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The wave of radiation is heading their way, he doesn’t think about it, never does, really. It’s not like this is his first time living this scene. No, it repeats in his head often, plaguing his memories and turning his dreams sour.
“Allura!” His lips move on their own, the name coming out even as his mind screams at him to stop. He moves fast, pushing red to her limits to slam her into the blue lion and out of the way.
He knows what it feels like, his whole body burns like his blood has been replaced with acid, hell for all he knows it was. But, something happens this time. The pain is only in his head, an intense shooting ache that whites out his vision and brings him screaming into awareness, accompanied only by a loud roar that echoes through his skull and the feeling of sheer panic.
He awakens with a start, body shooting up in bed and eyes wide, taking in the flashing of lights around him. He’s sweat soaked and panting, fingers digging so tightly into the covers over his thighs that his knuckles hurt. The hull of the red lion is bright and flashing, the distressed rumble of it’s spirit pushing in his mind like a heavy weight.
“I’m okay girl.” Lance soothes, patting at the cool metal beside his cot. “It’s okay. Just another bad dream. That day plagues both of us, doesn’t it?”
The press on his mind softens, a soothing rub against his senses like a warm gust of wind. He smiles, patting at the metal again as he watches his lion calm down, the flashing lights flicking off and darkness surrounding him.
“Thank you, Red. You keep watch over me even in my sleep. Even after I put you through that.” A rumble echoes through his core, a purr. He chuckled softly and flops back into bed. “No way I'm getting back to sleep now. Maybe I’ll give you a good polish instead, what do you say?”
An image flashes in his mind, the planet they’re currently stopped on, blue grass blowing softly in the wind, dotted with orange flowers.
“No? You want me to go outside instead?” a purr rumbles against him again and he smiles, turning to look at the closed door leading to the outside. “Maybe I will, a good walk always calms people down, right?”
Pushing himself back up Lance stands, stretching with a satisfied groan before walking towards the door. It opens automatically, the feeling of happiness bouncing through his mind as he walks down the plank and settles his bare feet into the soft grass below. His eyes scan the area, settling on the soft glow of their campfire and the figure sitting next to it, which is now looking up from the fire, and back at him.
Giving a shrug, Lance walks the short distance across to the fire, eyes adjusting so he can properly see the mess of dark hair and red and white armor. “Something wrong?”
Lance shrugs, flopping down gracelessly beside Keith with a yawn. “Had a nightmare, you know how it is.”
“Yeah, it's either horrible unrealistic nightmares, memories that should be unrealistic nightmares, or things that just don’t make any sense.” Keith smiles softly, tossing another log in the fire as he turns his eyes to Lance. “Need to talk about it?”
“Nah, It's just another memory of the time I di- er… did something stupid.” He feels the disappointment in his mind, even as he poorly changes his words, ignoring it he picks up a stick, poking at the fire.
Keith chuckles, bumping him with his shoulder. “Isn’t that just like every time?”
Lance gasps, dramatically placing a hand to his chest as he stares wide eyed and slack jawed at Keith. “How dare you! I may not act it, but I'm a genius! I’m so smart that I know how to hide how smart I really am. That way no one expects it from me. Truly the smartest.”
Keith’s eyes sparkle with amusement, a soft smile on his lips as he watches Lance. “My apologies, Sir. Clearly I have mistaken you for someone else.”
“Indeed, you must have.” Lance gives an exaggerated smug look that leaves both of them bowing over in laughter. Their heads nearly bump together as Lance leans against Keith, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and chuckling into his shoulder.
They stay in that position even after they stop laughing. A comfortable silence takes over as Lance shifts to rest more of his body weight against Keith’s arm, head resting on his shoulder as they watch the fire crackle softly.
“Hey, Lance?” Keith’s voice is soft, hesitant as he pokes at the fire with his own stick.
“Yeah?” It comes out nearly a whisper, like the two have created some ambiance of quiet they have to keep. Lance doesn’t mind, it’s calming, being here with Keith.
“Why don’t you sleep out here?” Keith seems to fidget restlessly before continuing. “I mean, I remember you saying once that when you were younger and you had a nightmare you'd go and sleep with your mom. That she'd tell you stories until you fell asleep.”
“You offering to tell me a bedtime story, Keith?” Lance sits up, turning his body so he can curiously look at the side of Keith’s face, taking in his soft blush and the sudden, nervous twitch of his leg.
“I can. I mean, if you want me to.” Keith shifts, adjusting his position before patting his thigh. “You need to sleep, you can use my legs as a pillow.”
Lance hums, tapping his chin in exaggeration, even as he moves to lay down, propping his head on the hard armor and turning to look up at Keith. His hair cascades around his head like a dark waterfall as he stares back down at him, eyes darting around as if searching for something. His cheeks are adorned with the most adorable blush, and Lance barely resists the urge to reach up and brush his thumb over one.
“So, what kind of story do I get to hear tonight, nanny Keith?” Lance grins as a look of disgust takes over Keith’s face and he scoffs.
“Call me nanny again and you'll be hearing the story of how I kicked your ass. With an interactive bonus.” Even as the spite-filled words escape his lips Keith’s hand moves, fingers slowly dipping into Lance’s hair, combing out tangles as he practically pets his head. “How about the story of the time I got trapped in a ditch full of scorpions in the desert?”
“Oh my God, did that actually happen to you?” Lance’s eyes go wide with excitement.
“It did!” Keith grins down at him, hand still moving through his hair as he talks. “It was about a month after I left the Garrison. I was out hunting for food, as I'd finally ran out of what little provisions I had, and the thought of sneaking back into the Garrison to steal more just wasn’t appealing, yet.”
“Yet?” Lance’s eyes open, he hadn’t even remembered closing them. “Did you steal food from the Garrison?”
“I stole all my supplies from the Garrison. They deserved it for lying about Shiro.” Keith states it in a matter of fact tone, and Lance can’t help but laugh out. “I can’t believe you were the Garrison thief! The staff was blaming everyone. It was like a civil war in there.”
“Good, hopefully they threw a few punches at each other. They deserved a lot worse.” Keith’s hand stopped moving in Lance’s hair as he talked, and he can’t help but miss it.
“So, you were out hunting?” Lance tries to bring back the light mood, letting out a satisfied sigh when the fingers start carding through his hair again.
“Yup, I had a gun and my knife and a stomach growling for something to fill it.” Keith’s free hand seems to finally settle, fingers spread across Lance’s chest. “So I’m following some tracks in the sand, not even sure what they were, just that they had to lead to something edible, and I was hungry enough that I wasn’t picky about what it was.”
“I climb over this dune of sand and slip. As I’m skidding down this hill, scrambling to catch my hold in fear of falling into a patch of cactus or something, I see my knife, just settling itself away in the sand above me. Next thing I know I’m sitting in a ditch, sand raining on top of me and scorpions all around, and they were not happy.”
“The great Keith Kogane taken down by a little sand and some bugs. This is amazing.” Lance grins up at him.
