Chapter Text
Sir, That’s My Emotional Support Group Chat
10:47 A.M
Motherfucker_Ultimate: so, to make a long story really fucking short, I stuck a bag of jellybeans up my ass
SexyRexy: what the fuck Jesse
Nyanderthal: I mean, it’s the only logical conclusion
SexyRexy: fives I hope your fingers turn into knives right as you’re about to clap
Nyanderthal: wow
Nyanderthal: I feel so attacked
Nyanderthal: Echo, defend me
NumerousBees: no
Nyanderthal: :(
NumerousBees: perish
Nyanderthal: :’(
SexyRexy: everyone shut the fuck up
SexyRexy: I just got a message from the General
Motherfucker_Ultimate: Skywalker?
Nyanderthal: didn’t he retire
SexyRexy: yes but he says he needs us for a mission
Nyanderthal: a mission?
Nyanderthal: fucking lit count me in
NumerousBees: not complaining, but why us?
Nyanderthal: he must know we’re on Naboo
NumerousBees: how
Nyanderthal: does it matter
SexyRexy: listen up
SexyRexy: two nights from now we’ll go to some sort of lake house
SexyRexy: our mission is to protect two assets
SexyRexy: from what I gathered at least
SexyRexy: he was vague about the details
Nyanderthal: who are the assets
SexyRexy: their names are Luke and Leia and that’s all I know
Motherfucker_Ultimate: what weapons do we need
SexyRexy: he didn’t say anything about weapons
SexyRexy: so the normal blasters and light daggers, I’d assume
Nyanderthal: stabby stabby stabby
SexyRexy: yes Fives we know you name your knives
SexyRexy: weirdo
SexyRexy: anyway the General wants discretion
SexyRexy: no Jedi involvement unless it’s Ahsoka, he said
SexyRexy: that means no telling the boys, no telling the 212th, no telling your drunk dates, Fives , and especially no telling any Jedi
Nyanderthal: I take offense to that
SexyRexy: good
SexyRexy: we need to be there by 9:00 pm but he says the earlier we are the better
SexyRexy: we leave in two days time
SexyRexy: be prepared
SexyRexy: now fuck off all of you
Rex didn’t know what he expected when he imagined the lake house they were supposed to meet up at, but this wasn’t it. It was luxurious, with wide, lush fields of flowers and sparkling blue lakes. The air was cool, crisp, and clean. The sun was warm and shone a golden glow over them. Birds were singing nearby and the chirping and buzzing of insects sounded from the tall grass. It was beautiful and exuded a feeling of tranquility that permeated their little group.
“This place is…” Echo trailed off, staring at the surroundings with wide, awestruck eyes.
“Beautiful?” Jesse offered.
“Amazing?” Rex added.
“Fucking sweet?” Fives said.
“Breathtaking,” Echo breathed. “It’s breathtaking.”
“Agreed, but why are we here, exactly?” Jesse asked. Rex shrugged.
“I already told you everything Skywalker told me,” he said.
“Fine, then. Keep your secrets,” Jesse huffed. Rex rolled his eyes, then focused his attention on the large (and he did mean large) house they were approaching. It was elegant and expensive looking, but also somewhat old in an antique, homely way.
“Did he say if this ‘Luke’ and ‘Leia’ know we’re coming?” Fives questioned.
“No, but I’d assume so,” Rex answered. “Now, enough questions. We’re here.”
Straightening his back, Rex went to knock on the door, only for it to swing open before his fist could make contact with the door.
“Greetings! I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations!” A gold protocol droid said in a tinny voice.
“Oh, uh, hi,” Rex stammered, then cleared his throat.
“I am Captain Rex of the 501st legion. We were sent here by General Skywalker,” Rex declared. C-3PO ushered them inside, tottering along and guiding them to a plush, expensive looking couch. Rex blinked at it, and was about to open his mouth to say that he would prefer to stand, but C-3PO insisted they sit. Sitting down on the luxurious pillows, Rex thought for sure he was sitting on a cloud. And, like a cloud, he was convinced he was about to sink right through it. Fives plopped down beside him with a cry of joyous surprise.
“It’s so soft !” He exclaimed, stroking the material.
“ How is it so soft?” Echo wondered, laying back fully.
“Never mind that, why would anyone want something so soft?” Jesse said, sitting down in a nearby armchair. As soon as he did, however, a tawny-colored tooka with a jingling collar rushed over and leapt into his lap. He let out a yelp of surprise, gaping at the creature as it circled and lay down on his legs, it’s bell tinkling.
