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I scratch at my healing scars as tears roll down my face. “So stupid. Why do I do this?” I mumble to myself. My cat meows loudly from the living room. I guess that’s her way of arguing with me.
I wipe the snot from my face with my sleeve. It’s my go to tissue when I’m upset. I run down my checklist to make sure I’ve got everything I need. Razors, pills, a rope, and a chair. I've thought of everything I could. I don’t want to mess this up.
My phone is off, door locked, and room tidied up. It was bad enough someone would have to find my body. I don’t want them to have to clean my room too. I take a few minutes to read old journals as a reminder of why I am finally going through with this.
I hear someone knocking on the door. I try my best to ignore it. “I know you’re home! Don’t make me pull out the spare key.” They yell desperately. Unluckily for them, I had taken it from it's hiding place for that very reason this morning.
I lay out my pills in an organized fashion on the table so I can take them one by one. I had been tempted to photograph my process but I thought that might have been too harsh for anyone who might have found the images. I set my glass of whiskey next to the pills for contrast. I take a picture of it anyway. The knocking ceases and I hear cursing as they break the pot which normally holds the spare key. I lay my razor beside my glass and smile at my wonderful composition. I was aways good at that.
As I reach for my first pill, my door opens and I hear a slight purr. My cat runs over to me and immediately starts rubbing her head on my scar covered legs. I reach down to pet her and she nibbles on my fingers lovingly. It wasn’t supposed to work this way.
I pick her up, trying my best not to look into her big green eyes, and place her outside of my door. I take my place in front of my table once again when the door creaks back open. My cat comes bareling towards me, meowing loudly and angrily. I pick her up, look her in the eye, and begin sobbing. She places her paw on my face and licks my cheek. I think maybe I could wait just one more day to go through with this.