“Oh just wait, it gets even better.” Keith grins back before continuing. “I try to find a place to climb out, but everywhere I pull more sand just falls and with that, more scorpions seemed to appear. Like it was raining bugs. Poisonous, pinchy, asshole bugs!”
Lance snorts out a little laugh and Keith seems to preen under it. “So I sit down, in hopes of waiting it out, if I don’t move I won’t get stung. But, the sun got higher in the air and these buggy mother fuckers weren’t going anywhere. Deciding I couldn’t wait anymore, I stood up and made a plan.”
“Ooooo a plan.”
“As carefully as I could I pulled off my shirt, and then as quickly as I could I used it to scoop up as many of the scorpion as I could and I threw them out of the hole and as far away as I could.”
Lance bursts out laughing, burying his face in Keith’s stomach. “You just yeeted a bunch of scorpions topless? Oh my god, Keith.”
“It worked! With them out of the way I caused a sand slide into the hole so I could quickly climb out and run off. Unfortunately, I had to leave my shirt behind so I had a horrible sunburn for weeks after. I never went hunting on my own again after that.” Smile going soft Keith looks down at Lance, who seems to have made himself comfortable in his stomach.
“That was the best bedtime story I've had in a long time. Even better because it’s true, and about you.” Lance seems to snuggle further into Keith, a loud yawn escaping his lips. “Thanks, Keith.”
“Any time, Lance.”
They sit in companionable silence for a while, Keith’s fingers still unconsciously stroking through Lance’s hair. “Did you need another story?”
Keith looks down, a small blush tinging his cheeks as he sees that Lance has fallen asleep in his lap. He flutters a thumb over Lance’s cheek, and with a soft sigh picks up another log to toss into the fire.
The radiation is green this time, a sickening bright, neon green that hurts the eyes to even look at.
Wake up.
“Allura!” His body moves on it’s own accord, as it always does. Maybe he just won’t wake up this time.
Maybe it will be better that way. In times of war it's a nice thought to die peacefully in one's sleep. It’s better than being captured and tortured. Or...
Being burned from the inside out by a neon green wave of space radiation.
The red lion crashes into the blue, sending it spiraling through space. Lance closes his eyes.
Maybe this time will be the last.
The wave hits him, but it’s cold, a thick moisture that burns the eyes like salt. Rather than going through him, it slides down his body and pulls away before returning with the same force.
Like water.
Lance sits up, the wave returning to crash into his chest again. His body filled with a calm sadness, rather than pain and fear. He blinks open his eyes, looking down at rolling white foam retreating from his body to mingle with the mass of crystalline blue water, before returning to him again. His fingers fist in the wet sand underneath him.
“The beach.” His voice is raw, scratchy like he’s overused it. He slowly pushes himself to stand, turning to look at his peaceful surroundings. “It’s… beautiful.”
A purr rumbles up his spine, cold and soothing like ice on a burn. It makes his heart ache, the urge to comfort, and be comforted in return filling his senses. He turns back to the water, looking up with a soft smile into glowing golden eyes.
“-nce.” A cold nose presses into his chest, and his eyes fly open with a start. Everything is red, controls flashing around him. A sense of worry and panic flowing through him.
“Fuck, is it an attack?” Lance goes to push himself up, but realizes there are hands on his chest, pale fingers gripping the fabric of his under armor.
“You’re awake.” Keith’s voice rings through the haze of sleep in his mind. As if his voice were controlling a switch, everything stops, and the red lion goes back into a calm state of rest around them. The urge to freak out retreating as if it were his imagination. “You were having another nightmare, weren’t you?”
Lance nods slowly, pushing himself up into sitting. He rubs at his eyes with the heel of his hand as he blinks into the darkness around him. Dark eyes blink back up at him from the wolf laying at his feet. “Shit, did I wake you?”
A shrug lifts Keith’s shoulders as he flops down cross-legged on the floor. His fingers dig into the soft fur of his wolf and he pauses, as if choosing his words. “Technically the red lion did. She turned on communication between the two of us and started blaring her sirens. A bit of overkill, if you ask me.”
The lion under them lets out a soft rumble, and both men smile fondly at the swell of affection that warms their chests. “Hopefully she doesn’t have to do it again. I'm sorry, Keith.”
“No need to apologize. We’re a team. I’m here for you.” Keith reaches a foot out, toes nudging at Lance’s leg. “Now lay back down, I'll stay with you until you fall asleep.”
A yawn interrupts any chance for Lance to argue and he sighs, laying back on the chair, thankful for learning they can lounge back as he turns to his side and pillows his head in his hands. “So what stories will you tell me today, Kogane?”
“Hmm…” Keith taps his chin, head tilted adorably in thought. “How about the story of how my parents met? I saw it all while I was on the space whale. Even the stuff I never wanted to think about.”
Lance laughs, turning to lay on his back and look up at the ceiling. “That’s got to be more awkward than walking in on your parents, because you can’t escape it.”
“Oh trust me, after the first time I couldn’t look at Krolia for a week.” They both laugh, then settle into companionable silence before Keith finally begins. “It started with a Galra attack…”
Waking up slowly is something Lance has missed. That feeling of blinking open his eyes, and waiting for his mind to catch up with his body in the real world. No screams, no sweating, no rapid heartbeat. Just calm, easy awakening.
He smiles, breathing in deeply through his nose for a minute. He feels good. Hasn’t woken this calmly in so long. Pushing up from the seat of Red he stretches his limbs, cursing himself for falling asleep in his armor. He's going to need to stretch something fierce to prevent cramps.
Popping off his outer armor, he settles on the floor to start some slow, easy stretches. Humming to himself, he mostly ignores the conversation going on over the coms around him. If he were to be a part of it then they'd call him in. For now he’s just going to enjoy the peace.
"He's an all-powerful, all-knowing interdimensional being who judges the worthiness of great warriors." Coran’s voice comes over the coms, and Lance frowns. The sleepy fog of his mind seems to muddle everything. Curious despite himself, Lance decides to listen closer to the others. Trying to learn about this great judge Coran is talking about.
Someone so great would surely want to meet the Paladins of Voltron. Lance’s chest swells with pride. Positive this great judge would find him and his teammates the greatest warriors in the universe.
“What kind of great judge could he possibly be with a name like Bob?”
“Bob.”
The gameshow.
“I'm going with the dumb one.”
Eyes going wide memories of Lance’s dream flash through his mind. Not of death, like he has come accustomed to, but of a made for TV game show.
“Do we believe this beautiful dum-dum?”
Memories of being thrown out in front of his teammates and treated like he is nothing.
“Your team is starting to lose faith in you, Lance.”
“No.” Swallowing down bile, Lance shakes his head, trying to force the words from his head. “It’s not real. It’s all just a dream.”
“The dumb one.”