“Oh, dear, I am truly sorry! Missy can be quite a handful sometimes,” C-3PO exclaimed, tottering forwards.
“No, it’s fine,” Jesse said after a pause. Hesitantly, he reached down and stroked Missy’s fur. The tooka closed her eyes and started purring loudly. Jesse gawked at it, eyes wide with wonder.
“It’s vibrating ,” he whispered, awestruck.
“Is it General Skywalker’s pet?” Echo asked, curiously.
“Oh, yes, my apologies. This is Master Skywalker’s pet tooka. Her name is Missile Launcher, but she goes by Missy,” C-3PO explained, and Rex stifled a laugh. Leave it to Skywalker to name his tooka Missile Launcher.
“We have a pet, too. It’s name is Stabby,” Fives commented. Rex rolled his eyes.
“For the last time, a mouse droid with knives and googly eyes taped to it does not count as a pet,” he sighed. Fives glared at him.
“Don’t you dare disrespect Stabby!” Fives hissed.
“Remember when what’s-his-name tried to take Stabby? The commanding officer, whatever his name was? He got stabbed in the ankle and confiscated it, said he was going to get rid of it,” Echo recalled. Fives nodded solemnly.
“It was a dark day,” he agreed.
“Luckily that didn’t happen because Fives got wasted and called the General in tears about how they were going to kill his ‘doomba’. And then Skywalker contacted what’s-his-face about it the next day saying that he didn’t know what a ‘doomba’ or a ‘Stabby’ was but he was politely calling to ask if it could be returned to Fives. Remember that?” Echo said. Rex and Jesse laughed loudly at Five’s expense.
“I don’t remember that at all. Are you sure you didn’t make that up?” Fives grumbled, sulkily.
“Positive. You did it in my bed, remember? I just watched as you cried to Skywalker on my pillow about how they were ‘going to kill my pet, my love, my child’ and how ‘those monsters took my Doomba’ and ‘Stabby doesn’t deserve this, please save him, General!” Echo teased, and Fives blushed furiously.
“Did he actually call it his pet, his love, his child? Dude, that’s gold,” Jesse laughed.
“I mean, it worked. We got Stabby back,” Echo pointed out.
“Probably just to get Fives to shut up,” Jesse retorted.
“Thank kriff for Skywalker,” Fives said with a shrug.
“Where is Skywalker, anyway?” Rex inquired.
“Master Skywalker is upstairs with Luke and Leia,” the droid answered. Before Rex could ask more, a white and blue astromech rolled into the room and charged at C-3PO, knocking into the droid’s legs with a series of angry chirps.
“Oh, how rude! R2-D2, can’t you see we have guests over?” C-3PO scolded. The smaller droid whirred angrily, backed up, and knocked into C-3PO’s legs again.
“Isn’t that Skywalker’s astromech?” Jesse asked, to which Rex nodded.
“What’s it saying?” Echo questioned, looking at C-3PO.
“He says that I was supposed to take you upstairs right away. They came such a long way, R2! They needed to rest for a moment,” the gold protocol droid explained.
R2 spun around, beeped some more, then turned to Rex.
“He says to follow him,” C-3PO translated.
Standing from the couch, Rex, Echo, and Fives followed the feisty astromech. Jesse was right behind them, Missy on his shoulder.
They were led up a flight of stairs and down an elegant hallway before they reached a room at the end of the hall. R2 whirred loudly, and a second later the door opened.
Stepping into the room, the first thing Rex noticed was the large stained-glass window to his left. The golden glow of the afternoon sun filtered through, shining a colorful mosaic of light onto the floor. The carpet was a soft cream, almost white, while the walls were a gentle yellow. Soothing lullaby music was playing from somewhere, and plush toys sat on wooden shelves. It was charming and gave off a feeling of safety.
Skywalker beamed at them when he saw them, before gently ushering them out of the room.
“Rex! Echo, Fives, Jesse! You guys made it!” He joyfully exclaimed.
“Er, yes, Sir. We’re ready for our mission,” Rex replied.
“Mission?” Skywalker chuckled.
“Yes, Sir! You said you needed us to guard two assets, Luke and Leia. We brought our weapons and are ready to start!” Fives said determinedly.
“Weapons? What? No, no weapons. You guys are babysitting my children,” Skywalker told them. They blinked at him, uncomprehending.
