and neighbors brought over. Since I knew that so many foods would be inaccessible soon we ate pizza, hamburgers, and stopped for ice cream. Original Lori was skinny, but she hadn’t been super athletic. Gaining almost 15 pounds filled out my face and my bust. I liked the way the weight looked but judging from the photos on the wall, Original Lori had always stayed very skinny.
Shane hadn’t seemed to notice anything, we focused so hard on Carl and Rick. He didn’t want to reminisce because it seemed like giving up. Instead we focused on the future. On the summer camping trip and getting Rick on board with the archery set up we had for Carl in the backyard. The fact that we purchased three adult crossbows for Shane, Rick, and I to partake in the activity with Carl. I didn’t mention the additional sets I bought for people we’d meet at the quarry. Whether or not Shane noticed the weight gain, he never said. Being a single guy in his thirties, Shane dated enough women to know to never mention weight.
A husband would be different. If Rick woke up, he would see all the ways that I was different from Original Lori. He would have no reason not to talk about shared histories or past agreements or disagreements. A husband normally sleeps with a wife, and I knew that Rick’s first night with Original Lori he had sex with her. I stopped myself from thinking about it. I never let myself think about it. Admittedly probably not helpful in the long run, but while trying not to hate myself, it worked in the moment.
The nurse came in, excited for our news.
“I’ve called the doctor,” she told us as she monitored the situation. “It’s a great sign, keep talking to him.”
“Hear that brother, you’re going to be ok. Got to wake up, man. We’ve got all these plans and we’re not going to be able to do them if you’re sleeping away all your PTO.” Shane leaned in to tell him.
“Yeah Dad, mom let me get a crossbow!” Carl announced excitedly.
“Rick, that was supposed to be a horrible surprise, but if you want to wake up right now to tell me why it’s a terrible idea to arm our kid with sharp, lethal projectiles I would completely understand.” An awkward chuckle and I looked to see how happy Shane and Carl looked.
“In fact,” I teased, “If you wake up today you can exercise your veto power, otherwise I’m afraid it’ll be too late to get a refund and we will have to sign Carl up for the archery club.”
Carl looked up at me and giggled, he had already been using the equipment and it was probably too well broken in by now to be returned.
“Mooooommmmm,” Carl pretended to whine.
“Yeah, I don’t think you have veto power on this one, we were outvoted by Carl and Shane.”
“Outvoted, woman, you’re the one who came up with the idea?” Shane remarked with indignation but a sparkle in his eyes.
“You hear that Rick, you need to wake up. We need adult supervision.” I told him, much to Carl’s glee.
The nurse laughed at our antics to try and entice Rick into conversation or opening his eyes.
By dinner time, he had squeezed our hands and seemed to be a little more restless in his sleep. He hadn’t opened his eyes, but the doctor assured us that it was normal and a good sign. That he could probably hear some of what we were saying and it was his way of trying to come back to us.
No one wanted to leave him alone at night. Shane, spooked from what had happened when out on a call didn’t want to leave us alone. At least the explanation served as the official reason he had commandeered a sleeper chair and rolled it into Rick’s room.
“Well, it looks like one of us is sharing with Rick and one of us is sharing with Carl.” I told Shane over our cafeteria meal dinner eaten from trays at Rick’s bedside.
Shane choked on his pepsi as Carl snorted chocolate milk out of his nose.
Laughing, I handed both of them extra napkins.
“Really Lori?” Shane asked.
“What?” I smiled beatifically; butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth.
“I want to sleep with Dad!” Carl exclaimed.
“I’m sorry, you want us to ok Carl ‘Kicks in His Sleep’ Grimes to sleep with the injured guy?” I asked him with a raised eyebrow.
“That’s not my middle name.” Carl said before getting a calculating look in his eyes. “What is my middle name?”
I narrowed my eyes, the little shit knew something or suspected something. “I’m positive it’s ‘Kicks in his Sleep.” I smirked at him. “We can double check your birth certificate, but that sounds right.”
Shane laughed, “If you kick in your sleep, it might be safer for me to share with Rick. What do you think, brother? Should I sacrifice your wife and we can both try and fit on your tiny little bed like it's a junior high sleepover?”