“I’m not.” Lance can feel his body shaking. Pulling his knees up, he buries his head in them, curling up tight and digging his fingers into his hair. He curls his fingers, pulling on the curls trapped between them. It hurts, pain lacing through his head making him flinch and loosen his hold.
“You big dum-dum.”
“I’m not dumb.” A sob clogs his throat, making it feel thick, hard to swallow. His eyes sting with the threat of an onslaught of tears, ready to escape and drown him.
“I just don’t want to be stuck here for eternity with Lance.”
Everything stops. The pain, the terror, the hurt. The feeling of suffocation in his throat subsides with a shaky exhale. The sting of tears dulls with every slow blink of his eyes.
Maybe they should drown him.
“Stuck here for eternity with Lance.”
Useless.
“With Lance.”
Stupid.
“I just don’t want to be stuck here for eternity with Lance.”
The dumb one.
“We're a team. I’m here for you.”
“It’s all lies.” Legs falling into a crossed position Lance lets his hands drop, falling palm up into his lap. He looks at his calloused fingers, but sees nothing of use. “Everything he's said up until now has been a lie.”
Nothing.
“We’re not a team.”
He’s nothing.
“He doesn’t want me here.”
Nobody wants him.
“I’m only here because they haven’t found anyone to replace me, yet.”
Useless.
“Once they find a new arm for Shiro, they’ll get rid of me.”
Weak.
“Nobody wants a paladin who can’t even stay alive.”
Replaceable.
“Nobody wants you, Lance.” Lifting his hands Lance presses them to his forehead, closing his eyes and taking a shuddering breath.
The sudden silence is overwhelming. The coms cut out mid word. He doesn’t look up, doesn’t open his eyes. Doesn’t care. “Nobody wants to talk to me anyway. I'm just the dumb one.”
“Nothing of merit.” Lance lifts his knees up, burying his face in them and curling tight into a ball. “Anyone can shoot a gun. I'm just a body waiting to be replaced.”
Cold air runs over him, swirling around his body like a blizzard leaving him shaking and clutching tighter to his legs. “Just here for convenience. Someone had to drive Blue to Allura.”
He opens his mouth to take a shuddering breath, but no air comes. Throat thick, he tries again, but still no air reaches his lungs.
He's suffocating.
Good.
“Nobody wants me here anyway.”
Anger quakes the floor underneath him, a rumbling sort of growl that runs up the spine leaving you shuddering in fear. Lance opens his eyes wide. He wants to see the beast that kills him.
Wants to thank them for putting him out of his misery.
It takes a few blinks for Lance to register what he’s seeing. The cockpit around him is gone, instead all he sees is stars. Swirls of nebula under his body reflecting his own face back like water. It’s too dark, the vast expanse of space around him with no filter. It’s too bright, the flashes of light uninhibited by the protective cover of Red's screens.
“Am I… dead?”
Something hits his back. Cold hard metal pressing gently into his spine and pushing, sending him teetering forward. He barely catches himself from falling face first into his own reflection. He stares down at it, wide blue eyes taking in his own pale face before looking at his surroundings and the bright red of a massive feline nose returning to press into his back again.
Scrambling from the touch, Lance crawls forward, flipping to stare wide-eyed behind him. He looks up at the massive robotic face before him with wide, terrified eyes. “Black?”
The whole universe seems to rumble with a purr. Lance closes his eyes, shaking his head. He's dreaming. There’s no way the black lion would waste it’s time on him.
The press of cold metal is back, barely there now, rubbing gently against his side.
Just a dream. Maybe Black will be the one to kill him in this one?
Warmth presses against his cheek, bordering too hot. It's almost too hard, pressing him harder into the cold press of the reflective ground on his other side. He stumbles, arms going up to catch himself from falling again. They connect with cool metal and he clings, desperate to get a grip, even as he wishes for release from it all.
Blinking his eyes open again, he takes in his surroundings. It’s still dark, stars twinkling under his feet. His own face still there, looking back at him with wide, terrified eyes. He's clutching onto a nose, one he knows well. One he's spent many sleepless nights polishing, just to have something to do.
“Blue.” A rumble of a purr comes from the lion and Lance feels a swell of happiness in his mind. Gone nearly as fast as it appears.
The warm press returns to his other side, this time digging into his hip. Incessantly nudging into his flesh hard enough to bruise. He turns, already knowing what he'll find. Arms opening wide he embraces the nose as it presses into his stomach, pinning him less-than-gently between the two lion's faces. A feeling of pride flows through his body and he’s left doubting his own feelings of worthlessness. “Red.”
The whole universe seems to shake and both lions slowly step back. Giving him time to stand on his own two feet before moving away to make room. Lance looks up at the black lion. Standing in front of him with her head lowered, tilted slightly to the side as if confused. She steps forward, footprints causing ripples in the universe around her.
Lance licks his lips. “Black?”
The universe shakes in another soft purr. Lance understands, he remembers Shiro talking about it. He's in the astral plane with Black. He just doesn’t understand why. Maybe she’s brought him here so Zarkon can kill him without the others knowing. Save them the trouble of getting rid of him themselves.
A gust of warm air knocks him back, stumbling to stay on his feet. He stares up at the lion with confused, wide eyes as it steps forward again. Cool metal presses into his stomach, and Lance is filled with a warmth he hasn’t felt in years.
The warmth he feels when his mother hugs him.
Tears are dripping from his chin before he even realizes he’s crying. Reaching up he presses his arms to the cold metal of the lion in front of him. He leans into the touch, relishing in the comforting feeling of love rushing through his mind and body. A purr rumbles against him and he clings tighter, knees going weak as he sobs against the metal of her flesh.
More purring sounds around him. Three different rumbles in three different pitches that seem to pierce through the haze of doubt clogging his mind, and instead replace it with warmth, trust, love, and pride. All feelings angled at him, for him.
His grip slips and Lance falls to his knees, scrambling to keep hold. Not wanting to part from this feeling, needing it more than he could voice. Needing to be comforted. Needing to be held. Needing to be loved.
Black pulls away and Lance cries out at the loss, trying in vain to cling to the feeling of being loved. Wanted. Needed.
“Please.”
The lion seems to huff out a puff of air, and Lance swears he can feel it’s breath. Affection tickles against his mind as Black settles, laying down on the ground with her head between her paws. Before he can even register what’s happening Lance is off the ground. His body lifted uncomfortably by the back of his suit and carried forward until he’s dropped on top of Black's massive nose.
Immediately, Lance is flooded with love, the overpowering affection squeezing him tight and bringing him to his knees. No words come to his mind, no sounds in the air except his own broken sobs and the soft rumbling of purrs. He falls back, laying across the cool expanse arms spread wide, soaking in the feelings of love and belonging.
Closing his eyes, he drifts off back to sleep. Black underneath him sending him love. Blue on one side sending him courage. Red on the other, filling him to the brim with pride.
For the first time in a long time, Lance is happy to fall asleep.