The screaming of an infant interrupted anything they were gonna say. Skywalker winced, gave them a sympathetic glance, and motioned for them to follow. He entered the room again and walked towards a large cradle, where he scooped something up from inside.
“Rex, hold him for a moment, would you?” Skywalker said, turning to Rex and handing him an infant.
“I- uh- What?” Rex stammered. He didn’t know how to handle a baby, let alone a screaming one. He stared at the writhing, crying mess in his arms, completely at a loss as to what to do. He held the infant at arms length, trying to figure out what to do. He was sure a look of panicked horror was etched on his face.
Echo snorted at his incompetence and stepped forwards, gently taking the infant from Rex’s arms.
“Hey, there, little cutie!” He cooed, bouncing the baby softly.
Fives and Jesse leaned in to get a better look at the tiny child. Skywalker pulled another baby out of the crib.
“Kriff, how many are there?” Rex yelped, eyeing the second infant with caution.
“A handsome young man, that’s what you are! Who’s a handsome young man? It’s you!” Echo continued to talk to the first baby.
“Thank you, Echo,” Skywalker said with a smile.
“Sir, what-“ Rex trailed off. He had not been expecting this.
“I made these,” Skywalker said with a massive smile, holding up the second baby.
“Like, the old fashioned way, or…?”
“Yes, Rex, the old fashioned way,” Skywalker replied. Then, he turned to where the first infant, now quiet and calm, was staring up at Echo with wide eyes.
“I think he likes you, Echo,” Skywalker purred. Echo beamed, rocking the child back and forth.
“Isn’t that right, Luke? You like Uncle Echo?” Skywalker asked, gently scooping his son into his other arm.
“I’m an uncle ,” Echo breathed, amazement in his eyes.
“Wait, does that mean we’re all uncles?” Fives asked.
“Yep. The whole of the 501st. And Rex, how do you feel about being a Godfather?” Skywalker inquired, turning to him. Rex blinked at him, his jaw hitting the floor. Emotion filled him at the thought.
“I- Sir- I’d be honored,” he finally managed to say.
“Good. Here, I’ll show you how to hold your Goddaughter, Leia.” Skywalker motioned for Rex to sit down on one of the many plush chairs, and he did. As soon as he was seated, the second infant, Leia, his goddaughter, was placed into his lap. Skywalker (no, Anakin. If he trusted Rex enough to have him be his children’s godfather then he should start calling the man by his first name) Anakin showed him how to hold her properly. She glared up at him, fussing softly, but calmed down after a few seconds.
“She’s… she’s beautiful,” Rex whispered. Unbidden, tears came to his eyes. This little bundle was something more precious than anything else in the universe. This was something that he would protect with his life, something he would love until the end of time.
“And she’s Force sensitive, which is why the Jedi can’t find out about her or Luke. If they knew, they wouldn’t leave us alone until they got them,” Anakin said gravely. Rex nodded, jaw clenched. This was a precious secret shared among them and them only. If any Jedi (barring Ahsoka, of course) even looked at his godchildren wrong, they would face his wrath.
“General, uh, if you don’t mind me asking, who’s the mother?” Jesse asked, stroking Missy’s fur. Rex already knew the answer to that question. He knew as soon as he saw Leia.
“You guys remember Senator Amidala?” Anakin asked, a dopey, love-struck smile on his face.
“The new Supreme Chancellor?” Fives squawked. “No way!”
“Tonight’s our anniversary. That’s why I asked you guys to babysit; so we can celebrate.”
“Going out to dinner, Sir?” Echo questioned.
“Unfortunately not. She wants me to meet her parents,” Anakin answered, grimacing.
“What’s so bad about that?” Rex inquired.
“We’ve been married four years and have two children, but her parents don’t even know I exist,” Anakin told them.
“Sir, I’m doing the math…” Jesse started, brow furrowed in contemplation.
“Don’t,” Anakin said. Jesse blinked, then shrugged. Anakin passed Luke to him, and Jesse stared down at the baby with wide eyes.
“It’s a baby! ” He cooed.
“It’s my baby!” Anakin exclaimed, proudly.
“No. Mine now,” Jesse joked. Anakin chuckled, grinning down at the infant with loving affection.
“Well, for tonight, they are. I’ll show you where everything is and teach you how to take care of them,” Anakin explained. Rex nodded seriously.
“Don’t worry, Sir. They’re infants; I’m sure we can handle them.”