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Living with the Avengers is hard. Tony is still not comfortable with Bucky being there, Natasha is trying to hide it but she sees Bucky as a reminder of what she was and Sam is about to kill him in his sleep.
Or try, at least.
But, at least Steve is still treating him like he used to before this mess. Even though it now felt so weird.
Bucky never found relationships easy. But Steve is different. That punk made him fall in love back in the 30s, for the first time. And he loved him back.
And it was hard, being with a man back then. They were afraid one would disappear because of the cops, or some punks who just found out. And Steve could not defend himself. But Bucky didn't give a care, he wanted to be with him, to hold him, to love him, to protect him.
And now, Steve is Captain America, and they can be together and even marry in some places. But something changed in Bucky.
He is afraid that he doesn't love Steve back. And it can't be Hydra, he remembers glances with him as the Soldier and other men. And he can't tell why this happened. Maybe he grew out of this…
But Steve didn't. And it's driving Bucky insane.
And it's not the sex either. Steve is still as tender and sweet as before, he just stopped wheezing after half a round. Bucky enjoys it the same. But the rest feels odd, wrong.
"Hey, jerk! Are you here?" Sam throws a paper at Bucky, bringing him back to earth. It is common for him to get lost in his thoughts, but it's not always pleasant.
"Last time I checked, yeah," Bucky sighs, rolling his eyes at Sam.
"Alright, are you coming to the mission?" Steve asks.
Wait, what mission?
"Yeah, of course. Who else's coming?" He shrugs.
"Just you and me," Steve smiles. Because he knows what happens when they are alone on a mission, with no one to bother them.
Or Bucky will finally get a chance to talk about this thing, without getting interrupted.
It's late at night and the mission is finally over.
It was supposed to be an AIM facility, but things went downhill when Hydra came. Things always go downhill with Hydra.
They lost count on how many times one had to save the other's ass, on how many times they were threatened and how many soldiers took down. But it's finally over.
They just have to sleep at the hotel and go back to the base when it's morning…
Bucky waits outside as Steve books a room. He can't exactly go in and sit at the reception while holding a broken metal arm, so he has to wait for Steve to be done and then they can go in together. It makes people stare for less time.
But, Steve, being the hopeless romantic idiot he is, booked one double bed.
"Stevie, seriously? Right now?" Bucky sighs as he places the hand on a table and rubs his temple.
"Everything else was booked, Buck. Come on, we can take separate blankets," Steve shrugs. Bucky didn't like it at all.
But they still lay on the bed, some distance between them. They are both too tired to even think of anything other than sleeping. Or that's what Steve thought.
"Punk. I want to talk to you," Bucky sighs. They are alone here and he doesn't know when he'll have that opportunity again, so he has to talk about it.
"I'm all ears, love," Steve turns around and smiles. That goddamned smile. It would melt his heart before the war, but now he can just appreciate it.
"I don't think I am still in love with you," He thought it would be easy speaking it out. But Steve furrowed his eyebrows and let his smile fade.
"Did… did I do something that hurt you?" He asks, clenched on Bucky's answer.
"No, no. It's not on you. You are still perfect. But… I can't feel the same, you know. I appreciate you and I enjoy your company, but I can't feel the love. It's not Hydra either, they didn't do anything to my sexuality. It's just…"
Bucky can't wrap his thoughts together. Why is it so difficult, he has come out before! It should be easy.
"Do you still want to continue with this?" Steve asks, his face stone cold.
"Of course, I can't imagine myself without you, buddy,"
"Then, just stop me whenever I make you uncomfortable," Steve asks, reaching out to Bucky's hand. Not grabbing it, just asking for permission.
"By speaking or by knocking you down?" Bucky laughs.
"Whatever suits with the moment," Steve shrugs, trying to contain his laughter. Bucky smiles again and cuddles on the bed. It's not as soft or comfortable as his actual bed, but he can compromise. And he hugs Steve's hand with his, watching him smiling as he closes his eyes.
The last thing he expected Steve to do, is throw a damn party over this thing. Not that it's annoying, but it is unexpected.
When they landed on the base, it was covered with white and black and green. For a moment, he thought that this other punk, Loki, decided to make a mess. But it was not kitsch enough to be one of their creations.
"Steve, what the hell is that?" Bucky finally asks, glaring at this idiot he decided to date.
"A party. What do you think it is? And there's cake and a flag waiting for you inside," Steve replies. Because he thinks that he can do whatever insane things he wants to but it will be okay if he repays with cake.
And he is so damn right.