A yawn bubbles up from Lance’s chest as he shifts in his seat. His eyes drift closed and hand raises up to cover his mouth. Sighing sleepily, he zones back into reality after his moment of reprieve and frowns. Voices shout in his ears, anger and frustration, apparently angled at him.
Oh… right.
They were training.
“It's not my fault!” Pidge’s voice rings over the coms. “Lance was supposed to be protecting me, remember? He just sat there like a useless lump, while they flew right past him to kill me!”
With a sigh to himself, Lance rubs at his sleepy eyes. Trying to block out the onslaught of words he knows is coming.
“Hey now, don’t call Lance useless.” Ah, Hunk. Sweet, precious Hunk. “He just isn’t that skilled in this is all. Isn’t that why we’re training?”
“It doesn’t matter how much training you get, if you’re not going to move during it.” Pidge scoffs, and Lance knows she’s sitting in her chair right now with her arms crossed and pouting.
“Maybe he's having a connection issue.” Shiro says, calmly. “He isn’t talking after all. Perhaps the Red lion is running too low on energy.”
“My monitor shows he is still connected to the simulation.” Krolia's matter-of-fact tone leaves nothing to argue, and is quickly followed by an irritated growl.
“He probably fell asleep again.” Pidge grumps and Lance sinks down in his chair, barely resisting the urge to lift his knees to his chin. “This is why everyone calls him the dumb one. He does stupid shit all the time.”
The dumb one.
The words echo in his head, voices of his friends mixing together with a loud, irritated overlay of Bob.
Hey stupid.
Tears sting at his eyes. He blinks rapidly, scrubbing at his face to try and will them away. Only stupid people would cry over something like this.
Don’t be stupid, Lance.
He can feel his throat clogging up. His breaths shaking in his chest, echoing over the coms like a beacon. He's weak.
Lance, that’s a terrible idea. Don’t be such an idiot.
Stupid.
The stupid one.
Worthless.
“Stop acting like a useless lump of flesh and answer me!” Keith shouts into the coms, his anger practically palpable. Lance can’t do it. He's nothing.
Not worth talking to. He shudders out a broken breath, his vision going spotty from lack of proper airflow. He feels hot, too hot. His body feels like it's boiling inside his armor, and he can’t breathe.
Chest tightening painfully, Lance grabs his helmet, flinging it across the cockpit and reaches out to flip a switch on his console. Instantly his lion goes dark, all the voices disappear and leave him in blissful peace.
“This is all you deserve.” He rasps out, pulling his knees up to curl in upon himself and bury his face in his knees. “All you deserve is darkness. No friends. No family. Nobody. They don’t want you. You’re nothing but a-”
“What the fuck are you doing Lance?” The soft pop of teleportation is drowned out by Keith’s angry voice as he Lands inside the Red lion. “We're fighting a war and you've been completely useless in training all week! Yesterday you fell asleep during a simple formation exercise, and now you’re just sitting over here doing nothing?”
“Go away.” Lance grumbles into his lap, holding his breath to keep from sniffling as he squeezes his legs tighter.
“What?” Keith frowns, stepping closer and reaching out to touch Lance’s shoulder. “Lance, what’s going on? Talk to me, I’m here for you, remember?”
“I said go away!” Lance lifts his head up in a tear-stained glare, letting his feet fall to the ground with a loud clang as he jerks his body away from Keith’s reach. “Leave me alone. That’s all you want anyway right?”
“Well I sure as shit don’t want to be here right now while you wallow in some self absorbed pity party!” Keith growls back, hands tightening into fists. “I don’t understand what your problem is, Lance. Are you suddenly too good to talk to-”
“JUST LEAVE!” Lance stands up, shoving at Keith’s shoulders. “This is still my lion for what little time I have left with her so get the fuck out!”
“Not until you start acting like a proper paladin who deserves to be here!” The lights around them flick on, momentarily blinding both men as they stumble with a sudden fast jolt of the lion's body. Lance falls painfully onto the arm of his chair while Keith grabs at the console for support. “What the hell are you doing, Lance?”
Groaning, Lance pushes himself up and looks at the lit up screens around him, showing stars flying by as Red moves at full speed. Voices shout over the coms, loud and confused.
“What’s going on?”
“The yellow lion isn’t turning when I tell it to.”
“The black lion seems to be piloting itself without anyone in the seat.”
“Blue, please. Listen to me and stop this right now.”
“At the current rate of acceleration the lions will run out of energy within the next thirty ticks.”
“I don’t think they care too much about expending energy.”
Lance stares, jaw slightly open as all of the lions move on their own. A small planet comes quickly into view and before he can even blink Lance sees the fire surrounding his lion from rapid atmospheric breach. “Red?”
“What is going on, Lance?!” Keith shouts, practically in his ear and Lance jumps. He forgot he was even here with everything else going on.
“Do I look like I know what’s going on?!” He shouts back, uselessly pulling at the controls.
“Of course you don’t! You never do!”
Their landing is hard, sending Keith flying across the cockpit, only Kosmo teleporting in the way keeps him from colliding hard with the wall. Lance's own face isn’t as lucky, smacking into the console in front of him with a painful crack.
Pushing himself back up, Lance grabs his bleeding nose and blinks blurry eyes at the camera around him.
Five views are shown on his screen. Four empty cockpits, void of all life, and the planet outside, lush green grass dotted with small white flowers now littered with the bodies of his teammates. They’re pushing up to their feet, confusion in their eyes as Lance watches the other four lions continue to move on their own. They all sit down and, as if in planned unison, a visible barrier raises up around them, blocking even their own paladins out.
Red shifts, moving much slower this time, and Lance cringes. He understands now. Voltron is rejecting them, and it’s all his fault.
A cool breeze blows on the back of his neck and he turns in his chair, wide eyes looking at the opened door behind him. Red settles peacefully to the ground, the room around them going dark as the door stands wide open.
The only one inviting others inside.
“What the quiznak?” Lance whispers, gripping tightly to his chair.
“I still think you’re using that wrong.” Keith scoffs from the floor, and Lance doesn’t have it in him to tease him.
He just wants him to go. To leave him alone. For everyone to forget about him.
But, apparently the lions have another plan. Probably looking for someone to replace him. Hopefully they don’t leave him on this planet alone after Krolia, or even Coran, wake the sleeping lion.
“Are you feeling anything with your connection to the lions, Princess?” Shiro asks, probably for the fifth time, as he walks over to Allura who sits cross legged on the soft grass in front of the Blue Lion. She shakes her head with a sad sigh, her words muffled as she buries her head in her hands.
“I do not understand it, Shiro. Why would the lions suddenly reject all of us so vehemently? It just doesn’t make sense without Galran intervention, but I also feel no sense of darkness tainting their quintessence.” She gives another defeated sigh, looking up at the particle barrier between her and her lion. “It’s like they’re giving us what you call a silent treatment.”
“You think we did something to upset them?” Hunk asks as he walks over to Allura, handing her a plate of food and looking up at his own, unresponsive Lion.
