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English
Series:
Part 4 of Courting Culture Confusion
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Published:
2020-12-17
Words:
211
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1/1
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The Talk (that no one wants to have)

Summary:

Tiny glimpses into the sex life of the Founders (AKA Izuna overshares)

Notes:

These omake were inspired by Phlebas' answer on her Caught and Captured fic:

Phlebas: I head cannon that Madara doesn't want to think about Hashirama or Izuna having sex. EVER. lalalala.

Hashirama doesn't care about Tobirama having sex - he cares that Tobirama might be *pregnant*. (Hashirama is generally a sex positive guy.)

Izuna is thrilled that Tobirama is having all the sex. He's the most sex positive of all the male founders, and King of Overshare. He and the triad's female fourth totally bond about it - sex is *fun*. Everyone should do it!

Tobirama knows that they all have sex. He just doesn't want it in his face. He makes faces just thinking about Hashirama or Izuna having sex. It feels wrong.

Mito took the opportunity to ride Hashirama into the mattress. Because she's an UZUMAKI.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Izuna: Hey, nii-san, remember that time you lost your head 'cause Tobi was wearing a robe?

Madara: KOi pOND FOr YoU.

 

Hashirama: So Mito did this new thing yesterday...

Madara: *hands on ears* LALALALALLAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 

Izuna: So there's this thing Hikaku does... 

Madara: *throws hakozen at him as a distraction to flee the building*

Izuna: *shouting after him while opening the hakozen and taking out a broken bowl* HE SNORES WHEN HE'S DRUNK! AND NOW YOU OWE ME THE DISHES YOU JUST BROKE!

 

Hashirama: *franticly knocking on the frame of Izuna's bedroom shouji*

Shouji: *sprouts twigs*

Izuna: *opens the shouji, stares at Hashirama, then at twigs, then back at Hashirama*

Hashirama: MADARA GOT OTOUTO PREGNANT!

Izuna: *stares*

Hashirama: THE TREES TOLD ME HE WAS POLLINATED LAST NIGHT!

Izuna: *slams the shouji in Hashirama's face*

 

Izuna: So there's this thing Seto does...

Tobirama: *tunes him out*

Izuna: ...then he does a little swipe of the tongue...

Tobirama: *continues to ignore*

Izuna: ... the secret's on the wrist, you know?...

Tobirama: *mind a thousand light years away*

Izuna: ...Then BAM! Best orgasm ever, you know?

Tobirama: Uh huh.

 

Mito: Anata, I hope your mokuton skills will be sharp tomorrow.

Hashirama: Uh?

Mito: Because I intend to fuck you into the floor tonight.

Hashirama: *lights up*

Notes:

Historical note: a hakozen is a box that holds a bowl set for one person (at least two bowls, a cup and a pair of chopsticks). If you flip the lid you have a tray, and if you keep it closed you have a table/desk! HOW NEAT IS THAT?
Here's a couple of pics: https://haikutopics.blogspot.com/2007/02/dinner-tray-zen.html

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