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“This shouldn’t fucking be happening right now” was the only thing that was going through Ava’s mind when she woke up in a hospital bed a room over from Sarah.
It started with Sarah having a relapse, Ava had been the one to find her with semi-deep cuts along her wrists and almost dried blood running down her arms. It was after all of the immediate danger was sorted through and Sarah was resting that Ava had a second to stop and process everything. It came crashing down on her like a tidal wave, her heart sunk and she was unaware of anything. So she found herself looking to get air, and the next thing she knew she was approaching her car and driving back to her apartment.
This is where shit started to go downhill.
She reasoned with herself that she needed overnight things to stay at the hospital and she could bring the stash of stuff Sarah had at her apartment, just to be prepared. All of her delusion left the moment she stepped inside the pitch-black apartment. Ava made a beeline for her room, the stack of jewelry boxes to be specific. She opened a small brown box that held diamond earrings her mother had gifted her right before her move to America, it also held the dirty and almost dull razor she continued to use as a crutch.
Before she could think, she was drawing lines of blood along her bikini line, somewhere it could remain concealed. Ava was desperate for help, but couldn’t reach out, or allow herself to show weakness, she would just return to the coping mechanisms that had never failed her. Until now, the usual sense of calm he received from the cuts was vacant leaving her with longer and deeper cuts. She continued to search for the same feeling of release until she felt a wave of sleep tugging at her.
So she gave in, what reason was there not to?
She woke up in a hospital bed with god knows how many stitches. Though she was unsure of how she got there and unsure of why she was the one in the hospital bed rather than being by Sarah’s side. (She eventually learned that Connor had gotten worried and tracked her phone to her apartment, only to find her passed out on her carpet)
She was stoic about what had happened, insisting to see Sarah as she was talked to about plans for rehabilitation and medications she would be started on. She lied her way through the questions, not caring a bit about her own wellbeing. Eventually, the psychologists said that she could see Sarah before they were moved to inpatient.
The two women hugged and cried into each other and Ava whispered into her shoulder “I’m so so sorry, Sarah. This was so selfish of me, I mean in your hour of need here I am making it about me. You deserve so much better.” Sarah pulled back to look the blonde in her eyes “You have nothing to apologize for, ok? You did nothing wrong, my love, so what we’re both fucked up?” Ava hadn’t stopped crying, but Sarah’s words elicited another deep sob from her. “I love you, you know that. And that’s all that matters, we’ll get through this, and we’ll be golden.”