“It does kind of make sense.” Pidge hums, tapping her cheek as she types into her computer. “They’re not corrupted at all, and they’re not blocking my attempts to interact with them, instead it's like they’re choosing not to react to them. So what do you think we did to upset them?”
“Maybe you overworked them?” Krolia suggests, looking curiously up at the Black Lion with a tilted head. “They do have limited resources right now, perhaps they just want a break?”
“Imagine being told you’re working too hard by a robot.” Hunk chuckles as he moves to hand another plate over to Pidge, taking her computer from her and ignoring her protests. “But, I don’t know if that’s it. We’ve worked them harder than we do now and they’ve never complained. Maybe we can find a clue with Red, since she’s the only one who hasn’t shut herself up to us.”
“That is a good idea, number 2.” Coran slaps Hunk on the back before turning to Lance. Immediately Lance cringes, curling in upon himself in an attempt to look smaller over by Red. “What do you think, Lance, my boy. Is your lion still communicating with you?”
Before Lance can even answer his questions, he can feel the soft, comforting purr of Red inside his mind, running against him and trying to soothe his inner turmoil for the thousandth time. “I… I can feel her, yeah?”
“Well what is she saying?” Pidge immediately asks from around a mouthful of food, eyes wide and curious looking up at him.
“She’s just… sad. She… I don’t know, okay?” Lance huffs, pushing up to his feet, intent on going inside his lion to hide from the others and his guilt.
“Of course he doesn’t know.” Keith scoffs, throwing his arms in the air. “God forbid Lance ever know anything of importance. The one time he can do something helpful and he’s just going to sit there, refusing to talk to the lions just like he refuses to talk to us.”
“That’s right, I’m just a worthless lump. Too stupid to be a paladin. Why bother asking me anything?” Lance shouts, tears stinging his eyes as he turns to walk away from them, up into Red where he can hide.
“You can’t keep running away from us!” Keith’s voice is laced with anger as he reaches out, fingers just grazing the shoulder plate of Lance’s armor when the ground starts to shake. A loud roar sounds around them as vines erupt from the earth, twisting and turning into a wall of flowers and greens, wrapping themselves gently around Keith’s wrist and forming a wall blocking his attempts at grabbing for the other paladin.
“Green?” Pidge sounds startled as the feeling of warmth and comfort fills Lance’s head, rubbing along his senses like a cat searching for pets. He relaxes into the touch, unable to resist the comfort the lion offers him even as his fellow paladins erupt into confused turmoil around him. “Green, what are you doing? Lance? Are you okay?”
Lance doesn’t answer, instead choosing to continue his path to the Red Lion. He just needs to be alone, to calm down. That’s all, it’s all just too much.
“Lance, Buddy?” Hunk moves up next to him, hand hesitating for only a moment before it settles on Lance’s shoulder and draws his attention up to his worried brown eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been out of it for a while now, and I didn’t want to say anything because I know you like to appear strong in front of Allura but, dude… you can talk to me?”
“This is ridiculous.” Keith growls, tugging his arm out of the vines and turning from the group, headed for an empty spot between the yellow and black lions. “I’m going to train.”
Before Keith can take three steps, the yellow lion is moving, massive paw shifting to block the path Keith had intended to take. Keith groans, reaching out to grab for Kosmo’s soft fur. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you clearly don’t want to talk to me about it. I’m not going to be a part of this pity party anymore. I have a universe to save.”
The world seems to distort around Keith for a moment, like he’s going to teleport away with his wolf to go do the training like he desires. The tell-tale pop of Kosmo shifting planes fills the air and the wolf disappears with Keith in tow. Not two seconds later there is another loud roar and Keith reappears with wide confused eyes looking up at the glowing eyes of the black lion as she tilts her head down to look at him as if judging his every movement.
“It seems the lions want us to stick together.” Allura states, looking around at each individual lion as if for confirmation. “Perhaps we should do a bonding session?”
A happy purr seems to run along the back of Lance’s spine and he sighs, knowing he’s not getting out of this, after all. “Right, come on, we can do it in Red, it’s getting cold out here.”
Lance sighs, spreading out the bedding that Kosmo brought over from the other lions. “I don’t understand why you guys are letting the dog inside you, but not the other paladins.” He mutters to himself, feeling the warmth of all of the lions inside his mind, even as he looks behind him at the pile of other things Kosmo brought over in their long game of fetch for their sleeping supplies. He chuckles at the memory of Pidge’s screech of horror as the wolf reappeared, ears perked and tail wagging as he bit down on Rover 2.0’s incomplete shell.
“It’ll be like a big, cozy sleepover, right girl?” He pets Red’s walls with a soft smile. “I’ll apologize to them, too. I was pretty grumpy earlier.”
“I can’t believe we all have to sleep inside Lance’s lion.” Pidge’s voice comes through the open door, giving Lance pause as he turns his head to look in the direction.
“I know it’s not ideal, but there is nothing we can do about it.” Allura says, her voice giving off an obvious placating tone. Curious, Lance sets the bedding down, moving over to the door so he can hear the conversation better.
“Come on, it won’t be that bad.” Hunk adds, and for a moment Lance’s mood starts to lift again. “At least we know he can’t drag us off into trouble here, like he did back at the Garrison.”
Shiro laughs, and Lance’s heart sinks. “He always was one to drag everyone into trouble.”
Just like I’m doing now. Lance grips the fabric over his chest and swallows at the lump forming in his throat. He’s terrible, a trouble maker, bad for the team.
“You guys remember that time he-” Keith starts, but Lance doesn’t stay to listen, he doesn’t want to hear it. To think, they’re actually talking about how horrible he is so close to him. They probably want him to hear. He steps back up inside Red, bypassing the pile of bedding on the floor and grabbing his own pillow and blanket. He’d rather sleep in the cockpit alone than be with people who hate him.
The world around them is cool, a crisp icy blue that stings Allura’s lungs as she looks around. The cockpit of the red lion is gone. The clearing with the white flowers nowhere to be found, and instead all she can find is her fellow paladins, floating in the icy water around her. Each one of them sleeping peacefully, all except one.
She swims through the hard current, moving towards Lance as he curls in upon himself, his skin icing over and splintering before her eyes. He looks up at her, tears in his eyes, his mouth opens. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” She swims faster, coming up on him but colliding with a wall of ice between them. “Lance? What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough.” The words reach her ears, clear as day, filled with an overwhelming sense of disappointment, and everything goes dark.
“Help me.” Lance’s voice cuts Hunk from his internal musing, his eyes going wide as he looks around. The crisp, well stocked kitchen turning to a battlefield around him. His fellow paladins fight to rescue what looks like stone golem from a quaking earth. Hunk pushes a rocky figure over towards Pidge as he follows the cries of his best friend.
“Lance? Where are you?” The words echo around him, bouncing back almost hollow as he rushes towards the other’s voice. “Lance, please! I can’t find you.”