Rick twitched a little, “It’s settled, you boys are on the bed, I’m gonna cuddle Carl on the sleeper.”
“I don’t think that’s what the twitch was all about.” Shane joked but didn’t look too perturbed. They’d been in each other's pockets before.
“Well if Rick wants to weigh in on it, he is welcomed to wake up and do so, until then, I get Mr. Kicky and you get to see if Rick will wake up to complain.”
It turns out, Rick did wake up. He woke up sometime in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping. Rick woke up, took one look around, wrapped his arm around Shane to get more comfortable and fell back asleep.
No one realized he had woken up until a couple hours later when the nurse came in to change Rick’s IV. She walked in with an apology when she realized she had woken us up.
“Let me get this changed and then ya’ll can get back to sleep,” she whispered.
“Can I get some water first?” Rick asked, completely unaware he had been in a coma.
We stayed the day with Rick in the hospital but news of the infection had begun to filter up to our floor. Shane and I both pushed to take Rick home as soon as possible. If it hadn’t been for how the hospital was quickly filling with emergency cases, I doubt they would have agreed to let him go the next day. I pushed the doctor into prescribing antibiotics and pain medication as well as medicated ointment for the still healing wound.
“Lori, I don’t need all that. I feel fine.” Rick started to say while I pumped the doctor for scripts.
“Maybe something to help as his stomach adjusts to solid foods?” I probed and the doctor produced two more prescriptions and recommendations for the best meal replacement shakes.
“Lori, I’m sure…” Rick began again.
“Dad, Dad, could you hear us talking to you?” Carl moved between his father and me and began to recount every detail of his missed 2 months. I made a mental note to buy Carl ice cream.
“I know we will be bringing him to physical therapy but would it be possible to get some information about things we can do at home? Information to help us get him back on his feet but not allow him to hurt himself.” The doctor promised to have some printouts brought over.
Shane joined us to listen in on the recommendations of limitations and how to help him gain strength back.
“Lori, you guys won’t be able to do this alone.”
“Can you come stay with us?”
“Yeah, yeah of course. Things are getting dangerous out there right now. I would feel better being there with you guys.”
An exclamation from Rick interrupted the plans Shane and I hashed out for Rick’s care.
“A minivan?!”
Shit, it looked like my days of uncontested spending had come to a close.
“I got a great deal, too good of a deal really, probably a pity deal to be honest. They practically gave it away. With your injury, I wanted you to be able to get in and out of the car in comfort and you wouldn’t think it, but it’s got great gas mileage, better than the old car and it’s great, it’ll be so convenient when we take it camping. The four of us can ride in comfort with all our stuff, I think you’ll really like it. I mean, come on, dream car!!” I rambled all the possible reasons that didn’t include the words hoarding and zombie apocalypse.
“But you swore you’d never get a minivan!”
“What? No, I love mini…” Rick looked bemused by this discussion, but Carl looked smug and Shane looked horrified.
“Whatever, it…” Fuck, I was stumped and starting to panic. Tears began to well up in my eyes.
“Mom said she loves it now, she said bringing you home safely was the most important thing.” Carl to the rescue again. Rick looked touched and mollified by my emotional response and Carl’s explanation. Shane did not.
I didn’t know what ideas Carl had concocted, but he had something brewing. He definitely deserved Ice cream and an interrogation. The bad part, Shane looked ready to interrogate Carl too.
The last night in the hospital, they loaded Rick with more IVs in addition to weaning him gently into eating and drinking. Carl and I packed up most of the things that migrated to Rick’s room with the exception of the clothes Rick would wear tomorrow.
I needed to fill the prescription, buy the shakes the doctor recommended, and load up on more of the foods they recommended for Rick’s diet. Shane hated the idea of me going out alone, but I promised to be careful and left the boys in the hospital room while I ran around getting supplies for the last time with money.
Taking the opportunity to make many of the last minute purchases I knew I wanted to make from Costco. Rick came home the next day, nine days before Kings County would be overrun and Shane would lead The Grimes to Atlanta. It wasn’t a change I had planned.