With a blink of his eye the world around him stops quaking, everything seeming to freeze in place as he continues to run. “I’m lost.” Lance’s voice echoes up from a deep chasm, Hunk stops at the edge, looking down at his best friend who lay in the middle, curled up on himself in a fetal position. Lance’s head raises from the ball of his knees and he looks at Hunk with cold, emotionless eyes, his words echo up from unmoving lips. “I’m lost.”
A feeling of deep sadness fills Hunk’s chest, and everything disappears.
Vines dance from the ground around them as they run. Pidge rushes through the brush, following the trail left for her as dread fills her chest. Something is wrong. Green has always been open with her, they kept up a healthy connection. But now, all she can feel is guilt.
She hears the footsteps of her fellow paladins following her as she pushes through the green-green vines on her endless path. “Please, Green. Whatever it is that’s going on I can help, but I need you to talk to me.”
“I need you to talk to me.” The words echo back at her, making Pidge stop and turn, eyes wide as she stares behind her. The thick jungle of vines is gone, leaving only blackness behind. Her team is gone, only one figure left behind her, collapsed to his knees on the ground. She steps up to him slowly, reaching her arm out tentatively.
“Lance?”
The figure jerks up, eyes wide and glowing gold as he looks at her, his mouth opens and Pidge’s own voice comes back at her. “I need you to talk to me.”
Vines erupt from underneath him, swallowing him full and Pidge screams, fighting and gripping at the tendrils in a vain attempt to free her friend. Tears sting her eyes as the ball of writhing vines blooms into a blue flower, then disappears from sight, leaving her alone on the barren ground where Lance previously stood.
Keith’s own face reflects back up at him as he stares down at the crystalline floor of the astral plane. He sighs, pushing up to his feet and looking around. “Black? Why are you doing this?”
A flash of movement draws his eyes to the reflection underneath him, a visual of the black lion settling on her feet behind him. He turns to look up at her as she crouches down to stare back at him. Soft footsteps echo through the area and Keith startles, looking beside him with shock as Shiro moves up to stand next to him.
“Shiro? What are you doing here? I thought Allura-”
“She did,” Shiro says with a soft sigh, looking up at the black lion with a frown. “It appears she wants to speak to both of us. It’s probably about what’s going on.”
“But I don’t understand what’s going on? I know this trip is trying on everyone’s patience, but I don’t know what could cause the lions to do something like this.” Keith huffs, pacing the area and tugging at his hair. “I just don’t understand it.”
“Maybe there’s something we missed. Something that’s happening right under our noses that the lions have decided is more important.” Shiro supplies, reaching up to pet the black lion’s nose. “I may not have spent a lot of time here in Black’s consciousness, but I do know that she doesn’t do things without a reason.”
“But what’s the reason, Shiro? Why can’t she just tell us?” Keith groans, looking up at the black lion as she looks back down at him, a feeling of disappointment filling his chest. “It's like she’s scolding me, like a child who got caught fighting on the playground.”
“Maybe it is something as simple as that.” Shiro offers, turning to look at Keith. “Maybe they are scolding us for doing something wrong.”
“Okay, but what did we do? I can’t just make things right when I don’t-”
“I just don’t want to be stuck here for eternity with Lance.” His own voice echoes in the area around him and Keith’s eyes go wide, the memory flashing underneath him like a scene from a television show. The team all standing behind their podiums, Keith looking haughty as he gives his answer to save Lance. His eyes move down the line to look at Lance who is looking back at him, eyes shining with unshed tears.
“Oh…”
“Keith, what is-”
Shiro’s words are cut off with a scream, and the world around them shatters into a million glittering stars, Keith feels himself falling, only the visual of Lance’s heartbroken expression as he looks down at his own fists shows through the darkness. It slowly ripples away as another scream pierces through the darkness.
“Lance!” Keith reaches for the rippling figure, scrambling to grab for Lance, to tell him he’s okay, to apologize for his words. His hand goes through the image and it disappears into the stars and Keith falls. He falls, and falls, and falls. Deeper and deeper into the never ending darkness, his own words echoing around him.
“I just don’t want to be stuck here for eternity with Lance.”
“Lance!” Keith wakes up gasping, hand reaching out and nearly cracking into Pidge’s cheek as she crawls past him towards her glasses settled on the other side of their spread out bedding.
“Holy-” She squalls, flailing back and landing in Allura’s arms with a relieved sigh. Hunk offers her her glasses and she gives a small, sad smile as she settles them on her nose and looks over at Keith. “You had a nightmare about Lance too, didn’t you?”
“Yeah… well… not exactly.” Keith sighs, letting his hand drop into his lap, the memories of his time in the astral plane still flashing through his mind.
“The black lion drug us both into the astral plane to scold us, actually.” Shiro supplies, running his hand through his snowy locks after propping himself up against a wall.
“I can’t believe I didn’t notice how much he was struggling,” Hunk’s voice is full of guilt and he looks around at everyone with worried eyes. “But he doesn’t seem to want to talk to anyone about it.”
“He was talking to me, for a little while at least.” Keith curls his fist in his lap. “He kept having nightmares, never told me what they were about, always just asked for me to distract him.”
“When did these nightmares start?” Allura asks curiously.
“I’m… not sure exactly.” Keith looks over at her, biting at his lip as he thinks. “He’s been having them off and on this whole trip.”
“I wonder if these nightmares aren’t connected to his death.” Allura taps her cheek as she thinks, turning to Shiro. “Do you have nightmares about-”
“Lance died?!” Keith’s voice cuts her off, his eyes wide and terrified. “When did Lance die? Why didn’t anyone tell me Lance died?!”
“I didn’t think it was my place to tell anyone.” Allura’s frown goes sad and she clutches a fist to her chest. “He sacrificed himself to save me when a field of deadly radiation was heading my way. I was able to bring him back with Altean Alchemy, similar to how I did with Shiro. He kept insisting he was okay so I stopped asking him how he was doing.”
“I don’t get it. Like… I know Lance has always been the type to hide his feelings, but he would always talk to me when he needed someone.” Hunk’s voice startles Keith, his mind having wandered into the thoughts that Lance had died and didn’t tell him. “We talked about everything. His nightmares, his fears, his crush on-”
“That’s not important.” Pidge cuts him off, shooting Hunk a glare and angling her head in a way that just confuses Keith even more. “What’s important is figuring out why he stopped wanting to talk to us.”
“Actually, I think I know the answer to this one.” Keith holds a hand up, giving it a small wave. “You guys remember that stupid gameshow? Gwaffle waffle snack?”
“Garfle Warfle Snick.” Coran supplies, then shrugs. “The Princess told me about it.”
“Yeah, that…” Keith sighs, opening his mouth to confess his guilt.
“That Bob guy was especially mean to Lance. He kept calling him stupid.” Hunk’s brows knit together as he thinks back.
“Yeah, and dum dum.” Pidge adds in, sounding pissed just thinking about it.
“I don’t think that’s it. Well, not entirely.” Keith’s voice is sad as he continues, looking down at his lap as he confesses. “Do you guys remember the last challenge? We all picked each other, except when I picked Lance I was- I lied and said I just didn’t want to spend an eternity with him.”
“I saw the memory inside black just now and Lance already looked beat down. When Keith said that it’s like it was the final straw.” Shiro supplies even as he reaches out to pat Keith on the back. “We know you didn’t mean to hurt Lance, Keith.”
“And it wasn’t just you, we’ve all been neglecting how much he’s been struggling.” Pidge offers, pushing her glasses up on her nose.
“I think it’s time we had a conversation with Lance.” Allura suggests, looking around at everyone’s nods.
“We can do it over breakfast.” Romelle supplies cheerily, pulling a frying pan out of the pile of things Kosmo brought over in their attempt to get their bedding. “Nobody should have to have a deep heart wrenching conversation on an empty stomach.”
“I’m in agreement with Romelle.” Krolia adds, standing up and brushing herself off. “I’ll go with her to help set up breakfast, you guys should go wake up Lance together.”
“I’ll go with you.” Coran pushes up, pulling a book from the reject pile. “We don’t want to pick up anything poisonous as we forage for food, after all.”
“Thank you, Coran.” Allura offers him a hand on his arm and a sad smile. “Lets go get our red paladin back.”
“Let's get our friend back.” Hunk corrects her, standing up and looking determined.
Keith nods, pushing to his feet. “Let’s go get Lance.”
“This is a waste of my time.” Keith’s voice is deep, hollow as he glares down at Lance. “You’re dragging the whole team down.”
“The best thing you did for the team was die.” Allura’s own voice comes out as the other paladins appear beside Keith, all looking down on Lance with disgust. “You are a hindrance to our team, and I think it's time you gave up your title to someone more deserving.”
“No.” Lance reaches up for them, but his hands land on open air as he watches his team turn their backs on him. “No, please. I’ll be better. Please don’t leave me.”
“Lance!”
“Please,” He sobs, his throat closing off as he scrambles to catch up to them. “Please don’t leave me.”
“Lance, wake up!” The words cut through Lance’s dreamscape, the world around him going bright as he jerks up into wakefulness, his eyes wide and terrified as he nearly collides foreheads with Keith. “Lance it’s okay.”
Immediately arms wrap around him, pulling him into the warmth of Hunk’s chest, crushed together with Keith as words tumble from the other’s mouth. “Oh Lance I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize how upset you actually were. It’s all my fault, if only I’d-.”
“Calm down, Hunk. It’s all of our faults.” Pidge’s voice reaches his ears as another pair of arms wraps around his waist, completely ignoring Lance’s terrified-sweat soaked body, and instead offering him warmth and comfort. “We’re sorry, Lance. Please, talk to us, we’ll listen.”
“Talk to us, Lance. Let us know what we can do to help. Nightmares are always easier when you have someone there for you. Trust me, I’ve had enough of them to know it’s hard to deal with them alone.” Shiro’s voice is warm as he steps up next to the group. “Let us help you.”
“It's okay.” Lance sniffles, pushing away from Hunk, he avoids looking directly at anyone as he tries to move away, but Allura’s confident hand on his back holds him in place in the center of the group. “I’m okay, it's just a nightmare. I've gotten them a lot ever since I-.”
“Ever since you died.” Keith cuts him off, stepping around Hunk to look over Lance, his eyes swimming with sadness as he reaches out to wrap his fingers around Lance’s arm. “Lance, I wish you’d told me. I could have been there for you. I could-”
“It’s nothing.” Lance shakes Keith off, keeping his eyes downcast, not wanting to drag his team down further with him. If they see how weak he’s become, they’ll definitely leave him. “Just go back to sleep, I’m sorry I woke you guys up.”
“Lance you didn’t wake us up, and even if you did… we can’t just go back to sleep.” Pidge huffs, rolling her eyes. “We’re a family, Lance, We need you to trust us. Let us help you.”
”The stupid one.” The words echo through his head, almost working like a switch, nightmare after nightmare plays through his mind until Lance is curled in upon himself on the ground. His hands grip tightly to his hair as he fights the urge to sob, quietly begging for it to just stop.
“Oh my god.” The words come out above him, but he’s too deep in his head now to even know who spoke them.
“Lance, have you been struggling with this for all this time?” Allura’s hand lands on Lance’s shoulder and he flinches, curling impossibly tighter upon himself.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lance’s voice cracks even as he says it, and he knows he’s fucked. They’re going to leave him. He’s worthless. The dumb one.
Nobody wants to be stuck with him.
“Lance, you’re not dumb.” The words are accompanied by arms wrapping around him once again, he feels himself being lifted up from his ball of doubt and shame as Hunk hugs him close. “You’ve never been dumb.”
“Yeah, you’re a genius strategist. Plus, you’ve come up with so many amazing games for us to play while we’re stranded out here in space. If it weren’t for you I feel like I would have lost my mind after a week.” Pidge adds, looking up at him with wide, tear filled eyes.
“You’re the heart of our team, Lance. The blue lion chose you before anyone else because you have the heart and soul of a warrior. The glue that keeps us together.” Allura’s own voice comes through as she joins in on the growing group hug.
“Lance you kept me sane when I was searching for Shiro. You were the rock that kept me from breaking. If it weren’t for you.. I- I don’t know where I… where any of us would be.” Keith’s own touch is hesitant, but he carefully wraps his arms around Lance’s waist and buries his face in his back, words quiet. “I don’t know where I’d be without you, Lance.”
“Guys this isn’t…” Lance is cut off as everyone pushes back to look at him, they all look on the verge of tears. Lance looks from face to face with a feeling of wonder, why would they cry for him? He’s nobody.
“If you can’t see how amazing you are for yourself, Lance then let us show you how much we care for you.” Shiro smiles down at him as he places a hand on his shoulder. “Do you really want us to leave you alone?”
“No…” Lance’s voice is quiet, broken, but it’s paired with a loud, happy purr from the lion around them. He gives a small smile as he looks up, glancing from face to face of the group around him and feeling the warmth of their love piercing through the cold sorrow constricting his chest. His eyes stop on Keith’s and he sees something there, a warmth he remembers from nights staying up with him talking about everything, and yet nothing at all.
“Let us help you, Lance.” Keith holds his hand out, an offer. Lance takes it and a bright smile blooms over Keith’s lips clearing away the rest of the doubt in Lance’s mind as he’s pulled into Keith’s chest. Long fingers bury in his hair, petting slowly as he feels himself start to shake with sobs. Not sobs of sorrow, but for the first time in a long time, sobs of relief.
Because he’s not alone. He has his family here with him, and they love him.
Stars glitter in the night sky around them as the lions move at a steady pace through the deep expanse of space. It’s a lot less oppressing now that Lance’s mind is cleared. He lets out a soft, content sigh as he watches the darkness of space move past. The deep rumble of Red’s happy purr in his chest bringing a smile to his lips. “I owe all of you a good polish when we get back to Earth.”
“I’m sure they’d appreciate the TLC after such a long trip. I’ll help you.” Keith’s voice startles Lance, causing him to nearly fall from his seat as he turns to stare at his fellow paladin. Keith raises his hand in a small wave. Kosmo lops over to Lance, giving him an excited lick on the cheek before he disappears in a cold puff of wind as if he were never there. “Hey.”
“Hey, you come over to check up on me?” Lance gives a small smile even as he shifts to face Keith properly. “I’m feeling okay now, I promise.”
“I’m glad,” Keith sighs, rubbing at the back of his head nervously. “Actually, I just wanted to talk without everyone else around. Lance I- I wanted to know… why didn’t you tell me? That you died… I mean.”
“Oh,” Lance looks down at his hands, closing and opening them slowly. “I think I just… didn’t think it was important? I mean, there’s a whole war going on, and on top of that you were away with the Blades, then you just disappeared, then the whole Shiro not being Shiro thing. It just…. Fell through the cracks?”
“Okay, First thing... you are important.” Keith kneels down in front of Lance, placing his hands on top of Lance’s in what he hopes is a comforting manner. “You’re very important, especially to me, and I wish I hadn’t been so blinded by what’s going on around us to see what’s happening right in front of my face.”
“I’m sorry, I guess I just got so deep in my own head that I didn’t think about how something so simple as telling you guys how I felt would solve anything.” Lance turns his hands, curling his fingers gently around Keith’s. “I should have-”
“No, we should have paid attention to you, too.” Keith takes one hand back, tilting Lance’s chin up to look into his eyes. Violet eyes dart back and forth before Keith gives a small, nervous smile. “I actually came over here to tell you how important you really are to me. Not as a paladin, not even as a friend, but as… uh... something... more?”
“Something… more?” Lance’s heart skips a beat, his cheeks flushing at the thought of what implications may be underneath Keith’s words. “Like… like a partnership?”
“Yeah, a partnership.” Keith nods, a hopeful look spreading across his face as he takes in Lance’s flushed features. “A more… affectionate partnership than what we had before. I’m just…. I mean…. Lance I want to-”
“Keith, shut up and kiss me.” Lance grins, leaning forward to brush their lips together in a soft, nervous kiss. Keith responds immediately, his own kiss harder as his hands move back to grip into Lance’s hair and hold him close. Lance shifts, gripping tightly to Keith’s shoulders as their kiss deepens, the cockpit filling with the sound of their lips meeting again and again.
They pull apart with a nervous smile shared between them, Keith’s fingers running slowly through Lance’s hair as he presses their foreheads together. “I’ve wanted to do that for years now. Every time you made that stupid, cocky smile of yours.”
“Does that mean you’ll do it again if I make it now?” Lance jokes, laughing out loud as Keith gives him a soft nudge before kissing him again, softly. Their kisses separates with happy giggles as Lance grips Keith’s hips and pulls him up onto his lap. “What do I have to do to get you to stay here with me through the sleep cycle?”
“I was hoping you’d ask.” Keith’s nervousness shows on his face even as he gives Lance a semi-confident look. “I didn’t want to leave you to sleep alone tonight, or any night after if I can help it.”
Lance’s heart skips a beat and he feels his blush returning full force. He buries his face in Keith’s shoulder, taking in the smoky scent that’s wholly Keith as he hides his own embarrassment. “How can you just say things like that?”
“Because they’re the truth.” Keith squirms in his lap, nosing against Lance’s head with a happy sigh. “I’ve decided I’m not going to keep secrets from you anymore. I want you to know how you make me feel… I want you to know… Lance, that day when we were on that stupid game show? I picked you because I couldn’t stand the thought of you being cooped up for eternity. I just… I want you to be free to live and to love, and I hope you’ll take me with you wherever you go to spread these feelings across the universe.”
The following swallow Lance takes is audible, loud enough that Keith pulls back to look down at him with a nervous frown. He opens his mouth to speak but Lance cuts him off with a kiss, hard and slightly painful as their teeth knock together. They part for a moment, looking into each other's eyes. Keith opens his mouth to try and talk again only for Lance to once again cut him off with the press of his own lips. This happened two more times before Keith put his hand between them, blocking Lance’s interrupting kisses.
“How about we go to your bed, no offense but my calves are being crushed between your thighs and the chair.” Keith gives a wave down to the seat and Lance follows the movement, taking in the sight of Keith settled in his lap with a happy smile. Keith is in his lap. He never imagined something like this would actually happen to him.
Once he snaps back out of his amazed observations he gives Keith a soft nudge, letting the other pull him up to his feet and lead him through the door of the cockpit and back into the room with his cot. Keith wastes no time stripping away his armor, settling it down to the side next to Lance’s and climbing into the small bed in just his boxers. He looks expectantly over at Lance who sits in his silky pyjamas feeling overdressed. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, Lance strips off his shirt and climbs in beside Keith, giving a happy noise as the other pulls him in to cuddle against his chest, those long skillful fingers immediately returning to brush through his hair.
“I can’t wait until we can get back home to a nice, normal mattress.” Lance sighs as he curls up against Keith, listening to the steady beat of his heart under his ear.
“Yeah, it’ll be great to be back to our planet and family.” Keith muses as he watches Lance make himself at home on his chest.
“What? But your family is already here with us.” Lance pushes up to glance at him with a frown. “I mean, I had heard you were an only child.”
“No, I am. I meant your family. Anyone who raises a child as amazing as you is someone worthy of being excited to finally meet.” Keith’s voice holds no hesitation as he pushes Lance back down on his chest and returns his hand to his hair, this time just resting it there.
It takes Lance a few moments to gather himself from Keith’s words, his cheeks a bright red as he realizes how much he actually means to his fellow paladin. How highly Keith sees him. If only he had asked sooner, perhaps he could have been happier with Keith sooner.
Then again, maybe his own internal turmoil was the last step Keith needed to finally confess. Lord knows Lance was never going to do it himself. Finally, after a long time Lance gives a little squeeze to Keith’s hips. “Hey Keith?”
His words go unanswered, only the soft sound of Keith’s even breathing meeting his ears, letting him know the other has already drifted off into peaceful dreams, hopeful that Lance won’t be too far behind. Lance gives a soft smile, looking around the softly lit room inside his lion and feeling the encouraging pressure of love inside his mind coming from the lion around him and he knows, with certainty, for the first time in a long time that he is someone worth loving, and not just some dum-dum comic relief.
“Thank you.” The words echo through the room softly, immediately answered by a soft purr in his mind, and Lance returns to nosing against Keith’s chest, breathing in his subtle, smoky scent, and knowing that even if he has bad dreams, his family will be there for him. The greatest family he could ever ask for, a family of friends, loved ones, and magical space lions, there to help him know he’s worthy of every bit of love he feels. And he’ll never take that feeling for granted again.